Friday, 25 December 2020

Merry Christmas


I'm taking the day off guys. Hope you all have a wonderful day.  

Saturday, 19 December 2020

I Come With A Manual


I often say we expect men to read minds and to know what’s wrong with us without us verbalizing it and since men aren’t mind readers and they don’t have access to a crystal ball, we can’t expect them to know what we need or how to handle us. That said, in my case, there is basically a fucking manual online on how to deal with me.

Recently, Hugh got my back up and it could be crazy girl brain, or it could be something else, but for this blog it doesn’t really matter what the root cause is. What matters is, he handled it like an amateur.  

I am fairly simple, you piss me off, I will push you away. When that happens, I need the other person to push in. Fair enough, leave me alone that day or night if I am being a bitch. But send me a morning message, wishing me a good day or make plans with me. Do something to let me know, you’re not going anywhere. My inner crazy bitch is counteracted by being made to feel safe and secure.

That is the key to me. When I feel safe and secure I am the most calm chilled human around. And anyone whose been on this blog for any length of time knows that. It’s the world's worth kept secret.

Anyways, I need to get ready for work. I just needed to vent. As always, my dears stay and play safe.


The Honest bitch  

Friday, 18 December 2020

Friend Dates

 Part of the staying friend’s thing with Hugh has been setting up “friend dates”. We have game nights and moving nights and he tries to murder me on walks through impassable mud. It’s been fun getting to know each other without the pressure of dating. And it’s still feels, for the most part, easy.

I’ve also found these prearranged “dates” greatly beneficial to me, as I am able to use them almost as rewards. I know mentally if I get through my work week for example, If I can put on a smile and adult for those 4 days, when it’s all done, I get to be me, and have some effortless time with Hugh. It somehow makes things easier.

I am sure how he feels though. Sometimes it feels like he’s pushing me away (which I get, I’ve been there) but others, I catch him with this most genuine heart-warming smile on his face. Then he makes comments, like he feels an obligation to me which sit heavily on me. I don’t want anyone to hangout with me because they feel obliged. I want them to hangout with me because they want to, because they like being around me. Not because they have to. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.

My head kind of hurts, and I am probably overthinking things; lack of sleep will do that to you. Like I said, normally things feel easy and we have fun. But I appear that way at work and I’m definitely just playing a part there. I guess only time will tell, eh?

Anyways, I need to get ready for work. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always. Stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Friday, 11 December 2020

Q&A Part 2

 I recently did a Q&A and there were few additional questions I thought deserved an answer. And since I am posting this very late, I figured I’d get this out of the way now since the odds are nobody is going to see this post. Let’s get started, shall we?

Now that Hugh and you have broken up are you dating?

No, I’ve made the decision to stay single for a little while. I’m very cognisant of the fact people going through grief can misinterpret feelings and wind up in relationships they wouldn’t otherwise. I am going to hold off a while and re-evaluate where I am in the new year.

How are things going with the just being friends?

For the most part, they’re going ok. We seem to be making it work. It has moments that feel awkward. And I think he goes through phases of trying to push me away, but I expect that. And I am sure I’ll do the same to him at some point. Right now, it’s all fine.

If they’re a future for you and Hugh?

As friends, sure. As anything else… I am not one to say never, I haven’t padlocked any of those doors nor windows, but it’s highly unlikely. I’d place a bet on him being another guy I date right before he finds a girl and gets married. If anyone is counting, he’d make number 8 that’s done that. I am guy fixer upper…. Shame you don’t get paid the same way you do when you flip houses.

With Christmas coming up, how are your Mr. X thoughts?

I have a feeling this year, that may play on my mind in a way it hasn’t for a while. I am ok right now. And I am working over Christmas so hopefully, I won’t have time to think too much about it.

Are you ok?

Yep, I am perfectly ok. I am in fake it till you make it mode and sooner or later I’ll believe it. Thank, god for those damn acting lessons.

Anyways, I am off, as always, my dears, stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Friday, 4 December 2020


 Even at my ages I am still surprised how something a guy says in passing can continue to play on the female mind long after it’s been said. For example, Hugh made an “innocent” comment 3 weeks ago and it continues to occasionally pop into my mind.  I am sure nothing was meant by it, but my brain still questions what caused him to say it.

The statement, well question was “are you trying to bond with me?”. I did question it straight away, however he kind of brushed it off and wouldn’t engage. And it has been bothering me ever since.

Why question that? Is it because he feels like we are bonding? Is it because he feels like I am being fake? Is it because he doesn’t want me around? Why? Just why?

The sensible side of me knows it doesn’t matter. And if it does, it’ll play out in the end. But the girl part of my brain wants to use water torture on him to get him to explain what he meant.

Anyways, that’s enough of that, I need sleep and to clean as Hugh is coming over tomorrow evening for a friend date…. Yes, I am aware of how pathetic that sounds. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch