Friday, 14 August 2020

The Gray Zone

 

If you’ve been here a while the statement I am about to make won’t come as a surprise, but in case you’re new here; I don’t do the grey area well. I put this down to two things, OCD, I can’t stand to leave things unfinished. So being in the grey zone in a relationship plays on that. It never really got started therefor it can’t end. And second Mr. X.

Most people’s relationship trauma comes from bad break ups or bad relationships. I am lucky that I have no lasting scars from my past relationships. Yes, some were less than ideal, but I have made peace with all that. My scarring is in the grey zone. I have no trust in that zone, I am not confident in the zone… I feel vulnerable in that zone. It’s not a place I like to be and my ability to be in it is proving to be minimal. I am aware enough to know it’s not good for my mental health.

However, that OCD of not leaving things unfinished is a powerful bitch. I am at the point where I need to look at the Barrie situation, we’ve been going with the flow for 3 months and like I said I know it’s not good for me. I feel very unlike myself, and I need to get me back. But my head keeps telling me it’s not started so it can’t be done.

I swear I’ve done all the healing and self-reflexion I can from the whole Mr X thing, yet…. Clearly, I am still fucked up. That twat is actually going to land me in therapy at this rate. I

Anyways, I am going to go because I want to cry and that’s not going to happen today. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

 The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

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