Snap Goes The Bitch

I’m normally a fairly composed person, it takes a lot for me to lose it and when I do there are normally some fairly obvious warning signs I’m about to snap. However the other day there was no warning, I just snapped as if someone had flipped a switch and bam, I was gone.

Ever watch a show where someone is placed under hypnosis and they’re given a trigger word and with a simple little word a perfectly normal person is gone? It happened just like that, however I wouldn’t call myself normal and when I snap I talk at about 500 words a minute. Everyone who has seen me lose it tells me they want to applaud afterwards. I squeeze an hour’s worth of conversation into 5 minutes and the impressive part is it’s all coherent and minus all the 4 lettered words, appears to be fairly well thought out.

Here’s what happened I was on the phone talking to my GBFF (Dave) and I was telling him about this recurring dream I had 3 nights in a row. The short version of the dream is at midnight on New Years Eve; Mr. X gets down on one knee and asks his girlfriend to marry him.

We, ok I thought; maybe my brain knew something I didn’t. So Dave said to me “you and Mr. X have a good friendship why don’t you just ask him?” (It’s always so simple when someone else tells you what to do) So, I sent him a message on Facebook. When he replied.....that’s when I lost my shit.

Before I tell you what he said I need to give you a little back story. About a month ago Mr. X was flirting with me over Facebook and I can’t remember what he said and I’m too lazy to look but my reply was “you have a girlfriend for that”. At which point he told me they’re in an open relationship. It made no difference to me, that’s why I didn’t blog about it, I’m not interested but for my rant to make any sense you need that tidbit.

The reply he sent me was “no, got a gf, nowhere near getting engaged though” at which point I think my head spun around like something from the Exorcist. I lost it.

Here is a little of what came flying out of my mouth at a million miles an hour.

“Girlfriend!? What girlfriend!?! You’re in an open fucking relationship, that's just fuck-friends for people who have no guts. You’re too ashamed to say “this is the girl I’m causally fucking” so you put a pretty little title on it so people are ok with your casual sex. Call it what it is, fuss free fucking!”

At which point Dave said “bitter?”

“I’m not bitter with him; he’s free to do whatever he wants. I really don’t want any of that. Her on the hand....That bitch took my in. I’ve been mind fucking that man for years, laying the groundwork for fuck-friends knowing perfectly well it would lead to more and that bitch took my in. I did the hard work and put the time in and dealt with ALLLLL that crazy and that bitch stole my fucking work. She plagiarized my relationship!”

At which point I burst out laughing and Dave lost it. We both knew it was pointless and didn’t mean anything because I don’t want him anymore but that doesn’t make having your work stolen any less frustrating. It wasn’t about him, it was about my work. We must have laughed for 10 minutes straight. Once we regained our composure, Dave said “you done?” To which I said “Damn bitch, plagiarized my relationship.” And we started laughing all over again.

I’m sure his girlfriend (“girlfriend”) is lovely and blah da blah blah blah but sometimes a rant is in order and I felt amazing afterwards. But I have to ask; would you sleep with someone who was in an open relationship? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Turning A Bad Christmas Gift Into A Good One

Have you ever done something so spectacularly wrong, you’re almost proud of it? That’s what this blog is about.   

Normally I write about the stupid things men I’ve dated have done, and there is a little of that in here but this blog is different, it’s mainly about something stupid and wrong I did while in a relationship. Something so bad it’s legendary among my circle of friends.

The story begins 9 years ago this very month; I had been dating a guy named Kev for 6 months. We met in a nightclub, he was in his 20’s and I was underage, a fact he didn’t find out until we broke up.

I had spent weeks shopping to find the perfect Christmas gift for him. Nothing big but something that showed I was listening and that I cared. After weeks I found the perfect gift for him; a sweater with his favourite soccer team’s logo on it and his name. It was something I knew he’d love.

I saw him a few days before Christmas to swopped gifts but we decided not to open them until Christmas day.

Christmas day rolls around and I took the present he got me from under the tree and opened it. Let’s put it this way it’s a good thing we didn’t open gift together or it would still be lodged in his colon to this very day.

It took me weeks to find him the perfect gift and it was very clear he spent seconds picking mine. He got me the cheapest, nastiest bath set known to man. It was clearly the freebie in Boots’ buy two gifts get one free Christmas offer. The thing cost £4 tops and had no thought at all put into it, I was fluming.

The next day, still fluming, I get a call from my friend Crystal asking if I want to go to town drinking. I jumped at the opportunity; I figured a drink was just what I needed.

We couldn’t have been in the club more than 10 minutes before I spotted a cute guy making eyes my way. I figured Kev clearly didn’t care so why the hell not, so I flirted back.

It wasn’t long before the guy joined me and Crystal on the dance floor, we were dancing and flirting, it was all pretty harmless at the time. Then Crystal started complaining her feet were sore so while she went to the bar to get more drinks me and flirting eyes went to find a table.

We were talking then I turned around to grab a drink from Crystal and when I turned back there were two of him. Admittedly I had been drinking but I was nowhere near the seeing double stage. Then the double leaned in and gave me hug, it turns out flirty eyes had an identical twin.

We talk for while and did a little more dancing then Crystal decides she’d had enough and wanted to leave. I was having good time and wasn’t going anywhere so one of the twins walked her to a cab; while the other one stuck his tongue in my mouth (so much for harmless eh?).

At this point the evening gets a little fuzzy, as most nights do when I drink tequila. I vaguely remember some dancing and some more kissing however I can’t be sure which twin I was doing what with because like I said they were identical and I was....drunk.

I can’t really blame the tequila, my default mode whether I’m drunk or not, is to do the thing that makes the best story. This has a habit of getting me into trouble, fun trouble but trouble nonetheless. So bearing that in mind, when one of the twins asked me to come back to their place at the end of the night, the answer was always going to be a yes.

When we got to their place, we had a few more drinks and watched a film then thing get really fuzzy, there was kissing and then some clothe removal, and some more kissing, then there was a bed with 3 naked bodies in it and from what I remember 3 happy naked bodies........then 3 hung-over semi-naked bodies.

Kev and I broke up a few days later over that evening but not for the reason you think, he was mad I went out with Crystal in that argument he called me immature so I told him how old I really was, and that was that. I never did tell him about the twins he was mad enough about the age thing.

I know what I did was wrong, on so many levels, and I probably shouldn’t have done it but it’s one of those stories looking back where you did the wrong thing but it was right thing (if that makes any sense at all).

Sex with identical twins in the revenge Holy Grail and either way I was going to end up single in a few days. The way I see it I turned his bad Christmas gift into a great one. (I’m going to hell I know).

Like I said at the start, it’s one of those things that’s so bad you can’t help but be a little proud of it. Have you ever done anything like that? And if not, what’s the first thing I should do when I get to hell? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always stay and play safe, love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Outside The Box

We all know by now when it comes to thinking none of mine is done inside the box. I’m a little out there but some of my theories aren’t that crazy or at least I don’t think they’re that crazy.

My theory on why exes come back around long after a breakup comes to mind. I think my theory is completely logical; my friends on the other hand do not.

Most women would like to think their exes come crawling back because their exes still love them and that love conquers all and all that other fairytale bullshit.

I’m not that stupid; I know love isn’t what’s dragging them back. My theory makes much more sense than that, its lust that is dragging them back. That’s the part of my theory most people can agree on.

Here’s where it gets a little less agreeable.

I believe the time since the break up and how good you are in bed are directly proportional. My logic being if someone isn’t good in bed you wouldn’t put in the time or effort to stalk them. I mean your hand is a much more time efficient solution. If someone is willing to chase you after 10 years there is a reason and it sure as hell isn’t love. My theory is........its skill.

I may be crazy but I’ll leave that up to you to decide, so what do you say, am I crazy or does my theory make some sense? And while you’re at it tell me what strange theories you have? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Happy Thanksgiving

Normally I spend this holiday thinking about all my friends and family back home that I miss dearly and am very thankful to still have in my life. It’s a hard holiday to spend on the other side of the planet away from the people you care most about.

Despite that, I thought in the spirit of Thanksgiving I’d take a few minutes to think of some of the things I’m thankful for on this side of the planet.

I’m thankful for the experiences I’ve been able to have here which I wouldn’t have had back home. England is full of history and I’ve been able to learn and experience it here rather than reading about it in some book.

I’m thankful you finish school here at the age of 16. My learning style has always been more hands on, so I’ve always sucked at tests. I can’t tell you what I know but I can sure as hell show you. So I’m thankful to have gone to college here where my work was able to speak for itself.

I’m actually thankful for all the idiots who have crossed my path while I’ve been over here. They have made me stronger and more certain of where I stand of things, my beliefs, what’s right and wrong. Being here has given me the chance to figure these things out for myself.

The other reason I’m thankful for all those idiots is because without them I wouldn’t be sat here blogging now. And I would have missed out on chatting and getting to know some really awesome people.

I am also, of course, thankful for my readers. You guys bring a lot of perceptive to what I write about and reminder me there is some good left out there. Plus if it wasn’t for you guys, I’d just be some crazy person talking to herself.

So that's what I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving, what are you guys thankful for? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always have a great day and stay safe.

Happy Thanksgiving, Gobble, Gobble,

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo 

Count Down To Canada Day

Like years past I will be spending this July 1^st in London celebrating Canada Day with my own kind and I can’t wait. I’m a little more excited this year because my favourite band is playing. But even without Hedley I love this event, Canadian food, Canadian beer, Canadian music and most importantly Canadian men!

I have a theory that Canada and England are separated by an ocean for a reason and because of that reason people from the two shouldn’t date. Since finding a fellow Canadian in this Brit pond is rare I’m planning on taking full advantage of Canada Day.

I’ve given British guys a fair chance; I’ve dated more than my fair share and time and time again they've proven my theory right. We’re just from two different worlds.

It’s not just the silly things like soccer and their inability to handle the cold; it’s our sense of humour and mannerisms. We’re just not on the same page.

English guys don’t get me, they can’t understand why I stay up till bird singing o’clock to watch hockey. And they really can’t understand why I watch when my team couldn’t score a goal even if the other team wasn’t in the building.

The other problem is they just don’t know how to take me; I’m definitely not the average girl here. I’m sharp tongued, I’m opinionated, I listen to punk and rock, I drink beer, play video games, poker and I know sports; MMA, boxing, hockey (of course) anything violent really. I mean I give as good as I get and that’s not really the norm here.

And since I have no desire to be the norm I get stuck dealing with random BS I shouldn’t have to and I’m sick of it. And since I’m not going to change the guys I date are going to have to.

Don’t get me wrong I know Canadian guys aren’t perfect, they can be just as bad if not worse but I just feel like I’m better equipped to deal with them.

Or maybe I’m just more willing to deal with them. But I think the fact we’d be starting off on a more even footing may help things. I don’t know if there’s any truth in that but something has to give before I snap and go on a killing spree. I probably shouldn’t joke about things like that or I may find myself on some government watch list.

Anyways we all know what I’m looking forward to this summer but what are you guys looking forward to? And do you think I’m right that there’s ocean between certain places for a reason or am I just crazy?

Let me know what you think in the comment box below and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Tougher

Seems like everyone over the past few weeks have been posting statuses about how they’re tougher than people think they are. I don’t share that problem. Everyone knows how much of a tough bitch I am.

My problem is because I’m known for being such a bitch,I’m actually nicer then people think I am. Admittedly some of that is my own fault because I have selective niceness, so most people don’t get to see that side of me. But just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. (God it sounds like I’m talking about Santa Clause.)

When I’m around friends (I actually like), boyfriends (I’m not planning on dumping) and family I’m a lot less bitch like. I’m still as honest as ever but I just make sure to sugar coat it.

I tailor my level of bitchiness to suit the person I’m dealing with. Some people require more of a verbal bitch slapping then others. And others need to be spoken to as if they were a first grade special needs students

People seemed to be shocked when they hang out with me and I’m just as straight talking as they thought but I’m nice. It almost confuses them. I may be a bitch but I direct my bitchiness to where it’s dissevered. Am I the only person who does that?

Anyways I off do the evening. Have fun and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Health Update

A lot of you know about the ongoing issues that have been plaguing my back. I happen to know a few of you also suffer with back pain so I thought I’d give you guys an update to let you know where I am with treatments, doctors and working out with is actually the causing the pain.

I was receiving trigger point injections from a pain management centre in attempt to control my pain levels. They weren't a 100 percent successful but they did have positive effects. Sadly the NHS decided to close the centre that was handling my treatment. So I’m kind of in limbo right now. I should have had an injection almost 4 months ago and I’ve heard nothing. Everyone was meant to be referred to a new specialist or back to their GPs. My GP knows nothing and as of yet no new doctor.

This whole mess has me pretty pissed off, and not for the reasons you may think. I’m happy to have someone new come in with fresh eyes. I’m pissed that nobody seems to know who has my medical records or where they even are.

My main grievance, like anyone who is months overdue for treatment, is that I’m in pain!

I understand finding the cause will take time, I accept that. But I don’t accept that treating the pain should take this long. I’m not asking for them to pull a rabbit out of their ass. All I’m asking is for them to control my pain levels. It’s not rocket science.

The pain itself has an unwanted side effect, anger.

I’ll be the first to admit my attitude when my back is bad, sucks. I get snappy, crabby and just plain mean. And I have no control over it.

The brain can’t flitter what a person is saying when it’s too busy scream “THAT HURTS!” 

I have no patience to deal with anyone or thing when it’s at its worse. I know this so I’ll pull away from people. You won’t see me on any chat thing or around people. I just stay away from everyone. It makes things easier. A little lonely at times but it’s better that way. Trust me.

I hate going to see my doctor for my back. I know there is nothing he can really do for me. It’s the specialists that needs to sort it. So I feel guilty taking up an appointment slot.

I had the decision taken away from me last week. My moods were horrible because of the amount of pain I was in so I was forced to go the doctors. I had no say what so ever in that decision.

After talking things over with him and him seeing how bad I really was. He decided to refer me back to the spinal specialist (because that worked out so well the first time) and try me on some different medications. He added a muscle relaxant to my long list of pills and stronger painkillers.

Here’s a tip never Google what your doctor gives you. My pain killers.....also given to heroin addicts. That’s something everyone wants to read about their new medication.

Admittedly the new pills do seem to be helping a lot but still not big on having something in common with a heroin addict. I also don’t love the warning to athletes on the box saying “these pills may cause you to fail anti-doping tests”. Damn it, there go my Olympic dreams. (Sex and bitching are Olympic sports right?)

Before I go I want to share with you guys some of the tips my chiropractor gave me for dealing with the pain. He may have been expensive £30 for 15 minutes well 10 minutes once you get changed but he knows his stuff.

The first tip he gave me was to use damp heat. The easiest way to do that is to put a wheat bottle in the microwave with a glass of water. Sounds simple but it’s very effective.

The second tip isn’t really a tip. It’s a product. BioFreeze! I could kiss my chiropractor for that one, and he’s one ugly dude. When my back is bad, this stuff is my best friend. It’s magic in a tube. Easily the best working product on the market. The other thing I love about it is the smell fades really quickly so I don’t have to worry about smelling like an old lady all day. Oh how I love BioFreeze.

Before you ask no, I’m not being paid to say that.

Anyways my dears that’s all from me. Hope you are all well and have a great night. As always stay safe.


Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Gobble Gobble

Let me start with saying Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian readers. I hope you’re having a fantastic long weekend and the family isn't driving you too crazy.

I always feel a little home sick around the holidays. Something about having a massive ocean between me and all the people I care about. It sucks being so far away from my family and friends. Yes we keep in touch via the Internet but it’s not the same as being there. I can’t help but feel I’m missing out on things.

It’s worse when things are going badly back home. I feel so helpless. I should be there to lend a hand or just a hug but I’m not. It feels worse because I can’t see things with my own eyes. I have to rely on second hand information. It’s also hard to be honest with people back home, because if I say something they don’t like they can simply turn me off. It’s not fun being turned off mid sentence..... or any time for that matter.

I love celebrating Canadian holidays like Thanksgiving and Canada Day in the UK. It gives me that connection to home. I may not be there in person but I’m doing the same thing I would be if I were. It makes the distance feel a lot less.

Anyways my dears I’m heading off the evening. I hope you all have a fantastic thanksgiving tomorrow and as always, stay safe.

Love Always,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Dating

Every now and then I get the feeling I should start to date again. Then I go on a date and I quickly decide I’d rather die alone.

I stopped dating a while ago because of all the drama and headaches it caused. Let’s just say I haven’t been having the best of luck with British guys. They look all sweet and charming in the movies but let me tell you, in real life a large percentage of them are douche bags.

Not to mention a lot of them are liars too. I don’t have a problem with a purely sexual relationship. If you’re looking for a fuck-friend that’s fine by me, it saves me money on batteries. But be straight about. Don’t wrap you’re horniness up in a lie. Don’t pretend you want more then sex when you don’t. Just don’t be an ass.

NTB has made a big thing out of not playing games and I love him for that. If he has something to say he’ll come right out and say it. He takes all the guess work out of relationships and dating. I personally think there is a time and place for a little toying and flirting but on the whole I wish guys would follow his lead.

That’s kind of why I still keep Mr. X around. I love that he is so straight forward. There is no game play with him. He is what he is, take it or leave it. The difference is Mr. X does it in a jerk way and NTB does it in a way that doesn’t make you want to run him over with your car.....repeatedly.

Saying all that I still continue to flirt with Mr. X. What can I say; some people are just fun to flirt with. It’s not a I want to see him naked thing, it’s more of a he’s cute so why not thing. Flirting is good for you. It’s good for your health and your mood. (That may or may not be a scientific fact.)

I’m sure one day someone will come along who will change my mind on the whole dating thing but right now, I’m not interested. I’d rather have a peacefully life, with no drama.


As always my dears stay safe and don’t do anything I wouldn't do.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Uncomfortable Question

One of my readers asked me a very interesting question. I love you guys for always asking the hard questions and giving me your honest comments but this one caught me off guard and left me speechless.

The question was “If Mr. X showed up at your door, despite your limited time together and limited activity together, got down on one knee and asked you to marry him, what would you say?”

I sent an email back with, I’ll admit it, a copout answer, saying “If he showed up at my door I’d have a heart attack because he doesn’t know where I live.”

When someone asks you a question normally you can open your mouth and a reply falls out. In this case I opened my mouth nothing not even a sounds came out. I’m not someone who is normally short on words so that was...new.

My belief is when your gut reaction and your brain disagree everything goes blank to stop you making a fool of yourself. I’m not sure what part on me had what reaction because when I try to think about this question all I hear is “la la la I’m not listening, go away, I can’t hear you.”

Bearing in mind Mr. X is more likely to murder me then marry me I will try and answer the question as do I do all messages and emails I get (Ms.HonestB@gmail.com). I’m pretty sure I’d answer with a really confused look on my face and the maybe touch the ground to see if hell had indeed frozen over. Maybe request he took a drug test.

All joking aside I don’t know what I’d say to him. I probably stand there for a really long time then start to laugh for no good reason then the change the topic. Joking is how I get out of all sorts of uncomfortable situations. How do you guys get out of uncomfortable situations?

Anyways my dears I’m heading off the night.  As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

PS for those of you who are asking I’ll post a update on NTB this week

Mr.X and NTB Oh My

There’s been quite the buzz around here since my dear friend NTB did a guest post for me. Some of you have decided since we don’t have the best luck in relationships we should get together. Some of you others have spoken out saying that I can’t end up with NTB because Mr. X is my soul mate.

I’ll give credit where it’s due and you guys have kept me laughing all week. You guys are amazing but crazy.

NTB is just a friend; the clue is in the name. NTB - Not The Boyfriend. I’d do almost anything for him but I draw the line at being penetrated.

As for Mr. X I draw the line at not being penetrated :-). I’m joking....kind of. To be honest I’ve given up on him. I put too much time in and got nothing back so I’m cutting losses on that one. Sorry all you Mr. X lovers.

You guys are going to give me an unloved complex if you keep this keep lol. Neither guy is interested in me nor am I interested in 1.5 of them. However I did find all the love child names hilarious.

I have stuff I need to get done guy as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxo

A Blogger's Most Hated Question

There is one question I hate more than any other. And that question is..... Is this going to end up in your blog?

Why do people even ask? I’m a blogger. If they do something blog worthy of course I’m going to write about it. And the more a person bitches and moans about it the more likely I am to make them look like an idiot.

I’m never sure when people ask if something is going to end up in my blog or not if they’re asking because they want or don’t want to be in it. We live in a time where everyone tweets and updates their status every 5 minutes, basically everyone is an attention whore so it only stands to reason they’d want a mention in a blog too, even if it does make them sound bitchy, whiny and needy.

I’m a reasonable person...for the most part, and I don’t write about everything. I do exorcise a little decorum. There are just some things I wouldn’t share without the person’s permission (provide they know about my blog). What? They don’t call me a bitch for nothing.

Most of the time if a person would just dropped it; they wouldn’t end up in my blog in the first place. But when people make a scene and kick and scream they make it more entertaining and therefore a better blog so I have no choice but to write about it.

The solution is simple if you don’t want to end up in my blog don’t do anything stupid and if you want to end up in my blog, keep being stupid because I can never have too much blog material.

Anyways I’m off. As always guys stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Dating Horror Story – The Grinch who stole my 21st birthday

Since you guys seemed to really enjoy my last relationship horror story I thought I’d share another one with you. This one is about the Grinch who stole my 21st birthday.

I met the Grinch at my local pub which in hindsight should have been my first red flag. I had been eyeing him up for months and he was flirting back but never made a move. So on New Year’s Eve I decided fuck it and made the first move myself. We ended up having a great night and we swopped numbers.

For the next month we texted and chatting a little but not much more than that. The guy moved slower than a snail. With a little pushing from my friend we ended up in a relationship just after Valentine’s Day.

It was never a happy relationship the guy had issues. Issues he managed to hide pretty damn well until we were in an actual relationship. He had problems knowing when to stop drinking and I later found out he did drugs too. Which would have been a deal breaker if I had known.

One night he called me from town drunk begging me to come get him. So I agreed to pick him up. Not a great idea. I couldn’t get the idiot out of my car. I spent 40 minutes outside his house trying to get him out. Pulling, pushing, and kicking him. I wasn’t having much luck. I managed to get him half way out of my car. Then he looked at me laughed and got back in and shut my car door. Needless to say I didn’t find it so funny. I gave up after that and drove home and left him in my car to sleep it off.

I went inside and got ready for bed. About 3 hours later I hear a noise at my front door. I got out of bed to check it out and it was the Grinch trying to get in my house with his house key. Needless to say I wasn’t impressed. I let him in because I had no real choice and let the asshole take my bed and I took the couch. I was ready to dump his sorry ass but I listened to friends and gave him another chance. (That was a stupid move and I’m no longer friends with those people.)

In May of that year he dragged me to a family wedding. We all know how I feel about weddings. This wedding was worse because his family is a walking, talking Adam’s Family. It was a fucking nightmare. Or should that be he was a fucking nightmare.

He was drunk and loud and really rude to his family. I was embarrassed to be seen with him. He was such as ass I actually ended up putting him on the floor. The dude was acting like a fucking child. It was total nightmare.

I had every plan on dumping him but it was 10 days till my birthday so I decided to hang on until then. I figured I deserved a present after the way he acted. I never did get the present because two days before my birthday he dumped me. That’s right that poor excuse for a man dumped me.

Needless to say I was more than a little pissed off. I wasn’t hurt or sad about the break up; I was just plain old mad. Who was he to dump me after the way he acted?

He added to my anger when I found out he had plans to pop in and see me at my birthday party. I had been saying for months I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday but him and my best friend at the time forced me into planning a night out. Once we broke up I figured I didn’t have to go out now. And I was free to spend the night the way I wanted to. I was wrong.

I actually had a great night until Mr. Grinch showed up. When I saw him I actually saw red. I really don’t remember much after that until we were outside talking and he said something. I guess I didn’t like what he said because I punched him square in the jaw. He was out cold. I remember feeling cheated because he went down so easily, I wanted to kick the shit out of him. The real punch line is he’s a personal trainer who had just gotten back from a boxing course. Guess they forgot to teach him how to keep his hands up.

I got a lot of praise for punching him and putting him in his place. Guess he had rubbed more than just me up the wrong way. As good as it felt, it really sucks that’s how my 21st will always be remembered. He stole the night from me. Why would you show up where you knew your ex is going to be on her birthday?

It still makes me mad to think about that relationship. But I’ve learned my lesson. Never date people you have a chance of running into once you’ve broken up. Stay safe guys.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxo

The Down Side

A large percentage of my friends are guys and I love it that way. It cuts way down on the amount of drama in my life. However there is a down side to having mainly male friends.

That down side is they tend to a wee bit protective of me.

When we all go out together, God help any guy who comes up to me. They better have nerves of steel because the guys will do pretty much anything to scare them off.

My favourite move is when they play gay. One of the lads will stork the hand of the guy who is hitting me, ask for their number, whatever they can think of. It’s pretty funny and a little uncomfortable to watch, but it tends to work and scare off the guy.

Most of the time I don’t mind the guys scaring off whoever is hitting on me, there are a lot of ugly guys in this world. But once in a while they’ll scare off a guy who I’m really into. It’s for the best I know because if they can’t handle my friends there is no way on this earth they would be able to handle me but it’s still annoying.

The other downside is.....guys suck at giving advice. They make a great shoulder to cry on but instead of giving advice they want to fix everything. “Oh he hurt you did he? Give me 5 minutes and he’ll be hurting too”. As sweet as that is, it doesn’t really help me and then instead of me venting, I have to prevent them from hurting whoever hurt me. Guess it kind of works to take my mind off it but not very helpful in the long run.

Even in the online world most of the people I talk to regularly are guys. I’m not sure if that’s down to me wanting less drama or because most of the people I talk to online are fellow Leafs fans. The point still stands.

I love the relationships I have with my friends, but pretty much every boyfriend I've had hates it. I’ll ever understand that. I had the friends before the relationship so why they even date me when they have a problem with it, is beyond me.

I know there is a little flirting between the lads and me but it’s completely harmless. Yes some of them will sit with their arm around me but it’s not like I’m fucking any of them. I swear sometimes the guys I date just use it as an excuse to start a fight. And that’s one fight they’ll never win.

I love my male friends dearly I just wish they’d be a little selective when it comes to who they scare off and who they don’t. They really don’t seem to have any rhyme or reason. I guess that's guys for you.

Anyways I’m heading off for the night. Hope you all had a great weekend and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxoxo

Magic Trick

I have a friend who is a complete sweetheart when it comes to the women he dates. He’s unbelievable. He’ll stay up all night to keep them company when they’re working the nightshift. He’ll run miles on his lunch break just to spend 5 minutes with them. He always puts their happiness above his own and he does all that without the aim of getting them into bed. And before you ask no he is not gay.

He is unbelievable, and that’s the problem. My brain actually doesn’t believe it. I can see it with my own eyes but my brain doesn’t believe what my eyes are telling it. It thinks it’s some sort of magic trick.

It’s crazy. I’ve dated (and I use that term loosely) more men then I’ll ever admit, not to mention almost all my friends are guys. Thanks to all of that I should qualify for my masters in men and despite that fact I’ve never come across anyone like him before and it's fucking with my brains logic centre.

My brain knows men are incapable of putting anything before the needs of their penis. My brain also knows men will do and say almost anything to meet those needs. As I’ve grown up I’ve realised guys like my friend are as real as Santa Clause. They’re something dreamed up by Hollywood directors and mother goose. They are 100% fictional.

I know seeing is meant to be believing, but not in this case. I think experiencing would have to be believing or something like that.

Saying that, a good guy like that would be wasted on me. If a guy were to text me 5 times a day, just to see how I was, I’d file a restraining order. Maybe at this point in my life I’m just too acclimatized to asshole men but someone like my friend would creep me out. I’d go mad in that kind of relationship. I’d always feel like he didn’t trust me and felt he had to check up on me.

The other problem is I love a good fight. I like being able to disagree and debate with my boyfriend. I feel that good guys tend to say “yes dear” a lot and those two words infuriate me. I need to know if I’m being totally unreasonable that my partner would put me back in my place. I may kill him for it, but my point still stands.

I love a good challenge and if my boyfriend was always there when I clicked my fingers, where would the fun be in that? I need someone who can keep me on my toes and guessing. I’d rather that person not be a total asshole but I like my guys to have a little bite.

Play Safe Guys, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Dating Horror Story

I was looking back at some of the reasons I decided to take a break from dating and I just randomly started laughing at something that was so horrific at the time but is kind of funny now. I thought you guys might get a kick out of the story.

It was about 3 years ago I think. I meet a guy online and we started chatting. After a few months of chatting and texting we decided to meet up. We got along great and went out 5 or 6 more time. Nothing more than just a good night kiss ever happened between us. Which I thought was odd but didn’t read much into it.

About 3 days after our last date, I was sat on my bed checking my Facebook and I noticed this guy updated his relationship status. As you do when a guy you’re dating updates his relationship status I checked it out.

It had him as “in a relationship” with some dude so I figured it was guys fucking around and didn’t think anymore of it.

....until about 5 minutes later when I saw he uploaded some pictures.

These picture were of this guy full on making out with the guy he changed to “in a relationship” with.

I was in shock. I just sat there on my bed not moving, with my mouth wide open. I don’t even remember blinking. I just sat there like a statue for a good 5 – 10 minutes. When I finally did move, I didn’t break eye contract with the screen. I just moved my right hand to pick up my phone and dialled my best friend at the time.

I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. It went something like this.

Me- “hmmmmm, hi.......do you remember that guy I was seeing?”

K – “Yeah, what’s wrong”

Me “hmmm, hmmm"

K –“You’re not pregnant are you?”

Me – “God no”

K – “Then?”

Me – “Facebook”

K- “I need more”

Me- “He changed his status”

K - “To?”

Me - “Fucking some dude”

K – “What!?”

Me - “He’s in a relationship with a guy”

K – “He’s joking”

Me – “No, no, no, there are pictures”

K – “Pictures?”

Me – “Yeah..... Crystal clear, colour photos”

K – “Oh”

Me - “Yeah”

K – “I’ll be right over”

When she got here I was still sat glaring at my netbook. She closed it and looked at me. And we both started to laugh because what else can you do. She then asked to see the pictures, which lead to the most horrified look on her face I've ever seen, It was so funny, my sides hurt thinking about it. That girl is far too innocent.

We then went out the pub for a drink and then......I don’t really remember much. Oh, I lie, I do remember getting a beer for free because we told the bartender I turned a guy gay.

I never did confront the guy because I don’t think the words for conversation exist. That’s why Hallmark doesn’t make greeting card for it. So once I was over the shock, I just laughed it off. I figure when they make the movie of my life that scene would keep people talking and make me more money.

Sometimes in life you just got to laugh....even if it’s because you turned a guy gay. How many people can say that eh? Lol

Stay safe guys,

Love you,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxo