Monday, 31 August 2015

The Least Adult Problem Ever

I’m having the least adult problem ever, I have a week off work which to me means one thing, The Sims. However, I can’t bring myself to play because I get to the part where I create my Sim’s partner and my brain melts down. Not a problem an alleged adult should be having.

I guess, it’s a legitimate problem in an illegitimate setting, it’s just another person asking the same question just this time the person is computerised. However, computerised or not, it doesn’t change my lack of an answer. Or lack of willingness to figure one out.

Let’s be painfully honest here, he knows. He knows more than I do, which is awesome because that puts the ball firmly in his court. And while he has the ball, I can be next-door at the arena playing hockey.

All the questions, all the answers are his at this point, which is kind of nice. It gives me the freedom to just enjoy things and let things fall into place. Even if everyone else finds it frustrating including a computer program.  

Anyways, I am going to go and find a different game to play because clearly the Sims just ask too many complicated questions. But before I go I have this question for you; what is your idea of a perfect week off work? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Sunday, 30 August 2015

And Then My Brain Exploded

Over the years, I’ve gotten used to being told I’m closed off and impossible to read, I’ve never understood it, I’ve never felt I am but when you’re told something often enough, over time you begin to believe it. It was just 3 weeks ago, this was brought up again when the Penis Flasher said I was impossible to read.  

Now, I have a different problem, I have a guy on my hands that can read me like a goddamn book and it’s making long for the days when I could have a thought and have it just be mine. I’m sure this has it has benefits, but, I can’t seem to get away with fuck all. I am actually debating playing a character for 12 hours a night, but that’s very draining and even then I can’t guarantee he wouldn’t see straight through it.

I posted my last blog Saturday morning after work, Larry and I were messaging; after he read it he sent me this message.

“You know I can read you like a book, right .......Not random thoughts at all, either lol”

Now this intrigued me, I mean I know he can pick up when I’m mad and upset, but I’m pretty sure his superpowers shouldn’t stretch to me wanting to grab someone and kiss them in an attempt to shut them up. So I asked the question, “What did you pick up on this time?”

He quickly replied back with “Do you want the honest answer of what I read this time?”

I, of course, said yes, I want an honest answer, because between you and me, I can’t end this open book nonsense when I don’t know what he’s picking up on.

He then wrote an essay that took a minute off my life for every second he took him to write it.

The essay was as follows:

“Ok. From the looks of annoyance and frustration about the debate, to the looks and the urge to grab me (as you said). The "playful" trying to stop me from banging my feet and the "secret" glances at my crotch. What I saw last night was pretty much the same for most the night. I'm fairly certain that if I had of grabbed you, kissed you and bent you over the desk, then you wouldn't have stopped me .... In fact, I would have put money on you wanting, nay, aching for that to happen at one point.

But, hey, what do I know .... I'm only a guy ..... ;-)”

At which point my brain exploded and the only thing fell out of my mouth and down to my fingers was “I hate you”. And I told him that. Once the little men that live in my head started putting the pieces back together, I did realize I disagree with some of that. But I’ll get into that afterwards. After I told him I hated him and that I disagreed with at least one of his points, he came back with.

“I know.

 I can't be right all the time, but the bending you over the desk part was thrown in there to "test the waters" and let me see your reaction, which I now know for sure and will help me read you more ;-)

Yes, I know, you REALLY fucking hate me .....
Your phone hasn't done anything to you, so stop saying FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK at it ....”

Ok, ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk and break all this goodness down because I have a lot to say and I’m dreading editing this already.

1. The playful, trying to stop him tapping his foot - This was unrelated, at least in my head. I’ve been on a mission to get more comfortable with him so things feel more natural. Because right now normal things like touching his arm or his leg to get his attention feel wrong. And since I decided not go sit on the top desk anymore, I was having to find other ways to push myself. I can see how this could be taken for flirty but that wasn't my intent.

2. Looking at his crotch – I believe this to be utter nonsense, so, moving on.

3. The “testing the waters” comment – He literally could have read me on that one, it’s in print! I believe it was my Q&A post where I said if he tried to kiss me, I wouldn’t say no. As for the bending me over the desk comment well, I hadn’t really thought about it, but I might now.

4. Why is he testing the waters? And adding to that, I need not to be read any better…. It’s already pretty damn creepy.

5.  What does he know for sure? Because I know nothing for sure. Someone want to tell me what’s for sure? I’m lost.

And finally 6. I didn’t yell “fuck” at my phone and I’ll explain why. I was once told by an elder “knowledge has both the power to help us grow and destroy us; be careful what knowledge you seek.” And that has stuck with me. So before I ask a question I ask myself will the answer hurt me more then it helps me. If I believe it’ll help me more, I ask the question, at which point I have to accept the answer knowing it’ll help me in the long run.

Ok, I guess I didn’t have as much to say as I feared. But I think I’m still rebuilding my brain, but luckily I have almost a whole week off work now to recover and try to figure out what the heck just happened.

I may also have to take a few acting classes during the week to try and make myself a more difficult read because nobody should be able to tell that amount of detail about anyone, especially someone who has been dumped more than once for “being closed off”. I feel like I’ve gone from being War and Peace to Dr. Seuss.

Anyways, my dears, I am going to go and try and edit this mess, and probably rewrite it 12 times. But before I go I better leave you with a question; what was the last thing that caused your brain to explode? Let me know in the comment box below, and as always, stay, and play, safe.

The Honest Bitch 

Saturday, 29 August 2015

Random Thought

Last night confirmed just how random my brain truly is. I was at work last debating the “evils” of makeup when I was getting slightly fucked off, with the lack of give and take in the debate. In my frustration, my brain went to the strangest place ever.

The thought in my head, I kid you not was; “I wish I was dating him so I could fuck him and shut him up”. I’m sure that’s not normal! But I’m a night shift worker so normal isn’t really my specialty.

I was sitting there thinking, he must get laid all the time when he’s dating someone, because even I had that grab him by the face, kiss him and shut him the fuck up urge. And I’m mad at him.

Now, let it be said, I’m a fan of angry sex anyways. That is how my fights end up.  Call me strange, but I’d rather fuck my partner stupid then get arrested for punching him stupid. It’s just common sense to me.

I’ve also, over the years, had more than one fuckfriend I couldn’t stand being around so I might just be weird. Out the bedroom wanted them dead, in the bedroom some of the best sex I’ve ever had. And a fantastic stress reliever too, I might add.

I’m just failing to understand my brain right now, I’d understand with these thoughts were based on some form of sexual desire but they’re not. They are purely based in a “this man needs to stop talking now” desire.

I’m not really sure where the logic is there, surely there are better ways to shut him. I’d suggest shoving his head in my boobs, but he’s not a boob man so that would be lost on him. I could duct tape his mouth, but he’d talk right through that. OK, I can’t think of any better ways…. But I’m sure there are some.

I think that is going to be your question of the blog; what is a better way to shut Larry up? Let me know in the comment box below. I am going to go and debate whether sex is every truly a solution. So as always my dears, stay and play safe.

The Honest Bitch 


Thursday, 27 August 2015

Poorly Cuddles

I’m struggling to write this week and I’m not completely sure why. It could be because I’m happier than I have been, which always makes it harder to write. Or it could be because I’m sick and when I finish work I just want to cuddle up in a ball and die but whatever the reason it’s starting to irrigate me. Or I’m sick irritable one or the other.

When I’m sick all I want is cuddles, there is no other mind set, I want cuddles and to be felt alone, which really doesn’t go together well… but I’m a female and I don’t have to make sense.

I’m missing the old place right now for one reason only, when I’d get sick there, I’d cuddle up to Justin’s arm, put my head on his shouldn’t and quietly die all night. I can’t do that here. Justin was awesome for that stuff, but there again I didn’t have to worry about how those actions were perceived there. At least not by him, everyone else thought I was sleeping with him…. But if I believed every rumor about who I was sleeping with in that place, I’d never be upright.

Maybe I’m reading way too much into this. I am going to go and sleep because I really need to. But before I do I have this question for you; what makes you feel better when you’re sick? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Wednesday, 26 August 2015


I have a piece of advice for all the men out there, not that I have any male readers, but just in case any are lost and end up here I have this for you. NOT ALL QUESTIONS ARE A TRAP!

Larry has a distaste for makeup, and he was explaining this at work the other night. In this conversation I said I pretty much look the same with or without makeup. Which I do. I’m told this all the time, by friends and more than once by the person I’ve woken up next to. Larry snapped back with “I don’t think you do.” So I innocently asked which way he thinks I look better. The wuss, would not answer for love, money or blowjobs.

He then ranted about it being a trap. It wasn’t a trap at all. I mean, unless he thinks I’m hideous there was no way to offend me with that question.

“I think you look better without makeup” – Awwww, he thinks I’m naturally pretty. There's no offended there.

“I like you with makeup, it brings out your eyes” – Awww, he thinks I have pretty eyes. Not offended.

“You look equally wonderful with or without makeup” Awwwww, that’s sweet. Not offended.

You know what’s offensive, “no comment”, that answer is pretty much the only way that question becomes a trap.

I don’t tend to ask questions I don’t want an answer to anyways. Hence me not asking Larry how he feels…. Don’t want to know. And I don’t know any female friends that do this, but if you do, stop it, it’s clearly fucking it up for the rest of us.

Anyways, you sexy people, I am going to go and get some sleep. But before I go I have this question for you; do you ask questions you don’t want the answer to? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch

Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Awkward Touch

I am did promise daily posts again this week, and I hate letting you guys down so despite have absolutely nothing to say, here a post.

That in itself is actually a good thing, things are back to normal at work. My body language seems to have fixed itself, I’m not feeling awkward at all. It almost feels normal. The only tiny problem is I appear to be scared to touch Larry. That normal interaction feels super awkward and unlike at the old place where I could stand and lean on Justin or give a patronizing hug…. I can’t do that here.

Anyways, I need to go get ready for work. Sorry this post is so short. But we shall talk later. Before I go, I have this question for you; what makes you feel awkward? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Monday, 24 August 2015

Daily Continues

I am drunk, da drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk, and I am going to have a bruise the size of a small country on my leg from a wall failing to dance with me. But it’s been worth it. I’ve had a lot of fun today. It’s been a while since I’ve been happy drunk.

Drunk has been my coping mechanism lately. Hopefully I’m  back to writing now because drunk solves nothing other than making me too tired to kill anyone the follow day… so I guess that’s a victory.

I’ve decided, I shall be carrying on the daily blog for another week, mainly because I’ve really enjoyed them. I feel amazing, my mind is clear, I’m not stressed, and I’m not struggling to bite my tongue. I love the feeling of not having anything bottled up.

Although that said, I think killed Larry off, but these things happen. I’m not really surprised and I’m sure none of you are either. It’s just one of those things. He may be ok, he might come back as a zombie, only time will tell.

I am going to go and break that golden rule, write drunk, edit sober…. If I did my editing sober, I’d never post anything interesting. I’d probably get in way less trouble though. Anyways, you beautiful people, it’s time for the question. How do you deal with stress? Let me know in the comment box below? And as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Sunday, 23 August 2015

What Is The Endgame

I guess, I’m going to make this a weekend full of questions answered. I haven’t planned on answering this one just yet but, I’ve had a moment of clarity or maybe just a good night’s sleep and thought, fuck it. I’ve never been one to hold back, so why start now.

The question is what is the end game with Larry? What is the hope?

I don’t have an endgame with Larry, I think that would be a very dangerous way to look at things in this case. At the end of the day, I still have to have a relationship with this guy no matter what, so I can’t look at this as a one way street with a destination at the end. I’d end up miserable if I did that.  And if ending up miserable was the name of the game; I’d be in bed with the Penis Flasher now. But my happiness comes first so I’m not, that and because batteries are a thing.

As for what I’d like, that’s the harder question. And as frustrating as it is, it’s not one I have an answer for. I want to see what’s there, but I want to do that over time, and with as little pressure as possible. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Sometimes you just have to have faith in that.

I know that sounds like a cop-out, and maybe it is, but I’ll tell you like this. He isn’t what I normally go for. If I came across him online I’d pass; He’s smokes, he has a kid, there are other activities I don’t agree with. On paper, he’s worse than the Penis Flasher. But here’s the thing; after spending 40+ hours a week locked in the office with him I can tell you, he’s a wonderful human. He’s a lot of fun to be around, he’s super caring, he’s funny; He’s just an all-around good guy. And someone I enjoy spending time with.

Would I be heartbroken if there was more there? No. If he tried to kiss me, would I push him away? No. If everything stays exactly how it now, would I be heartbroken? No. I am more than happy to let this one play itself out.

That said, I hope he doesn’t end up with Pippi. Because how things are now, will change. I’ve already been given my orders on that one.

Anyways, I am going to go and get ready, I’m meeting up with some friends to work on a script today, I can’t wait it’s been a long time since we’ve all met up. But before I do, I have this question for you; does the relationship status matter? Let me know your thoughts and opinions in the comment box below. And as always, stay, and play, safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Saturday, 22 August 2015

Saturday Q&A

Happy Saturday; my hair is up, my makeup is off and I’m sat here in my pajamas ready to answer some of your questions. It’s been a while since I’ve done a Q&A and with the daily posts this week I’ve received more questions than normal, so let’s get started.

What ever happen to that other guy from work?

The simple answer is I killed him off. I don’t need the drama he’d bring in my life. I’m 28, I’m not looking to play games; I’m too old for that shit. I want simple, and easy. Something that feels natural. I want someone to enhance my life, not make me hate it.

That guy has more issues than playboy. His baggage is beyond what any girl should have to take on. As good as it would be for blogging sake, I’m too happy how I am to risk it with a sure fire failure.

How is Mr. X?

He’s good, enjoying marriage. He’s still a smart ass and a great voice of reason.

Are you worried your blog will change Larry’s opinion of you?

No; my only worry is he’ll react to something he reads. I don’t mind talking about things, but I don’t want to be yelled at for something that I may have felt for a second.

His opinion of me, does not concern me. That is solely his problem. I am, what I am and I’m not about to change for anyone. As long as we can work together, he can think about he likes.

Disregarding your feelings, given the fact you work together would you date him?

Yes, which is an answer I didn’t think I’d be saying. For some reason I think we’d be fine. A breakup is why you don’t date where you work, but his personality doesn’t lend itself to bitter ex so I think we’d ok.

Have you spoken to The Giant since starting the new job?

I’ve spoken to him a few times since I left. We’ve also gotten on well from the start so there’s not really a surprise there. Plus, he’s my flirting partner, when I need a pick me up, he’s there to creep on me and make things better.

Would you sleep with The Giant?

If life was simple and he was single, damn straight I would. But, it’s not simple and I’d like to not add homewrecker to my CV so probably not. As much as I’d like to.

What are your “Larry beliefs”?

I believe he’s banging Pippi Whore Stockings so clearly isn’t interested.

What if your belief is wrong?

Then sooner I’ll find out, he’ll say something or make a move and I’ll take things from there.

I think that’s enough questions for one day. I have one more to answer, but I shall save that one for later and give it a post of its own at some point.

This has been a lot of fun as they always but I am going to go and get some much needed sleep. I won’t leave a question today. I’m all questioned out. So as always my dears, stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Friday, 21 August 2015

And Then A Rant Happened

I’m feeling pretty much how I figured I would today; tired, drained, pissed off and a little hungry, which is actually a good thing because minus two pieces of candy at work last night I haven’t eaten in at least 48 hours…. I envy people who can comfort eat. If I even try to eat when I’m upset I get sick.

I guess I picked a good day to be ticked off, I’ve managed to hide it behind being tired most of the night and admittedly a lot of it probably is that I’m over tired and cranky as all hell. But not all of it.

I’m still miffed at Larry for implying I was fishing for information on how he feels. Now, admittedly those words never left his mouth and that’s because I cut him off before he said words he couldn’t take back.

If I wanted to know how he felt, I’m fucking ask. I might do it drunk…. But I’d do it. As it stands this very minute, I don’t care! I believe I know where I stand, whether that matches reality or not is another matter, but I’m ok with my belief.

I’m Irate that someone would think I’m too chicken shit to answer the hard questions, I’ve been doing this nearly 15 years and I’ve built my reputation on being honest and open and saying the things we all think but never say. And to have someone even hint that I’d do anything other than that makes my blood boil.

You can call me ugly, you can say I’m a bad person, you can think I’m crazy…. I don’t care, just don’t mess with my blog. This is my baby, this is my outlet and this is my life.

And apparently a great way to flip my bitch switch…. Sorry about that. However, I feel a million times better. That’s part of the joy of blogging, intense emotion until you hit post and then you’re instantly over it… normally just in time to upset someone reading it.

Anyways, I need sleep and food, but mainly sleep, so I need to go. But before I do, my question for you; what flips your bitch switch? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Thursday, 20 August 2015


God, it’s been years since I’ve had any sort of panic attack, but they’re still as horrible as I remember. And despite having claimed down, I’m still going to be a mess for hour. Nothing like a breakdown, with lots smoke on the side of a busy motorway to completely freak a person out.

I wasn’t having a good night before, evident by the fact that George, the other guy that works on nights, pulled me aside to ask if I was ok, and to say if I needed him, he was there. But that, that was the icing on a shit filled cake.

I’ve learned over the years, that when I have a panic attack I need someone to distract me, normally laughter will bring me out of it. However, at 06:30 in the morning, I’m pretty limited in my options. Given the fact I had just left work Larry was my first thought. He’s not my favorite person right now, but I’ll give him his dues he’s a funny guy and normally pretty good at cheering me up. Which, mad or not, when you feel like you’re going to die, is pretty helpful. However, I couldn’t get hold of him so I moved on to plan B. Waking up my mom, which I didn’t want to do because she’s sick, but I needed to, I was climbing the wall. I was losing rational thought quickly.

She quickly got me back to a place where I could think again and prevented me from doing anything stupid or dangerous, which at one point was a real possibility. Although shaken everything is fine…. Minus my car and my top that is currently soaked in tears.

I feel bad for anyone who deals with panic attacks on a regular basis, when I did my back I use to get them but not nearly this bad.  When I’m not in a great mind space I wear a necklace with my spirit animal on it, and when I’m worked up, I’ll rub it and try to focus on that and it meaning… works pretty well normally, does fuck all during a panic attack.

Kind of like Larry… that was humor not bitchiness. I’m sure he didn’t know quite how bad of shape I was in when I reached out. And I pray that nobody every sees me like that….I was beyond a mess.
Anyways, that was my rant, I’m going to go and cry for the next 2 hours because I have no control over that shit and I’ll speak you all tomorrow.


The Honest Bitch 

Wednesday, 19 August 2015

The Larry Theory

The week of daily blogs continues, well, we’ll see if this lasts a week but that is the aim. Last night at work wasn’t too bad, I’m pretty over it and have normalized again… my body language is still a wee bit off, but its minor shit like my toes are pointed the wrong way… and to be fair, I wear steals so nobody but me would know that.

I wanted to talk about the theory one of my long time reads had on why I didn’t click that I might have feelings for Larry.

She’s sent me a message saying give my long history of falling into relationships, and being the last to know when I’m in one, she's not surprised the feelings didn’t register because that wasn’t my focus. I was focused more on the character, humor and personality traits. All the other stuff was secondary and not relevant until Miss Pippi whore stockings showed up.

I kind of think that theory proves once and for all you’ll a lot smarter than I am. I thought a lot about this yesterday before I went to bed and looking back on my dating history; she’s not wrong. We all know I am the last to know when I’m in a relationship; I tend to read it on Facebook or back in the day Myspace. A lot of my exes have been friends that have turned into more. I sure as hell wasn’t looking to bang them from the offset. But for the most part they were solid relationships while they lasted, largely because we had that solid friendship ground work.

The theory seems highly plausible to me, I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I’m sure you will let me know. I think I’ll make that your question of the blog; is friendship, then a relationship a good thing or a bad thing? Let me know what you think in the comment box below. And as always stay, and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Tuesday, 18 August 2015


It would appear my “The Story of Larry” post did its job, I actually feel better. My mind doesn’t feel like a shaken snow globe anymore. I almost feel like me again…. Almost. I still feel a little awkward, but that might be for another reason.

I had a “fuck it” moment and gave up my URL to Larry. Actually, what happened was Mr. X messaged me, I took that as a sign and now he’s a one of my readers. That sounds just as bad written out as it does in my head. I’m comforted by the fact Mr. X handled it so well, proving it is at least possible for it not to go up in flames.

Last night was my first time seeing him since everything and to his credit he seemed alright. His body language was a little off, but mine was on the different planet so I can’t talk. I think the worst part is thanks to script writing and acting classes I’m painfully aware it’s off… and I still can’t fix it. Luckily I managed to keep myself busy so at least I could hide a lot of the awkwardness.

Tonight on the other hand is going to be a test; one I don’t like the odds of me passing. I have Larry and Pippi together to deal with. I’ll be honest, the thought of that is keeping me awake. To be fair, it’s more not knowing how I’ll react that’s stressing me. Since I don’t know how I feel, my reaction is surprise to everyoneincluding me, which is a fucking nightmare. At least I can brace myself if I know I’m likely to react. This, this is a guessing game…… and I don’t like games.

Anyways, I’m going to go and pounder over a comment I received about a theory on why I was clueless regarding my feelings for Larry. I shall report on that one. But before I go I have this question for you; Will Larry reading my blog end badly for me? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Monday, 17 August 2015

The Story of Larry

I promised in my last post to explain the whole Larry situation and I figured I better do this while I have the clarity of the weekend and before new events add to the craziness already going on inside my head.

Let’s start with who Larry is. He is a 29 year old, father of one, lorry driver come office monkey who works on night with me. He is genuinely a nice guy, with a great sense of humor. He isn’t afraid to make an ass out of himself in the name fun. He is also a shameless gamer geek, who loves North American culture. He’s exactly like the guys I hangout with when I’m at home. He is just an all-round good guy.

I’ve gotten to know both him and the other gentleman on night pretty well over the last month. I’ve managed to spend a couple of nights just sitting with them learning the ropes. Fortunately, we’ve all gelled quickly and have been able to have a lot of fun swapping stories and sarcastic jabs.

The only problem I have with Larry is, over a very short period of time, he’s learned to read me like a damn book. The Supervisor was the same with me and I hate it because I can’t seem to get away with anything. And the worst part is, he seems to know when I’m not being completely honest with what’s bugging me. That’s not good, especially when I don’t know what’s up or what’s up is him.

You see, the other day at work he was the problem, or at least part of the problem and you can bet your sweet ass I was going to admit that, and he wasn’t buying what I was telling him. But, I was only not telling him the whole truth because how do you tell someone your mind is melting down mode because you think you may like them?

And I use the word think, because even now, I’m not completely sure, I mean everything was fine and normal of minute and the next crazy land. I don’t know when or how or why this happened and it’s completely thrown me for a loop or 12.

I’ll be very honest here; I’m struggling to verbalize what happened, largely because I don’t want to admit it and partly because I handled it poorly, and in a very non me way, and I’m kind of ashamed of that. But I know if I don’t write this, it’ll haunt me and I’ll never move past it, and things will be forever weird so here it goes.

There is this female driver at work, I’ll call her Pippi. Larry has a bit of a crush on her. A couple nights ago when she finished her shift, she hung around chatting. We were having a laugh, a joke and then it started to appear that she might have a thing for Larry as well. Which, in theory, is fine. He’s a good a guy he deserves someone special… In theory, in reality she was stood telling about her friends who she introduced to this guy she liked and now her friend and this guy live together and all I was thinking was “you fucking bitch, and now you’re going that to me.” Which was weird because I don’t know why I'd be thinking like that so I just kept a smile and tried not to let it phase me… hell what’s one crazy thought in a female brain right.

At some point I had to go and get on with some work, so she moved over and started chatting with Larry, making it, at least to me, clear she’s interested in him and that didn’t sit well with me. That said, I’m protective of all my guy friends so I didn’t read a whole lot into that. I stayed quiet and got on with some work.

Then I had to interact with him, and instead of the normal playful, sarcastic exchanged, I got mean, and I think I even physically pushed him away at one point. Which is unacceptable and not like me at. I can only think of one reason why I would have acted that way…. Jealously, and one would assume if jealously an issue is, there’s a reason why.

I was a little bit confused by own reaction, and in an act of damage limitation and to honor girl code, I completely backed off, I spent the rest of the night at my desk, I just kept myself to myself. Apparently I backed off too much though, because Larry questioned what was wrong with me, I gave a reason but he wasn’t really buying it. But, I’ll give him his dues he still did make a point of trying to cheer me up.

The drive home that night sucked, I had to fight to keep it together; I actually felt physically sick. And when I finally got home, I lost it. I’m not sure why; whether it was the confusion, or the feeling that I lost or never had a chance. I mean there is no competition between Pippi and me, she wins every time.

The following night at work was awkward to say the least; I just didn’t know what to do with myself. The reason I had been hiding behind wasn’t there so I had to keep it together a pretend everything was fine, which is easier said than done when your brain is still trying to make sense of the previous day’s events. I thought I was doing ok…. Until the other guy I work with on nights asked me if I was ok and, for the real reason I was upset the night before. I just stuck to my story and I think bought it or at least decided not to push it.

Now it’s the weekend and I have to sort of this mess so I can go into work Monday and be normal. And not react to what may happen and by that I mean, him banging her because in the grand scheme of things, I loose and I have to be ok with that… and if I’m not, I have to fake it.

Anyways, this blog is way longer than I planned and it didn’t help nearly as much as I would have hoped, but it does give you guys some background for the next time I break down and completely snap because something tells me that will happen, it’s only a matter of time.

I am going to go and get some sleep and pray that when I see Pippi and Larry together Tuesday, I managed to at the very least, keep my damn mouth shut as to not make things worse than they already are. I mean, at the end of the day I have to still work with him. But, before I go, I must leave you with a question because that is the law here. How do you deal with rejection? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch