Tuesday 29 September 2015

Improv Freedom

I managed to catch an improv class tonight for the first time in a few weeks and I have to say I feel amazing for it. There’s something about having to be so quick and on point that clears your mind and removes any filters you have. It’s very freeing. It’s kind of how I imagine therapy must feel for normal people.

After biting my tongue all week, it feels fantastic to just let everything inside my head pop out. I love my job don’t get me wrong, but I’m starting to get really fed up with the attitudes of some of the people and I’m finding it an increasing struggle not to say something.

In a fairness, part of it is I need to book a few days off and I need to get better at recognizing that and acting on it before I turn into a crazy bitch. No matter how much you like your job, there are times you just need to get away. Improv and drinking will only get you so far, sometimes you just need to relax.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep, but before I go I have this question for you; how do you know when you’re due a holiday? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

The Honest Bitch


Sunday 27 September 2015

Bad Life Choices

Am I the only one who finds themselves occasionally doing things that they know are a bad idea?

It seems every few years, my brain enters a fuck it mode where it understands what it’s thinking is a horrible idea but rationalizes it with “why not? It’s a little bit of fun and if it all goes wrong, is it really going to make things that much worse?” And for whatever reason, sooner or later the rest of me buys that rational and goes along for the ride. And shock horror it pretty much always ends badly.

I think the last time my brain entered that mode was when I agreed to go out with that guy I was telling you about in my “Past Rumour” post. I knew it was horror idea, even though he had left, we had a lot of friends in common and I just knew it wasn’t smart. But, I thought “what’s the worse that is going to happen”, and now ex co-workers know initiate details about my sex life.

The problem I’m having is my brain is in the middle of one of those fuck it cycles right now, and I feel like it’s only a matter of time before I give in and I’m left to clean up the pieces afterwards. Despite knowing full well this is a horrible, stupid, foolish idea that can only end badly.

I bet you want to know what the bad idea is, don’t you?

After radio silence for almost 2 months TPF (The Penis Flasher) messaged me the other day while I was at work. In a fairness, I didn’t really mind, when his mind isn’t on his penis he’s easy to talk to and we have a bit of a laugh. The problem is his mind doesn’t stay off his penis for long and this was no exception.

The shorten version of events is he wanted to meet up at 06:30 after I finished work but before he started for “have some fun”. Now crazy brain or not, this wasn’t happening and I’ll explain why.

Let’s start with the fact I’m not the easy, I take a little wooingor at least a few drinks. I’m not about to meet up with anyone in broad day and just fuck them, that isn’t my style.

Now let’s talk about the time frame. This is a guy I haven’t kissed, haven’t touched, haven’t spent any time with outside of work, and he’s allocated a 30 minute window at bestI don’t want to sleep with anybody whose start to finish is 30 minutes or less, I’m after an orgasm not a pizza.

With that said, at some point I predict I will give in and the "fuck it" side of my brain will win and I’ll tell you why. There is definitely no relationship to be had there, so in a way makes it’s safe. I won’t be working at the same location as him soon so if things go bad, I don’t have to see him. And as much as my brain knows better, he makes me laugh and we all know funny guys have a habit of clouding my better judgement.

That said, he breaks one of my golden rules of safe sex, which we know is condoms, birth control and a reasonable chance the guy I'm sleeping with is shooting blanks. TPF has a kid, which by all rights should disqualify him, but given how bad an idea this is, hell what’s an another one.

Anyways, I am going to go and get drunk because clearly sober me is making bad life choices and at least if I’m drunk I can’t drive making it much harder to act on those choices. But before I go I have this question for you; why do we do thing that we know will end badly? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always, stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Sunday 20 September 2015

Ready To Date

The upside to being stuck in bed ill is I’ve managed to do some research for some upcoming posts, the downside to being ill is I think it’s all ridiculous and complete bullshit. I was looking into a piece I planned to write on “how do you know when you’re ready to date again” after researching the topic for 5 minutes I lost the will to live let alone date.

Some of the “indicators” these sites were using are hilarious and clearly written by people grasping at straws. Some of my favorites include….

“You know you’re ready to date, when you’re interested in men again.” – Call me crazy, but a breakup has never affected my sexuality; my interest has never waned, just my ability to tolerate.

“You know you’re ready to date again when you don’t have any baggage left.” – Everyone has baggage, that’s what makes us, us. Whether it’s shaped you in a positive way or a negative way every relationship leave you with some sort of baggage. That's life. 

“You know you’re ready to date when your motives are pure.” – I actually laughed out loud at this one. Admittedly, I did find this one on a Christian dating site, but it doesn’t change the fact it is ridiculous. If your thoughts are completely pure when you start dating someone you’re dating the wrong person. There should be some element of rip their clothes off lust.

After that one I gave up on the subject and decided on this, if you’re asking the question you’re not ready to date and if the question is being asked by those around you, who fucking cares what they think, only you get to decide what is right for you. Remember that.

Anyways, I am going to go and try and write another post, but with that said my temperature is back and I need a nap. But before I go I have this question for you; what is the worse dating advice you’ve ever received? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch

Friday 18 September 2015

Sick :-(

I’m currently cuddled up in bed with a 102 degree fever so I’m afraid I’m going to have to keep this short. I think when I’m sick is the only real time I miss being in a relationship. I’m in bed achy, with a sore throat, blocked ears, sinus pain, boiling up and the only thing I want to do is cuddle up with my head on a cute guy's chest and sleep for a month.

Luckily, when the Nyquil kicks in I’ll be in a coma for the next 4 hours and any sad feelings I may have will quickly be replaced by trying not to drown in my own drool.

I’m so irritated I’m under the weather, I have loads of posts I wanted to write this 4 off, but I’m barely capable of lifting my head off the pillow at the minute.

Anyways, I’m going to go back to sleep and hopefully when I wake up, I will feel well enough to get some of that writing I wanted done. I just hate letting you guys down. But before I go I will leave you with a question: what makes you miss being in a relationship? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Sunday 13 September 2015

Past Rumour

Two new starters at work have had me on edge recently. They use to work with me 3 years ago at not my last job, but the one before. I have no issue with them themselves, what I do have a problem with is the gossip they may possess.

If you remember about a year ago, I was texted in the middle of the night with the news there was a rumour going around my old job about me. To be precise, there were two contradictory rumors going around about me  

It didn’t bother me too much at the time, yes I was pissed off, but at the end of the day I didn’t work with any of them anymore, so what did I care what they were saying. Plus in my head, I knew the negative rumour was bullshit, the man was mathematically outnumbered at the end of the day.

Let’s get to the rumour because I know you’re dying for the gossip. I don’t know if you remember, creepy dirty talk/ baby talk guy? I don’t actually remember what I called him in the blog, well, he somehow ended up working for my previous employer and he ended up going into detail with the girls in the office about what happened sexually between us. He basic called me bad lay. CM, in my defense told creepy guy, he must have been the problem because I was the best fuck he’s ever had. So you can imagine…. People started talking.

For the record, the sex between me and creepy was god awful. He made me super uncomfortable. I’m not sure dirty talk in a creepy voice does it for any girl, but seeing as I don’t like dirty talk anyways, the whole thing was just bad.  

Which is a life lesson for any guy reading this; make sure your girl feels comfortable and you’ll get much better sex out of the deal.

Now, let’s straighten something out here, because as you know my reputation is everything to me, and that’s why these two new starters have me worried. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about me. I didn’t sleep with/date any of these guys while we worked together. I dated creepy 5 months after he left my last employer. I dated CM 3 months after I left the company we worked together at and the mathematical tie breaker I slept with over a year after I left the company.

So there was a 3rd guy, Mr. Tiebreaker, however, he was a one time deal and he understands privacy so kept his damn mouth shut in all this. That said, he did say I was a good lay at the time. Which was surprising because everything up to the sex was great, but…. He was huge…. That’s why it was a one time thing. I wanted no part of that thing again, but that’s a story for another day. But knowing what he had said did give me the confidence at the time to let the rumour slide. I knew creepy was just bitter.

The problem is I knew he was bitter, but nobody else does. And knowing how drivers gossip….I’m worried. I don’t need to be labelled anything, let alone a whore or a slut or a bad fuck or a great fuck… which is almost worse.

It just goes to prove you need to be careful who you sleep with, because your sexual history will come back to bite you sooner or later. But I guess if a rumour is my only problem, I’m doing pretty well. I suppose, that brings us to the question of the blog; what was the last rumour you heard about yourself? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always, stay and play safe…… and by safe I mean, wear a condom and don’t make babies!

Love you guys,

The Honest Bitch 

Friday 11 September 2015


Over recent months, I haven’t dealt with stress very well. A great example of this is after my last shift this week, I came home and drank a pint…. Of tequila. Admittedly, it worked, once the hangover pasted I felt a lot better and haven’t thought about work since but it’s not the healthiest way to deal with things.

One of my favourite and ways I find most effective to de-stress is to write. I find it very therapeutic. I just sit down a bleed for lack of a better word. By the time I’m done, I’m drained but feel so much better for it. It gives me great insight into what’s going on inside my head and normally by the time I’m done, I have fairly good clue on what action I need to take to fix things.

One of the other things I do is surround myself with bees. It’s an animal I look to for strength. I tend to do this when I’m feeling mentally weak and drained. I tend to look to pandas on the other hand when I need comforting or reassurance.

Smells are another way I de-stress. There is almost always a wax tart burning somewhere in my home. They have the ability to evoke memories and take you away. I tend to burn “Soft Blanket” when I’m stressed, there’s just something about it reminds me of my childhood and makes me feel instantly better.

Now, my problem is I know how to de-stress in a fairly healthy way, yet I suck at actually doing it. I love to write, but sex and relationships are my niche so when the topic falls outside of that I tend not to write. I suck at walking away when I need to, so actually finding 5 minutes to call upon the bee for strength when I need to, rarely happens. And I can’t really burn wax tarts at work that method is only helpful when I’m at home.

The plus I have right now is a couple of my colleagues are pretty good at reading me and if I start taking their concern as a hint I should be able to walk away regroup and not get to the point where my manager is calling me at home.

Anyways, I am going to go and edit this and crack on with a couple more pieces I need to finish before I head back into work Sunday. But before I go, I have this question of you; what do you do to de-stress? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Thursday 3 September 2015

Potential Super Villain

Mr. X is a straight talking asshole, he’ll be the first person to tell you this. That’s something I’ve always respected that about him, he doesn’t try to hide it. He’s very honest and blunt. He cuts through the bullshit and get to the point. Which is why over the years I’ve turned to him when I’ve needed an honest opinion on a guy. When I’m looking to find out whether I’m being dramatic or the guy is a tool, Mr. X is my expert.

So when I needed some insight on an issue I had with Larry yesterday morning, I sent him a message. A message that’s probably offensive to anyone who isn’t us, but had I not worded that way, he would have called me out for trying to be PC and tip toeing around the issue.

So I messaged him with “Is there something about the Mormon Church that turns men into assholes? Or did I just get lucky twice?”

Mr. X quickly messaged back and asked what happened. I explained everything to him and his initial response was “you’re attracted to assholes”. I explained that wasn’t the case; it was actually the complete opposite that attracted me to Larry, it was that he was caring and went that extra mile. He was challenging, but unlike Mr. X he didn’t cross that line into asshole. Or at least he hadn’t until yesterday morning.

Yesterday morning, Larry was Mr. X and he made me break down and cry in a way I haven’t since Mr. X. And I’ll be honest when I realised that, it scared me. It’s taken a long time to fully recover from everything and truly be happy again and the thought there’s someone out there with the power to jeopardize that, is horrifying.

While talking things through with Mr. X he said something I don’t think he’s ever said to me, he told me I was right. There should have been a parade that followed that, I’m never in the right. But in this case, he said I wasn’t overreacting, this guy was being a jerk.  Admittedly, this didn’t make me feel any better; nobody wants to be told the guy they like is a dick, especially when you were so certain he wasn't.

Now, luckily I’m in the middle of Larry-cation right now, I won’t see him again for a while. It’s been nice up to now getting to judge him purely on the conversation rather outside factors, but now I may have to adjust and rethink how I interact with him. I may have to treat him similarly to how I treat Mr. X. Which is a bad thing per se, it’s just more calculated. And more, not guarded, but braced.

Mr. X lacks emotion, and as the past has shown he doesn’t read them very well either, which is very different to Larry, that guy picks up on everything, he can read me like a book, which in a lot of ways makes me fear him, that man has the ability to be pure evil if he chooses, I already have one super villain in my life I don’t need two.

On the bright side, Mr. X works for me these days, and every once in while he says something that reminds me he’s not pure evil. Yesterday I asked him if he thought I should invest in cats due to my impressively bad dating record. His reply was possibly the sweetest thing he’s ever said to me “no, investing that face, body, skin and kissing skill in cats is a waste.”

Don’t get any funny ideas people, he’s happily married and I’m happily not dealing with that drama anymore. I’ve moved on to new drama, which ironically started over something I thought was sweet. He wanted to know who told me to back off him. I thought it was adorable he cared enough to want to know who was trying to keep me away from him. Until it turned him into a wackadoodle that is.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep, it’s been a long day, this is version 47 of this post…. I wish I was kidding. But before I go I have this question for you; what was the last compliment you received that caught you off guard? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Tuesday 1 September 2015

Follow Up Questions

I’m finding it really hard to write, partly because I’m switching back from daily posts to my twice weekly post and partly because I didn’t want to do another Q&A post so soon after my last one yet there have been a couple questions asked I feel deserve an answer.

The first of which was; is your unwillingness to find an answer a cop-out, and way to prevent yourself from getting hurt again?

Damn straight. I won’t even pretend otherwise. It’s a different way of building walls, and possibly a better one. I’m not keeping him out, I’m just keeping any “romantic” thoughts out. I just won’t let myself go there. In the unlikely event something happened, I’d react to that, but until then I’m good.

Not to mention, I’ve already been warned to back off, not that I was ever on him, but that’s a little drama I don’t need.

The final question I felt needed an answer is “can Larry write a post to give his side of things?”

NO! Hell No! I am aware we’ve done this stuff in the past, and I always try to let anyone I write about share their side. However, in this case, no. Like I said, I’m trying to stay in a little oblivious bubble and I can’t stay in that bubble if it’s in black and white.

Possibly at some point in the future, I might ask him to do a throwback piece or something, I don’t know, well see how things play out but I can’t see it being anytime soon. I’m sorry.

Anyways, I have to go and work on a few bits, but before I do I have this question for you; is there anything wrong with building walls? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below. And, as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch