Monday, 9 December 2013

Oops I Did It Again

I’m not quite sure how it happened but I seem to be the other woman in not one but two relationships right now.

You all know about CM, and we’ve becoming fairly serious however I’m not about to forget the fact that at the end of the day he’s crawling into bed with someone else. It’s not in my personality to sit around waiting while he’s off having his cake and eating it too. No matter how I feel about the guy.

Saying that I haven’t been out looking for anyone however if the opportunity presents itself I’m not going to turn it down for CM’s sake.

Which brings me to the second and oddly enough more complicated guy. The second guy is not only not single he’ supervisor.

Let me clarify a few things he isn’t my direct supervisor, I’ve never actually worked with him, he does days, I do nights....he’s not a good thing but it’s a little better.... I think. The second thing is his relationship is a dead relationship, he’s pretty much only there because of his kids (and no I’m not taking his word on that, I’ve heard it from other sources too. And PS I know kids are a deal breaker but I’m not about to date the guy so who cares.)

I don’t even know how I got in this situation with the supervisor. One day I was flirting with him like the other 60 guys I work with and then it got Facebook flirty and then there was a cock picture on my phone. I’m not really sure what happened....but I’m not complaining.

He’s not a bad looking guy  and something about him screams great fuck plus I happen to have sleep with a supervisor on my bucket list..... A fact I was only reminded of after I received the cock pic but a nice bonus nonetheless.  Plus if I’m honest and I kind of have to be, after the way things went with my last job, having someone with power in my corner (no matter how he got there) is appealing and kind of comforting.

Saying that I actually feel a lot more secure in this job, thanks to a de-briefer at my old job....I’m a little wiser.

So that brings me to the question of the blog, what is on your sexual bucket list? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

The Honest Bitch

Saturday, 26 October 2013

Alleviating Guilt

Today was an interesting day; I finally found some resolve on my feelings for CM. Up till now I’ve been kind of wishy washy on the issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve liked the guy and there’s been something there but it hasn’t been enough to alleviate my guilt.

Every time I’ve been with him I’ve been kind of uncomfortable and super aware that he isn’t......mine for lack of a better word. And because of that I’ve made a conscious effort to keep my feelings fairly neutral. Which in hindsight is probably why my guilt wasn’t alleviated.

Today was different, I went to see CM on his lunch break, and after talking for a while he kissed me and for the first time there was no moral dilemma in my head, it just felt right, that spark was there and it out weighed everything else.

It’s been an awesome feeling all day being able to answer those “feelings” questions within myself. However they bring their own set of problems...that at least for today, I’m not willing to think about.

I kind of want to live in LaLa land today and just focus on the positives, him being a total sweetheart, really funny and the way he makes me feel. I’ll deal with the other stuff....later.

Anyways my dears, I have to go and swear at the Leafs until they put some damn pucks on net. As always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Weekend Animosity

I’ve recently developed a strong dislike for the weekends and it’s all CM’s fault. He works Monday to Friday, so during that time we’re pretty much free to communicate as we like. Yes, he has work to do but we still text all day and normally even manage a Skype call or two.

Then the weekend rolls around and everything changes. I get next to no text messages during the day; I generally get a message from him about 4 or 5 asking how my day is going. I’ll send a reply back and won’t hear anything for an hour or two. The messages are typically slow going and tend to be short and abrupt. Which I find unappealing to say the least.

Please don’t get me wrong I understand why it’s that way, he has “real life” to deal with and by that I mean his “blah-blah-blah” (yeah, that’s the technical term for it now) but I don’t have to like it.

During a conversation the other day I commented to CM that he can look forward to finishing work all he wants but I happen to like it better when he’s there. He of course asked why and I explained that when he’s not there he’s a bit of an ass (that’s harsh wording on my part, he’s not an ass but that’s the word I used.)  And he sent me this message explaining why.

“You have to remember I usually have someone sitting directly next to me when I’m at home. I know the messages seem short and I really don’t want them to be but it seems like that’s the way they come across x x x x x”

Call me a bitch (because that’s my name) but that’s not the mental image I want of the person I’m having a pseudo affair with. I want to picture them on opposite sides of the room screaming, about to kill each other.....And yes I am aware that makes me a horrible person.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m under no disillusions, he’s not going to leave his.....blah-blah-blah and I wouldn’t expect him to. I don’t foresee this ending “happily ever after” but I would like to enjoy the ride while it lasts.

That brings me to the question of the blog; is it really that bad to just enjoy the ride while it lasts? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below. And as always my dears stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch

Sunday, 13 October 2013

CM First Kiss

The same day I posted my last blog, CM made his move and kissed me and I’m sure you’re dying to know how it was but sadly I can’t tell you. Why you ask? Because the whole time he was kissing me why brain was too busy informing me there was another girl’s boyfriend on my lips.

I swear the little voice in my head was going “knock, knock......sorry to bother you miss but I wasn’t sure if you were aware that the man current attached to your lips should be attached to someone else’s”.......and yes I am aware that sentence makes me crazy but that’s nothing new.

I was super nervous about the kiss; CM and I spend an impressive amount of time talking during the week and I was worried that it might change things. It turns out he was nervous too but for a different reason, he was worried it wouldn’t go well and he’d get “friend zoned”.

I can honestly say his “friend zone” fear is unfounded, I would not have sent him to the friend zone over a kiss.....well I lie but it would have had to be god awful for that to happen. The funny part is he thinks my fear is unfounded too because and I quote “that just wouldn’t happen”.

As for the kiss from CM’s point of view he seems to have enjoyed it, he’s eager to get his lips on me again, which can only be a positive thing, and apparently I have very soft lips which is only a borderline creepy thing to say. With a bit of luck the next time we kiss my brain will be more on my side and I can have my own borderline creepy thing to say or at the very least I’ll be able to tell you if it was any good or not.

So I guess that brings me to the question of the blog, have you ever been in a romantic situation and your brain refused to co-operate? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Crossing The Line

It’s no secret that when it comes to dating and relationship I’ve been known to make some.....questionable decisions. However despite many years of ill-fated decisions there are a few lines I’ve never crossed.

I’ve never dated a friend’s ex, I’ve never made a pass at married man and I’ve never gotten involved with someone who is already in a relationship.

There’s actually a running joke among my friends about the latter, because despite me It’s my friend Courtney (a relationship good two-shoes) who is the homewrecker. In her defence she is now happily married to the man but it doesn’t change the fact she had to break up a home to get him.

For whatever reason this has always been a line I’ve not been willing to cross; in my head once a man is living with a woman he is as good as married and becomes an untouchable.

With that said over resent months I’ve found myself flirting dangerously close to this line and fear it’s only a matter of time before I completely cross it.....if I haven’t already.

And if that sounds ominous, it kind of is. Let me just say I’ve purposely not made any moves and have taken the back seat in all this because somehow in my head it makes it a little less bad.....but in all doesn’t.

It all started with some harmless messages, then some harmless flirting, at which point he told me he liked me and I made my position clear. Then he gave me a cuddle and as ridiculous as it may sound, my will to resist him severely depleted.

You’ve heard of pussy whipped, it’s quite possible I’m cuddle whipped. What I can I say the man give the best hugs on the planet, when his arms are around me it feels like a meteor could fall from the sky and I’d be safe. (That might be the lamest thing I’ve ever said.)  

After the cuddles weakened my defense we started flirting more and more; once again with him taking the lead because someone that makes it better. Then one night some flirty messages turned a little (ok a lot) risqué and a line might have been crossed. (Yeah, I know I’m a bad person.)

Saying that in theory we’ve done nothing wrong, reality might be a different matter but in theory we’re golden. The most we’ve done in person is cuddle and that’s not a crime, it’s socially acceptable for two friends to cuddle. So by all rights I shouldn’t feel guilty............Right?

But I do, I really do, especially because I know damn well the next time I see him that “in theory” is going out the window because he’s going try to kiss me and I’m going to let him. I shouldn’t, I know shouldn’t but I going to. I know all of this is a horrible idea but what if it isn’t?

Let me know what you guys think in the comment box below and as always my dears stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch

Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Be Canadian

The world tends to see Canadians has polite timid little creatures that wouldn’t do or say any that runs the risk of upsetting anyone. While this stereotype may be based in some reality, for the most part we aren’t the reserved push-over’s a lot of the world seems to think we are.

The problem being a Canadian living outside Canada is people love a stereotype when they meet us the focus is on all those “Canadian characteristics” which is all well and good until people take your “Canadian characteristics” as a sign of weakness or you don’t get the respect you deserve because you’re “too nice”.

To combat this over the years I’ve developed a few techniques; there is a tone in my voice I used to make it clear I know what I am talking about; it can come off condescending, it’s not the intent but it works. My other technique is to externalize some of feelings we’re taught as children to keep inside. In other words instead of putting a happy face on and not making scene, I wear the face I’m feeling. I can’t tell you how long it’s taken for me not to feel like a horrible individual for showing my negative emotions.

The problem I have now is sometimes these techniques take over and I forget to be me. I forget that it’s ok to be reserved and it’s ok to be friendly and caring, that these qualities aren’t a sign of weakness but rather a sign of humanity.

And since I struggle to remember this from time to time the code phrase “Be Canadian” came to be. It’s just a friendly little reminder given to me quietly to make me.....more placid. It brings me back to the way I would be acting if my family was present.....most of the time, sometimes even Canadian’s lose their shit.

Anyways I am off to bed to try and remind myself that sarcastic comments said in my head in French does not count as “being Canadian”....what? Like I said sometimes even Canadian’s lose their temper.


The Honest Bitch 

Sunday, 25 August 2013

He's Married and That's OK

Last weekend Mr. X got married and apparently this is one of those blogs I have to write despite not feeling the need to write it.

 Admittedly I’m as shocked as anyone that I didn’t end up turning to tequila and crying my eyes out on his wedding day because let’s face facts, I was in love the guy but I guess the operative word in that sentence is “was” because I was fine.

In all honestly Mr. X’s wedding didn’t even cross my mind last weekend. As evident in blog; I was too busy day dreaming about the dude at work I’m not allowed to like. Who, coincidentally, I didn’t like until I wasn’t allowed to like him, then all of a sudden he was cute. Welcome to the wonderful twisted world that is my brain.

As for Mr. X now being married that’s a non-issue, it doesn’t have any impact on me. Things played out they way they should have and I’m satisfied. The problem with relationships like ours tends to be closure or lack thereof; I don’t have that issue. We’ve said our piece to each other and tied up all those pesky loose ends. The Mr. X chapter of my life was firmly closed long before he said “I do”. If anything it’s reassuring to know he’s now married and that that book isn’t going to magically fly open one day.

Anyways I have to go and work on a post for my other blog “Nightly Correspondence”, be sure to check that out. And since there isn’t really a question in this blog, tell me what name you think I should give the guy from work I’m not allowed to like (I can’t think of anything). And as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Monday, 12 August 2013

Sleep, Cuddles and Friends

After my last blog I think it’s time to get back to writing about penis because let’s be honest they’re more fun to read and write about and for the most part they don’t result in a soggy keyboard.

Last night when I woke up about midnight (slightly hung-over) I noticed a text message on my phone from an old friend. It said he was house sitting for his mom and asked if I wanted to sleep over.

Don’t get any weird ideas, when he says sleep he means sleep. We use to do it all the time as teenagers he’d come over to mine or I’d go around his at silly am and just cuddle up and sleep. There’s never been anything sexual between us.

I sent a message back saying I’d love to and he quickly sent me a message back telling me I know the drill. So I slipped on my slippers and grabbed the spare key and went around.

I let myself in and went up to his room and crawled into bed next to him. He put his arm around me and I snuggled up into the comfy chest nook, gave his chest a little kiss and he kissed the top of my head and we fell asleep.

This morning was precious, I woke about 5am and was just laying there snuggled up thinking; about 15 minutes later he woke up and slowly moved his head and neck around to get a look at my face and said “you’re really not happy are you”. I just closed my eyes and shook my head. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me the biggest hug; and reminded me that work isn’t the real world and in the grand scheme of things doesn’t matter. I don’t get upset when a stranger from Kalamazoo leaves me a comment on my blog calling me a ugly whore so why should I get upset over what strangers at work thinks?......The guy makes a good point.

He then tickled me to get a smile and suggested we go out for breakfast, I reminded him it was 5:30am on a Sunday so going out for food wasn’t happening so he said “well let’s make breakfast then”. We went down stairs and got covered in flour while making bacon and pancakes and then cuddled up on the couch watching old time cartoons on YouTube.

Sometimes all you need is a dear friend to put things in prospective and to pull you out of your funk and luckily I have some awesome friends and some pretty awesome readers too.

Love you guys,

The Honest Bitch  

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Relationship Or Mind Blowing Sex

Someone asked me the other day would I kick Merlin out of bed for Sparky; which caused my brain to get stuck in a logic circuit nearly resulting in it blowing up

The problem my brain faced was I like Merlin, he is the sort of low maintenance guy I’m after; he is for the most part un-blog worthy. Sparky on the other hand is hot....and hot. I don’t want to date him or even cuddle with him, to quote A Million Little Brains it’s like my vagina is possessed. The man just needs not to be in clothing.

So this raises the question would you chose amazing sex over a relationship?

I have no actual knowledge of either man’s bedroom performance; this is purely speculation on my part but one gives off the paint by numbers lover vibe and the other well.....the good luck walking in the morning vibe. Which is strange because it’s a well known fact good looking men tend to be rubbish in bed but I’d bet otherwise in this case.

My brain struggled with the question for a very long time...once again my vagina was possessed so logic wasn’t really a factor in any of this however now Merlin seems to have warmed up a little and doesn’t seem so scared, paint by numbers or not, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for Sparky. I might pretend he was Sparky but I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.

It did however take me over a week to come up with an answer so I have to ask would you choose mind blowing sex over a relationship? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Sunday, 21 July 2013

The Return of the Creepy Lay

After finding out Merlin is as good as gay and the constant sibling-esque torture from Will and Kate (I may be being over dramatic…ok I am being over dramatic) I made the decision to get in contact with a guy who I know isn’t as good as gay; Pete, Pete the Painter.

I met Pete 3-4 years ago, at a local pub. I fell in lust straight away, he was cute, a little quiet but he was all smiles and joking with his friends. Oddly enough I think he’s the only guy in history I’ve made the first move on. He was at the bar; so I downed my drink and headed to the bar myself. I made a little small talk and by the time I went back to my table I had his phone number.  

A few weeks later I saw him in the pub again so I sent him a text message, and we text back and forth and then he told me it was his birthday. I wished him a happy birthday and he texted back asking where his birthday kiss was. So, later that night, I met up with him away from our friends and gave him his birthday kiss.

We hung around together for maybe 4 or 5 months; he was just the sort of guy I go for, well spoken, looks presentable, a little quiet but a good conversationalist, and most importantly he could make me laugh.

He sounds perfect, right? That’s what I thought until I slept with him. I am not going to go into graphic detail here but he liked eye contact and by that I mean constant you can’t look away or close your eyes, eye contacted. If you broke said eye contacted, he’d stop. It was the strangest, most creepy sex ever. After that night I choose not to see him again.

However after the Merlin fiasco I figured why not go for another guy that has “THIS IS GOING TO END BADLY” written all over him. And who knows, maybe since our last encounter he’s learned how not scare women he’s currently in.

That’s wishful thinking on my part isn’t it? Could you over sleep with someone like that? And what is the strangest kink you’ve come across? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Merlin and Sperm

Never let it be said I’m a cold hearted bitch, because I actually feel bad for referring to “The New Guy” (who I will now be calling Merlin) as “emotionally detached”. That was a poorly thought out turn of phrase.

Merlin is not emotionally detached, he is a little tightly wound and possibly has a stick up his ass but emotionally detached was an unfair comment. However I am still unsure if he actually posses a sense of humour or not. I’m leaning towards not.

None of this actually matters because William was withholding crucial information about Merlin from me. The first thing he failed to tell me is there is already a woman laying claim to Merlin's penis. And the second and fatal blow that William neglected to inform me of is Merlin has an Arthur. Or in terms anybody who isn’t inside my head would understand he has a child!

I do not date men who have proven there sperm to be functional. It’s part of my safe sex plan. Birth control, condoms and a reasonable chance the man I’m with is shooting blanks! Call me crazy, but it’s worked for me so far.

However William seems to think by ruling out all men who are responsible for successful ovum landings I am cutting off my nose to spite my face. So I have to ask; would you date someone who has a child? And do you think I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below and as always stay and play (especially play) safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Fatal Attraction Flaw

I just got home from another night shift and instead of doing the smart thing and getting some sleep I’m lying here analyzing my thoughts.

I’m not sure if I told you about Kate, but she a woman from work that is on a mission to find me a guy. And despite there being some not horrible options around I find myself wanting the one guy who has “THIS IS GOING TO END BADLY” written all over him.

He kind of reminds me of The Grinch and we all know how that story ended. That should really be the only warning sign I need but my brain is apparently immune to logic.

So instead of doing the logical thing it wants to separate a man, who is emotionally detached, possibly missing his sense of humour and has said maybe 10 words to me in the 2 weeks I’ve been there, from his clothing.

And now instead of sleeping I’m laying here trying to work out what my brain’s motives are. I mean he’s cute but he isn’t the cutest and he doesn’t tick the makes me laugh box, he isn’t “datable” .......and literally as I typed that it hit me....“Mr. X syndrome”.

Any girl will tell you there is something hot about a guy playing hard to get. There is something about the chase and the progress and then the reward that is just alluring. But like a lot of people, I have a long history of getting bored with the reward once I catch it. So by picking an unattainable guy like this new one or previously Mr. X I can’t get bored because I can’t catch it. It’s like I’m playing a game that is rigged against myself; and yes I’m aware how fucked up that is.

I was going to end this post by saying something about love being blind and lust being logic-less but it appears that there actually is some logic, it just happens to be twisted logic.

And before you ask I’m not actually sure what makes the new guy unattainable; it’s just the vibe I’m getting. I guess that can be the question of the blog what makes a person unattainable and have you ever caught the unattainable? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Sunday, 14 July 2013

Soft Spoken

“You’re spoken, not that that’s a bad thing but you are” – William         
 “I think you scare him”. –William

Forgetting for a second that I am not “soft spoken” when the hell has a soft spoken person scared anyone, ever, in all of history?

The guy in question can be scared of me, I don’t care; most men are. I’m a blogger and that’s not a selling point. It’s like trying to sell a house next to an airport. I understand that, well I don’t, but accept it. It takes a certain kind of person to deal with it. 

But the guy in question doesn’t know that about me. And since 3 different people at work have called me “soft spoken”, which is 50% of the people I can actually name, how do I scare anybody? Especially someone I’ve never had a proper conversation with?

Maybe he’s a mind reader......we all know my mind is a scary place. Scary but awesome I might add.

I don’t really care; I was just bemused by the fact a soft spoken person could be scary. So you tell me, can a soft-spoken person be scary? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Monday, 1 July 2013

New Blogs Canada Day

Good Morning and Happy Canada Day! I hope everyone back home is making the most of the long weekend and by making the most I mean getting incredibly drunk. That happens to be my plan for Canada’s 146th birthday so I am writing this post in my garden Sunday afternoon, so I don't have to drunk blog Monday.

Normally this time for year I am super homesick but if you follow me on twitter (@TheHonestBitch) you’ll know I have no time to be homesick right now, as I am in the process of launching not 1 but 2 new blogs.

I forgot how much work it is to set up a new blog and get everything running smoothly and in this case gets it so everyone involved likes the look and direction of the new blogs. I’m just trying to keep each blog different enough that A. You guys won’t get bored and B. That I won’t be bored writing for them. Nothing worse than feeling like what you’re writing is a job you have to do....after all this is supposed to be fun...isn’t it?

Anyways hopefully by the end of July everything will be up and running smoothly and I’ll stop dreaming about font sizes and blog themes. Oh and the nightmare of blog names.

What is the name of a blog you’d want to read? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

P.S Since it's Canada Day enjoy this fantastic Gunnarolla song

Monday, 17 June 2013

Won't Justify Tequila

“You need to find out when X is getting married so we can plan ahead and make sure we have an ample tequila supply.”  - Nat

I understand where my dear friend is coming from by sending me the above message but do I really come across as a precious flower that is going to fall to pieces because a guy I may have, sort of, had some sort of feelings for once upon a time, is getting married?

I know my friends are coming from a good place but they make it sound like I should be on a suicide watch or I’m going to bust in the chapel to stop the wedding or something. Do people even do that? I mean if everyone got that upset over someone they once had feelings for getting married wouldn’t the world cease to function?

Don’t get me wrong, I have no plans on turning down free tequila but I’m fine and don’t feel like I should have to justify that.

Plus, everyone knows marriage isn’t forever lol

Anyways my dears, what was the last thing you felt you shouldn’t have to justify? Let me know in the comment box below and always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Thursday, 13 June 2013

My Pony Needs a Friend

Yesterday I was out to lunch with my step grandmother and mom, and since my step grandmother is hard of hearing and frankly, even after 13 years, still doesn’t understand my accent it’s always a very quiet affair. I don’t really mind though because it gives me a chance to indulge in my guilt pleasure of eavesdropping. And if you follow me on twitter (@TheHonestBitch) you’ll know yesterday I was sat next to a gem.

I knew I was in for a treat when the first thing she did was to sit down and take off her shoes and put her feet up on a chair. I was a little judgemental when she came in wearing a sweatshirt, white horseback riding leggings and pretentious girl up hair but the untying her shoes thing confirmed it for me.

As they were looking at their menus she told her dad “my pony needs a friend”. Her dad just sat there and said “oh really”, she then continued “yeah my pony is lonely and needs a friend; I just want an Arabian one.” He then asked her “how much do you think that will be” and drank a whole lot from his pint glass. I was just sat there trying not to laugh out loud.

She then moved on to needing £75 to get her hair cut, and then talking about school being over so she wanted to have a “small party”....only 75 of her closest friends. Then when their food arrived she said “oh and my pony’s friend needs a stable.” The dad’s response was “how much”. I would have personally just back handed her but I had good parents.

Then while I was enjoying my chocolate fudge cake she was talking to her Dad about the new car he was getting her. She asked what her budget was and he said “there isn’t one.” All I could think is “parenting you’re doing it wrong.”

But well done to the young lady who is on her way to becoming a world class gold digger; But after managing to land herself an Arabian pony, a stable, £75, a party for 75 of her closest friends and a car during the course of one meal; who can blame her.

What was the last thing that made you questions someone’s parenting style? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

The Honest Bitch

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Reasons to Kick Men in Their Junk

I was in bed the other night, struggling to keep my eyes open when my phone started ringing; that’s never a good sign, I am a text person. I looked at the phone and saw Hope’s name, then notice it was only 11 o’clock; I knew she had a date with her......I’m going to call him her boyfriend because it’s easier than trying to explain their actual relationship, so I was little worried why she was calling.

When I picked up all I could hear is her crying, knowing I had no hope of understanding a word of it over the phone I asked her if she was home, I assumed she said yes  (I really couldn’t understand a word she was saying) so I told her I’d be right over. Luckily she lives pretty close so I put on my dressing grown and pink fluffy slipper boots and walked around.

When I got there she was face down on the coach still crying, I sat on the edge of the couch and she didn’t react to me being there. I’ve said this many times but this is my friendship specialty so I know from experience that's a bad sign, normally people sit up, hug you and make your shoulder all wet. Luckily I have a trick to fix this, so I walked into her kitchen and took a bottle of wine (if you can call Lambrini wine) out of the fridge, sat down on the floor next to the couch, opened the bottle and offered it to her (this isn’t the time for glasses). She sat up and took the bottle from me.

After most of the bottle was gone, and most the tears stopped I asked her what happened.  She down the rest of the bottle, got up and got another one, came back and told me the story. Her and Platypus (he’s Australian and a mammal so why not) had gone out and after dinner they went for a drive, they parked somewhere quiet and one thing led to another and they didn’t have sex but to put it....hmmmm......a DNA handshake happened.

When all that was finished they were talking and he casually mentioned he was tired because the night before he had a date and that women didn’t leave his place until he left to pick up Hope. I’m not sure how but Hope kept her cool and told Platypus to drive her home. Once she got in she lost it and called me.

I then took the wine from her and had some myself, because sober isn’t the answer to that problem. We processed to get trashed and talk shit about Platypus. I then asked her how she managed not to kick him in the balls, after hearing that.  She said she was raised that there is never a valid reason to kick a man in his privates. I looked her in the eyes and said “honey, that's bullshit. And a guy being a dick to you while there are still remnants of his cum on your person is just ONE of the many valid reasons to kick a guy in his junk”.  We then continued to drink and crack jokes at Platypus’s expense until the wee hours of the morning, when she fell asleep and I walked home getting many strange looks for people walking their dogs.

So I have to ask; what other valid reasons can you think of to kick a man in his junk? Let me hear them in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch