Just so you know where we are in the timeline, I’m writing
this Monday morning, 2 days after “the news” and about 30 seconds after I decided
it was necessary to release my last post nearly a week early and on a
non-scheduled day. I did that for a lot
of reasons, but most importantly to keep you guys as close to the events as
possible (timeline wise) and in turn stopping me having to revisit things
making it easier to heal.
I didn’t sleep well Saturday night; I wrote my post, logged
everything off, even turned my phone off, with the plan of just sleeping it
off. My body didn’t agree with that plan. I kept waking up in a panic with my
heart racing. I’d calm myself back down and then an hour or so later, it would
happen again and that was the story most of the night.
Sunday, I’ll openly admit, I didn’t get out of bed. I spent
the day in bed, cuddling a teddy bear, staring at the wall. My TV was on, but, I
think I even look it. I was just, broken is probably the best way to describe
it.
After I failed to show up to lunch plans I had previously arranged,
the gay husband showed up to check on. My phone was still off, which might be a
first. He walked in the door and asked, “are you ok?” and I said without even
looking at him, “No”, he asked if I wanted to talk about it and again I said “no”.
He asked if I planned on getting out of bed. And I said “no”. He then asked if
I wanted him to join me, and I simply replied “k”. He crawled into bed next to me
and just laid with me, didn’t say a word. At some point I most have finally
nodded off and he went home. I woke up less
fuzzy headed, but still not ready to leave my bed. I just spent the rest of the
evening curled up hugging the same teddy bear, staring at the wall.
This morning is better. I’ve processed what I needed to
process and I’m ok. I suspect I will break down and cry at some point, because
I’ll need that to move on. I’m just not there yet. I am actively thinking again,
and feeling more able. That said, I know just under the surface it’s still
tender and refresh. But it’ll be ok.
I’m going to leave this post here, and hopefully enjoy the
rest of my day off before I go back to work tomorrow. Once again, I’m not going
to leave a question, but feel free to leave your comments below. And as always,
stay and play safe.
Love,
The Honest Bitch
