Brain Mouth Disconnect

I’m not a people person at the best of times, shocking I know coming from someone who has worked in customer services. But I’m an only child and because of that my ability to handle people’s BS is limited. Unless of course I’m being paid, it’s amazing how a paycheck makes people seems less idiotic.

My friends have been commenting a lot recently about me being slightly more “evil” than normal. My ability to play nice seems to have gone on an extended holiday without informing anyone. It’s like my brain has just given up on trying to controlling my mouth.

The amount of times I’ve heard “you can’t say that” over the past few weeks is ridiculous. You’d think by now they’d understand clearly I can say that because I did.

Some of my friends think the reason I’m currently breaking the bitch scale is because I need to get laid. I hate to tell them but sex or lack thereof isn’t my problem, it’s a lot simpler than that.

The problem is the NHL took my damn hockey away. I’m a Canadian with no hockey; there aren’t many problems bigger than that. People think Canadians are kind and well mannered.  Ha, take away our hockey and see how well mannered we are.

At least for me hockey is a release. Well more so the hockey fights. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve picture Orr beating the shit out of someone who’s been riding my last nerve. God help everyone if the hockey season gets totally cancelled, I’ll have to start walking around with a hockey stick beating pests up myself.

Actually even if they end the lockout that sounds like a lot fun almost as much fun as ramming a shopping cart into an asshole who standing there blocking the whole damn aisle.

Ok maybe I’m a little more bitchy then normal right now. So since I don’t want to go to jail for beating someone to death with a hockey stick what releases do you guys have? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo 

That Cures That

I don’t think of myself as a shallow person, I mean anyone whose taken one look at my exes could tell you that but once in a while something happens that makes me question that statement.

I had one of those moments yesterday when someone I use to have a HUGE crush on posted a recent picture of himself on Facebook. The second his picture hit my screen my immediate reaction was “well that cures that crush”.

Almost as soon as the words left my mouth I started to feel guilty for having such a shallow reaction. He is a lovely guy who any girl would be lucky to have, with that being said.... I’ll pass.

On the bright side even though my reaction makes me a horrible person at least it proves I had no real feelings for him. My love/sex life tends to follow the saying “love is blind but lust has 20/20 vision.”

In other words the guys I date tend to be descendants of Frankenstein and my meaningless fun has all been extremely drool worthy. Maybe I should work on swopping those two around.

But either way it appears I have discovered the cure for a long term crush. Who knew it would be as simple as an extremely unflattering Facebook picture (now if I can just get Mr. X to upload one I’d be set.)

So what crush cures do you guys have and what saying sums up your love/sex life? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay, and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Cautionary Tale

I’m sure you guys remember me telling you about my Internet spite dating which I’ve now decided to put on the back burner because, in all honestly if that’s what’s available, I’m glad I’m single.

The only non-weirdo on there was a guy named Mike I went to college with and I didn’t need a dating site to introduce me to someone I already knew. Also despite what the site had to say, we’re not a match. He’s a great guy but neither of us are interested.

Back to the internet dating, I told you guys about a lot of the guys on their however I didn’t tell you about one guy, I’m going to call Adam because well that’s his name.

He was a few years younger than me and didn’t live locally, however he was moving down here to go to university in just a few weeks. He said he was only on the dating site to try and met some people before he moved. He wasn’t my type at all but since he was looking for friends rather than a relationship I didn’t mind.

Everything started off fine, he came across a little overly keen but I didn’t really think too much of it. I should have. Because over the next 2 weeks Adam sent me a ridiculous amount of messages, I’m talking well over a thousand messages. He was becoming clingy and needy and if he saw I was online on the dating site, he turned into a PMSing little whiny ass girl and this was all before I had even met him in person.

Then he sent me this message, “Did you ever really want to meet me? Were you ever interested?”

That is what I call a “Game Over” message. That is the point where you’d have to lack any IQ at all not to walk away.

We had been chatting 3 weeks at the most when he sent that message. For most of that time we didn’t even live in the same city. You’d have to be stupid to meet a guy after that. This story has evening news written all over it.

And that’s like my only goal in life, not to end up on the evening news as one of those cautionary stories.

So what do you guys think am I over reacting or am I right to block and delete this weirdo, let me know in the comment box below. And while you’re at it, tell me you’re weirdo stories I’d love to hear them.

As always, stay and play safe, love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxox

Enigma?

Joel and I have decided to team up to work on an experiment of sorts called “Enigma?”

Instead of me trying to explain the idea behind it, here’s a link that should bring you up to speed.

I think it’s going to be a lot of fun for us to write and hopefully just as much fun for you guys to read. 

But for this project to work, we’re going to need your help. We need you to send us some questions you’d love to have answered by the opposite sex. You can either leave them here, tweet me (@TheHonestBitch), Email me (Ms.HonestB@gmail.com), or if you’re feeling a little feisty tweet Joel (@sparkyjcs)

Let me know what you guys think, Love you,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Women and Porn

Someone sent me a question on twitter asking me if women watch porn, and if so why? Since he isn’t the first man to ask this question I thought I’d turn it into a blog. So let’s start with the first part of the question.

Do women watch porn? YES!! Yes, women do indeed watch porn.

Now on to part two of that question, why? There are a lot of reasons why....

Reason 1: Safety: The only thing you’re likely going to catch from porn is a computer virus, making it a lot safer than sex. I’m not just talking about STDs here, I’m also talking about physical safety; every time you invite a stranger into your house it comes with a risk.

Reason 2: its their Boyfriend’s: This is probably the second biggest reason women watch porn.  They come across it on their boyfriend’s computer and can’t help but check it out to see what kind of freaking stuff their boyfriend is into.

Reason 3: Education: A lot of women watch porn to learn new moves. Ever wonder where you’re girlfriend leaned that new move she used on your birthday? Porn.

Reason 4: Sex Buddies Have Lives Too: They aren’t always there when you need them and as I’m sure you know horny waits for no one.

Reason 5: To Explore Secret Fantasies: Women can be a little shy about these things and through watching these sorts of films they can explore that side of themselves.

Reason 6: To get in the Mood: Women unlike men need a build up; we can’t just snap our fingers and be ready to go. Porn helps with the build up and good job too because a lot men suck at foreplay.

Reason 7: A Lacking Partner: Some guys just can’t get the job done or Mother Nature wasn’t kind to them in the size department porn lets us to escape that reality.

Reason 8: We Need a Good Laugh: It’s not unheard of for women to get together and drink wine and laugh at porn. Some porn can be hot, yes. But a lot of it is ridiculous. No woman is into it that much.

 Reason 9: Curiosity: A lot of porn has a certain freak show quality about it, whether its boobs that can function as floatation devices or people doing things that science can’t explain. Sometimes you just have to look.

Reason 10: To Orgasm: This may come as a shock to some men but the number one reason why women watch porn is to get off; women get horny too, hence the whole Ann Summer’s being a thing. Plus who do you think is keeping all those battery companies in business? Sex toys are a billion dollars a year businesses and most of that comes from women. What did you think we were using those toys for, to make sandwiches?  Think again.

So hopefully that answered some of the questions my handful of male readers had and to my female readers, do you watch porn and why? Let me and them know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Good on Paper Guy

We’ve all been there, a lovely guy who is everything you should want in boyfriend, he is perfect on paper, but in reality you’d rather pull your eye lashes out one by one then actually date him.

Such was the case with my good on paper date a few weeks ago Kyle. He was a lovely guy, well mannered, hell the guy brought flowers, who does that anymore. But the date was less fun then a root canal.

He’s what I call a paint by numbers guy, everything had a place and time, was planned out and that isn’t me. I’m a goofball, I like to have fun and he, wasn’t. Thinking about it I don’t think I laughed at all during the date.

Guys always bitch that women say they want a guy that can make them laugh but we don’t. I’m here as living proof to tell you, that is what we want. This guy is not getting a second chance because he failed to make me laugh...and to be any fun at all.

I should have known better, I’ve never gone for the good on paper guys; they’re just not for me. That’s not to say I like bad boys because I don’t. For me the most important thing in a relationship is a spark. That spark is what makes you want to work on things or even put any effect in, in the first place. Without that spark you may as well be dating your brother,

So that’s just my opinion, what do you guys think? What is the most important thing to you, good on paper, good in bed, spark or something else, let me know in the comment box below.

As always my lovelies stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Poorly Week with A Little Smile

I guess you’re probably wondering where on earth I’ve been this past week. Well thanks to my doctor and his infinite wisdom I’ve not been very well. He decided to mess around with my pills and put me on something called Gabapentin.

Gabapentin sucks!! I’m not sure what it’s meant to do but all it’s done for me is make me feel like a zombie and cause me to throw up. Just what everyone wants for their pills. All the side effects with none of the results.

Luckily I’m starting to feel less like a zombified throw-up queen and more like a human. That may have a little something to do with me not listening to my doctor. He told me to stick it out a little longer.....I decided to go a different way, a way that involves much less vomit.

Besides explaining where I’ve been this past week, what I want to do with this blog is give a little shout out to Steve Dangle. Since I’m pretty sure none of you know who he is since his target audience is sports crazed men and mine is women who are fed of men, let me tell you.

He is a YouTuber, he also works for CBC and there is some weird zoo connection too which I’m not really sure I want to know about.

The reason I want to give him a shout out is because one morning while I was enjoying the side effects (aka throwing my guts up). I heard the mailman put something through the door. When I looked I spotted an envelope with Canadian stamps on it. When I opened it I found a Shea Weber card and a short note from Steve Dangle. And despite the rocky start to my day, I couldn’t help but smile. And I just wanted to thanks him for that. (See I’m not always a bitch, just most of the time).

The reason he sent the card is kind of awesome. He decided he wanted to show his appreciation to his viewers and to do so he decided to send out some common hockey cards. Which if you ask me, is a lovely gesture; one that I’m sure is costing him a pretty penny in postage.

It’s rare to see someone gain success and still care about their original audience. And for that I have to show him some love. Plus anyone who can make a throwy-upy zombie smiles deserves that much.

Anyone else thinking a week of being sick has made me soft?

Anyways I’m going to leave you with a question that has nothing at all to do with this post because...I can.

Someone left me a comment on one of blogs saying you should wait at least a year before sleeping with someone. What do you guys think about that and how long do you think you should wait before sleeping with someone? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo