Different Friends For Different Seasons

Aristotle said there are 3 types of friendships; Friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure and friendships of the good. Personally, I’m not sure those are the titles I would have gone with, but there are definitely different type friendships, and each serves a purpose, and each has a time and place.

I’ve never classed or even thought about my friends in this way. However, I have noticed recently I’ve been pulling away from certain people. I’ve been slowly discovering with everything going on in my life, certain friends just aren’t a good fit for me right now. It’s not that we’ve fallen out or I dislike them or anything like that. It’s just they aren’t what I need in my life right now.

My work bestie up in Manchester is the best example of this. If we were going to classify the friendship it would fall under that “utility” category. We both serve a purpose to each other. However, right now, I don’t have it in me to serve that purpose. She phones me, and I know what I’m supposed to say, but I just don’t want to. I don’t want to play that part right now. It takes so much energy and I don’t get anything positive from it.

On the flip side of that, when I speak to Steve’s brother Tyler, who also works for the company, I get something positive from that. For the record, we have a very different relationship. Tyler reminds me of my drama geek friends. He is someone I can just be stupid with. We spend our evenings at work singing at each other down the phone or sending each other ridiculous Snapchat pictures. There is no worry about how I look or anything like that; it’s just fun and that’s what I need right now.

When it comes to Steve, that’s where things get complicated. When he’s himself, it’s all golden. I could happily spend hours just talking to him. However, recently he’s been prone to some bad moods. I’m not sure whether works is getting to him or what, but I can’t. They say bad moods are contagious and I’ve been very susceptible to them recently. If there is a hint of a mood around me, I seem to catch it. So, when he’s in a mood, for my own sanity I steer clear.

Then you have the gay husband, who at the moment I am avoiding. Once again, we haven’t fallen out or anything like that. The issue I am having with him is different than the others. The problem with him is the way he looks at me, he has what I call “sad eyes”. He’s treating me differently and questioning my choices. He’s just not being real with me; it’s as if he thinks I’m about to break at any moment. I understand he has my best interests at heart, but I don’t like the way he’s going about it. It’s not what I need and it's definitely not what I want. I don’t want to live in Candy-coated Sugar Land, I want people to be real with me, and if it gets too much, like Steve and his moods, I’ll back off. That’s on me. Fake has never been a thing I do or deal with and it’s sure as hell is not about to start now.

Anyways, my dears, I am going to go and enjoy what is left of my day off, but before I go I have this question for you; What do you do to look after yourself? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Returning To Normality

I am a big believer in faking it until you make it and thanks to that technique I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. With a little effort to do what I “should do”, I’m finally starting to feel how I wish to.

A lot of it down to little things; like making myself shower, making sure I do some skin care, putting a bit of makeup on, going to improv class, forcing myself to smile. Not things I feel like doing, but all things I’d normally do.

The other part that helped was I was out of my routine at work; I was based at a different depot for most of September. I was working with my old trainee, which was well timed for both of us. We balance each other out well. I help him see the funny side of things, so he doesn’t get stressed and he acts as a sounding board for me, so I can remove my emotions from the equation and allow my logic to take over. We’ve always been a good team, and that was more than helpful in turning things around.

Team work helps, and my normal site doesn’t allow for that as we work on own  own. I do have some amazing colleagues at the end of the phone which is useful but not the same. Plus, their usefulness depends on their mood and one shitty mood can be contagious. Steve being the example of that; most of last month he had a stick firmly up his ass and it wasn’t just me that noticed it, everyone who spoke to him seemed to catch part of his mood, and it was just unpleasant for all.

Anyways, I am going to go and enjoy the remainder of my day off. I won’t leave you with a question of the blog but leave me yours in the comments below as I’m finally getting around to the Q&A I promised. As always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

How Things Have Changed

A lot of you had concerns that once Steve returned from paternity leave things would change, are after him being back a week I can confirm your fears were well founded. Like you, I wasn’t surprised; I knew it was coming. What I didn’t see coming was how off he was. I am not sure how much of that was the stress of coming back and how much of that is change, I guess only time will tell on that one.

To be honest, I didn’t speak to him at all his first week back. I lost a lot of respect for him when he didn’t reach out when he knew/should have known I was struggling. I was a lot worse off than I will ever admit, and I hurt that someone I thought of as a friend, the only person I felt remotely safe enough to sort of reach out to, didn’t care. He didn’t even bother to pick up a phone when he came back to work. Knight in shining armour to loser in aluminium foil.

I did choose to extend an olive branch at the end of the week and dropped him a message. I didn’t want any hard feeling to fester as I do have to continue working with him. It was a waste of time at first. However, with a little persistence, we’re ok.

Only time will tell what has changed, what is fixable, what is a loss. At this point, I’m content to take the lessons learned and call leave it at that.

Anyways, I have improv this evening and I need to get off, but before I go I have this question for you; Can you earn respect back? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Trigger

I’ve just finished writing the post you saw last week, and as I finished writing it, I became acutely aware there was going to be a question asked afterwards. So, I figure I should address it now rather than waiting for the questions to roll in. Of course, that question is regarding Steve, and whether he is one of my bad decisions or not.

Despite what some of you think, Steve is not a bad decision. Steve is actually the trigger for this latest freak out. Up until now, being single was my choice, something I controlled. Cue Steve, who has reminded me not all men are fuckwits and I might be missing out on things by staying single and now the control has shifted.

I am aware, thanks to many of you, Steve can be viewed as a negative and I do get that. I’ve also said, I don’t know the situation in that relationship and I don’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss. Every relationship must play within their own rules and those rules are nobody else business. So, I can only comment on me. And right now at least, Steve is definitely not a negative, even if he has triggered some problematic behaviour.

However, lucky for me the universe is still preventing my stupid decisions. I’m sure the reason for the universe plotting to prevent stupidity will be revealed at some point, but in the meantime, I guess I’m going to have to cope like every other adult, by drinking.

Anyways, I am going to go and have a nap because adulting sucks. But before I go I have this question for you; What do you do to escape? As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments below, I’d love to hear them. And as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo