Showing posts with label Assholes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Assholes. Show all posts

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Reasons to Kick Men in Their Junk

I was in bed the other night, struggling to keep my eyes open when my phone started ringing; that’s never a good sign, I am a text person. I looked at the phone and saw Hope’s name, then notice it was only 11 o’clock; I knew she had a date with her......I’m going to call him her boyfriend because it’s easier than trying to explain their actual relationship, so I was little worried why she was calling.

When I picked up all I could hear is her crying, knowing I had no hope of understanding a word of it over the phone I asked her if she was home, I assumed she said yes  (I really couldn’t understand a word she was saying) so I told her I’d be right over. Luckily she lives pretty close so I put on my dressing grown and pink fluffy slipper boots and walked around.

When I got there she was face down on the coach still crying, I sat on the edge of the couch and she didn’t react to me being there. I’ve said this many times but this is my friendship specialty so I know from experience that's a bad sign, normally people sit up, hug you and make your shoulder all wet. Luckily I have a trick to fix this, so I walked into her kitchen and took a bottle of wine (if you can call Lambrini wine) out of the fridge, sat down on the floor next to the couch, opened the bottle and offered it to her (this isn’t the time for glasses). She sat up and took the bottle from me.

After most of the bottle was gone, and most the tears stopped I asked her what happened.  She down the rest of the bottle, got up and got another one, came back and told me the story. Her and Platypus (he’s Australian and a mammal so why not) had gone out and after dinner they went for a drive, they parked somewhere quiet and one thing led to another and they didn’t have sex but a.....hmmm...how to put it....hmmmm......a DNA handshake happened.

When all that was finished they were talking and he casually mentioned he was tired because the night before he had a date and that women didn’t leave his place until he left to pick up Hope. I’m not sure how but Hope kept her cool and told Platypus to drive her home. Once she got in she lost it and called me.

I then took the wine from her and had some myself, because sober isn’t the answer to that problem. We processed to get trashed and talk shit about Platypus. I then asked her how she managed not to kick him in the balls, after hearing that.  She said she was raised that there is never a valid reason to kick a man in his privates. I looked her in the eyes and said “honey, that's bullshit. And a guy being a dick to you while there are still remnants of his cum on your person is just ONE of the many valid reasons to kick a guy in his junk”.  We then continued to drink and crack jokes at Platypus’s expense until the wee hours of the morning, when she fell asleep and I walked home getting many strange looks for people walking their dogs.

So I have to ask; what other valid reasons can you think of to kick a man in his junk? Let me hear them in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Saturday, 2 February 2013

The Honest Bitch Uses Four Lettered Words

On what fucking planet is this an acceptable message to send to someone? “Hi sexy lady u need cock yet”

I kid you not I received this message from a guy who is almost 30 years old. He has two fucking kids. How is this acceptable from someone who is meant to be a grown ass man? 

I don’t even have a blog based around this message, I’m too fucked off. I just want this out there so the next time someone asks why I’m such a bitch, the answer is clear. I’m a bitch because men made me this fucking way.

Would it kill people to use their fucking brain once in awhile? I mean what did he think I’d say? “Come over now, I want your cock”? Dream on buddy, I have standards and self respect. What a fucking slimy creep.

Anyways since I’ve told you what turns me into a bitch, what turns you into one? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and murder asshole men safely.

-The Honest Bitch 


Monday, 8 October 2012

Happy Thanksgiving

Normally I spend this holiday thinking about all my friends and family back home that I miss dearly and am very thankful to still have in my life. It’s a hard holiday to spend on the other side of the planet away from the people you care most about.

Despite that, I thought in the spirit of Thanksgiving I’d take a few minutes to think of some of the things I’m thankful for on this side of the planet.

I’m thankful for the experiences I’ve been able to have here which I wouldn’t have had back home. England is full of history and I’ve been able to learn and experience it here rather than reading about it in some book.

I’m thankful you finish school here at the age of 16. My learning style has always been more hands on, so I’ve always sucked at tests. I can’t tell you what I know but I can sure as hell show you. So I’m thankful to have gone to college here where my work was able to speak for itself.

I’m actually thankful for all the idiots who have crossed my path while I’ve been over here. They have made me stronger and more certain of where I stand of things, my beliefs, what’s right and wrong. Being here has given me the chance to figure these things out for myself.

The other reason I’m thankful for all those idiots is because without them I wouldn’t be sat here blogging now. And I would have missed out on chatting and getting to know some really awesome people.

I am also, of course, thankful for my readers. You guys bring a lot of perceptive to what I write about and reminder me there is some good left out there. Plus if it wasn’t for you guys, I’d just be some crazy person talking to herself.

So that's what I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving, what are you guys thankful for? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always have a great day and stay safe.

Happy Thanksgiving, Gobble, Gobble,

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo 


Monday, 12 December 2011

Girls and Jackasses

Guys seem to always be asking; ok bitching about how girls seem to go for guys who are assholes. Despite what my “relationship” with Mr. X may lead you to believe I don’t fall into that category.

My attraction to him isn’t based on his jerk like tendencies. I like him because he’s not afraid of me. If he has something to say he’ll say it. He’ll go toe to toe with me if need be. I’m a strong personality and I need someone like that to deal with me.

Saying that doesn’t mean I don’t want a nice guy. I just want a nice guy with a pair of balls. I’m sure I’m not alone in that.

I’m not sure girls actually are going for jackasses. I think some of it goes back to the old days when the guy was the head of the household. It’s not about wanting an ass. It’s about wanting a leader, someone who is strong, decisive and powerful also known as “grrr”.

Grrr is a very important quality, not just bedroom but in a relationship. A female may be strong and independent but she still wants a guy with some grrr. I mean nobody likes a doormat.

They say confidence is sexy. And they’re right. It’s not just confidence about the way you look but confidence in the things you do. The trick is doing it without becoming a jackass.

As always stay safe guys, love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo