Friday 30 June 2017

Is This It?

Despite the fact I enjoy being single and the easiness that comes with it. Over recent days, I’ve been starting to wonder; Is this it?

I’m 30 years old now; I always pictured myself getting married and having kids but, in realistic terms, time is running out and it’s not like there is anything on the horizon either. I’m starting to wonder if marriage and kids just aren’t on the cards for me.

With all these thoughts in my head, my brain drifts to those things you hear in passing, like everyone only gets two great loves in their lifetime. I’ve been aware for years if that’s true, I’m fucked. My two have long come and gone. And with that knowledge once and a while, I wondered to myself did I blow my chance?

If you’ve been here a while, my two great loves won’t be a surprise to you. Of course, you have Mr. X who I won’t go into, I have plenty of posts on this site that’ll explain that whole mess. Then you have Chicken Man, who has been on my mind a lot lately.

Chicken Man is unquestionably my other “great love”, that man completely shook me to my core and did nothing but change me for the better. Where Mr. X tore me down. Chicken Man built me up. He entered my life at just the right time and was exactly what I needed. However, due to him traveling for work and things like that, the relationship just faded out over time. However; when I think back on it, I can’t help but wonder what if?

Anyways; enough of that, I need to go and pack for my holiday. When you’re reading this, I will be on my way to London to celebrate Canada’s 150th Birthday and I can’t wait. But, before I go, I have this question for you; Do you believe we only get two great loves? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay, and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Friday 23 June 2017

Nothing To Write About

I’m sitting outside in what may be my perfect setting. The sun is shining, the flowers are in full bloom and it’s warm but not uncomfortable… at least not yet. The setting is perfectyet I have nothing to write about.

I guess, given the past month, having nothing to write about is sort of a good thing. It's giving me a chance to catch my breath and both figuratively and literally stop and smell the flowers. I’m proactively unwinding this 4 off and for the first time in about a mouth I’m angry. And it’s nice.

All this is aided by the fact work was less horrid last week, and by the fact Mr. X appears to have gone AWOL. It’s almost as if the world has decided, “hey, let’s not suck so hard this week.” That said I am now being harassed by a bee so…. May they’re still some work to do.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some wine… because that’s how you get bees to leave you alone, right? But before I go, I have this question for you; What is your happy place? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Friday 16 June 2017

He Made It

While my work life may be going hell, at least it appears Mr. X managed to keep his shit together for the month of May. I almost feel like I should send him flowers or something. And a card that reads “Congrats on making it a whole month without being a horrible human being… let’s try for two.”

That is the scary part now, knowing the peace won’t last, because, well, history strongly indicates it won’t.  It feels kind of like a ticking bomb but, only less fun.

So let’s make this fun…

Place your bets now, ladies and gentlemen, when do you think Mr. X will next horrify?

My money is on the beginning of July while I’m on holiday, because that’s just the sort faith I have in him.

Let me know your predictions in the comments below. And while you’re doing that, I’m going to go celebrate having a post scheduled for the right day for a change. Who knew that could happen? Anyways, as always, my dears, stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch  

Tuesday 13 June 2017

I am Not Alright

I touched on how I was feeling unhappy at work in my last post, and that hasn’t gotten any better, in actual fact, it’s gotten worse.

I finished my last shift Saturday, and I won’t go into what happened, but the result was me being in a borderline murderous rage from before my shift even started, onwards. It’s not now Tuesday, 4 days later, and I am still pissed off.

This isn’t ok. My job should not be having this sort of effect on me. I wear a Fitbit and you can actually see the physical effect in my stats. My resting heart rate is over 7 beats higher than normal and my sleep is all over the place, I’m getting next to no REM or deep sleep. This is undeniably not a healthy situation and is taking a toll.

The worst part is, the normal things I do to try and relax and calm myself aren’t working because I can’t stay focused. I’m so not right at the minute, my brain can’t seem to reel itself back in. I can’t get stuck into a video game, one of my favorite ways to quiet my brain; I get 5 minutes in and I’m done. I can’t read a book; 2 lines in and my mind is off somewhere else. I can’t blog; I sit and the computer and the idea of writing is just too much.

I’m debating my next step. Part of me thinks I should get myself signed off work, because I’m not functioning. The other part of me thinks that’s a sign of weakness and I only have to make it 8 more shifts and I’m on holiday anyways. 2 more weeks, that’s all. The question is will I make it that long…. And that really is the question.

Anyways, I am going to go and try to get something done, but will probably just end-up taking a nap. But before I go I have this question for you; How do you refocus your mind? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

The Honest Bitch

Monday 5 June 2017

It's June

So, apparently its June; I don’t know when that happened, but the calendar seems to think did. Where is this year going? Don’t get me wrong, my work weeks feel never ended, but those magical 4 days off in-between are flying.

And because of that feeling I’m taking a hard look at my current situation. I am starting to feel like it may be time to move on. All jobs have high and low swings, that’s just life, but when you start spending now time at the bottom than at the top of the swing, it’s properly best for all concerned to move on.  

I’m not really sure what my plan is at the minute. I just know something needs to change. I am starting to have that I’d rather run my car off the road, then go to work feeling and that can’t be normal.

Anyways, I am going to go and drink because we all know drinking makes everything better. But before I do, I have this question for you; How do you know when it’s time to find a new job? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch