Forced Holiday

I’m back.

I guess I should start by explaining my disappearing act. There isn’t actually much to tell. I was order by my doctor to take a few weeks off and relax.

He gave me this order, well; he actually didn’t give it to me, he gave it to my mom. Yes that’s right my mom. The doctor went over my head and gave it to my mom leaving me no choice in the matter.

He gave the order for two main reasons. The first is since my MRI I’ve been having panic attacks. Which my doctor says is due to stress. 18 doctors appointment in the first 4 months of 2012 will do that to a person. The second reason was my back was spasming and I had an appointment with a new doctor coming up. It was very likely at that first appointment he was going to do injections in my back which apparently is very hard to do when the back is spasming.

At first I wasn't a fan of these orders, I had things I needed to do and nobody was letting me do them. My mom actually went so far as to, hide my netbook and steal my PC keyboard. Charming I know.

After one final panic attack it became very clear I was taking this forced holiday whether I liked it or not and I should stop wasting my energy and just go with it.

I’m weird with panic attacks; I’m a very sane crazy person. I lay with my back against the wall looking at my door, because it stops that somebody is going to come up behind me and stab me feeling. As I’m lying there I’m thinking this is fucking crazy. My room is on the ground floor and at the front of the house, surely the window would be my biggest problem not the door. Like I said I’m a sane crazy person.

Despite the fact I thought I felt fine before my forced holiday I have to admit now my doctor was right. Even though it took me the best part of my time off to actually relax once I did, I could really feel the difference and as an added plus was my neck and back weren’t feeling so tight.

Or at least they weren’t until I met my new doctors yesterday, who I can safely say beat the living shit out of my back. I guess the upside is they decided, at least for now, they aren’t going to do any injections. Thank god for that. I’ve been under that fluoroscope so many times I think my ovaries are starting to glow in the dark.

After getting double teamed by two doctors yet again today, and let me add not in the good way, I’ve been given the green light to end my forced holiday. So I should be resuming my regular blogging schedule as of....now.

And if you ask me it’s not a second too soon, I’ve missed blogging. As always my dears stay safe,

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Trained Monkeys

A lot of you guys have been asking how my MRI went so I thought I'd bring you up to speed.

Over a year ago my physio referred me to a spinal specialist to eliminate spinal problems as the cause of my back pain. He was very clear in saying he didn't think that was the problem but because my spine with a little on the straight side he wanted to rule it out.

So I went to meet with the spinal specialist, and there I met trained monkey number one. Not the doctor I was referred to, but one of his bitches. While I was there trained monkey number one poked, pulled and bent my back and in the end he decided I needed to have a CT and MRI done.

A few weeks after that appointment, I went back to get my results. There, another trained monkey (trained monkey number two), whose English sucked I might add, told me there was a bulge in one of my discs but it was in the wrong place to be causing my back pain - he said in his opinion my back pain wasn’t a spinal issue. He ended the appointment by telling me if the pain got worse, I could came back and see him.

It sounded pointless to me, he already said it wasn't a spinal problem so what's the use in going back? Also I was being treated by the pain management centre so the odds of the pain getting worse were slim to none.

I was wrong, the NHS closed the centre and I was left high and dry. So over time my back pain got worse and I had to go back and see my GP and he decided it would be smart to go back and see the spinal specialist. I wasn't impressed with that idea and told him I thought it was pointless but he insisted it was the next step.

I went back just after Christmas and there I met trained monkey number three. He wasn't so bad, he poked and caused pain and decided that since it had been a year, I needed another MRI. He added if they came back clean he'd refer me on to a different department.

That was great news in my book, this may be pointless but at least at the end of it I'd be moving on to a different doctor who might have a clue of what's wrong.

I went for an MRI and as you read, it will wasn't an enjoyable experience. I got through it thinking once this is done there's a new doctor in my future, one who didn't get his degree from a crackerjack box.

I went back to get my results and there met yet another trained monkey. This one told me the bulge in my disc looks a lot smaller now, and everything else looks fine. Then he told me “if it gets worse you have an open appointment here for the next six months after that you need to go back to your GP.” And with that he vanished.

So now I'm exactly where I was a year ago, with no answers; I went through all that shit for nothing. In hindsight I'm actually worse off than I was a year ago because I'm no longer being seen by the pain management centre.

I am infuriated with the whole thing at this point. You never see the same stupid trained monkey more than once so you get no consistency. I have to go and see my GP this week and God help him because I've reached the end of my rope.

I understand back pain is a tricky thing and can be caused by many things. That's fine as long as someone's trying to do something. It kind of feels like they're trying to see how much bullshit I can handle before my head explodes and I kill someone.

The whole thing kind of reminds me of that song, 4 little monkeys jumping on the bed, but instead of them falling and bumping their heads, I want to hit them with frying pans.

Anyways my dears, I'm off to take some painkillers and research which frying pan is best for scrambling monkeys.

Stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

MRI Panic

Sorry I didn't manage to get anything up yesterday, I was too busy stressing about my hospital appointment today. It was nothing major, just a MRI but I really didn't enjoy my last one and was completely dreading having to have another one.

I wouldn't consider myself claustrophobic or anything like that but that tube puts the fear of God in me. I can only explain the feeling as what it must feel like to be inside a coffin, a loud lighted coffin.

I didn't enjoy my last MRI but it went fine. I managed to get it done without any issues. It sucked but I figured I'd never have to have another one again.... I was wrong.

Today's MRI didn't go as well. I lost it.... Big time. I wasn't inside that coffin like to tube more than 2 minutes before they had to take me out. Apparently it's very common to have a panic attack inside a MRI machine. The tech was saying it's almost more common to have one then not. Which made me feel a little better, but I still feel like a big baby. They make it look so nice in the easy on TV.... Bunch of liars.

Luckily after I calmed down I managed to suck it up and have my MRI done. I just couldn't face the thought of having to come back and go through this all over again. So I just focused on my breathing and kept my eyes closed.  It still wasn't enjoyable in any shape or form but at least I got it done.

Needless to say I won't be agreeing to have another one done any time soon. But if it helps sort out my back I guess it was worth it.... Just. In all honesty I think I'd rather have the pain than the panic attack.

Stay safe and out of any coffin like tubes.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo