New Job, New Boys

I’ve been at the new job 2 months now and for the record, despite some of my old co-workers fears I really am enjoying it. I’m starting to find my feet and almost know what I’m talking about, it’s seems to be going well.

The other perk or the new job is a lot of new men, which sounds better than the reality of it. Most of them are too young, or too old, or too married or too gross. Despite being surround by men all night it really is slim pickings.

That said; slim pickings doesn’t mean no picking and I’m me so, yeah, I’ve managed to find two to make my life needlessly more complicated than it has to be.

Guy number 1, who I am yet to come up with an appropriate blog name for, pursued from the end of my first week. He messaged me, and we got chatting which all seemed harmless enough (isn’t that always the case?) Then he started talking about his penis and the harmlessness became a distant memory.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice enough guy, but he is a walking, talking red flag and I’m not interested in risking my reputation for what would be just a hook up or at most a fuck friend situation. He has way too many issues going on to be what I’m looking for right now.

Then we have guy number 2 who I’m going to call Larry for blogging sake. Larry is an interesting story, I didn’t know Larry was even a thing until the other day. I’m still not sure he’s a thing, that’s going to take some writing and probably some drinking to figure that out. And since it’s currently 8am we’ll address that issue in another blog.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t take this job to troll for men and I tend not to get mixed up with the guys I work with anyways. But the harmless flirting has always been a plus. It makes the night less dull and it distracts when things are going horribly wrong. This job is kind of missing that. At least right now, its early days I guess.

Anyways, you pretty people, I am going to go and get ready for my lunch date with the gay husband and then probably write that Larry blog since I suspect drinks will happen at lunch. But before I go, I must leave you with a question; do you always know you have feelings for someone straight away? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

The Case Of The Valentine's Day Flowers

Something strange happened today......I received flowers.

Ok, I know what you’re thinking, that isn’t strange at all; I mean it is Valentine’s Day after all. But the strange part is I’m not dating or even seeing anybody right now and I don’t even know who sent the flowers, the only thing the card said was “I miss you”.

I’m sure whoever sent the flowers is expecting me to call and say thank you or at the very least no who “I miss you” is. But here’s a little not so secret about me, I’ve dated a lot of guys and I have no clue whatsoever who “I miss you” is.

The only hints I have are he sent tulips, which is my favourite flower, so he must know me fairly well and he clearly knows my home address. That’s not a lot to go on. I was going to post a message on Facebook to thank whoever sent them but then I’ll get everyone saying it was them and I’ll still be none the wiser.

I can safely rule out Mr. X because he’d burst into flames if he did anything nice for anyone but himself, plus I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know my actual address.

And I can rule out Chicken Man, when he sends me things he always leaves a little hint so I know it’s from him. That’s kind of his trademark.

I think I can also rule out anyone who reads my blog. I wrote a piece a few weeks ago about how Valentine’s Day doesn’t tickle my peach. I'm sure if they read that they’d be sending me pizza and beer not flowers.

With all that said I’m still clueless to whom “I miss you” is, but as much as I dislike Valentine’s Day, I really do enjoy a good mystery so I’m going to have fun trying to work this out, until I need to get a restraining order that is.

So how are you spending your Valentine’s Day? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,                 
                                                  

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Zach The Breakable

Fact: The better looking the guy the more breakable he is.

I don’t know what causes this to happen but it’s happened so many times now I’m willing to call it a fact. If anyone out there has any insight to why this may be, please let me know. It’s one of those mysteries of life that is crying out for an answer.

So now let me explain the story behind the latest guy I broke.

So you know I’ve been on a dating site spite mission and it hasn’t been going to plan. All the site seems to be turning up is freaks and stalkers. With one exception, a gorgeous guy I use to work with about 5 or 6 years ago. For the sake of this blog I am going to call him Zach.

Zach worked on checkouts briefly before moving to another department. A man on checkout is almost unheard of, so when there is a guy around, the ladies turn into teenage girls talking about Justin Bieber. But sadly the guy normally turns out to be more Shrek then Prince Charming. So when I heard the girls swooning over Zach I didn’t think much of it.

Then I saw him, long blonde hair, cute smile, gave off the stoner crowd vibe not my type at all but even I’ll admit he was damn good looking. Then he opened his mouth and coherentness (yes that’s a word now) came out, I was impressed, gorgeous smile, nice down to earth guy, hot body, I wanted some. And so did most of the checkout girls, even some of the married ones had some very non –PG comments to say about him.

Minus a little flirting on my part nothing happen while we were working together. Then while dealing with a stalker type I saw his picture come up and I must admit when I saw his picture there wasn’t a pure thought in my head. I didn’t join the site for sex that was the last thing I was looking for but when it comes to him that’s a different story (one that is in the adult section of most book stores).

His message was about work and people we worked with all friendly non sexual stuff. I got the vibe he wasn’t into me that way. But to my pleasant surprise I was wrong. Boy was I wrong. Apparently he had noticed me and had some very nice things to say. Things that turned me an interesting shade of red, I was home, in bed alone and he had me actually coving my face with my arms trying to hide the blushing, from whom I don’t know. He’s definitely a smooth talker.

Things were on the verge of getting a little risqué when he sent me two pictures at which point my brain broke, and all I could think about was his hot naked body pressed against mine and his lips exploring my body. For a brief moment I think I got a glimpse into how it must be like inside the male mind. Sadly I can’t share the actual pictures with you guys but you can use your imaginations or any good porn site.

Once I regained some non-sexual thoughts in my head the conversation continued and then abruptly stalled. The reason it stalled was he wanted a picture of my ass. I don’t like my ass; it’s not my best feature. So getting a picture I'm willing to send to someone I want to fuck is impossible. You can’t just send crappy pictures you don’t like to a man you want in you....that story doesn’t have a happy ending (then again nor does this one).

Since he didn’t get a picture he ended our conversation there and hasn’t been heard from since, leaving me to officially declare him broken or maybe dead.

I know what you’re thinking if the guy couldn’t last 24 hours there’s no hope for a relationship, and I agree with you but I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was looking for penis. The funny part is that night I had dream about him and me in bed, he was laying behind me with his strong arms warped around me kissing my neck, our naked bodies pressed against each other, his rock hard...... and I still didn’t get laid.

I couldn’t even get any in my dreams! How pathetic is that? Maybe its best I don’t sleep with him it might ruin the fantasy but given the chance we all know I would.

So I’ll leave the question with you, would you sleep with your fantasy or do you think it would ruin things? Let me know in the comment box below also if anyone knows why good looking guys are so breakable please tell me. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxoxo

Girls and Jackasses

Guys seem to always be asking; ok bitching about how girls seem to go for guys who are assholes. Despite what my “relationship” with Mr. X may lead you to believe I don’t fall into that category.

My attraction to him isn’t based on his jerk like tendencies. I like him because he’s not afraid of me. If he has something to say he’ll say it. He’ll go toe to toe with me if need be. I’m a strong personality and I need someone like that to deal with me.

Saying that doesn’t mean I don’t want a nice guy. I just want a nice guy with a pair of balls. I’m sure I’m not alone in that.

I’m not sure girls actually are going for jackasses. I think some of it goes back to the old days when the guy was the head of the household. It’s not about wanting an ass. It’s about wanting a leader, someone who is strong, decisive and powerful also known as “grrr”.

Grrr is a very important quality, not just bedroom but in a relationship. A female may be strong and independent but she still wants a guy with some grrr. I mean nobody likes a doormat.

They say confidence is sexy. And they’re right. It’s not just confidence about the way you look but confidence in the things you do. The trick is doing it without becoming a jackass.

As always stay safe guys, love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Dream: Switching Off

I had a strange and disturbing dream last night and because a lot of you share those characteristics (Maxwell) I thought I’d share the dream with you.

The dream took place in a long, dark, museum like hallway with offset lighted pedestals lining either side.  

I was on this purple floating moving platform with Mr. X. He was the museum docent. On each of the lighted pedestals was a half naked gorgeous guy. As we pulled up to each of these gorgeous guys Mr. X would talk about them.

“This is Nick, he’s 28 from BC, he plays hockey and is hung like a horse.”  Then just as I was starting to drool over the guy, Mr. X would say something like “Yes, hung horse but he could never measure up to my personality. Then the light on the pedestal would go black and we’d move on to the next one.

“This Scott, he’s 29 from New York, he’s the lead singer in an up and coming band.” “He can sing but he’ll never have my sense of humour.” Then the light would go off.

And this kept going on and on and on, “this is Jeremy he looks perfect doesn’t he?” “Wrong! He lacks my ability to tell it how it is.” There were about 50 different guys and one after another the lights would turn off. Until I just couldn’t take anymore. I ended up jumping off this moving platform and running for the museum exit (not easy in the dark).

I ended up waking up before I manage to find my way out of there. The dream was so weird and disturbing, I struggled to fall back to sleep after it.

I have no idea what the meaning behind that dream was and I have a feeling I don’t want to know. The female mind is a scary place at the best of times. Have any of you ever had a dream like that?

I’m heading off for the night and fingers cross this doesn’t become a reoccurring dream. Stay safe guys.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Mr. X and NTB

You guys have been asking about Mr. X and NTB a lot lately so I thought I’d take this chance to fill you guys in.

Let start with Mr. X.

I’m over it. It’s no secret we blow hot and cold. Right now it’s my turn to blow cold. I’m not feeling it right now. The challenge was fun at first but its turn into the challenge that never ends. And that's about as appealing as an episode of Lamb Chop’s Play along.  

I’ve moved on, I’m crushing on someone new, someone who is a lot less asshole like. Mr. X is an amazing person don’t get me wrong, I’m just bored of the games and BS.

I think NTB brainwashed me into hating games. Speaking of NTB nothing happened there. He’s just a busy bee right now. He’s trying to become a doctor so there just has been very little time for anyone more fun than a text book.

So in a nutshell I replaced Mr. X with a cuter, younger model and I’m waiting for NTB to become Dr. NTB, no great mystery and last time I checked I didn’t murder them....although that could change.

Anyways my dears as always stay safe and Happy Halloween.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

Too Few

I’ve been having this conversation for many years now and after getting into last night with someone I even posted it as my question of the day. The question is.

Does a guy who has only slept with a few people (1 or 2) set off warning flags in your mind?

In my mind it does set off warning bells. My logic is guys are horn-dogs, and it’s not like they’re going to say no. So there must be something wrong with him because clearly no one else wanted to sleep with him.

I mean it’s all in the math, the average person loses their virginity at 17, so if they’ve only slept with 2 people by the age of 30 that’s one person every 6.5 years. If you can only convince someone to sleep with you every half a decade there is something clearly not right there.

Some people have brought up the point that maybe the guy has always been in serious relationships and that’s why his number is so low. I can understand that thinking but then that sends out a whole different set of warning signs to me and many questions.

Why did the relationships end after so long? How long does he take to rebound? Is he clingy? Did he cheat? A women’s mind is a scary place. Also remember you’re talking about 2 relationships that lasted 4, 5 or 6 years. Or maybe one 10 year relationship and a rebound shag. It leaves a lot questions that need an answer.

I think it’s only natural for women to want their man to be more experienced then themselves. I’m sure it goes back to caveman days. So when they find out the guy they like is lacking in experience it’s a little unnerving.

Don’t get me wrong by no means is it a deal breaker. It just makes the female mind start ticking over and fault finding. If you have nothing to hide and aren't a weirdo you should be ok....most of the time.

This is just my opinion on the matter and I’m sure you’ll share yours with me. I’m heading off for the night. As always stay safe.


Love,


The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Double Standard

Why can’t women express their negative opinions about another woman without sounding like a catty bitch?

Men can say what they want about women, hell they can say whatever they want about other men and nobody bats an eyelash. But the second a women says something negative about anyone but particularly another women she’s a bitch or jealous or both. And the more she defends her opinion the worse she sounds.

I’m well aware I’m a bitch I don’t even try to hind that fact. But I’d like to be able to express an opinion about another female without people thinking that. I’m sure guys don’t know this because they’re blinded by the presents of boobs but sometimes females look a mess and because we don’t get boob blind we see what you don’t. That doesn’t make us catty, it makes us capable of seeing what is in front of us. It’s that same ability that lets us look at your penis and question the accuracy of the ruler you were using.

It always makes me laugh, guys have no issue listening to female talk about how good looking another female is. Hell most guys think it‘s hot but the second it turns negative we’re right back to catty bitch. You don’t see us calling guys catty bitches when they call another guy a douche bag do you?

It’s such a double standard and it drives me drives. Why can’t we just be honest about our opinions and not have to worry about how it’s being taken? I mean everyone has an opinion and everyone should be free to express it, not just the half of the population with a penis.

Anyways my dears I’m heading off for the evening. As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo