I Ended My Career

Monday, July 12^th will go down in history as the day I committed career suicide, and while I am not okay, and I feel like a disappointment, I know it was the right decision for me at present. But right, sure as hell isn’t easy.

I’ve been on my shift pattern for over 6 years, and after the past couple of years, and more importantly, after the past 7 months I need that routine. It has remained my one sense of normality, the one consistent, and you sure can hell bet I am going to fight to keep that. I need that routine, it’s a large part of my coping mechanism. And it sucks, I don’t want to and shouldn’t have to explain that I am struggling. I am doing what I need to remain functioning. I am not okay, and I am painfully aware I still haven’t processed everything. But I have to keep moving, healing will come, but until it does, I have to protect my mental wellbeing.

That said, this sucks. I worked my ass off to get any sense of recognition, to get an opportunity.  Opportunities on nights are unheard of. And I have to pass it up. I am damn good at my job, and nobody knows everything I do, that’s how good I am. I am mad. This is so stupid. Here, have a promotion, but you have to completely swap on to the other set of 4. Why? This just sucks.

Anyways, I am off to get some sleep and try to chill out. As always, stay and play safe guys.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

I am Stressed

My stress levels lately have been through the roof, and for whatever reason, I haven’t been able to unwind completely so I’ve been constantly on edge for a while. Not sure if it’s because of this promotion I am working towards, that I am not going to get. Or because work has been so busy. But it’s just yucky at the moment.

Part of my destressing process is snuggles, and I am not getting that at the minute which isn’t helping matters. I am just all over the place. But fighting to hold it all together and put on a brave face.

Anyways, I am off to have a nap, because that’s the other thing I do when I’m stressed. How do you deal with stress? Let me know in the comments below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Questioning Everything

Have you ever been at the point of life where you’re questioning everything? Your dating choices, your living situation, you’re work-life; basically, your no longer sure of anything? That’s where I am right now.

I was getting ready to move out before my stepdad's diagnosis and I’ve had to put that on hold while things are found out. I am feeling rather stuck. I spent so long looking after my mom and now this. I am feeling like my life is constantly being put on hold to look after others. I know it’s the right thing to do and it's what I should be doing. It doesn’t make it suck any less. I am 34 now, my hopes of a family of my own are slipping away. 

Dating just sucks. Lawyer Dude is a dead end and I know it. I am not about to change it right now, but the thing whole thing is a giant waste of time. Plus the amount of baggage he carries just isn’t for me. I knew I didn’t want a guy who had kids, this confirms that. I worried I wouldn’t be a priority, hell I am not even a consideration.  

Work is actually ok. I am good at my job. No, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows, but it isn’t horrible all the time either. My issue is promotion. There is a carrot being dangled and I don’t like it. I will not be getting the promotion, I know where it’s going, we all do. So why dangle it? The thing is, I always want to do my best. Put my best foot forward, and in this role, that’s very hard work. And it’s hard work for, what will be nothing. Part of me wants to just throw the towel in and walk away, but my pride won’t allow it.

Anyways, this is my last day off before I head back to work, so I am going to go enjoy it, and by enjoying it I mean I am going to go take a nap. Thank you for letting me vent. As always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

The Obligatory Tyler Update

I’ve been out of the blogosphere for roughly 3 months, so I know you guys would like a Tyler update, since it was my most popular request before I vanished.

Not a whole lot to catch you up on really. He is still a sweetie and the best work husband a girl could ask for. He is still one of the only reason I make it through some shifts without completely snapping. Definitely still the only voice of reason I listen to… most of the time.

However, that’s it. He is not interested. And I hate to put this out there, but I’ve been questioning for a while whether he may be asexual. Please, don’t for a second think this is an ego thing. It’s not his lack of interest in me that is making me question, it’s his lack of interest in anyone. When we talk, he often mentions not getting married or having a family or any relationship at all. He says he fine dying alone. He never comments that a girl is pretty or hot, or guys for that matter. When you ask him about celebrity crushes, he changes the subject. I don’t really know the story, but it makes me wonder.

Anyways, now that I have broken your hearts, I am off, to hopefully write 2 more blog posts because I have a lot to say, this 3 months off has made me chatty. As always you lovely people, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

Xoxo 

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All Done

So, my holiday is coming to end, and I’m both ready and dreading it. I’m missing chatting with Tyler and the guys in the office, but I am heading back to change, and nobody knows how what is going to happen. I’m also heading back not having achieved what I planned with my time off. I’m not too mad about that though, I needed a little chill time. Wish I had played more sims, but I was kidding myself that I was going to get stuff done.

I am going to keep this post nice and short as frankly I want to go and have a nap and we shall be back to business as usually next week. As always you pretty people, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Plans

Am I the only person that finds having a plan or long-term commitments stressful? Don’t get me wrong, I have a loose plan, I have an end goal, but a step-by-step plan or commitment past the next 7 ish day, stress me the hell out.

I think it has something to do with me not liking to let people or myself down. I know where I am now, mentally, physically, but 1 month, 2 months for now who knows. And I hate to back down, so I know from experience I’ll just push myself and do that I said even though it may not be what’s best for me.

Anyways you pretty people, I am off to go and study because sooner or later I will be that fucking time off work to do my course. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

I Miss Tyler

I hate to admit this, but I am missing Tyler. We haven’t been as chatty as normal, and I’m feeling the impact. He brings calm, light heartedness to most situations and without that, my people battery is going flat a lot quicker than I’m used to.

It pains me to admit I might actually need him, or any person for that matter, but it would appear that I do…I don’t like this.

Considering I hate most people and can barely tolerate the rest, I find it a horrible inconvenience that I might actually need another human. It’s not something I do. And, frankly, it feels wrong. But I guess it’s ok. I mean everyone needs someone sometimes?

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep, I need to flip back to night mode for work tomorrow. But before I do, I have this question for you. Does it bother you to need to lean on someone? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Changing up the plan

Thanks to a lack of holiday approval I’m having to shake up my plan and even as I write this, I’m not sure the change will work since I’m still lacking approve. I put my holiday request in in November and still nothing… feel like it would be easier to get a new job at this point. That said, my new aim, since the course I wanted to do is now full, is to do my CPC in June.

Which isn’t a bad thing, I had fallen behind in studying so this should allow me to get back on track. I have 16 units left to go over and 15 weeks until the course, so I should be able to everything done and fully give myself the best chance to succeed.

Anyways I am off to drink because I am back at work tomorrow and that makes me want to drink. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Still Not Together

In case you’re wonder, yep my mission to keep my ducks in a row in 2020 is still failing. Hence why this post will be back dated to Friday despite be writing it at midnight on Saturday. One day I will have everything balanced, I swear, but not any time soon from the looks of it.

The other issue I have is, I have nothing to say right now. Dating life is nothing, work is still very much work and all my free time is currently taken up trying to cram for my CPC in March which I may or may not be doing since I can’t get my fucking holiday days approved.

Anyways I have to go, this is day 1 off which is why I am writing so late, sleep happened. Hopefully next week, things will be better…maybe. Love you all, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Oppps

So, the last post I posted was about me struggling to find balance and the one of the ones before that was about goals… sometimes life tries to test us and sometimes we fail that test, and things go up in flames and it’s not pretty. That’s the current situation.

I may have lost my shit at work Saturday night, walked out and quit. That is a thing that may have happened. I knew I was stressed; I knew I was getting towards the end of my rope… I didn’t know flames were about to happen.

It’s strange, I don’t regret anything. I mean I would have liked to be a little calmer but given the situation I did what I felt I needed to. As for what’s next, I don’t know. I have a meeting with my manager tomorrow, and we will see what’s what. I’m at peace with my decision so I’m not sure what can be said on his part.

Anyways, I am off to finish decorating the tree. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Balance

I’m struggling to find balance at the moment. I know what I need to get done and I’m doing it, but I seem to have forgotten to allow time to relax and I’m struggling to see where I can even remotely fit it in.

My goal is my CPC, and I have 12 weeks before the course. There are 26 units I need to learn, and I have currently done 6. Math right now isn’t my friends. I need to do 2 units a week, and that’s a struggle, I’ve only managed 1 each of the past 2 weeks. And this doesn’t account for the fact I don’t under one of the units I’ve done. My check for understanding score was laughable. I’m stressed, and I shouldn’t be. I guess the Brightside is my scores on the other units were good.

I need to find balance in this all and I’m just not sure how. I know I will get there, but it needs to be soon. Anyways, I am off to have a nap, as I’m back at work in a few hours, like I said no balance. Leave me your tips on how you managed to balance everything I the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Goals

I know it’s not January yet, so it seems a little premature to discuss goals and making changes and things like that. However, I am not one to play by the rules. Plus, a lot of things I want to talk about are goals I set in January, so this is more of a reflection before moving on.

 In January I set myself 3 areas of focus, the 3 things in my life I had control over, my health, my blog and my job, and now that it’s coming towards the end of the year, looking back, I haven’t done badly.

Health wise, I’ve done a minimum of 20 minutes every day on the treadmill since January 1^st. My weight isn’t going anywhere, but I am feeling better for it. I think I am going to change it up in the new year, but the goal is still 20 minutes a day.

Blog wise; I haven’t missed a week. I have released some rubbish throwaway posts, but I haven’t missed anything. I want to continue that into the new year, hopefully with less throwaway posts. I would love to sort my social media out, but baby steps.

Work is letting me down in the hat trick. I am happier, however, that’s mainly because I no longer care. I have put more of an effort in but haven’t seen much back from that. My goal going into next year is to get my CPC, that will open more door for me and make decision making easier. I’ve already started working towards this goal and hopefully in March I should be able to achieve it. It’s all about focus right now.

Anyways, I am going to go and have dinner, since it is 23:00. But before I go, I have this question for you; what goals have you achieved in 2019? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

I Miss Tyler

Okay, I have to admit something I really don’t want to. It pains me to say it, but I am actually missing Tyler. I’ve been on holiday for 12 days, Tyler was on holiday the 12 before that, so it’s been almost a month since we chatted, and I miss it.

As always, please don’t get any ideas… the dude isn’t into me and as a public service announcement that doesn’t make him a jerk or any of the other things he’s been called lately. He is a lovely human, most of the time, and that’s part of why I’ve missed him.

The other reason being he is the yin to my yang. Or in actual fact the yang to my yin. Yang is the positive masculine side, just in case you ever wondered which side was which. He is very good at balancing me out, actually, I, and others, feel we’re very good at balancing each other out. He is very calm and laid back and I am very “get shit done” and wound, it’s a good combination. And, as it gets busier that balance in needed or crazy happens.

The other reason I am really missing Tyler is we make each other laugh and when you’re laughing work goes so much quicker and it doesn’t feel like work. The week before I broke up, work was work and I missed having that little ability to giggle and make it feel a little better.

Anyways, I am off to enjoy my few remaining days off before I’m forced back to work. But before I go, I will leave you with this question; what makes your job more enjoyable? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

"Special Bond?"

Recently, while working out of another depot a strange comment was made that caught me off guard. The girl I was working with made a comment about how Tyler and I should get together, because “we’re prefect for each other” and we balance each other out. And all I could think is I’ve heard this somewhere before, are my reader putting you up to this?

Clearly not, as she, like everyone else at work, has zero clue my blog is a thing. I just found it so strange how everyday comments from the blogosphere have followed me into real life. And even stranger still, one of the guys from another depot also made a similar comment recently and now I’m a wee bit freaked out.

I understand… short of, where they’re coming from. We do get on well, we can talk for hours on end and he is one of the few people on the planet that I’m yet to find “too peopley”. If you’re anything like me, you’ll understand that sentence, if not, there’s no explaining that one. That said, I’m not so sure about this alleged “special bond” we have, I think some people are grasping at straws.

Anyways, I’m going to leave this with you and let you chime in, “special bond” or just a person I don’t want to stab? Leave your thoughts in the comments below. And, as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Ducks AWOL

Sometimes I think I’m finally starting to get my ducks back in a row, and other times I’m writing a blog post on my phone at work last minute because I choose sleep over getting my crap together. This week it’s more of the latter.

I’m finally starting to feel more like me again, but it doesn’t make getting everything done any easier.

Hopefully this is a lesson learned, and next week I’ll be back to scheduling as normal. Because I go I will leave you with this question; what do you do to keep your ducks in a row. Let me know in the comments below. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo 

Play The Game

Once in a blue moon I like to play the game. Keep people on their toes. This week I choose to do that. This week I am working 7 days, why you ask? Aren’t you normally the girl that tells management to fuck off? Of course, I am, but occasionally the game suits me, so I play.

You see, we are working on October’s wages right now. Meaning the following month is November. In November comes our Christmas bonuses. Since that has to be managing director approved that stuff is all finalized in October. Putting a good foot forward goes along right now. Since my reviews always contain a comment that I don’t do overtime. I am hoping “my change of heart” will be rewarded.

Sometimes being a bitch 99% of the time pays off, because when you’re nice its most memorable. Anyways, I am off to get some sleep. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

A Giant F*ck You

Today is September 14^Th and if you’ve read my posts lately, you’ll know today is the day, my night-shift co-workers and I were meant to be going out drinking, however, I am currently snuggled up in my pyjamas so clearly that didn’t happen. And to be honest, I’m actually happy it didn’t.

It became painfully clear, fairly early on that nobody cared, and people were going to flake on this meet up. Sure enough, one by one they all folded as predicted. So much for one, big happy night-shift family, eh?  

They say people don’t quit companies; they quit managers. I’ve found over the years, night-shift workers tend to not leave companies due to the work families they form, regardless of how shit the manager or company is. They tend to stick around for each other.

This whole flaking thing started to make me question why? Why does, or, should, a pseudo-family has any impact on any decisions.

The answer I came to is, it shouldn’t. No other person should impact any decisions I make regarding my life, career or anything else for that matter. I need to be in this for me, everyone else can go fuck themselves.

So, I made a few decisions; mama bear is dead. I go to bat for a lot of my co-workers more than they’ll ever know. Being one of, if not the most senior on nights I feel protective of my little cubs, and I don’t let big bad management just say what they like. However, the cubs can get the fuck out of the cave now, Mama bear is over it.

The next decision I came to is I want to do my management CPC; not because I want a management role, but because I want to move on and finding somewhere that pays the same as I am on now is difficult. That bit of paper will make things easier in the long run.

The last decision I made is to be more me. Every year after review season, I find myself doubting my words and actions. I start questioning how I am being perceived. Why? Who the fuck cares? My favourite quote is “Be all the crazy bitch you want to be. They’re going to say you were anyways.” And it’s true. I could send a harmless email and it’ll be read with a bitchy undertone. So, I may as well be a bitch, say what I like and enjoy it. Life is too short to bite your tongue.

Anyways, that’s enough for now, I have plans this evening to make poor life decisions. Before I go I have this question for you; what is your favorite quote? Let me know in the comments below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxo

Drunken Blog Update

I think we’re overdue for a drunken blog, and not just because I have no clue what to write about, but because I want a valid excuse to get drunk. Normal drunken blog rules apply; I will both write and edit this post drunk and no alterations will be made once sober. So, let’s begin, shall we?

The burning question still seems to be what is going on with Tyler; So, I guess I’ll start there. Nothing, not a damn thing. Super easy question to answer. He is lovely and a complete sweetie, but that’s where that story ends. Sorry to disappoint.

The other question I’ve been getting a lot of is; what happened to Mr. Block? Once again, the answer is nothing. He could well be dead for all I know. We met and now I’m done, the fascination is over. He’s a prick, we knew that a long time ago and now he’s dead to me.

My dating life seems to be another hot topic at the moment, and I get it, this is after all a dating and relationship blog. There is nothing going on at the moment, that said, I am feeling a little more stable now, things have settled so this is something I’m more open to, then I was.

Work is the last topic I’ll touch on. I said in January, I think, I would review what I wanted to do in July. July has come and gone and I’m not there yet. I think it may well be time to move on, but for now my work family is keeping me there. I’ll review again in December, but I think I’m staying… I mean have CV’s out so maybe not but staying is the current plan. I am actually looking at doing my CPC so I may hold off leaving until I’ve done that. But I don’t really know.

Anyways, I am going to head to bed as that last fireball hit me way harder than it should have. Leave me your question down below I am looking at doing a Q&A soon. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Am I Really Angry?

Since my last work review where I was once again told I am emotional and angry, I’ve decided to work on that. I have read a few books, watched a few videos and I’m starting to believe I am not the problem…at least not the main one.

I will hold my hands up I am sarcastic and more of a realist, however, those traits don’t make me an angry person. What makes me an angry person is other people being stupid. I think me being a bitch is just my body’s way of dealing with stupid… it’s like an allergic reaction almost. I have tried a lot of techniques over the past month or so and they’ve all resulted in me feeling angry. Unlike before, where I would verbalise my displeasure and I never actually felt angry. Now I feel angry.

You could see this on my Fitbit as well; my mouth sounds pissed; however, my heart rate is normal. When I was trying CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) it was the opposite, my mouth sounded fine, but my heart rate was up, and I felt mad.

It’s all very strange and leading me to believe I don’t have an anger problem. It is possible for what I’ve been reading I may have “chronic irritation” but, I work with idiots whom leave me chronically irritated so seems fair.

I have become more aware of my triggers from this little self-help journey and they say knowledge is power, so maybe that will help. Personally, I think I need to go back to acting lessons as even when my mouth is shut, my face is loud, and I can’t seem to shut it up these days. You’ve heard of resting bitch face. I have murderous you are a fucktard face.

Anyways, I am off to drink because work last week was a test of my will power to not go to jail. Good job I don’t have angry issues or I’m positive I would have lost that battle. I’ll leave that as the question of the blog; how do you stay calm when surrounded by idiots? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Nights Meet Up

Last weekend I finally had the pleasure of meeting the lovely Tyler in person. Tyler, myself and another co-worker took advantage of Tyler being temporarily relocated and arranged a nightshift meet up.

It was nice to finally put faces to names. Tyler and I got there first and grabbed a drink and hung out for around an hour before our other co-worker showed up. I hate to break your little dreamer hearts, but there were no sparks there. But it was strange, I wasn’t nervous at all to meet him. I am not super social these days, so normally I get a little nervous… not at all with him. On the other hand, with my other co-worker I definitely was.

I guess since I spend at least 8 hours a night talking to Tyler on the phone, there was nothing to be worried about. If you can chat for that long and it not be awkward, a few hours at the pub is nothing.

It was a good afternoon. It’s nice to know the team is as lovely in person as they seem on the phone. I’m sure we will do it again and hopefully the rest of the A team will be able to join us.

Anyways, my dears, I am off to enjoy what remains of my day off. However, before I go I have this question for you; do you get on with your co-workers? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo