Weekend Animosity

I’ve recently developed a strong dislike for the weekends and it’s all CM’s fault. He works Monday to Friday, so during that time we’re pretty much free to communicate as we like. Yes, he has work to do but we still text all day and normally even manage a Skype call or two.

Then the weekend rolls around and everything changes. I get next to no text messages during the day; I generally get a message from him about 4 or 5 asking how my day is going. I’ll send a reply back and won’t hear anything for an hour or two. The messages are typically slow going and tend to be short and abrupt. Which I find unappealing to say the least.

Please don’t get me wrong I understand why it’s that way, he has “real life” to deal with and by that I mean his “blah-blah-blah” (yeah, that’s the technical term for it now) but I don’t have to like it.

During a conversation the other day I commented to CM that he can look forward to finishing work all he wants but I happen to like it better when he’s there. He of course asked why and I explained that when he’s not there he’s a bit of an ass (that’s harsh wording on my part, he’s not an ass but that’s the word I used.)  And he sent me this message explaining why.

“You have to remember I usually have someone sitting directly next to me when I’m at home. I know the messages seem short and I really don’t want them to be but it seems like that’s the way they come across x x x x x”

Call me a bitch (because that’s my name) but that’s not the mental image I want of the person I’m having a pseudo affair with. I want to picture them on opposite sides of the room screaming, about to kill each other.....And yes I am aware that makes me a horrible person.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m under no disillusions, he’s not going to leave his.....blah-blah-blah and I wouldn’t expect him to. I don’t foresee this ending “happily ever after” but I would like to enjoy the ride while it lasts.

That brings me to the question of the blog; is it really that bad to just enjoy the ride while it lasts? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below. And as always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo 

CM First Kiss

The same day I posted my last blog, CM made his move and kissed me and I’m sure you’re dying to know how it was but sadly I can’t tell you. Why you ask? Because the whole time he was kissing me why brain was too busy informing me there was another girl’s boyfriend on my lips.

I swear the little voice in my head was going “knock, knock......sorry to bother you miss but I wasn’t sure if you were aware that the man current attached to your lips should be attached to someone else’s”.......and yes I am aware that sentence makes me crazy but that’s nothing new.

I was super nervous about the kiss; CM and I spend an impressive amount of time talking during the week and I was worried that it might change things. It turns out he was nervous too but for a different reason, he was worried it wouldn’t go well and he’d get “friend zoned”.

I can honestly say his “friend zone” fear is unfounded, I would not have sent him to the friend zone over a kiss.....well I lie but it would have had to be god awful for that to happen. The funny part is he thinks my fear is unfounded too because and I quote “that just wouldn’t happen”.

As for the kiss from CM’s point of view he seems to have enjoyed it, he’s eager to get his lips on me again, which can only be a positive thing, and apparently I have very soft lips which is only a borderline creepy thing to say. With a bit of luck the next time we kiss my brain will be more on my side and I can have my own borderline creepy thing to say or at the very least I’ll be able to tell you if it was any good or not.

So I guess that brings me to the question of the blog, have you ever been in a romantic situation and your brain refused to co-operate? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Crossing The Line

It’s no secret that when it comes to dating and relationship I’ve been known to make some.....questionable decisions. However despite many years of ill-fated decisions there are a few lines I’ve never crossed.

I’ve never dated a friend’s ex, I’ve never made a pass at married man and I’ve never gotten involved with someone who is already in a relationship.

There’s actually a running joke among my friends about the latter, because despite me being.....me. It’s my friend Courtney (a relationship good two-shoes) who is the homewrecker. In her defence she is now happily married to the man but it doesn’t change the fact she had to break up a home to get him.

For whatever reason this has always been a line I’ve not been willing to cross; in my head once a man is living with a woman he is as good as married and becomes an untouchable.

With that said over resent months I’ve found myself flirting dangerously close to this line and fear it’s only a matter of time before I completely cross it.....if I haven’t already.

And if that sounds ominous, it kind of is. Let me just say I’ve purposely not made any moves and have taken the back seat in all this because somehow in my head it makes it a little less bad.....but in all fairness...it doesn’t.

It all started with some harmless messages, then some harmless flirting, at which point he told me he liked me and I made my position clear. Then he gave me a cuddle and as ridiculous as it may sound, my will to resist him severely depleted.

You’ve heard of pussy whipped, it’s quite possible I’m cuddle whipped. What I can I say the man give the best hugs on the planet, when his arms are around me it feels like a meteor could fall from the sky and I’d be safe. (That might be the lamest thing I’ve ever said.)  

After the cuddles weakened my defense we started flirting more and more; once again with him taking the lead because someone that makes it better. Then one night some flirty messages turned a little (ok a lot) risqué and a line might have been crossed. (Yeah, I know I’m a bad person.)

Saying that in theory we’ve done nothing wrong, reality might be a different matter but in theory we’re golden. The most we’ve done in person is cuddle and that’s not a crime, it’s socially acceptable for two friends to cuddle. So by all rights I shouldn’t feel guilty............Right?

But I do, I really do, especially because I know damn well the next time I see him that “in theory” is going out the window because he’s going try to kiss me and I’m going to let him. I shouldn’t, I know shouldn’t but I going to. I know all of this is a horrible idea but what if it isn’t?

Let me know what you guys think in the comment box below and as always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Be Canadian

The world tends to see Canadians has polite timid little creatures that wouldn’t do or say any that runs the risk of upsetting anyone. While this stereotype may be based in some reality, for the most part we aren’t the reserved push-over’s a lot of the world seems to think we are.

The problem being a Canadian living outside Canada is people love a stereotype when they meet us the focus is on all those “Canadian characteristics” which is all well and good until people take your “Canadian characteristics” as a sign of weakness or you don’t get the respect you deserve because you’re “too nice”.

To combat this over the years I’ve developed a few techniques; there is a tone in my voice I used to make it clear I know what I am talking about; it can come off condescending, it’s not the intent but it works. My other technique is to externalize some of feelings we’re taught as children to keep inside. In other words instead of putting a happy face on and not making scene, I wear the face I’m feeling. I can’t tell you how long it’s taken for me not to feel like a horrible individual for showing my negative emotions.

The problem I have now is sometimes these techniques take over and I forget to be me. I forget that it’s ok to be reserved and it’s ok to be friendly and caring, that these qualities aren’t a sign of weakness but rather a sign of humanity.

And since I struggle to remember this from time to time the code phrase “Be Canadian” came to be. It’s just a friendly little reminder given to me quietly to make me.....more placid. It brings me back to the way I would be acting if my family was present.....most of the time, sometimes even Canadian’s lose their shit.

Anyways I am off to bed to try and remind myself that sarcastic comments said in my head in French does not count as “being Canadian”....what? Like I said sometimes even Canadian’s lose their temper.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

He's Married and That's OK

Last weekend Mr. X got married and apparently this is one of those blogs I have to write despite not feeling the need to write it.

 Admittedly I’m as shocked as anyone that I didn’t end up turning to tequila and crying my eyes out on his wedding day because let’s face facts, I was in love the guy but I guess the operative word in that sentence is “was” because I was fine.

In all honestly Mr. X’s wedding didn’t even cross my mind last weekend. As evident in blog; I was too busy day dreaming about the dude at work I’m not allowed to like. Who, coincidentally, I didn’t like until I wasn’t allowed to like him, then all of a sudden he was cute. Welcome to the wonderful twisted world that is my brain.

As for Mr. X now being married that’s a non-issue, it doesn’t have any impact on me. Things played out they way they should have and I’m satisfied. The problem with relationships like ours tends to be closure or lack thereof; I don’t have that issue. We’ve said our piece to each other and tied up all those pesky loose ends. The Mr. X chapter of my life was firmly closed long before he said “I do”. If anything it’s reassuring to know he’s now married and that that book isn’t going to magically fly open one day.

Anyways I have to go and work on a post for my other blog “Nightly Correspondence”, be sure to check that out. And since there isn’t really a question in this blog, tell me what name you think I should give the guy from work I’m not allowed to like (I can’t think of anything). And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Sleep, Cuddles and Friends

After my last blog I think it’s time to get back to writing about penis because let’s be honest they’re more fun to read and write about and for the most part they don’t result in a soggy keyboard.

Last night when I woke up about midnight (slightly hung-over) I noticed a text message on my phone from an old friend. It said he was house sitting for his mom and asked if I wanted to sleep over.

Don’t get any weird ideas, when he says sleep he means sleep. We use to do it all the time as teenagers he’d come over to mine or I’d go around his at silly am and just cuddle up and sleep. There’s never been anything sexual between us.

I sent a message back saying I’d love to and he quickly sent me a message back telling me I know the drill. So I slipped on my slippers and grabbed the spare key and went around.

I let myself in and went up to his room and crawled into bed next to him. He put his arm around me and I snuggled up into the comfy chest nook, gave his chest a little kiss and he kissed the top of my head and we fell asleep.

This morning was precious, I woke about 5am and was just laying there snuggled up thinking; about 15 minutes later he woke up and slowly moved his head and neck around to get a look at my face and said “you’re really not happy are you”. I just closed my eyes and shook my head. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me the biggest hug; and reminded me that work isn’t the real world and in the grand scheme of things doesn’t matter. I don’t get upset when a stranger from Kalamazoo leaves me a comment on my blog calling me a ugly whore so why should I get upset over what strangers at work thinks?......The guy makes a good point.

He then tickled me to get a smile and suggested we go out for breakfast, I reminded him it was 5:30am on a Sunday so going out for food wasn’t happening so he said “well let’s make breakfast then”. We went down stairs and got covered in flour while making bacon and pancakes and then cuddled up on the couch watching old time cartoons on YouTube.

Sometimes all you need is a dear friend to put things in prospective and to pull you out of your funk and luckily I have some awesome friends and some pretty awesome readers too.

Love you guys,

The Honest Bitch  

xoxoxo

Relationship Or Mind Blowing Sex

Someone asked me the other day would I kick Merlin out of bed for Sparky; which caused my brain to get stuck in a logic circuit nearly resulting in it blowing up

The problem my brain faced was I like Merlin, he is the sort of low maintenance guy I’m after; he is for the most part un-blog worthy. Sparky on the other hand is hot....and hot. I don’t want to date him or even cuddle with him, to quote A Million Little Brains it’s like my vagina is possessed. The man just needs not to be in clothing.

So this raises the question would you chose amazing sex over a relationship?

I have no actual knowledge of either man’s bedroom performance; this is purely speculation on my part but one gives off the paint by numbers lover vibe and the other well.....the good luck walking in the morning vibe. Which is strange because it’s a well known fact good looking men tend to be rubbish in bed but I’d bet otherwise in this case.

My brain struggled with the question for a very long time...once again my vagina was possessed so logic wasn’t really a factor in any of this however now Merlin seems to have warmed up a little and doesn’t seem so scared, paint by numbers or not, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for Sparky. I might pretend he was Sparky but I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.

It did however take me over a week to come up with an answer so I have to ask would you choose mind blowing sex over a relationship? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo