Today was an interesting day; I finally found some resolve on my feelings for CM. Up till now I’ve been kind of wishy washy on the issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve liked the guy and there’s been something there but it hasn’t been enough to alleviate my guilt.
Every time I’ve been with him I’ve been kind of uncomfortable and super aware that he isn’t......mine for lack of a better word. And because of that I’ve made a conscious effort to keep my feelings fairly neutral. Which in hindsight is probably why my guilt wasn’t alleviated.
Today was different, I went to see CM on his lunch break, and after talking for a while he kissed me and for the first time there was no moral dilemma in my head, it just felt right, that spark was there and it out weighed everything else.
It’s been an awesome feeling all day being able to answer those “feelings” questions within myself. However they bring their own set of problems...that at least for today, I’m not willing to think about.
I kind of want to live in LaLa land today and just focus on the positives, him being a total sweetheart, really funny and the way he makes me feel. I’ll deal with the other stuff....later.
Anyways my dears, I have to go and swear at the Leafs until they put some damn pucks on net. As always stay and play safe.