Thursday 31 May 2012

Dating Rules

After a few drinks the girls and I (and our phones) got chatting about dating rules. I’m not sure if it was the tequila or the rules but 99.9% of them made no sense at all. And the idea that there are women out there actually following these rules is just absurd. So absurd it calls for a blog.

Here are some of the gems we found.

Never divulge unnecessary information: - This rule is very true if you are being questioned by the police, however in the dating world it’s stupid. What are you going to do stick to yes or no answers all night? If you did that you’d never get a second date. A better rule would be, be smart about what you reveal and when. Not you have the right to remain silent. That’s just stupid.

If he doesn’t send flowers after a date dump him: - If a guy sent me flowers after the first date I’d be worried they were laced with chloroform. If the guy paid for the date (which he better have) there is no reason for him to send flower it’s 2012 not 1912.

Don’t have sex with a guy until he has fallen for you: - There are so many things wrong with this rule I don’t know where to begin. So I’ll just say this, don’t sleep with a guy until you feel ready that’s the only rule you need on that matter.

Wait at least 3 days before replying to him: - I don’t know one guy wroth dating that would wait 3 days for a reply. If you keep a guy waiting that long don’t be surprised when he moves on.

If he doesn’t reply to you within 3 days move on: - Double standard much? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Never reply to him on the weekends: - I know you can’t see me but I’m rolling my eyes at this one. The idea is this rule makes it look like you lead a busy life. Give me a break, as my dear friend NTB would say “DON’T PLAY GAMES!” If you play games like this don’t get all pissy when he plays games back.

After many hours and way too many cocktails the 5 of us (4 girls and our GBFF) managed to find a few dating rules we all agreed on. One thing is for sure you can be damn certain we didn’t find them on any Christian dating sites (“Don’t kiss him until there is a rock on your finger”, I’m still laughing at that one.).

These are the rules we all agreed on

Trust your instincts: - If you think something isn't right odds are you're spot on.

Sometimes sex is just sex: - Don’t try to make it something more then what it is.

Being single isn’t the end of the world: - You’d never know it by the way some girls act.

Dating is meant to be fun: - Enjoy it don’t treat it like a job interview.

Drunk is not sexy: - This is true for both men and women. No your limits and stop drinking before you reach them.

Speak your mind; you won’t scare away Mr. Right: - I love this rule because I don’t think I could keep my mouth shut if I wanted to.

And last but not least

No man is perfect and neither are you

Those are the rules we could all agree on and hopefully they’re a little less crazy then some of the other ones out there. What do you guys think? Are there any we missed? And are there any other dating rules you find absolutely absurd? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch

Saturday 26 May 2012


Last night I was in a bit of a playful mood so when I noticed Mr. X had posted an uncharacteristic status I couldn’t help but give him a hard time about it. After a few exchanges in which he didn’t bite back like normal he basically said being in love has changed him. My first reaction was “awwww did the Grinch’s heart grow 3 sizes. You know people die from enlarged hearts every day.” What can I say? Being a bitch and sarcasm kind of go hand in hand.

My next reaction was one of repulsion. I fell in love with his quick-witted, sarcastic, sharp tongue humour. Him turning into a sensitive shell of his former self is (lets go with) unappealing. Whoever he’s dating can have him; I like my men a little less close to metro sexual line.

My exchange with my former kryptonite got me thinking about change and whether changing in a relationship is a positive or negative thing, a sign of growth or maybe one of insecurity.

 We’ve all been there, dating someone, normally someone out of our league, and all of a sudden you’re pretending to like music you’ve always hated just because “it’s his favourite”, watching war films with more blood then acting. We’ve all done it at some point. Dating someone out of our league changing ours selves in an attempt to prevent him from figuring out you’re out of his league.

That’s insecurity for you and it’s definitely not a positive thing.

On the other hand there are relationships that change you, admittedly all mine have been for the worse. But I hear it works the other way too. Relationships that make you want to be a better you. Unlike mine which make me want to become serial killer but I’m sure that’s just me.

Becoming a better person isn’t a bad thing, it’s actually very positive but a fixer upper man isn’t.

That’s what I wonder about how many people actually change within themselves and how many are moulded in a fixer upper project?

When you get in a relationship you’re meant to love the person for who they are and not what you can change them into. Plus you can’t really change anyone; fixer upper changes are most always temporary. They relapse and you’re left frustrated and disappointment, trust me on that one.

This is one of those blogs where I just don’t have an answer or even a clue for that matter. So I guess I’ll leave it in your capable hands. Is changing in a relationship and good or bad thing and why?

As always my dears stay safe and have a great weekend.


The Honest Bitch

Wednesday 23 May 2012

Relationship Equality

I’m beginning to think when it comes to the term “relationship equality” men and women have two very different definitions. So different I’m not sure they’re even written in the same language.

When men hear the term relationship equality their brain jumps to physical things like not paying for their date.

When women hear the term relationship equality our brain jumps to emotional/mental things like having an equal say in what happens, where we go, how we get there.

They’re two very different things, and probably the reason why women and men don’t see eye to eye on the topic.

 A lot of men think women mistake equality for chivalry and women think men are idiots.

Take going out for dinner as an example.

Man’s view of equality: The bill comes he pays his half, you pay yours. Or he pays the whole thing and you two go to his afterwards for sex and that balances things out.

Women’s view equality: When making plans where to eat her and her boyfriend talk about where to eat and when together and come to an agreement.

The two sexes really aren’t on the same page.

A farther example of that is men think women see them paying the bill as chivalry. They’re idiots. We see you paying as compensation for the time and money we spent getting ready for the date. Do men think we roll out of bed with a full face of makeup and our hair perfect?

If men think paying half the bill is equality in a relationship, how about we take equal time getting ready for a date too. See how long that lasts before they’re whining about areas needing shaving/waxing and us looking like we just rolled out of bed.

Relationship equality is a strange subject both sides are looking for two very different things out of that statement and neither side is completely wrong or right.

It’s all about give and take and I think on the whole relationships tend to balance out. Women have sex when we really don’t want to; men go to see the latest chick flick they don’t want to. Men want to get drunk and watch sports in peace, we want a nice meal. Everything equals out.

I think the term needs to be replace everything was fine before we started talking about “relationship equality”. It’s give and take and if you’re giving or taking too much it’s called YOU’RE NOT MEANT FOR EACH OTHER!

That’s my opinion let me know yours in the comment box below. As always my dear stay safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Sunday 20 May 2012

Facebook and Gossip Sites Makes Everything Better

Let me start by thanking everyone for all the lovely birthday wishes. Despite hitting my scary grown up age, I actually had a really nice relaxing stress free day. I think that’s down to me being well organized and having had my quarter-century crisis months ago. I’m never one to leave things to last minutes.

Plus two of the Teen Mom’s were in the news this week and no matter where I am in life it’s comforting to know I’m not that fucked that up. I read gossip sites for the same reason I follow old school friends on Facebook. It’s uplifting to know in the grand scheme of things I’m not nearly as messed up as some other people. I’ve made it to 25 without any baby daddies, no failed marriages and no criminal record, how many people can say that?

I’m by no means perfect just look at any of my past relationships. But at least my screw ups make people laugh and not feel sorry for me. Plus there are women twice my age who still don’t have their relationship act together.

Half my problem is given the choice between two things I tend to pick the one that will make the best story. Not very smart but a lot of fun.

 It’s kind of strange to think of grandparents today with their war stories by the time my generation is that age there will be next to no war stories but there will be a hell of a lot of sex stories. Poor grandchildren of the future, they’re all going to need therapists.

Anyways my dears I have stuff I need to get done. But before I go I have to ask what topics are you going to have a lot of stories about by the time you’re old and gray?

As always stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Wednesday 16 May 2012

Birthday Island

I've always said the world would be a better place if all my ex boyfriends were shipped off to a small island, then I realised they already live on a small island the only problem is I’m stuck on it too.

It’s kind of strange to think that all my ex boyfriends exist in a space no larger than Lake Ontario. All those headaches, tears and stress all contained in such a relativity small space, it’s crazy.

And great motivation to get the hell off this island. I’ve been here a fairly long time but no matter how long I’m here it’s just not home. It’s true what they same home is where the heart is and my hearts never been here.

It’s my birthday tomorrow and this time of year is always a little hard on me. I want to spend the day with my family and friends I’ve had since kindergarten. But instead I’m spending it what feels like hostile territory.

Luckily over the years I’ve found a good way to deal with birthday homesickness. I spend the day in bed with a pitcher of cocktails watching all 3 mighty ducks movies. Sounds a little pathetic I know but I enjoy it. If I wasn’t a Leafs fan I’d top the day off with some playoff hockey but we all know that’s a pipe dream.

I’m stranded on an island full of my exes and my hockey team beyond sucks...... Guess we all know what I’ll be wishing for as I blow out my candles tomorrow.

So tell me what do you do when you’re home sick? And would the world really be a better place if all your exes were sent to a small island?

As always my dears stay safe and be sure to join me in a drink Thursday (Tequila and Mojitos preferably).

Love Always,

The Honest Bitch 

Sunday 13 May 2012

The Straw That Broke the Olive Branch

A few days ago I was going through some email and decided to take a little break from the hate. I realized during that break I hadn't spoke to Evil Monkey in about a month. Thinking he may get a kicked out of some of my hate mail I decided to extend the olive branch and send him a message.  

I kind of figured his silence was because of a girl and his first message (“The issue is that you may have to fight another girl for me!”) confirmed that.

My first thought was “cute, he thinks I’m going to risk a broken nail for him”. I decided to keep my bitch side in check and do the polite thing and ask about his new girl. Instead of a nice conversation a game of dodge-ball ensued.

When I first asked he send me this message.

Evil Monkey: “Oh haha, I sent that to the wrong person”

Seeing as it fit the conversation perfectly, my bullshit detector went off and I wasn’t buying it. I then got.

Evil Monkey: “Haha what brings this up?”

I’m either dealing with an idiot or someone is dodging my questions. Since clearly he brought it up.

Evil Monkey: “I’ll give you a clue she’s female.”

At this point I crossed the line from irritated to pissed off. Then he sent this.

Evil Monkey: “What are you looking for?”

Well I can tell you what I’m not looking for, a game of dodge ball. I was looking for gossip. What else would I be looking for?

Evil Monkey “lol not what I expected”

That was the last message he sent before he vanished again leaving me to irritated and with my next blog.

What really pisses me off is the whole thing could have been avoided with a straight answer. I’m not a cop; I wasn’t asking if he murdered anyone. All I did was ask about a girl he brought up.

If for whatever reason he didn’t want to talk about it all he had to do was say “I don’t want to talk about it.” But instead he decided to play games.

I respect straight shooters and people like this are the catalyst for murder. It’s infuriating and I‘d know as a customer service rep I was trained in the question dodge. That’s also the reason I can tell you to fuck off in 4 different languages.

I know what I would have done in his place, but what would you have done? Tell me straight or play a game of dodge ball? And more importantly why do guys play these BS games?

As always my dears stay safe.


The Honest Bitch


Wednesday 9 May 2012

Purity Rings Clarified

I've been receiving a lot of shit over the opinions I voiced in a blog about purity rings. Since I stand by my opinion I thought I’d write another blog to rebut some of the comments and emails.

 Let me start this the same way I started the last blog and hopefully this time people will actually read it. I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE WHO WAIT TILL MARRIAGE TO HAVE SEX. It’s not my choice but to each their own.

My problem is with purity rings, virginity pledges and abstinence only teaching. NOT the actual act of waiting to have sex.

A lot of the places who promote and encourage purity rings and virginity pledges (which by the way are one in the same) only teach and encourage the teaching of only abstinence.

That is a huge problem, make even worse by the fact report after report have found abstinence only teaching does not result in abstinence only behaviour.

Teenager need to be educated in how to protect themselves whether they plan on waiting or not. Too much information never hurt anyone.

Someone commented on my last blog misquoting me saying I said people with purity rings are more likely to get STD’s. What I actually said is they’re more likely to practice unsafe sex. And I was and am right about that.

There have been many reports published in Pediatrics alone finding that kids who take virginity pledges not only have sex at the same rates as non pledge takes but are also less likely to practice safe sex.

The same journal also publish a report saying “teaching abstinence but not birth control makes it more likely that once a teenagers initiate sexual activity they will have unsafe sex and contract sexually transmitted diseases.” Not my words the words of Dr. S Paige Hertweck. That right The Honest Bitch actually does research.

And just to drive home my point because I like being right there are also several studies published in the journal Sexuality Research and Social Policy finding that abstinence only and not until marriage sex education programs do not delay the onset of sexual activity and provides inaccurate information about condoms.

So I stand by my opinion that purity rings are stupid and don’t work and in many cases attach a stigma to sex, which shames and guilts teens into having unsafe sex. All a purity ring is good for is being a glorified fashion accessory.

You’re free to believe whatever you want and so am I. I just happen to believe in comprehensive sex education and making educated decisions.

Now that’s cleared up I have a few more things I’d like to say to some of the commenters. Don’t tell me to respect your opinions when you clearly not respect mine because that just makes you a hypocrite.

I have no problem discussing my views like adults, that’s why I blog but when you come at me like a crazy person I will tell you wear to shove it, in a less GP way.

Also thanks to those of you who were concerned about my soul but I won’t be taking sex advice from virgins, it’s kind of like taking automotive advice from a florist it’s just not a smart policy.

I would ask you tell me what you think on the matter but something tells me you’ll do that anyways.

As always my dears play safe.


The Honest Bitch

Sunday 6 May 2012


This weekend one of my best friends from school got married and despite the fact I’m not a big fan of marriage and even a smaller fan of weddings I’m actually really happy for her. She's one of the very few that have gotten married for the right reasons and not because she’s Snookie and got herself knocked up. Plus her and her now husband, are perfect for each other.

If you follow me on twitter you’ll know marriage has been a bit of a theme this week. Some gossip made its way to me that Mr. X was getting married. Admittedly he did contracted me later that day telling me that the gossip was untrue. But I still want bonus points for taking the news (although false) so well. I even surprised myself. I was actually more upset that someone took the time to message me with that gossip thinking I would care.

The reason I took it so well is up for debate I’m either well and truly over him or I’m a “vindictive bitch”.  I think that’s a little harsh, betting girl would be a better way to put it. It’s not my fault half of all marriages end in divorce. And the odds said divorce turns nasty and bitter is ¼. None of that’s vindictive, its math.....throwing a party would be vindictive.....3rd Saturday in June good for everyone :-)

Personally I think I took it so well because the idea of him getting married is kind of funny to me. I believe the devil is a wedding planner and him with a wedding planner and a Bridezilla just makes me smile.

I’m a bitch and I know it but you have to find the humour in these things and for whatever reason him getting married just makes me laugh. Do that make me strange?

What random things make you laugh? And if I’m wrong and the devil isn’t a wedding planning what do you think he does for a living?

I need to head to bed, as always my dears stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch