The Gray Zone

 

If you’ve been here a while the statement I am about to make won’t come as a surprise, but in case you’re new here; I don’t do the grey area well. I put this down to two things, OCD, I can’t stand to leave things unfinished. So being in the grey zone in a relationship plays on that. It never really got started therefor it can’t end. And second Mr. X.

Most people’s relationship trauma comes from bad break ups or bad relationships. I am lucky that I have no lasting scars from my past relationships. Yes, some were less than ideal, but I have made peace with all that. My scarring is in the grey zone. I have no trust in that zone, I am not confident in the zone… I feel vulnerable in that zone. It’s not a place I like to be and my ability to be in it is proving to be minimal. I am aware enough to know it’s not good for my mental health.

However, that OCD of not leaving things unfinished is a powerful bitch. I am at the point where I need to look at the Barrie situation, we’ve been going with the flow for 3 months and like I said I know it’s not good for me. I feel very unlike myself, and I need to get me back. But my head keeps telling me it’s not started so it can’t be done.

I swear I’ve done all the healing and self-reflexion I can from the whole Mr X thing, yet…. Clearly, I am still fucked up. That twat is actually going to land me in therapy at this rate. I

Anyways, I am going to go because I want to cry and that’s not going to happen today. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

 The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Enable GingerCannot connect to Ginger Check your internet connection
or reload the browserDisable in this text fieldEditEdit in GingerEdit in Ginger×

When One Cock Closes...

When One Cock Closes Another One Pops Up....

....The title of a blog I probably shouldn't be writing while drunk but I’ve never been one to take the dull way out and since I haven’t been able to write this sober, drunk is clearly the way forward.

Here’s how the story goes.

I was feeling very guilty about not putting up more of a fight when I warned NTB about this girl he was into. I’m calling her Ms. Train-Wreck. I knew she was trouble but I just wanted him to be happy. Little did I know she’d turn out to be Mr. X in drag. So now NTB is where I was 2 years ago and I feel horrible about it.

Well I was busy feeling bad about that, Mr. X sideswiped me with the news he has a girlfriend. I’m not stupid, I’m aware we both date but we don’t normally tell each other about it. So the news shocked me. It was really odd though, I didn’t cry or turn to my BBF in these situations (a very large bottle of tequila), I just went for a long walk and that was it.

There was one unforeseen problem though; I haven’t been able to string two words together since. Hence the drunken blogging, well that and it’s international drink something green day. Mojito is my green weapon of choice.

I’ve spent the afternoon/evening watching rugby and drinking with a bunch of my guy friends and now I’m home drinking more Mojitos (only 5 or 6) in bed and watching my sex and the city box-set. And I’ll tell you what, it feels damn good to let lose.

Anyways back to the story, after my long walk I came home to find a message on my twitter account from the evil monkey. It was such a sweet message and very well timed I could help but smile.

Then just as I was crawling into bed I noticed I had a Facebook inbox message. Thinking it was my cousin I got up to check it out, it turned out to be a message from a guy I haven’t seen or really spoken to in 2 years. We never dated we just kind of lived in the gray area.

I’m a smart girl, I know what an inbox message means but I needed a picked me up after the sideswiping so I decided to hear his BS out. It was the normal “we should go out sometime”, “I always think about you”, “you’re gorgeous”. I know that’s all code for “I’m horny”. But I needed the boost and it’s not like I was going to sleep with the guy. It was just a pick me up. And pick me up it did.

It was also a much needed reminder that when one cock closes another one pops up :-)

Play safe guys, Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo