Friday 25 December 2020

Merry Christmas

 


I'm taking the day off guys. Hope you all have a wonderful day.  


Saturday 19 December 2020

I Come With A Manual

 


I often say we expect men to read minds and to know what’s wrong with us without us verbalizing it and since men aren’t mind readers and they don’t have access to a crystal ball, we can’t expect them to know what we need or how to handle us. That said, in my case, there is basically a fucking manual online on how to deal with me.

Recently, Hugh got my back up and it could be crazy girl brain, or it could be something else, but for this blog it doesn’t really matter what the root cause is. What matters is, he handled it like an amateur.  

I am fairly simple, you piss me off, I will push you away. When that happens, I need the other person to push in. Fair enough, leave me alone that day or night if I am being a bitch. But send me a morning message, wishing me a good day or make plans with me. Do something to let me know, you’re not going anywhere. My inner crazy bitch is counteracted by being made to feel safe and secure.

That is the key to me. When I feel safe and secure I am the most calm chilled human around. And anyone whose been on this blog for any length of time knows that. It’s the world's worth kept secret.

Anyways, I need to get ready for work. I just needed to vent. As always, my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest bitch  

Friday 18 December 2020

Friend Dates


 Part of the staying friend’s thing with Hugh has been setting up “friend dates”. We have game nights and moving nights and he tries to murder me on walks through impassable mud. It’s been fun getting to know each other without the pressure of dating. And it’s still feels, for the most part, easy.

I’ve also found these prearranged “dates” greatly beneficial to me, as I am able to use them almost as rewards. I know mentally if I get through my work week for example, If I can put on a smile and adult for those 4 days, when it’s all done, I get to be me, and have some effortless time with Hugh. It somehow makes things easier.

I am sure how he feels though. Sometimes it feels like he’s pushing me away (which I get, I’ve been there) but others, I catch him with this most genuine heart-warming smile on his face. Then he makes comments, like he feels an obligation to me which sit heavily on me. I don’t want anyone to hangout with me because they feel obliged. I want them to hangout with me because they want to, because they like being around me. Not because they have to. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.

My head kind of hurts, and I am probably overthinking things; lack of sleep will do that to you. Like I said, normally things feel easy and we have fun. But I appear that way at work and I’m definitely just playing a part there. I guess only time will tell, eh?

Anyways, I need to get ready for work. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Friday 11 December 2020

Q&A Part 2

 I recently did a Q&A and there were few additional questions I thought deserved an answer. And since I am posting this very late, I figured I’d get this out of the way now since the odds are nobody is going to see this post. Let’s get started, shall we?

Now that Hugh and you have broken up are you dating?

No, I’ve made the decision to stay single for a little while. I’m very cognisant of the fact people going through grief can misinterpret feelings and wind up in relationships they wouldn’t otherwise. I am going to hold off a while and re-evaluate where I am in the new year.

How are things going with the just being friends?

For the most part, they’re going ok. We seem to be making it work. It has moments that feel awkward. And I think he goes through phases of trying to push me away, but I expect that. And I am sure I’ll do the same to him at some point. Right now, it’s all fine.

If they’re a future for you and Hugh?

As friends, sure. As anything else… I am not one to say never, I haven’t padlocked any of those doors nor windows, but it’s highly unlikely. I’d place a bet on him being another guy I date right before he finds a girl and gets married. If anyone is counting, he’d make number 8 that’s done that. I am guy fixer upper…. Shame you don’t get paid the same way you do when you flip houses.

With Christmas coming up, how are your Mr. X thoughts?

I have a feeling this year, that may play on my mind in a way it hasn’t for a while. I am ok right now. And I am working over Christmas so hopefully, I won’t have time to think too much about it.

Are you ok?

Yep, I am perfectly ok. I am in fake it till you make it mode and sooner or later I’ll believe it. Thank, god for those damn acting lessons.

Anyways, I am off, as always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Friday 4 December 2020

Bonding?


 Even at my ages I am still surprised how something a guy says in passing can continue to play on the female mind long after it’s been said. For example, Hugh made an “innocent” comment 3 weeks ago and it continues to occasionally pop into my mind.  I am sure nothing was meant by it, but my brain still questions what caused him to say it.

The statement, well question was “are you trying to bond with me?”. I did question it straight away, however he kind of brushed it off and wouldn’t engage. And it has been bothering me ever since.

Why question that? Is it because he feels like we are bonding? Is it because he feels like I am being fake? Is it because he doesn’t want me around? Why? Just why?

The sensible side of me knows it doesn’t matter. And if it does, it’ll play out in the end. But the girl part of my brain wants to use water torture on him to get him to explain what he meant.

Anyways, that’s enough of that, I need sleep and to clean as Hugh is coming over tomorrow evening for a friend date…. Yes, I am aware of how pathetic that sounds. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xxx

Friday 27 November 2020

Ok

 Apologies this post is going up late, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to write anything this week. It’s been a hard week and to be honest I kind of just wanted to let in pass and try to reset, but I think it’s important to continue to write and keep things as normal as I can.

That said things aren’t normal, and I am struggling.

I am doing what I can to stay level-headed, not cause myself issues later. I am taking a step back from a lot of things and am in survival mode. I know it’ll be ok, and I’ll get there, its just going to take time.

Anyways I am off to play the sims. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Friday 20 November 2020

Well That Didn’t Last Long

 


Apparently, ladies and gentlemen, it was not me and dating you had to worry about, it was Hugh and dating that should have been the concern. After 5 dates we have decided to call things off. Hugh just isn’t ready yet, and I completely understand, I was there. And to be honest, I had my suspicions early on this may have been the case, but I chose to ignore the red flag. I, however, don’t really regret that decision.

I am hopeful that Hugh and I can remain friends, actually hanging out, doing things friends. I’ve said this all along things are easy between us, we can giggle and talk, and we share a lot of the same interests. My guard has been down with him from almost the very beginning, I have been just me and he’s handled it well. I kid that someone has given him a handbook or manual on how to deal with me. It’s just natural to him. When my mom passed away, he was perfect. I know how bad that could have been for me if he wasn’t there. He instinctively calms me down and he doesn’t know he’s doing it. He often places his hand on the part of my back, I press against the wall to calm my anxiety. I feel better when I am with him.

It makes me giggle because he was so concerned about me attaching when we were dating. And I did, but not in the loved up mushy way. I attached in a this person is awesome and I like having them around way. He is a good guy and I like him as a human. He’s the only person right now I can be totally honest with. I feel alone and he helps without knowing. I can just be myself, no walls, no acts, just me and it’s nice. With everyone else, I have to tough, I have to be strong, I have things I needed to worry about, perceptions, gossip. None of that is a thing with him, I get to just be.

I pray, nothing changes this. Truth be told, I didn’t need or want a boyfriend or the sex (no matter how good it may have been), I needed a friend and he’s a pretty damn good one.

Anyways, I am off before my eyes leak juices everywhere. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Friday 13 November 2020

Q&A

 After my recent posts it has become clear I need to do a Q&A. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to, but you guys have questions, and they deserve answers. At least some of them do…. Some were just plain old rude. So, let’s jump into this, shall we?

Are you and Hugh dating or just fuck-friends?

That is a good question, and I don’t really have an answer for it. I am going with we are “whatevering”. I am not really concerning myself with labels. We’re having fun and going with the flow.

Is this going to be a similar situation to Chicken Man?

Impressive recall memory, to those of you that remember him. For those of you that are new here; Chicken Man was a fuck friend from over a decade ago that turned into a relationship. I doubt that is the case here. I will never say never, but Hugh is very clear, and I am not sure I would even want that myself.

You have a history of making bad decisions when stressed; are you actually ok with the situation?

True story, I really do make piss poor decisions when I’m under stress. However, I made this decision before the stress. I am in my right mind when I weighted up what I was doing here, and I am steadfast is this decision as a result.

Are you going to let Hugh know about the blog?

I have let him know, and he has read it. Not sure how smart that move was, but I am in a giant “fuck it” mood. I am not hiding my crazy with him. To be honest, I don’t care what he thinks. This is me at worst, if he hangs around awesome, he’s here for me… and the sex, mainly the sex. If not… I have batteries.

How can you stop yourself from forming feelings?

You can’t, and I don’t think you should. If we called things off despite knowing the score, I would miss him. I mean, I like him as a human. We have a lot in common and I enjoy beginning with him. I think the whole heartless detached fuck friend style makes things less enjoyable and at the end of the day, I am here to enjoy myself and if that means a few tears, so be it at least it was fun at the time.

 Anyways, I think that’s enough for now, if you have any other questions leave them in the comments below and I’ll think about doing another one of these. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Friday 6 November 2020

You Don’t Date


This whole Hugh thing has raised some questioned, and rightly so. I mentioned in the previous posts that he isn’t looking for a relationship and plans to date around. And as I have mentioned in many posts, I hate dating, I hate the area of dating before being in a relationship… I dislike the guessing and uncertainty. I don’t like any of it.

This is different. First of all, I knew from the start what I was getting, I made that choice. There is no guessing, he is a man whore and upfront about it. Second, I don’t want a boyfriend. I am not in the mind set to date, or deal with someone’s bullshit…. But sex…. I kind of want that.

I got lucky when he popped up. Things are very easy between us. We are comfortable with each other; we can talk and have a laugh and most importantly I trust him. I am not stressed about him catching something and giving it to me. Despite knowing he’s fucking about, he’s still a good guy. He just has some wild oats to sow.

Is this ideal? No, but it’s what I need and want right now and maybe him too. I am not worried about it. I am actually more worried what I’d be doing without him…. Some of my exes that have been in my DMs were starting to look tempting.

Anyways, I am off. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Tuesday 3 November 2020

Nothing Goes to Plan

I am sure you’ve noticed I have back dated a few blogs in an attempt to catch you up on all the gossip. This post will be the details on all my dates with Hugh so far. I am writing this the morning after our 4th date just to give you a little perspective.

Date 1: Drinks

This date was lovely when it finally got started, we went for drinks, followed by a lovely walk. And he kissed me on a bridge overlooking the water. He, however, did showed up 40 minutes late to it. Partly my fault, he was trying to calm down my nerves.

After Date 1:

I got put into quarantine after my step dad and the mom tested positive for COVID-19. Hugh and I continued talking and planning a date for my “Freedom Day”.

Right before our second date he sent me a message raising some concerns and double checking I was ok with us not having a relationship and just dating… no commitment. I responded back by telling him I was. He was clear from the start on what his wishes were.

Date 2: Pumpkins?

The second date was on my Freedom Day. The plan was to go around his to carve pumpkins. I got there, he started pushing my comfort level quickly. We know I am not body confident and his hands were everywhere. Let me say, it wasn’t distressful in anyway, it was just the vibe. But it was a lot…. Good though. The pumpkins didn’t happen, but other things did.

This was a little overshadowed by mom, who was in hospital at this point. I ended up freaking out in the middle of the night and crying on. Just what you want on a date. 

Date 3: Pumpkins

To change things up, he decided to come over and we’d carve those pumpkins at last. I was stressed about this date. Things between us were very easy, we have a lot in common, we’re able to laugh and joke. I love how things flow and just feel natural. And with everything going on I didn’t want that to change or be affected.

This date both sucked and was awesome. Early in the evening we got the news my mother passed away. I felt bad for Hugh it’s a strange place to put but he handled it well. And luckily for me that comfort held because I am positive, I would have fallen apart without him there. He gave me a reason to hold it together if that makes sense.  We went on with our evening and carved the pumpkins and watched a film.

I made a mistake that night and asked about other girls and he was honest and told me there were 4 and he had a date with another that upcoming Sunday. I thought as much, but it stung a little. I knew the score and I was happy with it, but…. She had a date, and I was struggling to get another lined up. 

Date 4: Jealous

At some point I gave in an admitted to Hugh, I was jealous. I should have been playing by fuck friend rules, but those can lead to trust issues and I like how easy things are with us, I don’t want to question everything he says. I am comfortable with him. I am actually starting to feel good about his hands on me. His response was to come over. And I am glad he did. After a few minutes of awkwardness. I settled into a nice place. We have a spark, and it was fun to explore that. And while I know he’s not after anything serious, right now this is fun, and I could use some fun. I trust him enough to not worry and to have my walls down, but I don’t feel completely vulnerable. Despite being a bit of playboy he’s a good guy.

Unless he calls things off with me today and which case, he’s a…

Anyways, that’s you guys all up to date now. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Friday 30 October 2020

When One Door Closes…


 October 11th, the day after the worst soul-destroying date ever. I’d like to pretend I handed it well, I definitely didn’t. I cried… a lot. And to be honest, I didn’t get out of bed. I am not sure why that one hurt so badly but it did.

After many hours in bed, I nipped on to the site and noticed not only had he crushed my confidence, but he had also blocked me as well. To be honest, I got mad at that point, still teary eyes but mad. So, I did what any rational person would do… I went looking for a fight.

Cue Hugh; good looking guy, but just a picture, age, and location on his profile. In my mind he was bound to be a creep just after one thing, so I dropped him a message. And he messaged back. But to my surprise not with the standard “do you have anymore pictures”. He sent me a message that included facts from my profile. So, I kept messaging him, however, I was still a little confrontational and maybe blunter than I’d otherwise be.

Then he let it split he had joined 8 dating sites and that’s why there was no information on it. Yes, my friends, you heard that right…. 8. So I asked the question “are you just trying to get laid?”  He responded back with a reasonable answer about just trying to get back out there after a breakup. And since I was forced on the site by my gay husband, I get that.  So, the conversation continued. And continued some more and before he went to bed that night, he had asked me on a date for the following Saturday.

I am going to leave this here, and the next post will be our dates. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday 23 October 2020

Jake


About a month after Barrie disappeared (who for the record made it a whooping 12 hours after our 2nd date) Jake messaged me. Jake was fun to talk to, but he came with some warning signs; first he as younger than me and second he had a kid (which we all know, I just don’t do) but after having my confidence knocked I figured what the heck. 

October 10th, we arranged to go out for an evening in Nottingham. We booked hotels (separately) since the pubs close at 10pm we figured we’d want to hang out after and have some more drinks. The date was… Ok. We had no issues with conversation, but I didn’t think we would. There was one part of the date though, where he started showing me pictures of other girls that were messaging him from the site, which is never a good sign but, we carried on drinking and having a giggle and once the pubs closed we headed back to my room.

Once there we continued drinking and having a giggle. He then pulled me up to dance and kissed me. Things felt like they were back on track, turns out they weren’t. While kissing me his hands started to wander and started to touch me and out of the blue it stopped. He looked at me and said he should really be going and with that he left. It was like someone flipped a switch.

I was left alone in the room, both hurt and insulted. Given my previous confidence knock followed by this. I am not sure why I even ventured back into the dating world. Its horrible.

Anyways, I am off to write a few more of these posts since I am a little behind. What’s was your worst date. Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday 4 September 2020

My Head Is Spinning


Part of being a blogger is self-reflection and understanding. After a while (I've been doing this over well over years) you start to be able to almost psychoanalysis yourself, and to be honest, that sucks. My head is spinning and has been spinning since my date with Barrie, actually it's been spinning since halfway through my date. Where most girls would just blame the guy and put how she feels onto him. I can't do that, I know better. Yes, had things happened slightly differently, I likely wouldn’t be in this head space now. But I didn’t verbalise my needs and that’s on me. Guys, much as we hate to admit it, aren’t psychic and we shouldn’t expect them to be.

The issue is he knocks my confidence, not on propose. He’s just out of my league and I know it. So, sometimes I need a little reassurance, a reminder that I’m worthy or special enough for what my brain believes to be too good for. That night, on the date; I needed something. A firm hug, a hand hold, a hand on the leg, just something and I didn’t get it. And because it never came, my brain made me feel less. I was questioning why he was there, why he speaks to me, if this was it. In the end, I'd catch myself fidgeting, trying to distract myself from thinking, from worrying. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember any of the drive home. I could quite my brain, at all. Once again, this is all on me. This boils down to a confidence issue and not feeling worthy. Which, for the record, sucks to say out loud.

When I got home, and to my surprise, he was still messaging me. I was still looking for that reassurance, and shockingly, since I didn't ask for it, and as we established men are psychic, it never came. Yes, once again, I could try to place it on him. He could have played things differently and maybe I'd feel better. But how is he to know any of this going on in my head? We have a playful, banter filled relationship. He’s just being him. I am the one that’s off.


He's not to know, what damage is left for previous relationships. Nobody talks about that shit. Nobody goes, here’s my list of faults and quirks. Due to the whole Mr. X thing, I handle the gray area of dating before a commitment and exclusivity horribly. And who can blame me?  The guy I was in love with and who claimed to have felt the same way got married while we were in this stage. That, my friends, fucking stings. That said, I'm lucky. Most people are damaged in relationships. I am not. I have no unhealed scars there. Relationships are a breeze, I'm chilled. It’s getting there that turns me crazy and once again I'm painfully aware of why that is. It’s like I am the most sane crazy person ever.

Tonight, Barrie has gone out for drinks. I said harmlessly when I found out "have fun, just not too much fun." He responded back with "is there such a thing?". This hasn't helped my brain any. And it’s pissing me off, because I know in a relationship that sentence wouldn't have phased me at all. But in this stage, I'm writing a blog at work because I need the logical side of my brain to kick in. I have zero right to feel any way about anything he is or isn't doing. Yet, I'm positive he’s on a date. And I’m positive given the hour, he's fucking some girl right now. And clearly this makes me feel things. The stupid thing is I know had he said, "you have nothing to worry about." as a response instead, I wouldn’t even have given it a second thought. Again... this is a me thing. Like I said, I have no right to feel any way. He is not my boyfriend, we are not exclusive, he owns be no loyalty nor explanation. This boils back to me feeling like he's too good for me and questioning why anyone would want me let alone someone on his level. That’s a me problem.

Knowing this stuff sucks. Rather than lashing out, which might make me feel better. I have to look within and just deal with it and try to grow. I am a large part of the issue, it’s on me. I am responsible for how I react. No one else.

Anyway, I am off to wonder if the imaginary or non-imaginary girl is better in bed than me (I'm actually laughing about this now. It’s so silly... bet she's more in practice than me.) Have any of you felt like this?  Let me know your stories in the comments below. As always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo



Friday 21 August 2020

Freaking Out

 

I am trying hard to keep my crazy at bay, but I am freaking out. And not just a little bit, but a whole bunch of crazy freaking-outness is boiling not even underneath the surface at the point. It’s peaking out and I am playing whack-a-mole with it.

Let me explain; I have a date with Barrie coming up, Sunday 23rd to be exact. Putting aside that fact, I wasn’t expecting a date for our second date to be set yet, it kind of came out of the blue. The idea of this date has me nervous. The whole thing is atypical and has me on edge.

This isn’t a typical second date, we’ve been talking for almost 4 months. Which makes it weird timing to be having a second date. We’re comfortable with each other, we know a lot about each other and about each other’s routines, but we don’t know each other habits. We’re not where we should be, but we’re not where a typical second date would be either.

The other thing making this date feel more, something, is the fact we’ve booked a hotel. Which being 4 months into a “relationship” makes sense and is perfectly normal. However, we’re only at date number 2. With us being at a hotel, sex is the expectation or at least it feels like it is. And that’s nerve-racking. This is one place I prefer to go with the flow, it’s actually the only place I prefer that.

I am nervous about this date. Like when the hotel was booked, frozen in fear scared. I know it’ll be ok. And I am sure, like last time within minutes I’ll be at easy. That said, right now I am freaking out.

Anyways, I am off to chill out before I had back at work tomorrow. Before I go I will leave you with this question; Do you find 2nd dates more stressful than first dates? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Friday 14 August 2020

The Gray Zone

 

If you’ve been here a while the statement I am about to make won’t come as a surprise, but in case you’re new here; I don’t do the grey area well. I put this down to two things, OCD, I can’t stand to leave things unfinished. So being in the grey zone in a relationship plays on that. It never really got started therefor it can’t end. And second Mr. X.

Most people’s relationship trauma comes from bad break ups or bad relationships. I am lucky that I have no lasting scars from my past relationships. Yes, some were less than ideal, but I have made peace with all that. My scarring is in the grey zone. I have no trust in that zone, I am not confident in the zone… I feel vulnerable in that zone. It’s not a place I like to be and my ability to be in it is proving to be minimal. I am aware enough to know it’s not good for my mental health.

However, that OCD of not leaving things unfinished is a powerful bitch. I am at the point where I need to look at the Barrie situation, we’ve been going with the flow for 3 months and like I said I know it’s not good for me. I feel very unlike myself, and I need to get me back. But my head keeps telling me it’s not started so it can’t be done.

I swear I’ve done all the healing and self-reflexion I can from the whole Mr X thing, yet…. Clearly, I am still fucked up. That twat is actually going to land me in therapy at this rate. I

Anyways, I am going to go because I want to cry and that’s not going to happen today. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

 The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Friday 7 August 2020

Communication

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again for someone who makes a living (be it part time these days) writing words, I really suck at using them. And that’s not completely my fault, I am trained to swallow as much emotion as I can. Keep a level and put together appearance while not being ok in any shape nor form. So often I fail to communicate what’s going on, or how I am feeling and just brush off things that are upsetting me because that put together appearance is most important. And that, as you can imagine doesn’t tend to end well either.

A simple emotion like missing someone, or disappointment has a way of getting misinterpreted in all the “yeah, I am fine.” It gets perceived as grumpy or standoff -ish or bitchy. When that isn’t the case, at least to start with.

Let’s talk Barrie for a second; he recently said it would be a while before we got to see each again. Which obviously is fine, things happen, but it’s a little disappointing, I mean I do like the guy after all. My reaction to him is one of non-reaction. Clearly that’s not how I feel inside, but I am not about to show that because…. No. So I distanced. It’s easier to keep up appearances that way. He then assumes I am being grumpy and drops his “x’s” from the ends of his messages. I then got grumpy because I wasn’t grumpy in the first place, I was just missing that twat and then he stops talking to me. See the problem? My communication skills are amazing… and I can’t even blame it on verbal issues because this was all in text. And writing is meant to be the thing I am good at…. Someone send help… and alcohol.

This my dear friends is why I am going to die alone. I genuinely had a falling out with a guy because I missed him, and I wanted to see him.  Men of the world, I am sorry, you’re just screwed this is how twisted the female brain can be. There is no hope.

Anyways, I am off to drink because scientifically alcohol is in fact a solution. But before I go, I have this question for you, what is the stupid fight you’ve ever had with someone? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Friday 31 July 2020

Am I Broken?


We’re all shaped by our environment, our friends, our family, our work. After my reactions to things over the past week weeks starting to wonder if as a result of my surroundings if I might be broken.

I work in a male dominated environment; I am surrounded by man at their worst. I see and hear the bullshit they pull on a daily basics. I’ve said this many times, my job is part of the reason I’m single. It inherently gives you trust issues. I see that even the “nice guys” are often jerks.

So, in a twist of faith, I met Barrie. The definition of a nice guy. He is sickly sweet, a perfect gentleman, the sort of guy every girl dreams about and I hate it. I feel like I am waiting for his crazy, assholeness to pop out at any moment. I don’t trust that there can be anyone that perfect. And I am aware that issue is totally mine, he’s given me know reason to feel that way.

We’ve been talking over 2 months now and when I say he’s a gentleman I mean it. Good morning messages every morning, sweet comments that actually make me say “aww” out loud. And not even an attempt to sext, no rude pictures. When I said he was the perfect guy, particularly after a while out of the dating pool, I wasn’t kidding. It’s like teenage dating again. It almost feels innocent.

With all that said, I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Good guys, aren’t single in their 30’s. They’ve all been snapped up. So why is he single, how is he single? What is wrong with him?  And why do I have these questions? Why can’t I just enjoy having a good guy after all the fuckwit in my past. Am I truly that jaded?

Anyways, I am off to stew in my own thoughts. But before I go, I have this question for you; Am I the only one who has these thoughts? Am I alone in not trusting nice? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo


Friday 24 July 2020

The First Date

After almost 2 months of messaging, Barrie and I finally had our first date yesterday, that was 27th of June since this post is going up much later. I was so scared. Like I said in my previous post, the whole personal trainer thing was stressing me out. My body confidence was low, and I just didn’t think when he finally met me and he saw all of me, the words he’d been saying all this time would hold true.

Before we met up, the weather took a turn and to my amusement Barrie was stress. We were meeting at a country park because thanks to the lockdown nothing is open, so we needed the weather to be on our side and the week up to it, it looked great but the day of the forecast was dire. He was so stressed it was adorable and actually help calm me down because I spent the morning laughing at him. It wasn’t until I was like 5 minutes away, I was scared.

Turns out I was scared for no reason, he walked up to me a massive hug and kiss on the cheek. Definitely a good sign in my books. He then gave me some super pretty flowers and produced 2 umbrellas just in case it did try to rain on our day. We got some drinks a walked around. We’d walk a little, then sit on a bench and chat. It was lovely. We found this gorgeous spot up on a hill, overlooking some water and it was there he kissed me. And I don’t think the smile has left my face since.

It was a lovely day, probably my favourite first date ever. He was cute and so sweet. After being out of the dating game so long it was just what I needed. And to be honest, I am little smitten. He’s one of the good ones… At least so far.

Anyways, that is you lovely people totally up to date on what’s been happening while I’ve been away. It’s been an interesting few months and fingers crossed it stays that way. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

Friday 17 July 2020

Quarantine Dating

I feel like this post should start with me singing “bored in the house, and I’m in the house bored.” But it wasn’t me bored; it was the gay husband… the way all good stories start. It was the end of April and it was decided against my will that I needed to join a dating site. Mainly, in my opinion because the gay husband wanted to judge people. But whatever his motive a dating profile was setup.

In case anyone was wondering, dating sites haven’t changed much. They are still filled with a million reminders that dying alone isn’t a bad thing. That said, after a few weeks and contemplating buy cats, a guy who didn’t send out a million warning flags messaged me. For blogging sake, we are going to call him Barrie.

Barrie first messaged me on May 2nd, he just started with current normal dating site first conversation “how is lockdown treating you?” kind of thing. Unlike most, the conversation kept flowing, and about a week later we exchanged numbers and we’ve been chatting ever since, just for the record I am writing this on June 28th.

It’s been an interesting way to start a “relationship”, we, until recently, have been under a strict lockdown, so meeting was out of the question. Hell, it was against the law. So, it forced us to chat and get to know each other more than we likely would have otherwise. We really had the opportunity to get to know each other and figure out some of our quirks.

I will tell you guys this, he is a sweetheart. Like sickly sweet. I am not use to it. I mean, I work in transport I am used to asshole men, I have no defence for sweet. He also brings out a softer side in me. He is a trained personal trainer, which has brought out some body confidence issues in me. Like he’s perfect, why would he want wobble old me. But I know that’s a me thing and nothing to do with him. But we will see how that plays out.

And for the record, I am aware how things ended with the last personal trainer I dated, but that was over 10 years ago, and that guy was just a prick, there is no comparison.

Anyways that is it for this post, I am off to message Barrie and smile at my phone like a crazy person. But before I go I have this question for you; Have you started talking to anyone during lockdown? Let me know in the comments below, and, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

Friday 10 July 2020

The Obligatory Tyler Update

I’ve been out of the blogosphere for roughly 3 months, so I know you guys would like a Tyler update, since it was my most popular request before I vanished.

Not a whole lot to catch you up on really. He is still a sweetie and the best work husband a girl could ask for. He is still one of the only reason I make it through some shifts without completely snapping. Definitely still the only voice of reason I listen to… most of the time.

However, that’s it. He is not interested. And I hate to put this out there, but I’ve been questioning for a while whether he may be asexual. Please, don’t for a second think this is an ego thing. It’s not his lack of interest in me that is making me question, it’s his lack of interest in anyone. When we talk, he often mentions not getting married or having a family or any relationship at all. He says he fine dying alone. He never comments that a girl is pretty or hot, or guys for that matter. When you ask him about celebrity crushes, he changes the subject. I don’t really know the story, but it makes me wonder.

Anyways, now that I have broken your hearts, I am off, to hopefully write 2 more blog posts because I have a lot to say, this 3 months off has made me chatty. As always you lovely people, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

Xoxo 

Friday 3 July 2020

I Am Back

Hey Strangers, it has been a while, I know. Apologies for dropping off the face of the Earth for a few months, but life got a little too real and writing made it more real. I just couldn’t handle more real, real was bad enough.

 Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you’re aware there’s a pandemic going on. The world is crazy right now. Those of you who has been around for a while know my mom is sick. She is classified as “clinically extremely vulnerable” and has been ordered to “shield”.

In a cruel turn of fate, I am classified as essential worker. Working in transport, apparently, I am critical to the supply chain. I had a lot of guilt about this. I was going to work, day in day out possibly getting exposed and coming home and potentially passing god knows what on to my mom. I thought for many months, I was going to be the thing or reason my mom died. It was a lot to handle and I wasn’t doing the best job of handling it. That’s for sure. But I am in a better place with everything now. I just needed some time to work out a “new normal” and luckily so far, no virus.

I have a lot to catch you up on over the next few posts, so make sure you come every Friday to hear all the gossip. You guys have been amazing through this. Thank you for hanging around and all your concern. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo


Friday 13 March 2020

All Done


So, my holiday is coming to end, and I’m both ready and dreading it. I’m missing chatting with Tyler and the guys in the office, but I am heading back to change, and nobody knows how what is going to happen. I’m also heading back not having achieved what I planned with my time off. I’m not too mad about that though, I needed a little chill time. Wish I had played more sims, but I was kidding myself that I was going to get stuff done.

I am going to keep this post nice and short as frankly I want to go and have a nap and we shall be back to business as usually next week. As always you pretty people, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 6 March 2020

Nothing To Write About


This holiday from work is going too fast, and I’ve both done nothing and too much. Everything is sorted for my new bed that is coming tomorrow. I’m going to hurt tomorrow, but at least everything major is done. But I haven’t managed to get any studying in, which I really wanted to focus on this week. I guess you win some and loss some.

I am also really missing Tyler this week. I haven’t been very people person-ish this week and despite this I do need to talk and communicate once in a while and he’s one of the few people I don’t want to stab with something sharp.

Anyways, I am heading to bed, its been a long day and I am starting to get sore already. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 28 February 2020

Charming


There is an interesting side effect from living on the opposite side of the planet from most of your family. It’s when family members die, you don’t instantly feel grief, you get pissed off. It’s a strange coping mechanism or maybe it’s just human nature. You see when you live on the opposite side of the planet you don’t find out about deaths in a normal nature, you find our on social media. And then you get mad, really fucking mad.

My Aunt Joan died a couple of days ago, she’s one of the only people on my mom’s biological side of the family I actually liked. I spent summers there, she held the family Christmas party every year. She was one the only good people on that side of the family. And as you can guess I found out she died on fucking Facebook. Got to love family, right.

Anyways I am on holiday this week, and I am sober, so I need to go fix that. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  
xoxo

Friday 21 February 2020

Plans


Am I the only person that finds having a plan or long-term commitments stressful? Don’t get me wrong, I have a loose plan, I have an end goal, but a step-by-step plan or commitment past the next 7 ish day, stress me the hell out.

I think it has something to do with me not liking to let people or myself down. I know where I am now, mentally, physically, but 1 month, 2 months for now who knows. And I hate to back down, so I know from experience I’ll just push myself and do that I said even though it may not be what’s best for me.

Anyways you pretty people, I am off to go and study because sooner or later I will be that fucking time off work to do my course. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo