Trained Monkeys

A lot of you guys have been asking how my MRI went so I thought I'd bring you up to speed.

Over a year ago my physio referred me to a spinal specialist to eliminate spinal problems as the cause of my back pain. He was very clear in saying he didn't think that was the problem but because my spine with a little on the straight side he wanted to rule it out.

So I went to meet with the spinal specialist, and there I met trained monkey number one. Not the doctor I was referred to, but one of his bitches. While I was there trained monkey number one poked, pulled and bent my back and in the end he decided I needed to have a CT and MRI done.

A few weeks after that appointment, I went back to get my results. There, another trained monkey (trained monkey number two), whose English sucked I might add, told me there was a bulge in one of my discs but it was in the wrong place to be causing my back pain - he said in his opinion my back pain wasn’t a spinal issue. He ended the appointment by telling me if the pain got worse, I could came back and see him.

It sounded pointless to me, he already said it wasn't a spinal problem so what's the use in going back? Also I was being treated by the pain management centre so the odds of the pain getting worse were slim to none.

I was wrong, the NHS closed the centre and I was left high and dry. So over time my back pain got worse and I had to go back and see my GP and he decided it would be smart to go back and see the spinal specialist. I wasn't impressed with that idea and told him I thought it was pointless but he insisted it was the next step.

I went back just after Christmas and there I met trained monkey number three. He wasn't so bad, he poked and caused pain and decided that since it had been a year, I needed another MRI. He added if they came back clean he'd refer me on to a different department.

That was great news in my book, this may be pointless but at least at the end of it I'd be moving on to a different doctor who might have a clue of what's wrong.

I went for an MRI and as you read, it will wasn't an enjoyable experience. I got through it thinking once this is done there's a new doctor in my future, one who didn't get his degree from a crackerjack box.

I went back to get my results and there met yet another trained monkey. This one told me the bulge in my disc looks a lot smaller now, and everything else looks fine. Then he told me “if it gets worse you have an open appointment here for the next six months after that you need to go back to your GP.” And with that he vanished.

So now I'm exactly where I was a year ago, with no answers; I went through all that shit for nothing. In hindsight I'm actually worse off than I was a year ago because I'm no longer being seen by the pain management centre.

I am infuriated with the whole thing at this point. You never see the same stupid trained monkey more than once so you get no consistency. I have to go and see my GP this week and God help him because I've reached the end of my rope.

I understand back pain is a tricky thing and can be caused by many things. That's fine as long as someone's trying to do something. It kind of feels like they're trying to see how much bullshit I can handle before my head explodes and I kill someone.

The whole thing kind of reminds me of that song, 4 little monkeys jumping on the bed, but instead of them falling and bumping their heads, I want to hit them with frying pans.

Anyways my dears, I'm off to take some painkillers and research which frying pan is best for scrambling monkeys.

Stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Misplaced Anger

I guess I should start by saying sorry to Jimmy. I was upset the other day and despite the fact I wasn't aiming my anger at him he felt the outer edges of my anger bubble I'm sorry for that.

He's a good resource to have because he's a reformed fuck-wit. He's a fountain of knowledge in the inner workings of the twisted male brain.

And by fuck-wit I mean the Bridget Jones definition, self-cantered, insensitive, game playing and otherwise uncaring prick.

What happened is I was mad at Jon or as he will now be known evil monkey and instead of admitting I was angry to him I vented at Jimmy. I don't think he enjoyed that very much....oppps

Then he told me I was kind of to blame because I didn't use the words “I am mad “so how was evil monkey to now. After that bit of advice I stop asking Jimmy what he thought because I no longer liked his answers.

Am I the only person who does that? Why should I admit I'm mad, when it's obvious I'm mad?

Evil monkey and I managed to sort everything out in the end. After I finally gave in and admitted I was angry. People shouldn’t get used to that though, it may never happen again.

Anyways my dears as always stay safe, love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

MRI Panic

Sorry I didn't manage to get anything up yesterday, I was too busy stressing about my hospital appointment today. It was nothing major, just a MRI but I really didn't enjoy my last one and was completely dreading having to have another one.

I wouldn't consider myself claustrophobic or anything like that but that tube puts the fear of God in me. I can only explain the feeling as what it must feel like to be inside a coffin, a loud lighted coffin.

I didn't enjoy my last MRI but it went fine. I managed to get it done without any issues. It sucked but I figured I'd never have to have another one again.... I was wrong.

Today's MRI didn't go as well. I lost it.... Big time. I wasn't inside that coffin like to tube more than 2 minutes before they had to take me out. Apparently it's very common to have a panic attack inside a MRI machine. The tech was saying it's almost more common to have one then not. Which made me feel a little better, but I still feel like a big baby. They make it look so nice in the easy on TV.... Bunch of liars.

Luckily after I calmed down I managed to suck it up and have my MRI done. I just couldn't face the thought of having to come back and go through this all over again. So I just focused on my breathing and kept my eyes closed.  It still wasn't enjoyable in any shape or form but at least I got it done.

Needless to say I won't be agreeing to have another one done any time soon. But if it helps sort out my back I guess it was worth it.... Just. In all honesty I think I'd rather have the pain than the panic attack.

Stay safe and out of any coffin like tubes.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Nice Weakness

I'm starting to wonder if I've dealt with so many asshole men that I've lost my ability to deal with sweet guys.

It sounds crazy but over the years and many boyfriends I've become a pro at dealing with jerk man. I've become so good at it normally I can even determine the intent of the jackassness.

Guys act like assholes for many reasons, some complex and some because they are assholes. It takes a lot of experience to work out the cause and more importantly whether it's worth dealing with are not. The answer is normally not.

All that jerkiness I can deal with without batting an eyelash, hell I'm almost good at it but I've recently discovered the not so good at dealing with non-jackass men. My quick wittedness and ability to think on my feet is powerless against them.

Jon sent me a message last night saying “you're a girl that every guy should treasure J”. What am I meant to do with that? There is no quick-witted comeback for that. My only defence is to blush and bury my face. I'm just not used to that.

Normally when a guy says those sorts of things, they do it when they think they have a shot of getting in my pants. I can see through that BS and reply accordingly. I'm really not used to a guy saying those things because he means them.

It takes a lot shake me, I work customer service for many years, you name it I've heard it, and it doesn't faze me, but apparently my weakness is niceness. I just don't know what to do with it. I’m The Honest Bitch not The Honest Sweetheart.

Am I alone in this? Do you find it easier or more comfortable to deal with assholes? Or am I just weird?

As always stay and play safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Happy Super Bowl Sunday

Happy Super Bowl Sunday! I'll be the first to admit I'm not a massive football fan. I understand the game and know what's happening but I find it really slow. With that being said I wouldn't miss the Super Bowl for the world.

I watch for many reasons and none of them are because I enjoy the game.

I watch because it's a connection to home. If I was back home, without a doubt I'd be at a Super Bowl party. Not watching much of the game but it would be on. Truth be told, we’d probably do more drinking and wing eating there anything else. God I miss the wings.

I also watch for the commercials. Yes like millions of people I watch the biggest sporting event of the year for the commercials. People pay upwards of 3 million to have their commercials aired during the Super Bowl. It's fun to see what that 3 million can buy you. I can't watch the ads here, it actually shown on BBC so there aren't any ads at all, but people are quick and that's what the Internet is for.

I also like to watch so I can mock the halftime show. There was a point in time when the halftime show was entertaining then there was the nipple issue and it sucked ever since. But it's fun to laugh at.

The other reason I watch is because it reminds me of family. Growing up my aunt would throw a Christmas party every year and my memories of that are sitting in the basement with all the kids and men. We'd be playing games and they'd watching football. How the hell they managed to watch the game with all that noise I will never know they never missed a play.

So despite not liking the game I'll be awake tonight till the wee hours watching.... and cheering on Tom Brady.... Because he's hot. Yes, when I don't have a team I always cheer on the team with the hottest player and this one was a no-brainer. I'm aware this is a shallow and I don't care.

Who do you think is doing to win tonight? Win or lose I hope you have a fantastic Super Bowl Sunday and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo