Everything Happens For A Reason

I’m not religious, I don’t believe God is up there micromanaging every detail of our lives; but I do believe everything happens for a reason. Life is a big chain event and things must happen to move the story along.

This was reinforced to myself this week. I was at the hospital being trained on my mother equipment, by that guy I blew off all those years ago and it hit me. Had I not blown him off and we dated long term, got married. He won’t be able to treat my mother now. It’s his department, he’s one of the best there and she wouldn’t be able to have his care. I am very lucky, I did what I did, I mean he's lovely, it could have gone the other way. But it was around the time of Mr. X and that Muppet ruined a lot of potential. But it's funny how it all worked out.

Just a little food for thought. I am off to try and recover from my training. Side note; blood isn’t my friend, I nearly passed out. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

1-800 DICK WAD

Does horniness affect the male IQ or are men just born idiots?

Last night I received a text message from a guy I “dated” (and I use that term very loosely; we hung out a few times and slept together once) 4 years ago. The text read “miss you sexy x x x x” Now you don’t need to be a genius to know where he’s going with that message. So I replied back with “Really???” anybody who knows me can feel the sarcasm dripping off that message, but apparently he didn’t feel it because his reply was “mmmm so much x x”.

At that point my ability to play nice broke and I snapped back with “DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING 1-800 NUMBER???? I’m not here to service you dick wad!” I really wish I had thought of something better then dick wad but sadly in the heat of the moment I didn’t. I then shot off a message saying “Since you seem to be having trouble understanding English tonight, let me make this easy for you. I wouldn’t fuck you for all the Mojitos in Cuba.” Now that’s saying something we all know how fond I am of a Mojito.

I just don’t understand why guys pull this shit, surely using their hand or investing in a fleshlight is a whole lot easier. So I guess that’s my question to you, why do guys waste their time trying to get laid when there is a quicker and easier solution to the problem? Let me know what you think in the comment box below. And as always stay and of course play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

The Downgrade Effect

I’m going to start this by saying outright I am a bad person. So keep my open admission in mind while you’re reading the rest of this post lol.

Recently I gave into temptation and internet stalked the girl who put an end to a “relationship” I was in. Like I said I’m a bad person but it gets worse. Once her picture popped up something interesting happened....

I felt instantly better.

I was staring at a girl who looked like she was plucked from the cast of “Little Women”.  I’m trying to be nice here but the woman was the definition of homely. And to be honest it made me smile (once again I know I’m a bad person). It’s one thing when your friends tell you you’re better looking than your exes new girlfriend but it’s quite another when you can sit there yourself and honestly know you are better looking.

It’s an amazing feeling; one so awesome that it takes away all those hurt and angry feeling you have bottled up. It’s that wonderful feeling of knowing his new girlfriend isn’t even on par with you. I call it “The Downgrade Effect”. As bad as this sounds; it’s a very similar feeling to that warm and fuzzy feeling you get from doing charity work. (Once again I’m aware I’m a bad person)

This could have so easily gone the other way, there was a 50/50 chance that she could have been smoking hot and if that were the case I’d be suffering from the “Upgrade Effect” right now. Which normally involves crying and a large bottle of tequila, but luckily for me that wasn’t the case. *Even while typing this I can’t help but smirk* (Bad person, I know)

So what upgrade or downgrade experiences do you have? Let me know in the comment box below and as always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Bitter Cause and Effect

There is a difference between being bitter and being honest. When I was asked about one of my exes yesterday I called him “a tool” and apparently because of that I’m “bitter”. I take offence to that. I don’t like him that’s not bitterness that more cause and effect than anything.

The cause being he made me endure his whack-job family for a weekend then a week later (days before my birthday) broke up with me, I then found out he was cheating on me. Then he had the nerve to show up at my birthday.

The effect of that being me punching him in his face knocking him out cold (don’t ever fuck with a hockey girl) and me losing all respect and willingness to tolerate him.

I don’t think me calling him a tool was me being bitter I think it was first of all the understatement of the century and second of all me being honest. I mean I could play nice of course but frankly why should I? “Playing nice” is just another word for fake as far as I’m concerned. And I’m a lot of things but fake isn’t one of them.

What do you guys think, is honesty and bitter two different things or am I in the wrong here? And what interesting cause and effect stories do you have? Let me know in the comment box below. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Ghosts

Someone sent me a question asking why I call my exes ghosts and since my brain is taking an unplanned holiday (too many late nights not enough sleep) I thought I’d answer it here.

First things first, I call both exes and guys I slept once upon a time ghosts. And the reason is very simple, like ghosts you never expect to see these people. I’m not sure why but when you breakup with someone or stop sleeping with them your brain assumes they fell of the face of the planet or died or something. You just don’t expect to see these people ever again.

So when you do bump into these people or they send you a message out of the blue you get a “I'm screwed” feeling in your gut the same feeling I imagine you’d get if you run into an actual ghost.

Maybe I’m just crazy, am I the only one who gets that ghost like feeling when you hear from or see an ex? Or are there some of you out there that actually enjoy seeing your exes? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Dating Horror Story – Ex Talk

I asked this question on Facebook “what is your biggest turn off?” And someone replied “hearing about his ex all day”. That got me thinking about possibly my worst date ever. Since I know how much you guys enjoying hearing about my dating nightmares I thought I’d share.

It must have been about 5 years ago I met this guy. He was a few years older than me, lived locally and had his own photography business. The kind of guy that sounds good on paper. And since he was a Facebook guy paper was all I had to go on.

We swapped numbers and starting texting and chatting; we seemed to have a lot in common and talked pretty much every day for a month. The strange thing was apart from the first night we started chatting, none of our chats had any flirty notes at all.

So I was a little surprised when he asked me out on date, I was certain he wasn’t interested in me. He spent a lot of that past month talking about his ex girlfriend. I was positive he was still hung up on her no matter what he said so for obvious reasons I turned him down.

 After turning him down he pretty much badgered me into changing my mind. Insisting he had no feelings for his ex at all. Against my better judgement I agree to go see a film with him.

However the second I saw his car I knew I made the wrong decision. On the side of his car was a picture of his ex with his company name underneath. I should have ran there and then but I didn’t.

We didn’t talk at all on the way to the theatre; luckily it was a short ride. Once there he bought tickets to see some guy film, he didn’t even ask me what I wanted to see. And the worst part was we had a 45 minute wait.

During those 45 minutes he didn’t ask me anything he spent the whole time talking about his ex. I spent that time secretly texting on my phone trying to get a friend to come rescue me.

After the longest 45 minutes of my life we went into the theatre. He didn’t buy drinks, popcorn, nothing (men of the world, don’t do that, ever). We didn’t even sit next to each other. There was an empty seat between us. I don’t think we even said two worlds to each other. Luckily the film wasn’t bad, definitely the highlight of the night.

Once the film was over we went back to his car and I was thankful it was finally over, well it wasn’t quite. On the way back he went through a KFC drive-thru and got himself food, didn’t even offer me anything.

When he finally dropped my off, I basically ran to my front door, I couldn’t get away from him quick enough.

I guess if there is a positive to be taken away from this date; it’s that I learned to always to drive myself to dates. And also to listen to my gut that was a date I should have never been on.

So what date talking about their ex stories do you guys have? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Positive Reinforcement

I’ve had a lovely week off but man, it was like the whole world knew I was taking some time off and were conspiring to plant ideas in my head. I have a notebook full of ideas that are just crying out to be made into blogs. It took some real will power not to log on to my computer and start writing.

Luckily I am back now and can start turning some of those ideas into readable words. I’m going to start with something that happened in the wee hours of Saturday morning.

I was chatting with NTB and like always when we chat the time got away from me and when I looked at the clock I realised it was almost 6am and I had to be up in 4 hours so I said good night and crawled into bed.

Just before I nodding off I picked up my phone to check my Twitter and noticed I had a text message. This was a little strange, normally any drunken messages I get have come and gone by that hour. I looked at the name and I didn’t immediately recognize it. After a few minutes my half asleep brain finally worked out who it was and who it was kind of through me for a loop. It was a guy I dated/slept with regularly 10 years ago (and if you’re doing the math I’m well aware how old I was 10 years ago).  

Needless to say I was a little curious to why he’d be messaging me. All sorts of things run through your head and none of them are good. Luckily he didn’t keep me guessing long, he soon made his intent very clear.

He wanted to relive some of the good old days and come over to “see me”.  Me not being stupid asked “and do what?” Him not being the coy type replied “f*ck you.” Charming I know.

Once he said that I quickly sent him a message saying “Oh, really? Last I heard you had a girlfriend.” I hadn’t heard anything but I figured men never change and he quickly confirmed that with his reply “So I’d still f*ck you”.

I was actually impressed by his honest reply. I almost wanted to throw him one as a reward. I mean we spend our whole lives telling men just to be honest with us. When one finally listens to that advice I kind of want to reward that positive behaviour. Kind of like the way you train a child......or dog, ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good.

However I’m not crazy and I really hate dealing with angry girlfriends so that’s never going to happen, positive reinforcement or not.

When it was clear he wasn’t making any progress in his mission to get in my pants he resulted to calling chicken. Not a smart move. I created that game, remember Chicken Man? I’m the master you don’t want to play that game with me you can’t win.

And he certainly didn’t win. I spent the next 40 minutes just messing with him. I’d charge the topic and wouldn’t answer questions. I just wouldn’t bite. And he was quickly getting frustrated with the whole thing. And I couldn’t stop laughing. You’d think after 10 years he could take a hint but apparently I spent that time getting smarter and he well......didn’t.

It still amazes me just how stupid some men can be; what did he think would happen? I’d fall into bed with him and things would be the same as they use to be? Give me a break, that’s not how the real world works.

And in all honesty given the choice I’d rather spend the evening with my battery operated friend. At least my rabbit has the common decency not to text at 6am.

So I have to ask, what do you think about the idea of rewarding good behaviour? And has an ex ever contracted you after a long period of time and if so, what did they want? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo 

Birthday Island

I've always said the world would be a better place if all my ex boyfriends were shipped off to a small island, then I realised they already live on a small island the only problem is I’m stuck on it too.

It’s kind of strange to think that all my ex boyfriends exist in a space no larger than Lake Ontario. All those headaches, tears and stress all contained in such a relativity small space, it’s crazy.

And great motivation to get the hell off this island. I’ve been here a fairly long time but no matter how long I’m here it’s just not home. It’s true what they same home is where the heart is and my hearts never been here.

It’s my birthday tomorrow and this time of year is always a little hard on me. I want to spend the day with my family and friends I’ve had since kindergarten. But instead I’m spending it what feels like hostile territory.

Luckily over the years I’ve found a good way to deal with birthday homesickness. I spend the day in bed with a pitcher of cocktails watching all 3 mighty ducks movies. Sounds a little pathetic I know but I enjoy it. If I wasn’t a Leafs fan I’d top the day off with some playoff hockey but we all know that’s a pipe dream.

I’m stranded on an island full of my exes and my hockey team beyond sucks...... Guess we all know what I’ll be wishing for as I blow out my candles tomorrow.

So tell me what do you do when you’re home sick? And would the world really be a better place if all your exes were sent to a small island?

As always my dears stay safe and be sure to join me in a drink Thursday (Tequila and Mojitos preferably).

Love Always,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo