Spacious Prison Cell

Some jobs can be horrible but the people make it fantastic, other jobs are fantastic but the people make it unbearable.... then you have my job.

This week I started 4 weeks of unpaid work in an attempt to beef up my CV or at the very least skim over the reason I left my last job. The second I say “I hurt my back” and that’s why I left, the person interviewing me goes all non-hirey. It’s like a bad magic trick, it makes jobs disappear.

My hope is by doing this work I can show my back wouldn’t be a problem for any future employer. That’s a lie but they can’t argue with proof. The fact it’s taking a large amount of pills (they’re prescription, don’t worry) and biofreeze to make it through the day is between you and me.

The problem is this proof/job is.......well....let me tell you about it. The first 3 days, I sat alone in a large empty blue room looking out a window wondering if I jumped would I be hurt bad enough to go home....my conclusion was no, no I wouldn’t. I didn’t have any actual work to do. On day 1 I was told to research something, which took me all of 2 hours to do. And that was that for 3 days.

Day 4 things appeared in the room so now I was alone in a large blue room not a large empty blue room and I was given some actual work to do. I was given a large pink folder and told to copy everything out word for word. Not my idea of a fun time but it was something to do. However I was still all alone.

Actually that’s not 100% true; they’re other people who work there and they’re awesome and super funny but they work on the ground floor, the second floor (if you can call it that) is the managers and then you have me, freaking Ann Frank, in what feels like an attic or as I call it a spacious jail cell.

But thankfully the lovely ground floor people have made a point to come visit me in my cell so I don’t go mad from the silence but for the most part my cell is still a very lonely place.

Day 5 I continued with the word for word typing and came up with a new escape plan, since jumping was clearly never going to work. There is this pink bus that comes by so I decided I could jump, land on the bus hold on for dear life and ride off into the wild grey yonder (the job is in town, its concrete for as far as the eye can see)

Just for the record I am aware there’s a door I could use but....where’s the fun in that?

Luckily Monday is bank holiday so I only have 14 working days left before I’m freed from my cell. Not that I’m counting or anything......There’s an app for that J

So if you were me what creative means of escape would you use? Let me know in the comment box below and who know, maybe I’ll use one of them. As always my dears stay and escape prison safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Brain Mouth Disconnect

I’m not a people person at the best of times, shocking I know coming from someone who has worked in customer services. But I’m an only child and because of that my ability to handle people’s BS is limited. Unless of course I’m being paid, it’s amazing how a paycheck makes people seems less idiotic.

My friends have been commenting a lot recently about me being slightly more “evil” than normal. My ability to play nice seems to have gone on an extended holiday without informing anyone. It’s like my brain has just given up on trying to controlling my mouth.

The amount of times I’ve heard “you can’t say that” over the past few weeks is ridiculous. You’d think by now they’d understand clearly I can say that because I did.

Some of my friends think the reason I’m currently breaking the bitch scale is because I need to get laid. I hate to tell them but sex or lack thereof isn’t my problem, it’s a lot simpler than that.

The problem is the NHL took my damn hockey away. I’m a Canadian with no hockey; there aren’t many problems bigger than that. People think Canadians are kind and well mannered.  Ha, take away our hockey and see how well mannered we are.

At least for me hockey is a release. Well more so the hockey fights. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve picture Orr beating the shit out of someone who’s been riding my last nerve. God help everyone if the hockey season gets totally cancelled, I’ll have to start walking around with a hockey stick beating pests up myself.

Actually even if they end the lockout that sounds like a lot fun almost as much fun as ramming a shopping cart into an asshole who standing there blocking the whole damn aisle.

Ok maybe I’m a little more bitchy then normal right now. So since I don’t want to go to jail for beating someone to death with a hockey stick what releases do you guys have? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo 

No Small Talk

I have a friend who a while back was talking about how he couldn’t stand small talk. And for once I actually agreed with him on something. So now 90 percent of the time I just say or ask what I want without the hassle of making small talk first.

My friends are pretty use to it now, most of the time. The big issue comes when I talk to someone new who isn’t use to my straight forwardness. It tends to catch people off guard.

I mean if someone sent you a message out of the blue that said “where do you hide porn?” how would you take it?

Personally I’d just answer the question but not everyone works like that. People have a nasty habit of getting offending. I’d ask why the question is being asked before putting the effect in to be offending.

Then again I’m not the sort of person who is easily offended. I worked customer service for many years; I developed a pretty thick skin doing that, that and a hatred for most people.

I think the last thing that truly offended me was, shock horror Mr. X. We were talking in the back of his car and he said something about his parents and I replied jokingly “well remind me keep a ways away if I ever meet them.” To which he snapped “don’t worry you’ll never met them.” That one got my back up. I actually, come to think of it, haven’t seen him since he said that to me.

The difference being I was offended by a statement rather than an open ended question that could be interpreted many ways. People jump to conclusions when it comes to my random, out of the blue questions. And personally I think it’s their conclusions that offend them rather than my questions. But they’ll never admit it.

Anyways my dears, I’m heading off for the night. As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo