The Downgrade Effect

I’m going to start this by saying outright I am a bad person. So keep my open admission in mind while you’re reading the rest of this post lol.

Recently I gave into temptation and internet stalked the girl who put an end to a “relationship” I was in. Like I said I’m a bad person but it gets worse. Once her picture popped up something interesting happened....

I felt instantly better.

I was staring at a girl who looked like she was plucked from the cast of “Little Women”.  I’m trying to be nice here but the woman was the definition of homely. And to be honest it made me smile (once again I know I’m a bad person). It’s one thing when your friends tell you you’re better looking than your exes new girlfriend but it’s quite another when you can sit there yourself and honestly know you are better looking.

It’s an amazing feeling; one so awesome that it takes away all those hurt and angry feeling you have bottled up. It’s that wonderful feeling of knowing his new girlfriend isn’t even on par with you. I call it “The Downgrade Effect”. As bad as this sounds; it’s a very similar feeling to that warm and fuzzy feeling you get from doing charity work. (Once again I’m aware I’m a bad person)

This could have so easily gone the other way, there was a 50/50 chance that she could have been smoking hot and if that were the case I’d be suffering from the “Upgrade Effect” right now. Which normally involves crying and a large bottle of tequila, but luckily for me that wasn’t the case. *Even while typing this I can’t help but smirk* (Bad person, I know)

So what upgrade or downgrade experiences do you have? Let me know in the comment box below and as always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Snap Goes The Bitch

I’m normally a fairly composed person, it takes a lot for me to lose it and when I do there are normally some fairly obvious warning signs I’m about to snap. However the other day there was no warning, I just snapped as if someone had flipped a switch and bam, I was gone.

Ever watch a show where someone is placed under hypnosis and they’re given a trigger word and with a simple little word a perfectly normal person is gone? It happened just like that, however I wouldn’t call myself normal and when I snap I talk at about 500 words a minute. Everyone who has seen me lose it tells me they want to applaud afterwards. I squeeze an hour’s worth of conversation into 5 minutes and the impressive part is it’s all coherent and minus all the 4 lettered words, appears to be fairly well thought out.

Here’s what happened I was on the phone talking to my GBFF (Dave) and I was telling him about this recurring dream I had 3 nights in a row. The short version of the dream is at midnight on New Years Eve; Mr. X gets down on one knee and asks his girlfriend to marry him.

We, ok I thought; maybe my brain knew something I didn’t. So Dave said to me “you and Mr. X have a good friendship why don’t you just ask him?” (It’s always so simple when someone else tells you what to do) So, I sent him a message on Facebook. When he replied.....that’s when I lost my shit.

Before I tell you what he said I need to give you a little back story. About a month ago Mr. X was flirting with me over Facebook and I can’t remember what he said and I’m too lazy to look but my reply was “you have a girlfriend for that”. At which point he told me they’re in an open relationship. It made no difference to me, that’s why I didn’t blog about it, I’m not interested but for my rant to make any sense you need that tidbit.

The reply he sent me was “no, got a gf, nowhere near getting engaged though” at which point I think my head spun around like something from the Exorcist. I lost it.

Here is a little of what came flying out of my mouth at a million miles an hour.

“Girlfriend!? What girlfriend!?! You’re in an open fucking relationship, that's just fuck-friends for people who have no guts. You’re too ashamed to say “this is the girl I’m causally fucking” so you put a pretty little title on it so people are ok with your casual sex. Call it what it is, fuss free fucking!”

At which point Dave said “bitter?”

“I’m not bitter with him; he’s free to do whatever he wants. I really don’t want any of that. Her on the hand....That bitch took my in. I’ve been mind fucking that man for years, laying the groundwork for fuck-friends knowing perfectly well it would lead to more and that bitch took my in. I did the hard work and put the time in and dealt with ALLLLL that crazy and that bitch stole my fucking work. She plagiarized my relationship!”

At which point I burst out laughing and Dave lost it. We both knew it was pointless and didn’t mean anything because I don’t want him anymore but that doesn’t make having your work stolen any less frustrating. It wasn’t about him, it was about my work. We must have laughed for 10 minutes straight. Once we regained our composure, Dave said “you done?” To which I said “Damn bitch, plagiarized my relationship.” And we started laughing all over again.

I’m sure his girlfriend (“girlfriend”) is lovely and blah da blah blah blah but sometimes a rant is in order and I felt amazing afterwards. But I have to ask; would you sleep with someone who was in an open relationship? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Yep, It's My Fault

“The problem is you pick the wrong guys” – People who suck at breakup advice

With the exception of Mr. X my relationship problems have nothing to do with the men I pick. And has everything to do with the fact relationships turn otherwise nice guys into pricks.

I’m not the sort of person who goes out with a guy once and then he’s my boyfriend. I like to get to know my prospective boyfriends. I like to befriend them first, get to know them. See if they’re good boyfriend material or if they have more issues then playboy.

I’m selective with my boyfriends, I don’t go for “bad boys” or guys who are rude or disrespectful. That’s just a massive turn off to me. I like nice guys who are independent, who have the ability to make their own decisions and not follow the crowd. I like a guy who has his own beliefs and morals and stick to them. It’s not like I go for jerks and cheaters I put every effort in to screen them out.

I’m not a high maintenance girlfriend either so why men turn into assholes when they’re in a relationship is beyond me. My requests in a relationship are simple; I like a good night text and message if you’re running late. Clearly the makings of pushing a man over the edge.

It just infuriates me when people assume the girl is the problem, and it’s her fault things end poorly in a relationship.

Of course it’s my fault; I’m the one inserting his dick into other women. Yep it’s my fault I put his tongue in that girl mouth. Completely my fault I wrote the script he read when he lied to me. Give me a fucking break.

I know I’m not innocent and I’ve fucked up in the past and I own that. I’m by no means perfect. But neither are the guys I’ve dated and to pin their fuck ups on me is low and pathetic. Grow the hell up.

That’s my rant on the matter, what do you guys think. Is it the girls fault when a relationship doesn’t end well? As always dolls, stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

One Last Lesson

As I sit here on my bed thinking about my reaction or lack of reaction to the whole Mr. X new love thing. It finally hit me, I could lay here and cried all I wanted, but he wouldn’t care, and that’s why I don’t.

I’ve spent so many years chasing the phantom, convincing myself I’ve put too much effort and time in to give up. I think by the end it became more about the thrill of the chase and the need to win more then wanting a relationship or anything like that.

Don’t get me wrong, there are things I genuinely love about him. His sense of honour, his wit, the fact his assholedom pushes me and motivates me to do my best. But let’s face fact...I’m not what he wants.

And.....I’m ok with that.

When I really think about it, he isn’t what I want either. I want someone who’ll take me as I am, someone who cares enough to spare my feelings, someone who will be there when I’m upset or hurt. I remember being in hospital, waking up after surgery in the recovery room and asking for him. But even then, deep down I knew he’d never be that guy.

The truly fucked up part of that story is I was deep into a relationship with Chicken Man at the time, who I also didn't see while I was in hospital but I digress.

After everything is said and done, I don’t regret anything and I can honestly say it hasn’t left me bitter. Some guys give you earth shaking orgasms and others just shake you to your core, changing you forever. Since I’m not the same girl I was all those years ago I can safely say he did that.

And as a parting gift he taught me one more very valuable lesson...

....You can’t win them all.

-The Honest Bitch

Predictable Pig

In my last blog I was telling you about the predictable response to one of my Facebook statuses and there being more to the story, so here it is.

After sending me a bunch of Facebook messages he asked if he could text me. I said ok. He's known me for years and already had my number so it's not like I could stop him if I wanted to. Plus I wanted to see if I could get him to admit he had a girlfriend.

So he started sending me text messages. They started off harmless enough asking about how I was and talking about hockey, then it turned a little flirty. I didn't have a problem with a little harmless flirting.

Then it took a turn crossing that line of things you can't say or text when you're in a relationship. He was aiming for sexting and I wasn't playing that game. I have dealt with my fair share of crazy girlfriends, and I'm not looking to add another one to that list.

He eventually moved back to the harmless side of the line and we said good night and that was that… or so I thought.

For the next few days he would send me messages like “good morning, have a good day :-) x” and “Good morning sexy xx”. This struck me as strange...really strange.

I've dealt with more than my fair share of slimy guys and normally they cover their asses and don't leave a text trail for their girlfriend to find. Side note: beware of guys, who don't have any messages on their phones, they're normally trouble.

This left me wondering if he and his girlfriend broke up or if something happened because that's just not normal behaviour. Plus, part of me really didn't want to believe he was a jerk. He's the first fellow hockey fan I met here, and he comes off as such a sweet guy.

So I went into detective mode and searched his Facebook wall for answers. I didn't find any recent messages from the girlfriend however her display picture was a picture of both of them together but it crossed my mind that she may not have changed it yet, so I continued looking.  Then I saw a message with a name that jumped out at me, it wasn't his girlfriend's name but it was the same surname.

It turned out to be the girlfriend’s mother, and she was joking with him the morning after he messaged me. I can’t be sure but I don't think you'd joke with your daughter's ex-boyfriend on a public Facebook wall if they had just broken up.

So it has left me to conclude that apparently nice guy or not, he is a creep and depending on your definition of cheating, a cheater too.

I guess that only leaves two questions, is sexting classifed as cheating? And does it take two to sext?

Stay safe guys, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Predictable Pigs

I was checking my Facebook the other night when I came across the above image. It kind of me laugh so I thought I'd share the humour. I didn't really think about it and went back to chatting.

When I looked back a few minutes later only guys has commented on it and they were all doing the same thing, trying to guess my bra size. My boobs are flattered but I was a little miffed. I have no problems with my boobs being a topic of conversation but I do have an issue with the fact none of the guys were single.

If I were their girlfriends I wouldn't be pleased. It just not an appropriate conversation. It's one thing if their girlfriends were in on the conversation but to randomly start guessing a female bra size, that's not cool.

After I commented trying to blow their comments off as “boys will be boys” they continue to try and guess. I knew what was coming next. I was so sure I even made a comment to my friend Jon that I was waiting for the inevitable inbox message.

And right on schedule there was an inbox message from one of the guys. It was a really sweet message but at the end of the day he has a girlfriend and he shouldn't be hitting on me. Not only does he have a girlfriend but said girlfriend is listed on his Facebook page. I'm not sure why but that makes it worse in my books.

It's just so slimy and not just slimy, predictably slimy.

There's nothing wrong with flirting, it actually has many health benefits but there is a line you need to watch when you're not single. When someone goes to the effort of moving a chat from somewhere public (e.g. Facebook wall) to somewhere private (e.g. inbox) you know his intentions aren't pure.

My biggest problem with the whole thing is how predictable it was. Would it kill someone to be original? Honesty would help too but that's as likely as Pinocchio's penis being longer than his nose. So I'll just settle for original.

Anyways my dears, that's all for now, although there is more to come. As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo