Sunday, 21 July 2013

The Return of the Creepy Lay

After finding out Merlin is as good as gay and the constant sibling-esque torture from Will and Kate (I may be being over dramatic…ok I am being over dramatic) I made the decision to get in contact with a guy who I know isn’t as good as gay; Pete, Pete the Painter.

I met Pete 3-4 years ago, at a local pub. I fell in lust straight away, he was cute, a little quiet but he was all smiles and joking with his friends. Oddly enough I think he’s the only guy in history I’ve made the first move on. He was at the bar; so I downed my drink and headed to the bar myself. I made a little small talk and by the time I went back to my table I had his phone number.  

A few weeks later I saw him in the pub again so I sent him a text message, and we text back and forth and then he told me it was his birthday. I wished him a happy birthday and he texted back asking where his birthday kiss was. So, later that night, I met up with him away from our friends and gave him his birthday kiss.

We hung around together for maybe 4 or 5 months; he was just the sort of guy I go for, well spoken, looks presentable, a little quiet but a good conversationalist, and most importantly he could make me laugh.

He sounds perfect, right? That’s what I thought until I slept with him. I am not going to go into graphic detail here but he liked eye contact and by that I mean constant you can’t look away or close your eyes, eye contacted. If you broke said eye contacted, he’d stop. It was the strangest, most creepy sex ever. After that night I choose not to see him again.

However after the Merlin fiasco I figured why not go for another guy that has “THIS IS GOING TO END BADLY” written all over him. And who knows, maybe since our last encounter he’s learned how not scare women he’s currently in.

That’s wishful thinking on my part isn’t it? Could you over sleep with someone like that? And what is the strangest kink you’ve come across? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Merlin and Sperm

Never let it be said I’m a cold hearted bitch, because I actually feel bad for referring to “The New Guy” (who I will now be calling Merlin) as “emotionally detached”. That was a poorly thought out turn of phrase.

Merlin is not emotionally detached, he is a little tightly wound and possibly has a stick up his ass but emotionally detached was an unfair comment. However I am still unsure if he actually posses a sense of humour or not. I’m leaning towards not.

None of this actually matters because William was withholding crucial information about Merlin from me. The first thing he failed to tell me is there is already a woman laying claim to Merlin's penis. And the second and fatal blow that William neglected to inform me of is Merlin has an Arthur. Or in terms anybody who isn’t inside my head would understand he has a child!

I do not date men who have proven there sperm to be functional. It’s part of my safe sex plan. Birth control, condoms and a reasonable chance the man I’m with is shooting blanks! Call me crazy, but it’s worked for me so far.

However William seems to think by ruling out all men who are responsible for successful ovum landings I am cutting off my nose to spite my face. So I have to ask; would you date someone who has a child? And do you think I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below and as always stay and play (especially play) safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Fatal Attraction Flaw

I just got home from another night shift and instead of doing the smart thing and getting some sleep I’m lying here analyzing my thoughts.

I’m not sure if I told you about Kate, but she a woman from work that is on a mission to find me a guy. And despite there being some not horrible options around I find myself wanting the one guy who has “THIS IS GOING TO END BADLY” written all over him.

He kind of reminds me of The Grinch and we all know how that story ended. That should really be the only warning sign I need but my brain is apparently immune to logic.

So instead of doing the logical thing it wants to separate a man, who is emotionally detached, possibly missing his sense of humour and has said maybe 10 words to me in the 2 weeks I’ve been there, from his clothing.

And now instead of sleeping I’m laying here trying to work out what my brain’s motives are. I mean he’s cute but he isn’t the cutest and he doesn’t tick the makes me laugh box, he isn’t “datable” .......and literally as I typed that it hit me....“Mr. X syndrome”.

Any girl will tell you there is something hot about a guy playing hard to get. There is something about the chase and the progress and then the reward that is just alluring. But like a lot of people, I have a long history of getting bored with the reward once I catch it. So by picking an unattainable guy like this new one or previously Mr. X I can’t get bored because I can’t catch it. It’s like I’m playing a game that is rigged against myself; and yes I’m aware how fucked up that is.

I was going to end this post by saying something about love being blind and lust being logic-less but it appears that there actually is some logic, it just happens to be twisted logic.

And before you ask I’m not actually sure what makes the new guy unattainable; it’s just the vibe I’m getting. I guess that can be the question of the blog what makes a person unattainable and have you ever caught the unattainable? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Sunday, 14 July 2013

Soft Spoken

“You’re spoken, not that that’s a bad thing but you are” – William         
 “I think you scare him”. –William

Forgetting for a second that I am not “soft spoken” when the hell has a soft spoken person scared anyone, ever, in all of history?

The guy in question can be scared of me, I don’t care; most men are. I’m a blogger and that’s not a selling point. It’s like trying to sell a house next to an airport. I understand that, well I don’t, but accept it. It takes a certain kind of person to deal with it. 

But the guy in question doesn’t know that about me. And since 3 different people at work have called me “soft spoken”, which is 50% of the people I can actually name, how do I scare anybody? Especially someone I’ve never had a proper conversation with?

Maybe he’s a mind reader......we all know my mind is a scary place. Scary but awesome I might add.

I don’t really care; I was just bemused by the fact a soft spoken person could be scary. So you tell me, can a soft-spoken person be scary? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

Monday, 1 July 2013

New Blogs Canada Day

Good Morning and Happy Canada Day! I hope everyone back home is making the most of the long weekend and by making the most I mean getting incredibly drunk. That happens to be my plan for Canada’s 146th birthday so I am writing this post in my garden Sunday afternoon, so I don't have to drunk blog Monday.

Normally this time for year I am super homesick but if you follow me on twitter (@TheHonestBitch) you’ll know I have no time to be homesick right now, as I am in the process of launching not 1 but 2 new blogs.

I forgot how much work it is to set up a new blog and get everything running smoothly and in this case gets it so everyone involved likes the look and direction of the new blogs. I’m just trying to keep each blog different enough that A. You guys won’t get bored and B. That I won’t be bored writing for them. Nothing worse than feeling like what you’re writing is a job you have to do....after all this is supposed to be fun...isn’t it?

Anyways hopefully by the end of July everything will be up and running smoothly and I’ll stop dreaming about font sizes and blog themes. Oh and the nightmare of blog names.

What is the name of a blog you’d want to read? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.


The Honest Bitch 

P.S Since it's Canada Day enjoy this fantastic Gunnarolla song