Friday, 16 November 2018

Looks Don’t Matter


I made a comment a few posts back about looks not being a deal breaker and this raised a few questions and bought on quite the debate, so I thought I’d elaborate on my stance a bit.

Now, don’t get me wrong physical attraction is a plus and if it’s there awesome, but it’s not the be all and end all. For me at least, being attracted to someone’s personality is way more important. Sex with pretty people who you want to stab when they open their mouths isn’t sustainable. Personalities on the other hand tend to last. And, in most relationships anyways, you tend to spend more time clothed than naked, so there needs to be more than looks build a happy healthy relationship.

There are actually scientific studies that back up my stance, apparently “traditional attraction” wears off after 18-24 months. And apparently, that’s the point where a lot of issues tend to surface. When that “honeymoon” or “lust” phase wears off relationships fizzle out if there isn’t something else to draw them together.

I, on occasion, have chosen to skip that lust phase. I’ve dated guys whose personalities I enjoyed, but who may not have been my idea of sexually stunning. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t monsters, but I also didn’t look at them and want them naked either. That said, just because they didn’t make me drool doesn’t mean they couldn’t make me scream. Just because I wasn’t into them looks wise doesn’t mean the sex was bad. Actually, from my experience, what they say is true, good looking men tend to not be great in bed because they don’t have to be. While less stunning men, well, they develop skills to compensate.

Anyways, that’s my two cents on the matter. I’m going to go and enjoy what remains of the last day of my holiday. I shall leave you with the question though; Do looks matter? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 9 November 2018

Mr. Block


Some of you have been asking what happened with Mr. Block so I thought I’d give you a quick update.

The answer is not a lot happened. We arranged to meet up for the 6th time and for the 6th time he cancelled. At that point, I lost interest. I’m far too old for games and frankly the price isn’t good enough for the effort required.

To be fair, there was never going to be a future with Mr.Block. After all the BS at most it was going to be a purely sexual sort of thing. Ok, more of it’s been a while and I wanted to know if I could remember how sort of thing. I mean, why not?

Then Steve popped up with a point that played in my head. He asked why I was wasting my time with Mr.Block when he could fulfil the same function with a few a messages. As much as I hate to admit it, he was right. He also reminded me the reason why not is I have self-respect and Mr. Block is prick. Can’t argue with that one either.

Anyways, that’s the update or lack thereof. I am going to go and enjoy the rest of my holiday, but before I go I have this question for you; Are fuckfriends a good or bad thing? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoo

Friday, 2 November 2018

Q&A


Welcome to November and more importantly to the Q&A I’ve been promising. I’m not going to waste a lot of time here, I’m just going to jump into the questions you lovely humans have been asking.

How are you?

I am ok. I am in a better place than I was that’s for certain. I am still not perfect, but all things considered I am doing well.

How is your mom?

My mom is a fighter and she’s hanging in there. Her kidney function is back up to 11%, which is a relief. Her spirits remain high and that’s all you can really ask for.

Are you dating anyone?

Nope. Not even flirting with anyone these days.

How are things with Mr. X?

Perfect. I haven’t spoken to him months.

Do you miss Mr. X?

Of course. As toxic as he could be, he was also a sweetheart who could always get through to me when no one else could. Now I have to rely on myself for that, and to be honest, recently that almost didn’t work. As much of a twat as Mr. X can be, he has he’s good and I miss that.

How are things with Steve?

Things are ok. We don’t speak a whole lot these days, but that’s to be expected. Peak has started at work and time is a premium. Plus, I don’t like messaging him at home, so January will be when things start to show.

Hove things changed with Steve?

Yep. But, like I said I won’t really know what’s changed and what’s just peak stress until January.

Is Steve going to do a guest post or a Q&A like Mr. X did?

Nope. I asked the question for you and he’s not interested.

Given your firm no kids rule would you still sleep with Steve?

In case you don’t know the rule this person is talking about it is birth control, condoms and a reasonable chance the guy I am sleeping with is shooting blanks. When it comes to Steve I’d make an exception on this one.

Would you still sleep with Steve given how things have changed?

I would indeed. The whole Steve thing is about pleasure not logic.

Do you think Mr. X and Steve are cheaters?

Every relationship is different and has their own rules. By my standards in a relationship, yes, but that’s not to say that’s the case in their relationships. And since I chose not to know those facts, I can only assume they’re playing within the rules they’ve set.

Anyways, my dears, those are all the questions that you’ve submitted for this Q&A, if you have any more leave them below and I’ll either answer them there or save them for my next Q&A post. But that’s all she wrote for this one so, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo 

Friday, 26 October 2018

Different Friends For Different Seasons


Aristotle said there are 3 types of friendships; Friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure and friendships of the good. Personally, I’m not sure those are the titles I would have gone with, but there are definitely different type friendships, and each serves a purpose, and each has a time and place.

I’ve never classed or even thought about my friends in this way. However, I have noticed recently I’ve been pulling away from certain people. I’ve been slowly discovering with everything going on in my life, certain friends just aren’t a good fit for me right now. It’s not that we’ve fallen out or I dislike them or anything like that. It’s just they aren’t what I need in my life right now.

My work bestie up in Manchester is the best example of this. If we were going to classify the friendship it would fall under that “utility” category. We both serve a purpose to each other. However, right now, I don’t have it in me to serve that purpose. She phones me, and I know what I’m supposed to say, but I just don’t want to. I don’t want to play that part right now. It takes so much energy and I don’t get anything positive from it.

On the flip side of that, when I speak to Steve’s brother Tyler, who also works for the company, I get something positive from that. For the record, we have a very different relationship. Tyler reminds me of my drama geek friends. He is someone I can just be stupid with. We spend our evenings at work singing at each other down the phone or sending each other ridiculous Snapchat pictures. There is no worry about how I look or anything like that; it’s just fun and that’s what I need right now.

When it comes to Steve, that’s where things get complicated. When he’s himself, it’s all golden. I could happily spend hours just talking to him. However, recently he’s been prone to some bad moods. I’m not sure whether works is getting to him or what, but I can’t. They say bad moods are contagious and I’ve been very susceptible to them recently. If there is a hint of a mood around me, I seem to catch it. So, when he’s in a mood, for my own sanity I steer clear.

Then you have the gay husband, who at the moment I am avoiding. Once again, we haven’t fallen out or anything like that. The issue I am having with him is different than the others. The problem with him is the way he looks at me, he has what I call “sad eyes”. He’s treating me differently and questioning my choices. He’s just not being real with me; it’s as if he thinks I’m about to break at any moment. I understand he has my best interests at heart, but I don’t like the way he’s going about it. It’s not what I need and it's definitely not what I want. I don’t want to live in Candy-coated Sugar Land, I want people to be real with me, and if it gets too much, like Steve and his moods, I’ll back off. That’s on me. Fake has never been a thing I do or deal with and it’s sure as hell is not about to start now.

Anyways, my dears, I am going to go and enjoy what is left of my day off, but before I go I have this question for you; What do you do to look after yourself? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 19 October 2018

Returning To Normality


I am a big believer in faking it until you make it and thanks to that technique I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. With a little effort to do what I “should do”, I’m finally starting to feel how I wish to.

A lot of it down to little things; like making myself shower, making sure I do some skin care, putting a bit of makeup on, going to improv class, forcing myself to smile. Not things I feel like doing, but all things I’d normally do.

The other part that helped was I was out of my routine at work; I was based at a different depot for most of September. I was working with my old trainee, which was well timed for both of us. We balance each other out well. I help him see the funny side of things, so he doesn’t get stressed and he acts as a sounding board for me, so I can remove my emotions from the equation and allow my logic to take over. We’ve always been a good team, and that was more than helpful in turning things around.

Team work helps, and my normal site doesn’t allow for that as we work on own  own. I do have some amazing colleagues at the end of the phone which is useful but not the same. Plus, their usefulness depends on their mood and one shitty mood can be contagious. Steve being the example of that; most of last month he had a stick firmly up his ass and it wasn’t just me that noticed it, everyone who spoke to him seemed to catch part of his mood, and it was just unpleasant for all.

Anyways, I am going to go and enjoy the remainder of my day off. I won’t leave you with a question of the blog but leave me yours in the comments below as I’m finally getting around to the Q&A I promised. As always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 12 October 2018

How Things Have Changed


A lot of you had concerns that once Steve returned from paternity leave things would change, are after him being back a week I can confirm your fears were well founded. Like you, I wasn’t surprised; I knew it was coming. What I didn’t see coming was how off he was. I am not sure how much of that was the stress of coming back and how much of that is change, I guess only time will tell on that one.

To be honest, I didn’t speak to him at all his first week back. I lost a lot of respect for him when he didn’t reach out when he knew/should have known I was struggling. I was a lot worse off than I will ever admit, and I hurt that someone I thought of as a friend, the only person I felt remotely safe enough to sort of reach out to, didn’t care. He didn’t even bother to pick up a phone when he came back to work. Knight in shining armour to loser in aluminium foil.

I did choose to extend an olive branch at the end of the week and dropped him a message. I didn’t want any hard feeling to fester as I do have to continue working with him. It was a waste of time at first. However, with a little persistence, we’re ok.

Only time will tell what has changed, what is fixable, what is a loss. At this point, I’m content to take the lessons learned and call leave it at that.

Anyways, I have improv this evening and I need to get off, but before I go I have this question for you; Can you earn respect back? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 5 October 2018

Trigger


I’ve just finished writing the post you saw last week, and as I finished writing it, I became acutely aware there was going to be a question asked afterwards. So, I figure I should address it now rather than waiting for the questions to roll in. Of course, that question is regarding Steve, and whether he is one of my bad decisions or not.

Despite what some of you think, Steve is not a bad decision. Steve is actually the trigger for this latest freak out. Up until now, being single was my choice, something I controlled. Cue Steve, who has reminded me not all men are fuckwits and I might be missing out on things by staying single and now the control has shifted.

I am aware, thanks to many of you, Steve can be viewed as a negative and I do get that. I’ve also said, I don’t know the situation in that relationship and I don’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss. Every relationship must play within their own rules and those rules are nobody else business. So, I can only comment on me. And right now at least, Steve is definitely not a negative, even if he has triggered some problematic behaviour.

However, lucky for me the universe is still preventing my stupid decisions. I’m sure the reason for the universe plotting to prevent stupidity will be revealed at some point, but in the meantime, I guess I’m going to have to cope like every other adult, by drinking.

Anyways, I am going to go and have a nap because adulting sucks. But before I go I have this question for you; What do you do to escape? As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments below, I’d love to hear them. And as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 28 September 2018

Control


Continuing my mission to make horrible decisions with my life; I am currently debating reinstalling Plenty of Fish. Now, I’ve had zero luck with POF in the past, a couple of dates, none of which I’d recommend. I personally find it depressing and good way to loss fate in the goodness of men. But, that’s kind of the name of the game at the minute.

There is also the issue that I hate dating. It’s just not for me. Every relationship I’ve had, I’ve fallen into., no dating involved.  So clearly a dating site isn’t my best option. Let alone a free dating site which tends to draw in a less “relationship based” clientele. That said, I find pay for sites draw a needy desperate clientele, so both have their cons.

So, why do it you ask? Control. I’m under so disillusions, I understand my destructive behaviour. I have no control over a large portion of my life right now. My mom is dying, it’s just a matter of time. I have zero control over my work situation at the moment, I’m just trying to survive. I’m single, and you can’t force nor rush love, it happens when it happens.  So, I’m drawn to the things I can control. Lucky for me, I have no will power, because I’m pretty sure that mentality is how eating disorders and things like that start. I on the other hand find my sense of control in my sex life.  

If you’ve been around a while, you’ll know throughout my teen and early 20s I did the same thing. Although at that point in my life I didn’t understand what I was doing or why I was doing it. Mr. X was the reason I came out of the spiral. Not sure if it was a blessing or a curse in the long run.

The problem is at my age, I’m not young and stupid anymore. I understand fully what’s going on. What I haven’t learned is a better way of coping.  

Anyways, I am going to go and drink because that sounds like the healthier option. But I do have this question for you. What do you do to find a sense of control? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 21 September 2018

Bad Decision


I concluded about a week ago that I need to make a few bad decisions in my life, a conclusion that may be strange to some, but I’ll explain that in a moment. My real issue is the universe seems hell bent on preventing me from carrying out my bad decisions and I’m getting annoyed. But I guess I should explain.

Steve is all well and good, but he’s fictional, I mean he’s real but it’s he’s not tangible. I don’t need my head clouded with fairies and unicorns, when what’s around is demons and trolls.  Steve is an ideal, and even that ideal with shattered when you really look at it, as one of you pointed out the other day.

I need to keep my head in the head game and the best way I know to do that is to sharpen my skills with practice. How does one practices dealing with demons and trolls, you ask? You agree to a date with Mr. Block.

The whole thing promises to be an exercise in disappointment. As discussed in my 2014 blogs, I am not physically attracted to him.  This is nothing new though, nor a deal breaker. I have dated many guys I wasn’t attracted to, hell I was engaged to 1 of them, technically 2, but we won’t talk about that. The real issue is at this point I find his personality repugnant. And I’d still happily go through with the date, if the universe would stop getting involved.

Last weekend the universe gave him the flu. I’d normally I’d think he was trying to blow me off, but I am actually friends with his housemate and he too was dying with man flu, capturing every second on SnapChat. This weekend I mentally broke down and spent 3 days in bed. Long overdue and I feel better for it, but ruined the whole date thing.

Today is a bank holiday, and I am trying once again to make this piss poor decision and now, he’s not checking his messages and I’ll be asleep later since I am back to work tomorrow so today looks like a write off too. At this point I could send him a message saying “hey wanna fuck?” and I’m sure a Pterodactyl would swoop down and eat him. I can’t catch a break.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep before I do something really stupid like message Mr. X. But, before I go I have this question for you; What is your deal breaker? Let me know your thoughts in the comment below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 14 September 2018

R.I.P


It’s been a rough week; Sunday night the world lost one of the most beautiful, funny, charismatic souls to ever walk this earth. 

For 2 years, he was my shift partner in crime, always managing to make everyone laugh when everything was crashing around us. Always there to cause trouble with when the night shifts were long, and it was dead. Just one of the nicest people you could ever dream of meeting. And on Sunday night, he took his own life. 

I’m struggling to come to terms with it all; he was always there for everyone, and…..

There was not a bad bone in his body and he’s just gone.

This guy was my role model; he lost his mom less than a year ago and he had a break down. Quit his job in the middle of the night, he lost it. I spoke to him about 3 weeks ago, and he was doing so well. He had his crap together, he sounded like himself again…he gave me hope.

He broke down, having a support system around him, siblings, father, step mom. As I watch my mom get sicker. I am aware I don’t have that. I am an only child, raised most of my life by a single mother. When she goes its not going to be pretty. He gave me hope that there would be light at the end of the tunnel and now I’m scared.

Sad and scared.

That said, right now, it’s time to drink Tequila, as we often did after our last shift.  This one is for you, you beautiful bastard. I hope you found peace with your mom up there.

Wednesday, 12 September 2018

I Am Not OK

 Just a tiny disclaimer; I am posting this out of order as well. Just trying to sort my head out before I have to face the world tomorrow and head back to work.

Let’s be honest, it is no secret that I’m struggling at the moment, between work and my mom, my ability to cope has been more then pushed. So, when my mom’s latest test results came back, and her function was down another 3%, I broke.

It’s funny because I’ve always kidded that I’m a sane crazy person, and that’s what this has been. I can see the warning signs and I know what I am doing is unhealthy, but, the will to do anything else just isn’t there.

Simple things like eating; I’ve eaten gummy bears and a packet of vegi chips in 4 days. I have food in, I could make soup in 2 minutes. Yet I walk to the kitchen, decided fuck it, and get back into bed. I don’t have the will or want to make anything.

Personal care is another thing that’s gone out the window. I haven’t washed my hair this whole 4 off. I haven’t done any skin care in weeks. I’ve been wearing next to no makeup, if any when I am out of the house. I know that doesn’t seem major, but given my collection this is very out of character.

I have also withdrawn socially. I haven’t wanted to do anything this 4 off other than lay in my bed. I have done, maybe 5000 steps in 4 days. I haven’t answered any messages, taken any calls, I haven’t even opened most the messages on my phone. I just haven’t wanted to deal with people.

The ridiculous part is I know cutting myself off is horrible. The night I found out about my mom’s results, in the wee hours I was laying in bed shaking, in floods of tears, really not in a great place; I picked my phone up and started typing, I was trying to distract myself.  Typing and deleting, picking stupidly long words that can’t be spelled. Not really thinking, I did this on Steve’s Snapchat, forgetting Snapchat tells you when someone is typing, he must have spotted this and called me out for it. Rather than answer he’s what’s up questions, I chose to go for a walk, in the rain, in my pjs at 5am. The sad part is, I didn’t even dry off when I got home, I took my shoes off and got straight back into bed soaking wet. All that rather than try and reach out. To be fair, I am sure he wouldn’t have given a fuck, nor would I have blamed him. He’s just a baby and my mental breakdowns is my issue not anyone else’s.

I know none of this is ok, but I have made some smart decisions as well; I’ve cut out drinking and caffeine. I am writing, not posting everything, but getting it off my chest. I am trying to be smart in where I funnel my limited energy into and if I need to stay and bed and cry it out so be it. It’s not ok right now, but it will be.

Anyways, I need to go and sleep because despite spending most of my days off in bed, sleep hasn’t really been happening. I won’t leave you with a question this post, so just stay and play safe my friends.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Monday, 10 September 2018

Late Night Rabblings

Just a tiny disclaimer; I am posting this out of order. I need to sort my head out and this is the only healthy way I know how to do that. I could schedule this to post this later, but I’d rather get it done and gone.

When it comes to my work life, I thrive when I’m left the hell alone. I like to come in do my job and go home. I’m not interested in the ass kissing, ladder climbing, attention grabbing. I’m happiest when my name is not in management’s mouth and they forget I exist. This is why I work nights and its even the reason I write my handovers in a certain way, unlike most, I actually hide what I do overnight. I don’t want management knowing how good I am. In all my reviews I am called the steadiest night operator in the company, and in my book that’s prefect. That should be a recipe for a stress-free life.

Then some genius had the bright idea of taking our nice flat management structure and turning it into a hierarchy with almost as many layers as there are people working there. Which means, instead of dodging 1 manager, who is based 2 hours from where I actually work. I now have to dodge 2 managers and a dumb ass supervisor who has been on an ego trip since he got promoted.

Now, as much as I rather keep my name out of managers mouth’s, I am not one be to walked over either and sadly my company has a habit of doing that if you let them. Since I’m not looking to climb the ladder, I have nothing to lose by my standing my ground and this has a habit of pissing off middle management. I’ve read my contract and T&C I know where I stand, and they can be damned if they think I can be bullied or blackmailed into anything that isn’t in there.

That brings us to the root of the issues, I don’t do overtime or at least not a lot of it. Normally this is because when my ducks are in row, I do acting, improv, I was doing stand up last year, I have a life outside of work. Right now, I’m not doing it because my mom is unwell, and my life is not remotely together. Mentally I can’t cope with overtime, I can barely cope period right now. I am a damn zombie just trying to survive and I’m not doing a good job at that.

Baring in mind my manager knows my mom is unwell; I haven’t told him, but another operator has. He has been trying to push OT for months. I’ve stood my ground and refused. As a result of me refusing he has cancelled a week’s holiday I had booked. Because that didn’t make me back down, he then refused a second lot of my holiday after yelling at me because I had holiday days not booked and then booked me a week’s holiday I didn’t want. And because of “my unwillingness” to do over time I’ve now been temporarily relocated to another depot (that is in my contract in case you’re wondering).

I’ve spoken to Steve about this and he thinks I should go to HR and report the manager. I just don’t think I have that fight in me at the minute. Plus, my gut is telling me if I go to HR I will find myself permanently relocated to Antarctica. I can’t go to my area manager because my manager was the best man at his wedding. So, I am left with suck it up or find a new job or, I guess, marry a penguin.

I just don’t know what I want to do or what I should do or if I should do anything. I’m all out of fight, I am all out of strength, I am all out of will.  All I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry, all I want is a hug and someone to tell me it’s all going to be ok. But that’s not really how life works is it? We have to dry our tears, put on a smile and carry on, praying we don’t fall apart in public.

Anyways, I am going to go and pull myself together because I don’t have time for a breakdown today. But before I go I leave the question with you, suck it up, HR or new job? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 7 September 2018

Don’t Settle For Less Than A Steve


Forgetting the fact, the whole Steve thing is morally reprehensible. It has proven to be a good learning opportunity and even seems to have facilitated some self-growth.

This was never more evident to me, then the other night at work. Both Steve and Mr. Block were messaging me at the same time and both conversations were eerily similar but handle in two very different manners.

I had sent both a picture of me at my desk, the image was cleavage heavy, however, I am cleavage heavy so unless I’m in a turtle neck that’s always an issue. Steve’s response was to ask me to remove the filter because “I don’t need it”. While, Mr. Block’s response was to ask me to get my tits fully out. It’s safe to say only one of them received any further images.

Now I am aware both of these gentlemen were after the same thing. Neither of them had pure intentions. Their motivation was more pictures to perv at. But, the old adage is true, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. And Steve is masterful at this.

Steve is basically a horny genius and he really should consider writing a book on his skills. He has mastered the technique of building you up to get the end result he wants. At this point, I can’t tell if this is something he does consciously or subconsciously and to be honest, I don’t want to know.

I’ve gone substantially further with him, digitally speaking, than with any other guys and the reason is simple. He builds me up, he makes me feel good, sexy, cute, he gives and as a result I want to give back. I want to make him feel that same way. Unlike a lot of other guys, who are all about them, who want to know what you’re going to do to them; he’s all about what he’s going to do for you. It’s a nice change.

Motivation aside; the technique is flawless, and the end result is a win, win. He gets off and my confidence is back, and I feel better in myself.

All that said, he is also a genuinely nice guy, which certainly does help the charm factor. He has quickly become one of my favourite humans to talk to at work. It has nothing to do with the flirting, although that is a nice touch, but he is a calm influence and a good voice of reason in a very stressful environment.

Just recently, I was having an issue at work and he the one I turned to not the work BFF. He was so sweet and went out of his way to make sure I was ok, and he offered some incredibly useful advice. I felt so looked after and in such safe hands, I haven’t felt the need to mention it to the work BFF at all.

The issue I have now is when I compare the likes of Mr. Block to Steve (not apples to apple, I know) it doesn’t balance out. Knowing how I feel with Steve, I’m left wondering why Mr. Block’s approach is acceptable. Why should I consider settling for less? I shouldn’t be left questioning things after a conversion with a guy. I shouldn’t be left questioning myself. I am something special, if not to him, to someone.  And if he doesn’t see that or doesn’t make me feel that way, fuck him. Nobody and I mean nobody, should settle for less than a Steve.

Anyways, I am going to go and enjoy the time rest of the time I have off. This post took way longer to write than it should have. But, for I go I have this question for you; What makes you feel special? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch  
xoxo



Friday, 31 August 2018

I Told Me So


When you have been a blogger as long as I have (8 years here, 6 on the previous site) sooner or later you’ll prove yourself to be an idiot and won’t even realise it. This is going to be one of those stories, so stay with me until the end.

A few days ago, out the blue my old work husband popped up again, last seen in May for anyone who is keeping score. He sent me a message explained he’d been having family issues and that’s why he hadn’t not been in touch and asking if I was still up for meeting for drinks. I said sure, why not. It would be nice to finally meet after all these years.

Then something happened, during this friendly conversation, this meet up suddenly went from a meet up to an actual date.  And in this moment, I learned something about myself. I don’t like the word “date”.  Mainly because I don’t date, I haven’t for years. I don’t like dating, it’s stupid. Something just about the word makes me nervous and instantly makes me want to cancel. I know this is stupid, but I don’t care.

However, I did talk myself in off the ledge, and I decided to keep the date. At the end of the day, I am a blogger and material is hard to come by. What is the worst that can happen right? At least that was my decision.

I was prompted while writing the post, you’ll hopefully see next week, to look back to through my old blogs. I was certain I had written about the work husband in the past and wanted his “name” for consistency purposes. After looking back through a lot of posts, I found it, boy did I find.

November 2014 was where he was hiding. What was his name you ask? Mr. Block. Anyone remember that prick? To honest, I didn’t until I reread everything. This is where the whole I am idiot comes in.

Frankly, I wasn’t having great feelings towards this date anyways for reasons to be discussed next week. There were signs were there. But, it stings so much more when it’s your own words telling you, your choice of men is horrible and clearly, it’s not improving.

This brings us nicely to the question of the blog; Do you let bygones by bygones or do you heed the warning of the past? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch  
xoxo

Friday, 24 August 2018

Understanding A Blogger


It’s a rarity to find someone who understands a blogger, mainly because we don’t tend to understand ourselves half the time. I’ve often said, I don’t know what I am truly thinking until I read it back. And to find someone who is understanding of that process is damn near impossible.

If you’ve been here a while you’ll know, I’ve had my fair share of blog related drama over the years. A couple of lawsuits (all won, by the way), a couple breakups and more than a few fights. Blogging is not something everyone can handle nor understand, and I get it. The likes of Mr. X couldn’t even handle my blog sometimes, and he’s a blogger himself. Which are all reasons why I tend to keep my URL to myself.

Then enters Steve, who has challenged all my preconceived notions of someone being able to understand the process. And to be honest, I’m a little pissed off about it. Which I am positive isn’t a normal response, but I gave up on normal years ago.

If you read my last post you know Steve and I had minor issue a few days ago (a few weeks ago by the time you’re reading this). The following day he wanted to know what set me off and why I was so upset. At this point I explained, I needed to write first, then I’d explain everything. And to my horror he ok with this. He actually understood where I was coming from. What the hell?

He actually managed to explain my logic to me on the matter in a better way than I could. He totally understood what was going on and he fine with it. If he doesn’t get mad at what he reads here; he might actually be the perfect man. And clearly that pisses me off.

Allow me to explain that one; I am pissed off that for years I’ve made excuses for douchebag men who couldn’t handle the blog, when clearly the skill set to cope is out there. I’m pissed off that more than once I’ve settled for guys who couldn’t cope, when I shouldn’t have. And I’m pissed up that this gem that can cope is wasted on a non-blogger. 

Apparently, I am just pissed off, but what else is new eh? But as always, I’ll be ok. And at least now I know it’s possible to find someone who isn’t a man child about the whole blogging thing. So, who knows, maybe there is hope I’ll find someone someday. Personally, my money is still on 700 cats, but you never know.

Anyways, you beautiful bastards, I am going to go and try to shift my hangover. But before I leave you I have this question; what skill or quality have you given up trying to find in a partner? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 17 August 2018

Lets Get Drunk


It’s been a long time since we’ve done a drunken blog and I figure it’s about time we do it again. Allow me to give the normal disclaimer: This post will be written and edited drunk. Once I have sobered up, this post will not be touched again. I will of course respond to comment and all that goodness, but there will be no editing to what has been written. Now that that’s been said; Let’s drink.

This drunken post is going to be about Steve. Steve is, of course, the gentleman with the pregnant wife, I’ve been swapping inappropriate messages with for the past month. Once again, I am fully aware I am going to hell. I am good with it.

Steve was meant to be safe; he is after all a married man. Workplace flirting, as a rule, is a great confidence booster. And I’ll admit it, after everything, I needed it.  Not that I was lacking confidence but, the best way I can describe it is, I have confidence, but it’s lacking self-assurance. It’s a fragile confidence if you will. I’m not 100% happy with the way I look at the minute and I’m not totally happy with me, as a whole either, so bare that in mind as this story goes onwards.

Last night, I was swapping inappropriate messages with Steve, trying to get, for lack of a better word, a rise out of him, when he got a rise out of me. I had just sent him a picture that I wasn’t comfortable with, but I knew he’d like. And, instead of a normal response. He fired back asking for a different picture, one my insecurity wouldn’t allow. And then he wouldn’t drop it, he was like a dog with a boner. I didn’t mind so much he asked, but the pressure was unneeded, and I didn’t like it.

Considering he was meant to be a safe option, it didn’t feel safe. It didn’t feel good, It felt like I was a teen dating a prick and I am far too old to be dealing with that shit. And then, of course, he got an attitude with me because I was upset. Like I’m the bad guy in this. I know a lot of it is my own issues. Which is why I didn't debate any of this with him at the time, but still dude don't be a selfish horn dog.

Anyways, my tequila is not holding its buzz so I am going to end this here. But before I do, I have this question for you; What do you do when you’re pushed outside your comfort zone? Shut down? Yell? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 10 August 2018

Missing Little Voice


You know that little voice inside your head that is meant to stop you from doing stupid things that and sooner or later you’ll regret? That little buzz kill that ruins all your fun? That little kill joy that stops you becoming a meme on the internet. Yeah, I think mine quit. Or, at the very least has gone on an extended holiday and not left a forwarding address.

I know I am partly to blame. I should have listened to that voice more, made his job easier. But, I didn’t and now his absence is leading to some, frankly, sketchy decisions on my part. I never thought I’d say this, but I want him back. Preferably, before sketchy turns into dicey.

What has this little voice failed to prevent me from doing you ask? Let’s call it an inappropriate exchange of messages with a non-single male. A very non-single male. A married male. A married male whose wife is about to have a baby. Yeah, I’m going to hell.

For what it’s worth, I swear on my vibrator it started off innocent. It truly did. And then, there was a line, and it got crossed and subsequently got tap danced over in a bra and lace panties. Yeah, yeah, I am going to hell, I know.

 I know what you’re thinking, and in this case you’re wrong. I do not have an issue with unavailable men. It’s actually a pet peeve of mine and something I vented about just a few months ago. This was a judgment call failure and something that little voice should have been there to stop.

Allow me to add this minor caveat before I continue; I don’t know what their relationship make up is. There could open relationship deal there or a freedom I don’t know about. I don’t have nor have enquired about that information. I make all my moral calls based on what would upset me in a relationship, not on the rules of someone else’s relationship.

This whole thing started innocently enough, with a little work place flirting. No big deal, everyone flirts. It’s a thing you do to remind yourself not to kill everyone when you finally snap at your desk one day. It then progressed to harmless snapchat messages and pictures. Still firmly in the I am not going to hell category at this point.

Then there was a snap that changed everything, and it wasn’t sent by me. I’ll leave the nature of that snap to your imagination, but from there things got less innocent.

There were some sexual exchanges, that may have leaned toward sexting and some pictures that, well still were leaning PG-13 probably weren’t in good taste. And were definitely not appropriate to be sending a married man. All this from a girl who was once dumped for not doing this sort of thing. Go fucking figure, eh?

I don’t get it, my moral compass appears to be lost and that damn little voice seems to be living it up in Hawaii well I’m planning a tour of hell. And, to be honest, at the moment, I don’t even care.

I’m not going to leave you with a question of the blog, because I predict I’ll get plenty of questions and comments without me prompting you. So, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 3 August 2018

Let’s Talk About Sex.


Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about… well me. As I assume most of you know my sex life is pretty much an open book and has been for many years, from blogs, articles, sex toy testing to pod casts, most of my sex life is out there in some shape or form. Because of this, I sometimes forget other people have hang ups regarding the topic.

I was having a perfectly ok conversation regarding sexual pasts and I casually mention a 3some I had in my late teens. Boy, did the conversation shift. Anyone would have thought I said I was into humping taxidermy or something messed up like that. And most of it was because it was my “boyfriend” and I wasn’t the guess star.

I will say, if you are going to have a 3some be the guest star, it’s way more fun, but, why the hell not give it a try. If all parties are safe, there is no real harm to be done. The guy who I was talking to about this with was trying to make the point or wrap his head around “how could you watch your partner screw someone else.” And I can understand the thought there. However, in my case, there were no feelings there. That’s why we worked. Hell, we were fuck friends for 6 or 7 years. I still see him about this day and we’ll have a drink. There were never any romantic feeling there, which made things easier for sure. It was purely lust, and for the record it was fun. But I don’t see any issue if there were feelings. However, that boils down to a relationship’s dynamic and surely if you knew it was likely to be a problem. You just won’t do it.

Anyways, what are your thoughts on 3somes and where do you draw the line sexually? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 27 July 2018

Dating in a Male Dominated Industry


I’ve recently done some research on women in male dominated industries and the effect it has on their life both physically and romantically. To be honest, I was shocked by the research out there. And not only that, but, I was shocked by the stigma single women get from men when they work in an industry dominated by man.

Let’s address the stigma first because, I don’t understand it. Maybe you require a penis to understand the “logic” on this one. But it seems ridiculous to me.

Men seem to believe women who are single in a male dominated industries are broken, or damaged or in some way faulty. Their “logic” seems to be if they can't get a guy with that number of men around them, they're not worth having. 

These guys clearly have forgotten the golden rule “don’t shit where you eat!” Do not mix business with pleasure, it’s a horrible idea. And when you disqualify the guys you’re around 50 hours a week, it’s hard to find a man that can handle their partner being around men 50 hours a week. I’ve worked in transport over a decade and I can count on 1 hand the amount of men that have been ok with my job and most of them worked in the industry themselves. 

We’re definitely not broken, at least not any more so than other women, the system just doesn’t work in our favor. Unless, of course, you plan to climb the company ladder wrong by wrong.

What I was really surprised by is all the research regarding the negative health effects working in a male dominated industry has on women. Where was that warning when I started my career 10 years ago? They are physical risks like women tend to have higher cholesterol and nutritional deficits. And then there’s the mental risks that are even scarier.

Research has found that in a male dominated work place, the hormone found when a person is stressed is on average 15% higher in women than in a man doing the same job. Add in other factors such as lack of support, workplace harassment and sexual harassment and the risk of mental issues pile up. The number of women who work in a male dominated environment that are prescribed medication for mental issues is scary. Some studies have the figure as high as 70%. 

Those figures, actually back up something I’ve said over recent years. I can’t cope with dating and my work life. The men at work drain me mentally and when I get home, I can’t deal with bullshit. I’m snappy and lack almost all patience. Things need to either work effortlessly or I’m out. And since you’re meant to work at a healthy relationship. I am out.

I started my research hoping to find out it was possible to have a healthy relationship while working in a male industry and I’m even less sure than I was before.  The odds are simply not with us. I’m not about to say it's impossible. We pick “impossible” career paths so women in these industries know how to beat the odds. It’s just not as easy or straight forward. And personally, it’s not a fight I am willing to go through at the moment, but for the right guy I am sure it’s possible.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Thursday, 26 July 2018

Quick Up Date


Since I’ve been AWOL again, let me answer some of your questions so we can get back to the regularly scheduled programming.

What happened to Mr. X? 

Good question, well, I kind of killed him off for my own sanity. He had the baby and we all know, men with children are the best form of birth control in books. So, I just pretended he was dead. It sucks a little, we were good friends and with everything going on with my mom, he’d be nice to lean on, but my sanity needed space to take the lead again.

What happened with the work husband?

Not a damn thing. He was after purely sex, and I do better if that’s the aim. He was relationship material not fuck-friend material.

How’s your mom?

She’s ok. She’s hanging in there. Kidney function is still at 14%.

How are you?

I’m not in a great place, but I am ok. Part of it is I need to sit a write. When I don’t blog my head gets messy and emotions get a little out of whack. So, I’m hoping to make this a priority again. Just for my own wellbeing.

Anyways, hopefully that catches you up a little and now we can start blogging again.

Stay safe. 

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 8 June 2018

Birchbox Unboxing - June 2018

I've not done an unboxing in a while and since I've not been writing much I thought I'd share June's Birchbox with you.

As I am sure you know, Birchbox is a monthly subscription box that costs £10 a month plus £2.95 P&P.

This month's box comes with 5 items and one bonus item.


The first thing I wanted to mention is not an actual item, but the box itself. This month it is a tin, rather than the normal useless cardboard box thing it comes in. It's fairly pretty and I'll definitely reuse it.




Poaar- Velvety Sun Fluid Face & Body

The first item is Polaar sunscreen. Not my favorite thing to get in a subscription box However, it is a useful item for thing time of year.
ARROW- BOOST Colour Enhancing Lip Balm in Berry Busy

This is not the first time this lip enhancing balm has shown up in a box and I didn't use it then and I won't be using it now. This product, as cool as it may sound, just isn't for me.

Number 4 - Jour d'automne Smoothing Balm

According to the information page, this is good for restoring softness and protecting against humidity and heat damage. I am not happy with this item. My hair gets cranky if I change up the routine. So, sadly I won't be using this product.



Lord & Berry  Strobing Highlighter Pencil

This was promising until I swatched it. It is blendable, but the line you draw never goes away, the glitter just moves around. It's just turns into a white line with clear glitter everywhere. Other than maybe using it on the cupid's bow, it's a fairly pointless product.

Ella Eden - Compact Eyeshadow in Faith

This was this month's choose you item product so, I like the colour. It's not a brand I've heard of before, so I didn't know what to expect. My first thoughts are the packaging feels cheap. For a single eyeshadow retailing for £12.99 I'd expect more. On swatch it feels average. Not very buttery or super bendable. Just ok.


Whittard Of Chelsea - Tea Bags

The bonus item this month is 3 tea bags (lemon & ginger, mango and bergamot and earl grey) from Whittard of Chelsea. I don't like tea so this one is a miss as well.

This month's box was not my favorite. The only thing I really like is the box it all came in. But that's happens with these boxes. I'm sure next months will be better,

Did you get this month's box? And if so what did you like best? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Wednesday, 16 May 2018

Busy Brain


I’m having one those days were my brain is going 100 miles a minute and I’m struggling to keep up with it. I want to sit and write to clear my thoughts however, I took so long off you guys are out of the loop and I’m not sure it will make sense. But, let’s try anyways.

I’m currently on a much-needed holiday from work, and normally by now I’d relax and refreshed, and I am not. I am stuck in a job that is fantastic on paper, but is slowly killing my soul. And where I use to have hopes of it improving, that hope is dead. I feel it may be time to move on however, the benefits are just too good. There is no other company like it. I am stuck.

Also, my old of work husband has popped up out of the blue. Apparently, he’s relocating to my city. I was cool with the idea however he’s either a drama maker or a tease and I can’t work out which.

And last of all its my birthday tomorrow. 31 years old. This birthday is just me ticking closer to the end of the dream of getting married and having a child. That fucking biological clock just keeps marching on.

Anyways, I have things to do, like make ice so I can be drunk tomorrow. But I’ll fill you guys in as we go along.

Love Always, 
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Sunday, 13 May 2018

Mother's Day


Hey Guys,

I know it’s been a while, and as much as I wanted to write something, and let you guys know what was happening. I just wasn’t ready to face it. And to be honest I am still not. However, the first step in dealing with hard things is accepting they’re real and moving out of denial and for me to that I need to write about it.

My mother is not well. Her kidneys are failing, and we’ve been told she not a candidate for transplant. At the moment her function is at 14% it was at 9% when she was first admitted in the hospital. However, since being home it has improved slightly and is at the moment is holding. She will be starting dialysis soon and then it’s a waiting game. We’ve been told someone people last years with low kidney function, other’s months. Nobody really knows what is going to happen and that’s the hard part.

As most of you know, I am an only child, for most of my life it was just me and mom. As nightmares go I can’t think of anything worse. I may be 30 years old, but I am just not ready to lose my mommy.

As I sit her writing this, it’s Mother’s Day and I think of how strong and selfless my mother is. How even now, despite the fact she’s clearly unwell, she’d never admit it. She’s still powering on and putting everyone else first. And all I can do is have a quiet cry, wondering if this is the last Mother’s Day we’ll have together.

Anyways, like I said it’s Mother’s Day so I need to go clean myself up. Put on a happy face and pretend I’m strong enough to deal with all of this.

I promise I’ll be back soon, now that all of this is out there hopefully it’ll be easier to write.

Love ya all
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 9 February 2018

Stressed For No Reason


Can someone explain to me why I feel so stressed and run down?

It’s not been a bad start to 2018; I started the year with a pay raise, I’ve finally been allowed to order my company car and I’ve only worked 5 sets of 4 so far this year, hell I only have 2 more sets before I’m off again. So, what the hell is up with me?

Ok, they are trying to screw with my contract which is a little stressful, but at least at the minute, they are not pushing it so that shouldn’t account for it. My mom has a surgery pending, but that’s still some ways off. I just don’t get why I’m feeling this way.

 I’m starting to wonder if operation be a less shitty human is the reason. I mean it takes a lot to not snap at idiots. And it takes even more to try to swallow the bullshit they feed you. And listen to them whine and moan. Being a nice human it way more work than one would think, and I suck at it and it’s still draining me.

Anyways, I am going to go and rest up before I head back to work to face another week. But before I go, I have this question for you; How do you keep your calm when dealing with assholes? Let me know in the comments below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo