Sunday, 27 November 2011


Seems like everyone over the past few weeks have been posting statuses about how they’re tougher than people think they are. I don’t share that problem. Everyone knows how much of a tough bitch I am.

My problem is because I’m known for being such a bitch,I’m actually nicer then people think I am. Admittedly some of that is my own fault because I have selective niceness, so most people don’t get to see that side of me. But just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. (God it sounds like I’m talking about Santa Clause.)

When I’m around friends (I actually like), boyfriends (I’m not planning on dumping) and family I’m a lot less bitch like. I’m still as honest as ever but I just make sure to sugar coat it.

I tailor my level of bitchiness to suit the person I’m dealing with. Some people require more of a verbal bitch slapping then others. And others need to be spoken to as if they were a first grade special needs students

People seemed to be shocked when they hang out with me and I’m just as straight talking as they thought but I’m nice. It almost confuses them. I may be a bitch but I direct my bitchiness to where it’s dissevered. Am I the only person who does that?

Anyways I off do the evening. Have fun and as always stay safe.


The Honest Bitch

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Bottled Up

As my name suggests I’m not afraid to speak my mind. However there are some little things I choose to let slide. I like to pick my arguments.  Mainly because it’s reduces the risk I’ll end up in jail for murder.

The problem is after a while of bottling up all these little things. I pop.

Mr. X called me a drama queen the other day. I don’t think he understands what is truly going on when I lose it.

It’s not him I’m not reacting to, he’ just the straw the broke the camel’s back. I’m reacting to all the little things that I’ve been letting slide. The idiot who cut me off, an email from an ex’s new girlfriend’s sister (true story), my step dad and then on top of all that you have Mr. X being jerky. It’s only a matter of time before I explode and someone is scraping my exploded brain off the ceiling (pretty picture eh? Lol). There is only so much a girl can take.

I am not a drama queen, I’m a time saver. Instead of reacting to each individual event I pack all my reactions into one firework filled show.  Seem logical to me.

Anyway my dears, I’m heading off to do some Christmas shopping (what tools do I need for a lobotomy?). As always stay safe.


The Honest Bitch

Saturday, 19 November 2011

Guest Post: An Open Letter From Mr.X

An open letter to The Honest Bitch and her loyal band of bitches,

The Honest Bitch is a curious creature. If you haven’t met her, then that is a shame for you because she is pretty thing with cute complexities and vulnerable virtues. I’ve met her, as you may have read. She has this tendency to rip my clothes off and take advantage of me, something for which I am immensely grateful, since the girl has some skills.

But she gets this magnificent blog to share her soul with the world. I gather some of you want to know about me, the enigmatic Mr X. Why, I have no idea, but allow me to indulge some of you.

I was born in London. It was a difficult birth because my mother was in Manchester at the time. I was raised by a pack of wolves until my youth. I was educated in the dreary school system that taught me that the correct answer is never the facts but what the teacher wants to hear. As a consequence, I managed to get an A in most subjects by writing my name and “How’s about it Miss?” on the front of most exam papers. Strangely, I did poorly in Media Studies. Mr Smith was obviously expecting me to put down actual answers.

Then I went to University in Oxford and instantly fell in love with the city. Sadly, society frowned upon marriage between a man and an urban area, so we had to just stay friends. I came away from my academic studies with a Masters in Wit, Charm and Cynicism. I also picked up a Doctorate in Trust Issues.

I now work as the boss of a shadowy organisation planning on world domination by turning the world’s brains to mush. That’s right; we are behind The X Factor, the Twilight saga and McDonalds.

The Honest Bitch and I met under auspicious circumstances. There I was, randomly spraying myself with two cans of Lynx on a beach, when an armada of women came galloping my way. However, no one was stopping The Honest Bitch, who battered through the crowd with the brutality of an ice hockey player. Little did I realise that she had studied such an art for some time.

So why aren’t we together? Well, I’m a man. Commitment breaks me out in a rash. We could be sex buddies but it would only lead to commitment and we wouldn’t be friends after the ugly break up, done via text message or a restraining order.

Some of you may have questions. Feel free to put them in the comments and those that The Honest Bitch really wants answering, I’m sure she’ll put them to me. The rest will probably end up on her Facebook page in some edited format!

Signing off,

Mr X

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

C'est La Vie

Its one thing when my readers question me it’s quite another when Mr. X himself is questioning.

“So you still holding that hope someday we’ll be together, the happy couple?” – Mr. X

I didn’t actually answer his question, I just nicely side stepped it and changed the topic as quickly as possible.

It’s not an easy question. Feelings don’t evaporate but hope does. I don’t want to say I gave up because that’s not it. I just accepted I have no control over the matter and moved on with my life. It sounds cliché but whatever will be, will be. And whatever feelings I may or may not have are irrelevant.

That being said, I still have the urge to separate him from his clothing. I’m only human after all. And damn he’s hot.

As for the “relationship dream” my attitude is very ces’t la via. It’s not on my radar right now. Even thought it seems to be on everyone else’s.

All I have to say is whatever happen or doesn’t happen in the future I just hope he’s happy. Wow, I actually meant that. Think I’ve been hanging around NTB a little too much. He’s starting to rub off on me. That's a little scary.....and creepy.

Anyways I have things I need to get done. e.g my plot to take over the world (You didn't think my nicest would last did you?) . As always stay safe guys.


The Honest Bitch

Saturday, 12 November 2011

No Small Talk

I have a friend who a while back was talking about how he couldn’t stand small talk. And for once I actually agreed with him on something. So now 90 percent of the time I just say or ask what I want without the hassle of making small talk first.

My friends are pretty use to it now, most of the time. The big issue comes when I talk to someone new who isn’t use to my straight forwardness. It tends to catch people off guard.

I mean if someone sent you a message out of the blue that said “where do you hide porn?” how would you take it?

Personally I’d just answer the question but not everyone works like that. People have a nasty habit of getting offending. I’d ask why the question is being asked before putting the effect in to be offending.

Then again I’m not the sort of person who is easily offended. I worked customer service for many years; I developed a pretty thick skin doing that, that and a hatred for most people.

I think the last thing that truly offended me was, shock horror Mr. X. We were talking in the back of his car and he said something about his parents and I replied jokingly “well remind me keep a ways away if I ever meet them.” To which he snapped “don’t worry you’ll never met them.” That one got my back up. I actually, come to think of it, haven’t seen him since he said that to me.

The difference being I was offended by a statement rather than an open ended question that could be interpreted many ways. People jump to conclusions when it comes to my random, out of the blue questions. And personally I think it’s their conclusions that offend them rather than my questions. But they’ll never admit it.

Anyways my dears, I’m heading off for the night. As always stay safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Thursday, 10 November 2011

20 and Counting

“20 kids and counting, Michelle Duggar is pregnant......Again”

Really!?! Will someone please tell that women it’s a vagina not a clown car.

Unlike a lot of people I don’t actually hate the Duggan’s. I don’t agree with them on most things but I don’t hate them. There isn’t much to hate really, they don’t keep the money made from their show, they don’t take government handouts and they do a lot to help others. But I still can’t help but think they’re crazy.

Baby 19 nearly died and Michelle could have easy died too. Now surely almost dying should be seen as a message from god that your baby making days are numbered. I understand that they see babies as a blessing but surely life is also a blessing that should be cherished and not unnecessarily be put at risk. I mean you have 19 happy, healthy kids; it’s time to quit while you’re ahead.

The only real problem I have with the Duggar's is the way the older girls pretty much raise all the children. Sure it keeps them out of trouble and teaches them responsibility but you’re only young once. They’re just setting these kids up for midlife crises later in life.

You never see the older kids out having fun with friends. They’ve pretty much assumed the role of live in maids. Maybe that’s just the perk to having kids aged 23 years to 23 months but it just doesn’t seem right to rob these older kids of their childhood and teenage years.

Who knows maybe all this 16 and parenting will change these girls minds on birth control. I mean who in their right mind could live with 20 kids and then decided they want to pop out 20 of their own.

Anyways my dears that’s my rant on the matter, what do you guys think? As always stay and play safe or you may start off your own collection of kids.


The Honest Bitch

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Dream: Switching Off

I had a strange and disturbing dream last night and because a lot of you share those characteristics (Maxwell) I thought I’d share the dream with you.

The dream took place in a long, dark, museum like hallway with offset lighted pedestals lining either side.  

I was on this purple floating moving platform with Mr. X. He was the museum docent. On each of the lighted pedestals was a half naked gorgeous guy. As we pulled up to each of these gorgeous guys Mr. X would talk about them.

“This is Nick, he’s 28 from BC, he plays hockey and is hung like a horse.”  Then just as I was starting to drool over the guy, Mr. X would say something like “Yes, hung horse but he could never measure up to my personality. Then the light on the pedestal would go black and we’d move on to the next one.

“This Scott, he’s 29 from New York, he’s the lead singer in an up and coming band.” “He can sing but he’ll never have my sense of humour.” Then the light would go off.

And this kept going on and on and on, “this is Jeremy he looks perfect doesn’t he?” “Wrong! He lacks my ability to tell it how it is.” There were about 50 different guys and one after another the lights would turn off. Until I just couldn’t take anymore. I ended up jumping off this moving platform and running for the museum exit (not easy in the dark).

I ended up waking up before I manage to find my way out of there. The dream was so weird and disturbing, I struggled to fall back to sleep after it.

I have no idea what the meaning behind that dream was and I have a feeling I don’t want to know. The female mind is a scary place at the best of times. Have any of you ever had a dream like that?

I’m heading off for the night and fingers cross this doesn’t become a reoccurring dream. Stay safe guys.


The Honest Bitch 

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

72 Hours Marriage Rant

I don’t normally blog about celebrity gossip, but this story is on my nerves and ranting is the only known cure for that. Before I start the ranting let me say allegedly and facts may or may not be true.... you know those Hollywood types they like to sue when they get cranky.  

Let the ranting begin....

It is one thing to get divorced after 72 days of marriage but it’s quite another to bullshit to the media for that length of time, then expect the people you lied to, to have your back.

The chick has balls I’ll give her that.

The thing that annoys me about this story is she’s taking no blame. Her and her pimp (manager) are just spinning the story and for once the media isn’t buying it. (Well done tabloid journalists)  

How hard is it to release a statement that says “I fucked up!” Screw this, his parents didn’t like me, I made no money, I was in love BS and just admit you screwed up. Don’t continue to lie to the media, which is why the world has turned on you in the first place.

Her and her family spinning of this story makes me want to scream. The story started she didn’t want to move so that’s why it ended. Then it was he wanted fame, then she had doubts, them his family hates her and that’s why it ended. Give it a week and she’ll be claiming he hit her or some other BS like that.

Give the world a break and stop talking. You’re making it worse. It’s clear the media and a lot of your fans have turned on you that should be your sign that you messed up. So stop blaming everyone else and admit your screw up.

The next annoying thing....

“She didn’t make a dime off her wedding”. Really? Is she the stupidest celebrity on the planet or just failed first grade math? Anyone who is anyone makes money on their wedding. They sell pictures, make magazine deals, use someone products. It's common to make money from your wedding when you’re famous so why lie about it. Most people aren’t stupid, and just because you keep saying it doesn’t make it true.

I’d also like to add love doesn’t evaporate, if you actually loved him you still would. You just wanted the money and the attention from the wedding, you know it, I know it, the world knows it, so just admit it so the world can move on to whether Justin is a daddy and if jail orange makes Lindsay look fat.

Stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch