Team Tyler

A lot of you have been asking for an update on Tyler, and I don’t really have one; Nothing has changed. I know a lot of you think he’s “the one” or “he’s perfect for me”. I think you’ve all watched one too many rom coms.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Tyler to bits, he plays a very important role in my life; keeping me sane and stopping me falling to pieces. I’m very grateful to have him around. Somehow, he has found a way to bring out the non-evil bitch in me even though I was positive that side of me was dead. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

That said, we share different wants in life. He doesn’t want kids, I… haven’t made that choice yet. He doesn’t see himself getting married. I do. He doesn’t want to relocate, I can’t. He is very extroverted, while I’d happily never leave my house again. People are very peopley and I just can’t these days. I understand the why your Team Tyler, he is a great guy, but I don’t see it happening and I'm positive he doesn’t see it happening either.

Love you guys, thanks for not writing off my love life just yet. I’ll leave you with this question; is “the one” an actual thing or are we all deluding ourselves? Let me know your thoughts in the comments down below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

A Blogger’s Reaction

Mr. X’s Wife is having a baby.

I received this news a few hours ago as I’m writing this, Saturday in your world. And I’m most surprised how ingrained blogging is in me. My focus has turned very quickly from the effect it was having on me, to my blog.

Let me start by saying, I’m not even going to try and pretend I took the news well. I lost it. I started crying, uncontrollability. I throw up, then slid down the door and just trembled. And once I could see my phone again through the tears, I lost my temper with Mr. X. (I’ll explain that more in a different blog) Despite it all, I feel I restrained myself well. It could have been worse, I definitely had things I could have said and didn’t.

Mainly because my brain switched to my blog. I had posts planned this week; one of you asked the interested question; would the person I am now, date the person Mr. X was. I thought it would make a great post, I can’t write that now. Some of you asked if Mr. X would do another guest post, another great idea. Although I’m not sure I could handle that now. I had all these things planned and it's fucked, he fucked it.

I’ve been blogging over half my life, so I guess it shouldn’t be surprising my brain heads there. I’ve often said I blog to stay sane. And I’m fighting to stay sane at the moment. My brain is frazzled, I’m can’t think straight. I’m just holding on to what pieces I can, hoping I don’t fall completely apart.

I am going to go and get some sleep. And hopefully when I wake up I’ll have a better outlook on things. And with a little like this shaking will have stopped because it’s driving me crazy. I should really leave you with a question, but I have too many to ask and none of which I truly want answers too.

Anyways, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

He's Married and That's OK

Last weekend Mr. X got married and apparently this is one of those blogs I have to write despite not feeling the need to write it.

 Admittedly I’m as shocked as anyone that I didn’t end up turning to tequila and crying my eyes out on his wedding day because let’s face facts, I was in love the guy but I guess the operative word in that sentence is “was” because I was fine.

In all honestly Mr. X’s wedding didn’t even cross my mind last weekend. As evident in blog; I was too busy day dreaming about the dude at work I’m not allowed to like. Who, coincidentally, I didn’t like until I wasn’t allowed to like him, then all of a sudden he was cute. Welcome to the wonderful twisted world that is my brain.

As for Mr. X now being married that’s a non-issue, it doesn’t have any impact on me. Things played out they way they should have and I’m satisfied. The problem with relationships like ours tends to be closure or lack thereof; I don’t have that issue. We’ve said our piece to each other and tied up all those pesky loose ends. The Mr. X chapter of my life was firmly closed long before he said “I do”. If anything it’s reassuring to know he’s now married and that that book isn’t going to magically fly open one day.

Anyways I have to go and work on a post for my other blog “Nightly Correspondence”, be sure to check that out. And since there isn’t really a question in this blog, tell me what name you think I should give the guy from work I’m not allowed to like (I can’t think of anything). And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Won't Justify Tequila

“You need to find out when X is getting married so we can plan ahead and make sure we have an ample tequila supply.”  - Nat

I understand where my dear friend is coming from by sending me the above message but do I really come across as a precious flower that is going to fall to pieces because a guy I may have, sort of, had some sort of feelings for once upon a time, is getting married?

I know my friends are coming from a good place but they make it sound like I should be on a suicide watch or I’m going to bust in the chapel to stop the wedding or something. Do people even do that? I mean if everyone got that upset over someone they once had feelings for getting married wouldn’t the world cease to function?

Don’t get me wrong, I have no plans on turning down free tequila but I’m fine and don’t feel like I should have to justify that.

Plus, everyone knows marriage isn’t forever lol

Anyways my dears, what was the last thing you felt you shouldn’t have to justify? Let me know in the comment box below and always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Judgey McJudge Pants

I am aware that when it comes to my exes I can be Judgey McJudge Pants but you tell me what you think.....

I told you guys last month about yet another one of my exes marring the girl he dated right after me. But then I found out something which I think is fucked up but I’ll let you decide for yourselves.

The guy who I am going to call Bert and the wife who I am going to call Ernie (because I can) aren’t living together. Bert’s still living at home with his mom and Ernie is living with her parents.

And before you say, "maybe they haven’t had a chance to move yet", no, there is no place lined up, hell they’re not even looking.

WHO DOES THAT????

“Oh, let’s get married and live like divorced people” What the fuck? I get that some people choose not to live together before marriage but the key word there is BEFORE. Once they’re married that separate living ends.

But maybe once again I’m being Judgey McJudge Pants let me know what your unbiased thoughts are in the comment box below. And as always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Backup Plan

“If we’re both single by the time we’re 40 we’ll get married.” 

We’ve all made these pacts, the age varies but fundamentally they’re the same. If you are both single at your predetermined pathetic age, screw the idea of true love, you have a backup plan.

We’ve all made these pacts, and they’re normally done with two types of people.

Type 1: Someone you have a spark with but for whatever reason a relationship just didn’t/couldn’t happen.

Or

Type 2: A friend who you love dearly, but could never imagine doing anything sexual with in a million years.

My pact was with a “type 2” guy I’m going to call Alex. We had a deal that if we got to 40 and were both single we’d marry each other. Alex was the perfect backup plan guy. Not overly good looking (but not ugly), not great with the ladies but a total sweetheart. As bad as it sounds I kind of thought he’d be single forever. Boy was I wrong. Alex got married almost 5 years ago. So much for my backup plan eh?

Thursday night I received a message from one of my ghosts, I’m going to call this one Logan. Logan and I go way back, B.S back (Before Sex). We never actually dated but we did sleep together.... a lot. I guess you could call him my first fuck friend.

Anyways back to the message; one of the first things Logan said to me was “I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately, do you remember our deal?” I don’t remember what I had for dinner last night, so how does anyone expect me to remember a deal I made years ago. To give me a hint he then said “when we turn 30?” At which point a drunken flash back hit me. Oh that deal. Apparently my backup had a backup.

First of all, since when do men actually listen? I don’t even remember that conversation, so how the hell does he. I mean I always thought cleavage power overrides the male memory.

And second of all, Logan now has the record for being the scariest ghost ever. Most ghosts pop up for sex, this........well this is new.

As for why I don’t remember the deal, well Logan is a “type 1” and I think he may have banged the memory out of my head. That happens, right?

Now don’t worry I’m not about to marry anyone let own Logan. I would like to think I’ve come a long way since my banging Logan days. And I’m not about to regress that far.

However the thought hunts me. I mean, what if he by some screwed up act of a vengeful god was the one? I would have wasted the past 10 years of my life. 10 years! That’s like my worst nightmare ever.

Does anyone actually marry their back up plan? Do people do that? I have to ask, do you have a back-up plan? And if so if it came down to it would you marry them? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Christmas Lunch Hell

Later this week I’m going to a Christmas lunch with my step dad’s mom and my mom which isn’t my idea of a good time but it’s not the end of the world. Then today it was sprung on me that my step dad (who isn’t going to the lunch) invited his brother and wife to join us. I’m not impressed.

I’m dreading the “isn’t it about time you get married and start having kids?” conversation. It wouldn’t be so bad if they were asking because I’m in a long term relationship but that’s not why they’re asking. They’re asking because they’re kids who are both younger than me are married and their eldest who is 23 has two children.

They always say it like what their kids have done is such an accomplishment. Since when is getting knocked up at 18 by mistake, then a year later being pursued into marring your baby daddy and then a couple years later having another unplanned baby while being financially unstable and working a low paying job, an accomplishment?

Personally I think the real accomplishment is being 25 and not popping out kids I can’t afford but that’s just me and well.......logic.

“But don’t you want to get married?” They make it sounds like I’m a freaking old maid. I’m 25 not a 125. Just because their kids got married at a young age to people they weren’t dating all that long doesn’t make it right.

I’ll get married when I’m good and ready...maybe.

“You’re so good with kids, you should have some.” Once again I’m 25!!! My biological clock isn’t ticking yet. I have a good 15 childbearing years left; I have plenty of time before I need to start worrying about this stuff.

Not to mention the fact I need a guy and his sperm before I can even start to think about that stuff. Marriage, mortgage, kids in that order is the plan. But before any of that can happen I have to find a guy I don’t want to murder. (And I will personally punch anyone in the face who even suggests Mr. X but that’s a rant for another day).

I’ll never understand why anyone would want to push me into get married off. I’m happy just being me and taking my time, the only thing making me unhappy is people trying to tell me what to do with MY life. Last time I check choosing not to be a statistic is a good thing. You’d never fucking know that in that family.

So what do you dread most about spending time with your extended family? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Marriage

This weekend one of my best friends from school got married and despite the fact I’m not a big fan of marriage and even a smaller fan of weddings I’m actually really happy for her. She's one of the very few that have gotten married for the right reasons and not because she’s Snookie and got herself knocked up. Plus her and her now husband, are perfect for each other.

If you follow me on twitter you’ll know marriage has been a bit of a theme this week. Some gossip made its way to me that Mr. X was getting married. Admittedly he did contracted me later that day telling me that the gossip was untrue. But I still want bonus points for taking the news (although false) so well. I even surprised myself. I was actually more upset that someone took the time to message me with that gossip thinking I would care.

The reason I took it so well is up for debate I’m either well and truly over him or I’m a “vindictive bitch”.  I think that’s a little harsh, betting girl would be a better way to put it. It’s not my fault half of all marriages end in divorce. And the odds said divorce turns nasty and bitter is ¼. None of that’s vindictive, its math.....throwing a party would be vindictive.....3^rd Saturday in June good for everyone :-)

Personally I think I took it so well because the idea of him getting married is kind of funny to me. I believe the devil is a wedding planner and him with a wedding planner and a Bridezilla just makes me smile.

I’m a bitch and I know it but you have to find the humour in these things and for whatever reason him getting married just makes me laugh. Do that make me strange?

What random things make you laugh? And if I’m wrong and the devil isn’t a wedding planning what do you think he does for a living?

I need to head to bed, as always my dears stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

72 Hours Marriage Rant

I don’t normally blog about celebrity gossip, but this story is on my nerves and ranting is the only known cure for that. Before I start the ranting let me say allegedly and facts may or may not be true.... you know those Hollywood types they like to sue when they get cranky.  

Let the ranting begin....

It is one thing to get divorced after 72 days of marriage but it’s quite another to bullshit to the media for that length of time, then expect the people you lied to, to have your back.

The chick has balls I’ll give her that.

The thing that annoys me about this story is she’s taking no blame. Her and her pimp (manager) are just spinning the story and for once the media isn’t buying it. (Well done tabloid journalists)  

How hard is it to release a statement that says “I fucked up!” Screw this, his parents didn’t like me, I made no money, I was in love BS and just admit you screwed up. Don’t continue to lie to the media, which is why the world has turned on you in the first place.

Her and her family spinning of this story makes me want to scream. The story started she didn’t want to move so that’s why it ended. Then it was he wanted fame, then she had doubts, them his family hates her and that’s why it ended. Give it a week and she’ll be claiming he hit her or some other BS like that.

Give the world a break and stop talking. You’re making it worse. It’s clear the media and a lot of your fans have turned on you that should be your sign that you messed up. So stop blaming everyone else and admit your screw up.

The next annoying thing....

“She didn’t make a dime off her wedding”. Really? Is she the stupidest celebrity on the planet or just failed first grade math? Anyone who is anyone makes money on their wedding. They sell pictures, make magazine deals, use someone products. It's common to make money from your wedding when you’re famous so why lie about it. Most people aren’t stupid, and just because you keep saying it doesn’t make it true.

I’d also like to add love doesn’t evaporate, if you actually loved him you still would. You just wanted the money and the attention from the wedding, you know it, I know it, the world knows it, so just admit it so the world can move on to whether Justin is a daddy and if jail orange makes Lindsay look fat.

Stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Born Again Virgins

I recently did a blog about purity rings, in that blog I touch on “born again virgins” and you guys had a lot to say on the matter so I figured I may as well turn it into a blog of its own.

Once again I have nothing against people who decided not to have sex before marriage. My problem is with the title and the lengths some people go to.

The title is stupid, you’re not a “born again virgin”, you’re playing hard to get. Really hard to get, a ring and “I do” hard to get but it’s not like you’re nun or anything.

You may regret your first but you don’t get a do over. It doesn’t work like that. Once a penis cuts the ribbon you can’t superglue it back together.

No amount of praying will grow your hymen. Some women understand that and go to extreme lengths and have something called a hymenorrhaphy. Basically they have their hymen reconstructed. Women who go that far clearly have more money than brains. Why would anyone do that? Was the feeling of your hymen ripping the first time that enjoyable? That’s just plain old crazy.

I’ll never understand why they need a title anyways. No one cares what is or has entered and left your vagina. If you believe you made a mistake by having sex unmarried why on earth would you give it a title and draw attention to that mistake? It just doesn’t make any sense in my books.

The term was coined by fundamentalist Christians who put a lot of importance on stay pure. That’s all well and good but they also teach that God forgives and that forgiveness makes you pure again. It’s kind of like forgive and forget. He’ll forgive you and not hold it against you but he still knows you had sex.

He also knows you asked for forgiveness. He’s like Santa Clause; he knows when you’ve been good or bad so if he knows, why the hell does the rest of world have to know. What God’s forgives isn’t good enough for you; you need a special title too? You’re not a “born again virgin” you’re wannabe virgin and that’s pathetic.

I’d also like to point out, nobody in their right mind chooses to give up sex; sex chooses to give up you. And instead of admitting you’re in a dry spell, you play the “born again virgin” card. Everyone sees through that. We all know what it really means. So give it up.

I thought we were meant to embrace our mistake, that’s how we learn and grow as people. “Born again virgin” is a copout. No matter how many birthday candles you wish on you’re not a virgin.  You’re someone who feels they made a mistake by having sex before marriage. That is fine. But put on your big girl panties, drop the stupid the title and own it.

Anyways that’s my rant on the matter why do you guys think?

Stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Quarter-Century Crisis

Did you know quarter-century crisis is an actual thing?

I’ve been suffering with some well and truly abnormal (at least abnormal for me) dreams lately. And it’s slowly driving me crazy.

So in an attempt to work out why I’m being pledged with dreams that aren’t very me I did some research. It turns out around the age of 25 your brain goes crazy.

We all know about mid-life crisis where men buy sports cars and women have facelifts. But it turns about before then a lot of people have something called a quarter-century crisis.

It’s when your brain switches to being adult. You’re brain stopped thinking about fun, drinking, sex and starts thinking about family, house, and marriage. In a nutshell it’s the start of your biological clock ticking.

The reason I’m having messed up dreams is because I’m too logical to want these things. So to get its point across my biological clock is invading my dreams. My dreams, where naked men and a murderous clown use to live. Damn I miss that clown. 20 years he’s been trying to kill me and I’m still here.

Now my dreams are a place of horror where Mr. X, fully clothed I might add, lives. And he’s not alone in there. There is a gorgeous house on a lake and a small person, a person, some might call a baby. The 3 of us live in said house, together. And the most horrifying part is I’m handcuffed. I’m in a tiny pair of handcuffs, so small they’re only fit on my ring finger.

It’s truly horrifying I know.

With my 25^th birthday still 8 months away, I'm worried, what if these dreams get worse? I really can’t take much of this. What happens if dream me has twins or worse...... buys a minivan? ...Let’s not joke about such horrific things.

If this is the start of my quarter-century crisis, something tells me we’re all in trouble. Sane me is hard enough for someone people to handle so forget about crazy, biological clock clicking, brain gone crazy me. Although on the brightside it would make for some entertaining blogs.

Anyways I’m off to do anything but sleep, (sleep in a scary, scary place right now) as always my dears stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Purity Rings

I recently got into a big debate about purity rings. I’m categorically against them; they’re just a stupid idea that leads to stupid and reckless decisions.

Let me start by saying I have nothing against people who wait to have sex until marriage, I wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it but each to their own. My problem is with that stupid silver ring.

The people who wear these rings make a pledge to God to remain abstinence until they get married. By placing that ring on their finger, they’re attaching a stigma to sex. Which is pretty much the worst thing you can do, these people are too ashamed and guilty to seek advice on sexual health issues.

Furthermore after causing teenagers to feel too ashamed and guiltily to seek advice, these abstinence groups don’t teach anything more than abstinence putting these kids in unnecessary risk for STD’s and pregnancy. Everyone should know about safe sex whether they plan to use that information or not.

Case studies have proven teenagers who wear purity rings are just as likely to have premarital sex as teenagers who don’t, but they’re substantially less likely to wear a condom or use any other type of birth control.

These rings just don’t work and all it does is shame and guilt teens into having unsafe sex.

Unless you accompany a purity ring with a chastity belt it’s not going to stop anyone who having sex. So stop pretending it will. Educate teens so they can make informed and smart decisions. And if they decided to have sex they’ll know how to protect themselves and we won’t have to watch show like “teen mom” and “16 and pregnant” anymore.

One of the other things this person ask is if women for aren’t virgins should wear white. Personally I don’t think the whole wedding party should be able to tell the brides sexual history based on her dress. But that’s just me. The person said it’s like wearing a cap and gown at graduation. You should only wear it if you put the work in. I call bullshit. You stay a virgin or “pure” because its god will not so you can wear white. Plus women will do and wear whatever they want, that’s just a fact of life. There is no point caring if it’s right or wrong because she’s going to do it anyways.

The other issue that came up in this conversation was the idea of born again virgins. This may be the most stupid idea ever, even more stupid then the ring. Dear world, once it’s gone, it’s gone.......deal with it. This is why you should be smart and educated before you start having sex so you don’t became some idiot who thinks they can think back their virginity. News Flash Einstein it’s does work like that. That’s like me saying if I wish real hard I’ll become the tooth fairy.

Anyways I'm off to wish I was the tooth fairy and that Elmo was president of the United States. As always stay and play safe guys.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo 

Uncomfortable Question

One of my readers asked me a very interesting question. I love you guys for always asking the hard questions and giving me your honest comments but this one caught me off guard and left me speechless.

The question was “If Mr. X showed up at your door, despite your limited time together and limited activity together, got down on one knee and asked you to marry him, what would you say?”

I sent an email back with, I’ll admit it, a copout answer, saying “If he showed up at my door I’d have a heart attack because he doesn’t know where I live.”

When someone asks you a question normally you can open your mouth and a reply falls out. In this case I opened my mouth nothing not even a sounds came out. I’m not someone who is normally short on words so that was...new.

My belief is when your gut reaction and your brain disagree everything goes blank to stop you making a fool of yourself. I’m not sure what part on me had what reaction because when I try to think about this question all I hear is “la la la I’m not listening, go away, I can’t hear you.”

Bearing in mind Mr. X is more likely to murder me then marry me I will try and answer the question as do I do all messages and emails I get (Ms.HonestB@gmail.com). I’m pretty sure I’d answer with a really confused look on my face and the maybe touch the ground to see if hell had indeed frozen over. Maybe request he took a drug test.

All joking aside I don’t know what I’d say to him. I probably stand there for a really long time then start to laugh for no good reason then the change the topic. Joking is how I get out of all sorts of uncomfortable situations. How do you guys get out of uncomfortable situations?

Anyways my dears I’m heading off the night.  As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

PS for those of you who are asking I’ll post a update on NTB this week