Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts

Friday 3 July 2020

I Am Back

Hey Strangers, it has been a while, I know. Apologies for dropping off the face of the Earth for a few months, but life got a little too real and writing made it more real. I just couldn’t handle more real, real was bad enough.

 Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you’re aware there’s a pandemic going on. The world is crazy right now. Those of you who has been around for a while know my mom is sick. She is classified as “clinically extremely vulnerable” and has been ordered to “shield”.

In a cruel turn of fate, I am classified as essential worker. Working in transport, apparently, I am critical to the supply chain. I had a lot of guilt about this. I was going to work, day in day out possibly getting exposed and coming home and potentially passing god knows what on to my mom. I thought for many months, I was going to be the thing or reason my mom died. It was a lot to handle and I wasn’t doing the best job of handling it. That’s for sure. But I am in a better place with everything now. I just needed some time to work out a “new normal” and luckily so far, no virus.

I have a lot to catch you up on over the next few posts, so make sure you come every Friday to hear all the gossip. You guys have been amazing through this. Thank you for hanging around and all your concern. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo


Friday 22 November 2019

Goals


I know it’s not January yet, so it seems a little premature to discuss goals and making changes and things like that. However, I am not one to play by the rules. Plus, a lot of things I want to talk about are goals I set in January, so this is more of a reflection before moving on.
 In January I set myself 3 areas of focus, the 3 things in my life I had control over, my health, my blog and my job, and now that it’s coming towards the end of the year, looking back, I haven’t done badly.

Health wise, I’ve done a minimum of 20 minutes every day on the treadmill since January 1st. My weight isn’t going anywhere, but I am feeling better for it. I think I am going to change it up in the new year, but the goal is still 20 minutes a day.

Blog wise; I haven’t missed a week. I have released some rubbish throwaway posts, but I haven’t missed anything. I want to continue that into the new year, hopefully with less throwaway posts. I would love to sort my social media out, but baby steps.

Work is letting me down in the hat trick. I am happier, however, that’s mainly because I no longer care. I have put more of an effort in but haven’t seen much back from that. My goal going into next year is to get my CPC, that will open more door for me and make decision making easier. I’ve already started working towards this goal and hopefully in March I should be able to achieve it. It’s all about focus right now.

Anyways, I am going to go and have dinner, since it is 23:00. But before I go, I have this question for you; what goals have you achieved in 2019? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 5 July 2019

Halfway There


Welcome to July ladies and gentlemen. The year is officially half over, and it seems like now is as good a time as any to reflex on the year so far and to see where we are with the goals we set in January. Hopefully we can point ourselves in the right direction to actually achieve some of those goals before we run out of time.

Let’s start with my “love life”. Yep, it’s so bad it gets quotation marks. Still single, still mainly ok with it. This year, I feel, isn’t the year for that. It sucks knowing time is against me, but I need to be a good me before I can be there for someone else.

My job is next up on the list. I still have a love hate relationship with it. The hate isn’t that strong at the moment, but I know it’s just around the corner. I feel my July review will be telling. I have other offers and depending on what is said and what money is offered, it may be time to move on.

Next is my blog. I am not sucking at this one. I haven’t missed a week yet. My numbers are looking good. My ad revenue blows; I think I was actually making more when I wasn’t posting regularly. But, that’s AdSense for you. I’m still not rocking the social media side of things, but baby steps. I’m happy where I am at the moment.

My health was the last goal I wrote about in January; it’s a thing. I have stuck to using my treadmill every day. I feel better for it. My weight still isn’t a focus, but I think I may be getting to a better place where it can be. I feel a lot less mentally exhausted. I think my head is finally wrapped around everything, at least for now.

And that’s where we are halfway through the year. Some progress has been made. Some more could be made. But, so far, so average. That brings me to the question of the blog; How are you doing with your goals for 2019? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 5 April 2019

Taking Control Update


On January 1St I wrote a post about taking control; understanding there are many things that are going to happen this year that are out of my hands and I can’t do anything to control that. However, there are many things I can control, and I need to take ownership on that. That post went live January 11Th, it is now coming up to April 11Th, so I thought I’d give you an update 4 months on.

The first thing I wanted to take control of was my blog. So far so good. I am yet to miss a Friday, which is a lot better than I managed in 2018, I think I made it to February before I missed a post. I’d love to step up my social media game, get that back to where it used to be. But I am happy with the small steps.

I also wanted to take control of my health and build some healthy habits. They say it takes 3 full months to build a habit; I think it may take longer, as none of it is second nature yet. That said, I haven’t missed a day on my treadmill. I’ve slowly built up the time. I do a minimum of 20 minutes every day. I’m feeling better for it. I’ve also cut back on takeout. I only allow myself to indulge once a week and I’m actually in credit with that. Weight loss needs to follow suit soon, however, I’m not ready for that just yet. I have, however, loss 5lbs just making the small changes I have.

The last thing I wanted to take control of was my job. I’ve not done much with this yet. I’m holding out until our July reviews to see what information I can get and how it goes. I don’t dislike my job. I am struggling at the moment with the people part of my job, but I am struggling with people in life, so I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. I need to look at this and sort a long-term plan, but I am not in the mindset to do that yet.

That’s where we are so far. It was actually nice to write this. I hadn’t realised how much progress I had made. I’m feeling slightly less hopeless now. Before I disappear, I have this question for you; what process have you made this year? Let me know in the comments below. And, as always, make sure you stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 1 February 2019

Not Off To A Great Start


It shouldn’t come as a surprise to me that 2019 is off to a less than perfect start. I’ve said it before, and I meant it, 2019 is going to suck. I didn’t, however, think it would suck this hard, this early on.


On Monday the 21st my mom went it for a routine check-up, it didn’t go well. Her kidney function was down to 8% and a lot of her other stats were not where they should or have been. At this point they tried to admit her. Since my mother is my mother, she told them not a chance that was happening. So, they arrange for her to come back the following morning at 9am, to meet with her team. If you know anything about the NHS, that’s not a good sign, to get a surgeon, doctor, specialist and nurse together, in the same place, with less than 24 hours’ notice is unheard of. And what happened next is even more unheard of. She was told she’d be having surgery at 7am the following day.

We knew she’d have to have surgery again soon due to the cloth is her AV fistula, but nobody was ready for how soon. Like I said the NHS doesn’t move quickly so, this just confirmed to me how bad things were. The surgery went fine, a lot longer than last time. This was down to the blocker they used being inserted into her diaphragm, meaning she was unable to breath on her own. Luckily, she regained the ability the breath unassisted around midnight and they were able to discharge her the next day. She’s at home now, battered a bruised but she’s doing ok.

I, other hand, am all shades of not ok. My only job in all of this is to hold my shit together and I am failing. Tyler said to me, not actually knowing what was going on, it’s ok to fall apart sometimes. And I agree. I have designated failing apart time. I am allowed to fall apart in the shower, in the car on the way home from work and in bed before I fall asleep on non-work days. However, my body doesn’t seem to want to uphold that schedule.

On Tuesday night at work, the day before my mom’s surgery, I was losing it. I held it together, just, on the way in. I kept together as I got everyone out of the office on their jobs. But, around midnight, for no real reason, I started shaking and I could feel the battle was over, I had I couldn’t fight the emotions anymore. At that moment my phone rang, and it was Tyler. I held back what I could and answered the phone. He knew something was up. He offered to listen, but when I couldn't talk about it, he didn’t push to find out what was wrong. He just hung around making jokes where he could.  Shifting my mind off things. I owe him one for that. I wouldn’t have made it through my shift without him.

Anyways, my face is starting to leak and I can’t deal with that right now, so I am going to end this here. I’ll leave with you with this question; how do you hold it together when everything is going wrong? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday 11 January 2019

Taking Control


While trying to sleep New Years day, something hit me, something I already knew, but my brain wasn’t in the place to hear it. I need to take control of what I can. This year is certainly not going to fun, but there are some things I have control over.

Starting with my blog, I can be constant this year. That is down to me and nobody else. The sky may fall, but my blog is mine and I need to make sure I am using it, not only to keep my views up, but for my sanity. I am a better human when I’m writing.

My health is another thing I have control over, kind of. Weight loss isn’t going to be the goal; I don’t have the mental strength for that right now. But I can build healthy habits. I have a treadmill there is no reason I shouldn’t be using it daily. I used to do it and then I got hurt and stopped. I need to build that back up.

The last thing is my job; I need to have a good look at things and see what I want. If I stay, I will likely be relocating sites this year, which may be what I need. I need to think about things. I am getting older, kids are looking more and more off the table, so I need to look harder at my career.

Anyways, that’s my current ramblings. What are your plans or thoughts for 2019 let me know in the comments below? And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 4 January 2019

Not Feeling 2019


Happy new year, you beautiful people. I wish I was starting this year in my normal happy, cheery way. I typicality live for the holiday season, It’s my favourite time of year. But I am not going to lie, this year it’s been tough. As much as I try to put a smile on and pretend everything is fine…It’s not and it’s likely not going to be.

We found out not long before Christmas my mom has a clot in her fistula and she’ll need surgery, again. Her latest tests showed her kidney function is down to 8 percent. She’s putting on a brave face, like always, but I can tell she’s scared. And I’m trying to only fall apart when I’m alone. Which is how I spent most of Christmas because my ability to hold things together seems to be on holiday.

On top of everything with my mom, my step dad’s mom has been a bloody nightmare for the past week. She has a chest infection and she keeps calling 999 saying she’s having chest pain. They’ve admitted her 5 times in 6 days. She does have a little dementia from a stroke she had, but she also has attention issues and we can’t figure out which one is the problem. I personally think it’s a cry for attention. Before you say anything, she looked after we go in once a day for 3 hours and a carer goes in once a day for 3 years. The issue is when someone gets more attention than her, she starts to play up. And since my mom has been unwell shockingly, she thinks she needs to be in hospital.

And to add to everything, I am just feeling alone. I don’t mind being single, I’ve had my fill of dating drama and I just can’t do that anymore. But, once in a blue moon it gets to me and I am assuming since I already felt like shit, my emotions were like, why not throw one more thing on and see what happens? The answer is I cry, and I sleep. I sleep because I can’t break down when I am asleep, it’s my safe place.

This just hasn’t been a good holiday season, hell, it’s not been a good year and I have little hope that 2019 will get much better. It’s a sad place to be. But we soldier on. I would leave you with a question of the blog, but to be honest I don’t feel very chatty. But, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 23 November 2018

Stressed


I’m writing this post a lot later than I generally like to, but this month has been a wee bit stressful. My mom had an infection which knocked her numbers and took her out of commission for a week. Then, once she recovered from that she had to have surgery on her fistula for her dialysis, which knocked her out for another week and it’s just been busy and stressful and just a lot.

It seems like every time I get by duck in the same pond, (not row, I gave up on that dream years ago), one of the little buggers runs off to Mars. I just can’t win.

Anyways, sorry this post, is short any crappy, but as you know, sometimes life happens and blogging has to take a back seat. I will leave you with this question though; How do you keep your ducks in the same pond? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xo

Friday 29 June 2012

Stop Telling Me What I Feel

I’m so sick of people telling me what I feel, between being told what I feel in matters of the heart and now what I feel physically; I’m about to snap and it’s not going to be pretty.

I’m a blogger and I ask for feedback and I love getting it but sometimes it lands in my inbox at precisely the wrong second and that’s what happened this time.

Jimmy over at Personal Facts, sent me a comment and it had some points and I can see where he’s coming from but because of something totally unrelated I beyond lost my cool. And found myself screaming...

“Will people stop telling how I fucking feel, they’re my feelings. I think if anyone should know how I’m feeling it’s me!”

 I flipped out like a small child and it had next to nothing to do with Jimmy and everything to go with physio #4.

I had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting physio #4 Tuesday morning and let’s just say I should really call her psycho not physio.

I was referred to her by physio #3 because his factuality only does evaluations. I saw him over 4 weeks and over that time he sorted out a treatment plan and he seemed to really understand what was happening with my back.

Then I meet with physio #4 and well she didn’t. Instead of doing the normal first time visit stuff she seemed to already have her mind made up on what she was going to do and it wasn’t the plan #3 had laid out. 

She basically said I was fine and it’s all my head, so instead of doing what #3 said, she wanted me to come in 3 days a week and work with the occupational therapy team to build my strength back up.

Needless to say I wasn’t impressed. I understand that pain can be partly metal but there is no way the amount of pain I’m in is in my head. There are days I’m in so much pain I physically throw up, that isn’t in my head. Plus I wouldn’t put myself through the pills and side effects. Hell I’m scared of hospitals I wouldn’t even go to the appointments if I didn’t think it would help.

The biggest proof that #4 is just an idiot is the fact #2 and #3 both said there is something not right with my back. They could feel something was off; they just couldn’t work out what it was. #3 actually used the words “it’s not in your head, something isn’t quite right.” The only reason #2 passed me on was because he wanted to rule out spinal problems because he noticed my spine was a little on the straight side. All things #4 would have worked out for herself is she had bothered to lay a hand on me.

Everything she said was so out of line with what pain management, spinal, #2, #3 and even what my GP has said. I was furious. Who the hell is she to tell me what I feel? It’s my fucking body; I know when something isn’t right. Don’t sit there and tell me I’m crazy, when you’re the one whose opinions don’t line up.

The whole thing had me stressed out because clearly I’m not going to be seeing her again, so I’m a person in pain without a plan or any idea what to do next. I have to give some love to NTB I was stressed for days and he sent me a short message and my tears stopped and I wasn’t nearly as stressed anymore. He’s such a star.

As you can imagine after dealing with #4 telling me I was crazy and that despite being in pain I wasn’t actually in any, Jimmy telling me how I felt about dipshit was; not so much the straw but more like the feather that broke the camel’s back. And I had a wee melt down and put a pretty hole in my door with my now very sore foot.

I’m not sure I was justified but it made me feel much better. We all have those moments we’re not proud of but damn they felt good at the time. The hole in my door was definitely on of those.

What temper tantrum moments have you had, that may have been silly in hindsight but at the time felt heavenly? Let me know in the comment box below (and I promise no melt downs when I read them this time).

I’m just trying to putting the whole thing out of my mind and am focusing on the countdown to Canada Day. I’m so excited just hope the weather and my back cooperates. Anyways as always my dears stay safe.

Love,

The Hones Bitch
xoxoxo

Tuesday 17 April 2012

Forced Holiday

I’m back.

I guess I should start by explaining my disappearing act. There isn’t actually much to tell. I was order by my doctor to take a few weeks off and relax.

He gave me this order, well; he actually didn’t give it to me, he gave it to my mom. Yes that’s right my mom. The doctor went over my head and gave it to my mom leaving me no choice in the matter.

He gave the order for two main reasons. The first is since my MRI I’ve been having panic attacks. Which my doctor says is due to stress. 18 doctors appointment in the first 4 months of 2012 will do that to a person. The second reason was my back was spasming and I had an appointment with a new doctor coming up. It was very likely at that first appointment he was going to do injections in my back which apparently is very hard to do when the back is spasming.

At first I wasn't a fan of these orders, I had things I needed to do and nobody was letting me do them. My mom actually went so far as to, hide my netbook and steal my PC keyboard. Charming I know.

After one final panic attack it became very clear I was taking this forced holiday whether I liked it or not and I should stop wasting my energy and just go with it.

I’m weird with panic attacks; I’m a very sane crazy person. I lay with my back against the wall looking at my door, because it stops that somebody is going to come up behind me and stab me feeling. As I’m lying there I’m thinking this is fucking crazy. My room is on the ground floor and at the front of the house, surely the window would be my biggest problem not the door. Like I said I’m a sane crazy person.

Despite the fact I thought I felt fine before my forced holiday I have to admit now my doctor was right. Even though it took me the best part of my time off to actually relax once I did, I could really feel the difference and as an added plus was my neck and back weren’t feeling so tight.

Or at least they weren’t until I met my new doctors yesterday, who I can safely say beat the living shit out of my back. I guess the upside is they decided, at least for now, they aren’t going to do any injections. Thank god for that. I’ve been under that fluoroscope so many times I think my ovaries are starting to glow in the dark.

After getting double teamed by two doctors yet again today, and let me add not in the good way, I’ve been given the green light to end my forced holiday. So I should be resuming my regular blogging schedule as of....now.

And if you ask me it’s not a second too soon, I’ve missed blogging. As always my dears stay safe,

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Sunday 26 February 2012

Trained Monkeys

A lot of you guys have been asking how my MRI went so I thought I'd bring you up to speed.

Over a year ago my physio referred me to a spinal specialist to eliminate spinal problems as the cause of my back pain. He was very clear in saying he didn't think that was the problem but because my spine with a little on the straight side he wanted to rule it out.

So I went to meet with the spinal specialist, and there I met trained monkey number one. Not the doctor I was referred to, but one of his bitches. While I was there trained monkey number one poked, pulled and bent my back and in the end he decided I needed to have a CT and MRI done.

A few weeks after that appointment, I went back to get my results. There, another trained monkey (trained monkey number two), whose English sucked I might add, told me there was a bulge in one of my discs but it was in the wrong place to be causing my back pain - he said in his opinion my back pain wasn’t a spinal issue. He ended the appointment by telling me if the pain got worse, I could came back and see him.

It sounded pointless to me, he already said it wasn't a spinal problem so what's the use in going back? Also I was being treated by the pain management centre so the odds of the pain getting worse were slim to none.

I was wrong, the NHS closed the centre and I was left high and dry. So over time my back pain got worse and I had to go back and see my GP and he decided it would be smart to go back and see the spinal specialist. I wasn't impressed with that idea and told him I thought it was pointless but he insisted it was the next step.

I went back just after Christmas and there I met trained monkey number three. He wasn't so bad, he poked and caused pain and decided that since it had been a year, I needed another MRI. He added if they came back clean he'd refer me on to a different department.

That was great news in my book, this may be pointless but at least at the end of it I'd be moving on to a different doctor who might have a clue of what's wrong.

I went for an MRI and as you read, it will wasn't an enjoyable experience. I got through it thinking once this is done there's a new doctor in my future, one who didn't get his degree from a crackerjack box.

I went back to get my results and there met yet another trained monkey. This one told me the bulge in my disc looks a lot smaller now, and everything else looks fine. Then he told me “if it gets worse you have an open appointment here for the next six months after that you need to go back to your GP.” And with that he vanished.

So now I'm exactly where I was a year ago, with no answers; I went through all that shit for nothing. In hindsight I'm actually worse off than I was a year ago because I'm no longer being seen by the pain management centre.

I am infuriated with the whole thing at this point. You never see the same stupid trained monkey more than once so you get no consistency. I have to go and see my GP this week and God help him because I've reached the end of my rope.

I understand back pain is a tricky thing and can be caused by many things. That's fine as long as someone's trying to do something. It kind of feels like they're trying to see how much bullshit I can handle before my head explodes and I kill someone.

The whole thing kind of reminds me of that song, 4 little monkeys jumping on the bed, but instead of them falling and bumping their heads, I want to hit them with frying pans.

Anyways my dears, I'm off to take some painkillers and research which frying pan is best for scrambling monkeys.

Stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Sunday 16 October 2011

Health Update

A lot of you know about the ongoing issues that have been plaguing my back. I happen to know a few of you also suffer with back pain so I thought I’d give you guys an update to let you know where I am with treatments, doctors and working out with is actually the causing the pain.

I was receiving trigger point injections from a pain management centre in attempt to control my pain levels. They weren't a 100 percent successful but they did have positive effects. Sadly the NHS decided to close the centre that was handling my treatment. So I’m kind of in limbo right now. I should have had an injection almost 4 months ago and I’ve heard nothing. Everyone was meant to be referred to a new specialist or back to their GPs. My GP knows nothing and as of yet no new doctor.

This whole mess has me pretty pissed off, and not for the reasons you may think. I’m happy to have someone new come in with fresh eyes. I’m pissed that nobody seems to know who has my medical records or where they even are.

My main grievance, like anyone who is months overdue for treatment, is that I’m in pain!

I understand finding the cause will take time, I accept that. But I don’t accept that treating the pain should take this long. I’m not asking for them to pull a rabbit out of their ass. All I’m asking is for them to control my pain levels. It’s not rocket science.

The pain itself has an unwanted side effect, anger.

I’ll be the first to admit my attitude when my back is bad, sucks. I get snappy, crabby and just plain mean. And I have no control over it.

The brain can’t flitter what a person is saying when it’s too busy scream “THAT HURTS!” 

I have no patience to deal with anyone or thing when it’s at its worse. I know this so I’ll pull away from people. You won’t see me on any chat thing or around people. I just stay away from everyone. It makes things easier. A little lonely at times but it’s better that way. Trust me.

I hate going to see my doctor for my back. I know there is nothing he can really do for me. It’s the specialists that needs to sort it. So I feel guilty taking up an appointment slot.

I had the decision taken away from me last week. My moods were horrible because of the amount of pain I was in so I was forced to go the doctors. I had no say what so ever in that decision.

After talking things over with him and him seeing how bad I really was. He decided to refer me back to the spinal specialist (because that worked out so well the first time) and try me on some different medications. He added a muscle relaxant to my long list of pills and stronger painkillers.

Here’s a tip never Google what your doctor gives you. My pain killers.....also given to heroin addicts. That’s something everyone wants to read about their new medication.

Admittedly the new pills do seem to be helping a lot but still not big on having something in common with a heroin addict. I also don’t love the warning to athletes on the box saying “these pills may cause you to fail anti-doping tests”. Damn it, there go my Olympic dreams. (Sex and bitching are Olympic sports right?)

Before I go I want to share with you guys some of the tips my chiropractor gave me for dealing with the pain. He may have been expensive £30 for 15 minutes well 10 minutes once you get changed but he knows his stuff.

The first tip he gave me was to use damp heat. The easiest way to do that is to put a wheat bottle in the microwave with a glass of water. Sounds simple but it’s very effective.

The second tip isn’t really a tip. It’s a product. BioFreeze! I could kiss my chiropractor for that one, and he’s one ugly dude. When my back is bad, this stuff is my best friend. It’s magic in a tube. Easily the best working product on the market. The other thing I love about it is the smell fades really quickly so I don’t have to worry about smelling like an old lady all day. Oh how I love BioFreeze.

Before you ask no, I’m not being paid to say that.

Anyways my dears that’s all from me. Hope you are all well and have a great night. As always stay safe.


Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Wednesday 27 July 2011

Sorry

I just wanted to say sorry to you guys. I’ve been a bad blogger over the past few weeks. Hopefully by this weekend I’ll be back to normal and back to keeping you guys entertained and laughing.

Because some of you have been asking the problem was the doctor changed my pain medication and I neglected to read the enclosed leaflet. I’ve come to find out anyone taking the pill also needs to take a multivitamin because it blocks certain vitamins. After a couple months of not getting those vitamins I’ve been feeling ill, tired and ran down.

I’m hoping by this weekend I’ll be feeling better and be able to return to my normal posting schedule. Which is one weekday post (Mon-Thurs), and one weekend post (Fri-Sun).

I also do a post every Monday for Logic Haze (http://logichaze.com/type/article/thehonbit) I’m looking at bring back “The Honest Bitch Helps” for that weekly post. It’s a lot of fun for me to write and you guys seem to enjoy it. So if you have any questions about relationships, sex, life, or whatever you’d like me to answer is my unique way send them to Ms.HonestB@gmail.com It’s all in fun and maybe it’ll help someone and ….upset a few guys :-)

Also keep your eyes open for my guest post on http://almostlastmanstanding.com/ and he’ll also being doing a guest post for here so that should be worth a read, he's a talented and funny writer. I’d tell you guys to be nice but that’s not your style I know. So I'll just tell you to be honest and have fun with him.

I’m looking look forward to getting back in to the swing of things and back to having some fun with you guys. How I’ve missed your evilness.

Love you guys,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Sunday 10 July 2011

Being Sick Sucks

Everyone in my household has been sick over the past two weeks and I’ve come to realize something and it’s really fucking me off.

Just because I’m a non-smoker they don’t consider me to be as sick as them.

I’m the only non-smoker in my house and obviously when a smoker gets ill they get a nasty cough that tends to sound like they’re losing a lung thanks to the years of damage the cigarettes have done. As a non-smoker my cough is naturally not as bad. So despite having the same virus they have they seem to think I’m not as ill as them because I sound better.

How is that fair? Just because I choose not to pick up a nasty habit I’m never as sick as everyone else. I know life isn’t fair but self inflicted, is self inflicted and I don’t see why I shouldn’t be granted the same courtesy they get when ill.

I shouldn’t be made to do things they never would when they're ill. It just isn’t right and it's really granting on me. It’s not like I’m asking to be looked after. I just want to be left alone to curl up in a ball a die.....Or sleep which ever I’m not fussy.

Anyways my dears I’m going to sleep and with a little luck I’ll wake up feel better and a little less cranky. I love you guys and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Monday 11 April 2011

Trigger Point

I received a letter from the hospital today and it looks like the next course of treatment for my back is trigger point injections. We have tried this a few times before with rather mixed results. But at this point even if it gives me a little relief I’ll take it.

The treatment it’s self or at least last time I had it done, involved 8 needles filled with aesthetic and steroids injected into any place in my back that hurt or was tender. I’m not really sure what its theory or science behind it is but it seems to work ....sometimes. The first time I had it done my back actually got a lot worse. But that is one of the risks you’re told about. Rather that, than a punctured lung.

I’m willing to try anything when it comes to pain relief. Medical acupuncture is one of favorites for short term pain relief. I mean really short term 12 – 24 hours. It sounds weird but I find it really relaxing and it makes me sleepy. Which may be why I love it so much. I don’t sleep well with my back and after acupuncture I sleep like a baby.

I know this isn’t my normal blog topic but its part of what’s going on with me right now so I thought I’d share.

Anyways my dears I’m going to bed. Sweet dreams and as always stay safe.

Love

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Friday 25 March 2011

Rough Week

Hey Guys,

I’ve had a rough week and it’s kind of turned me into an evil bitch and I feel bad about it. Well kind of bad about it, my points were valid but I didn’t say it in the most lady-like way. It was more of the drunken sailor way of getting a point across.

I’ll try to explain why I’ve been so snappy. The reason is very simple. My back has been really bad. It sounds like nothing I know until you realise the effect it has on your normal life.

It’s a well known fact when you’ve been coping with long term pain some of it can just be in your mind, so to combat that I don’t listen to my body and I just carry on as normal until I literally end up on the ground. This is a stupid thing to do in all honestly and a major reason why my mood takes a knock.

When my back is at it worse, my normal life stops. I don’t go out, I don’t see friends, and I don’t chat much via text or online. I just lock myself away in my room and sleep a lot and do not much else. Locking myself away is good thing because when I’m in pain, I can’t play nice. My brain is busy thinking “pain, pain, pain” and it has no room to yell at me and say “reword that”.

I cope with my normal pain levels by having fun and just not taking things too seriously. This method fails when my pain level reaches level 8. At that point my sense of humour flees my body and I become evil and not much fun.

Luckily I’m feeling much better now and more like myself. I need to thanks Neal for sticking around. I won’t blame anyone for running away and hiding under their bed. Hell I think I would hide too.

Anyways my dears have a great weekend and as always stay safe.

Love

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxo

Friday 4 March 2011

Perception

For as long as I can remember I’ve always had exceptional perception skills. I tend to pick up on things that others wouldn’t. I also have a habit of picking up on thing before the person themselves realize how they’re feeling. My perception skill are so good it’s often been suggested that I’m an empath. I don’t buy into that. I just listen to people and take notice when things, no matter how minor, change about them.

When you pick up on people’s emotions sometimes you see warning signs in people’s behaviour. This is all well and good if the person knows how they’re feeling but people like to deny their feelings and when I can see there is a problem or they're heading for one this can be a challenge.

I don’t want to see any of my friends hurt or overwhelmed and when I see these little warning signs I want to help and prevent it. I only have good intensions but because people sometimes can’t see what I see or are deny it they can take offence to anything I have to say.

I can’t begin to tell you how much it pisses me off when people snap at me because they just don’t want to admit they’re overwhelmed. When I get my kindness thrown back at me part of me just thinks “Fuck it, let them crash and burn”. It really gets to me when I trying to help someone and in returned I get bitched at. It’s not my fault you’re having problems, so why take it out on me?

Don’t get me wrong I’m always there if a friend needs to talk or just vent but I won’t be blamed or yelled at for things at have nothing to do with me. I’m happy to help and good the extra mile for my friends but sometimes I wonder why I bother. I mean there is no one there for me when I have a bad day. It just grates on me sometimes that the give and take in my friendships isn’t anywhere close to being even.

It’s not helping matters that my patience is almost nonexistent at the moment. My back pain has reappeared. I’ve gone from being nearly pain free for 3 months to being in 24 hours of consistent pain. Back pain is nothing new to me, but when it goes from nothing to consistent it just takes a while for my body to stop crying about it and just deal with it. So I think I may be a little touchier then normal too which isn’t a great thing.

Anyways my dears I’m heading off to watch the game. Have a good night and as always stay safe.

Love Always

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxoxoxo

Saturday 13 November 2010

False Hope

Hey Guys,

“No man is worth your tears, but the one that is, won't make you cry”
That is my favourite quote. It’s a load of bullshit but it just one of those lies you have to tell yourself to get though the day.

Nobody being worth your tear is very true. No one should have the right to make you feel bad about yourself. The lie in this quote is that the man that you should cry over won’t make you cry. Did the creator of that quote ever meet a guy? Guy’s are always going to make girls cry. We are just wired differently.
Can you imagine if every time a guy made a girl cry they broke up? The whole world would be single. I don’t think there is any couple on the earth that can say their other half hasn’t made them cry.

False Hope. False hope is something that all chick flicks have built in to them. It’s that thought that everything can be just like a fairy tale and you can live happily ever after. I think false hope is something that all women have to lie to themselves about. If we didn’t we’d never date again. Most of us know that there is no knight on a white horse but the quest to find him is the only reason that male species is still around. If women didn’t think “The One” was out there we would have killed off all men by now.

Can’t you feel the negativity in the air? Never let it be said I’m bitter, I’m just someone that has learned one too many lessons the hard way.

Before I go there are a few other things I wanted to update you on.

First of all, my mother’s operation on Tuesday went very well. They don’t think it’s cancerous, so that’s a load off my mind. Parents really know how to stress you out don’t they?

Secondly I’ve started a Facebook page, just search for “The Honest Bitch”. I’m not really sure how it’s going fit into the stuff I already do but right now I’m using it to chat with you, ask my questions of the day and just float ideas on.

Have a wonderful Saturday night and I’ll speak to you soon.

Love

The Honest Bitch

xxxx

Thursday 4 November 2010

My 2 Cents

Good Evening,

Well I guess I should start by saying everything went well Tuesday. My new doctor was actually very good and had me in and out very quickly. He did a great job of limiting my pain. I’m a little sore but not nearly as bad as my previous ones. All that is left is my mom’s operation Tuesday then its clear sailing.

Something was hinted at the other day and I would like to throw my 2 cents in. I’m currently taking a hiatus from dating. This decision is not because of a jackass male hurting my feelings. It is however because of the lessons I learned for said jackass male. I’m a little tougher on guys now, I screen them a lot better and if they have any of the same characteristics of Mr. Jackass I drop them like a bad habit. I’m not some crushed little girl. I’m just smarter then I was. And I’m thankful for that.

In other news I’m ignoring my phone, another ghost form guys past has popped. Clinton is this ghost’s name. I’m really not into making the same mistake more than once. Hell I don’t like making them once.

Anyways my dears I’m heading off to bed. Stay out of trouble.

Love you

The Honest Bitch

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sunday 31 October 2010

Happy Halloween!

Good Evening,

Happy Halloween! October 31 – November 1st is said to the point at which the sprits are closet and able to communicate most easily the living. Not many people know this but it’s actually November 1st that’s the hunted day. The history is that people use to dress up on All Hallows' Eve to ward off any harmful sprits from visiting them on All saints day (November 1s) when the sprits are said to be able to reach through from the other world.

I’m not sure if I truly believe in ghosts but for one night a year it’s fun to pretend and just be scared. What other time of year can you be whoever you want to be? Hunted house are my favourite part of Halloween. Sadly England doesn’t really understand how to them. There is nothing like being scared out of skin and running away from a man with a chainsaw. I have some awesome memories from hunted houses over the years.

In other news, my op has been moved forward to November 2nd and my mother operation is now on the 9th. I’m not really worried about my operation I’ve had the same thing done a lot of times now. But I am freaking out about my mom’s, I think she’s going to die. It was a close call last time she was in, ok this is different but I’m really worried. I don’t want to think too much about of I’ll end up crying.

I just wanted to take a chance to thank two very cool people, Jason and Neal. Jason is someone that always knows just what to say to make me feel better and I’m very thankful to have someone that cares for me that much, Even if he hits on me a lot. The other person is Neal and well Neal may be the funniest guy around. He always managed to make me smile, he’s always there to talk to or just listen. He’s also a fellow Leafs fan so that’s always a bonus

Speaking of The Leafs, we lost two shutouts in a round. It has been122 minutes and 24 seconds of game time since the Leafs last scored a goal. The Leafs started this season strong but now they’re sitting in 18th place in the NHL. This season is early put I’m starting to worry that 30th place has own name written all over it.

Did you see Colton Orr’s pink skates tonight? I’m going to post a picture for you. He sported them for Hockey Fights Cancer and you can’t help but feel respect for this tough guy. He may be a fight on the ice but tonight he showed us he’s a good guy.



Anyways it’s now 5am or actually 6 because they clocks went back. Enjoy your extra hours in bed UK people.

Love you

The Honest Bitch

xxxxx