Wednesday 16 May 2018

Busy Brain

I’m having one those days were my brain is going 100 miles a minute and I’m struggling to keep up with it. I want to sit and write to clear my thoughts however, I took so long off you guys are out of the loop and I’m not sure it will make sense. But, let’s try anyways.

I’m currently on a much-needed holiday from work, and normally by now I’d relax and refreshed, and I am not. I am stuck in a job that is fantastic on paper, but is slowly killing my soul. And where I use to have hopes of it improving, that hope is dead. I feel it may be time to move on however, the benefits are just too good. There is no other company like it. I am stuck.

Also, my old of work husband has popped up out of the blue. Apparently, he’s relocating to my city. I was cool with the idea however he’s either a drama maker or a tease and I can’t work out which.

And last of all its my birthday tomorrow. 31 years old. This birthday is just me ticking closer to the end of the dream of getting married and having a child. That fucking biological clock just keeps marching on.

Anyways, I have things to do, like make ice so I can be drunk tomorrow. But I’ll fill you guys in as we go along.

Love Always, 
The Honest Bitch

Sunday 13 May 2018

Mother's Day

Hey Guys,

I know it’s been a while, and as much as I wanted to write something, and let you guys know what was happening. I just wasn’t ready to face it. And to be honest I am still not. However, the first step in dealing with hard things is accepting they’re real and moving out of denial and for me to that I need to write about it.

My mother is not well. Her kidneys are failing, and we’ve been told she not a candidate for transplant. At the moment her function is at 14% it was at 9% when she was first admitted in the hospital. However, since being home it has improved slightly and is at the moment is holding. She will be starting dialysis soon and then it’s a waiting game. We’ve been told someone people last years with low kidney function, other’s months. Nobody really knows what is going to happen and that’s the hard part.

As most of you know, I am an only child, for most of my life it was just me and mom. As nightmares go I can’t think of anything worse. I may be 30 years old, but I am just not ready to lose my mommy.

As I sit her writing this, it’s Mother’s Day and I think of how strong and selfless my mother is. How even now, despite the fact she’s clearly unwell, she’d never admit it. She’s still powering on and putting everyone else first. And all I can do is have a quiet cry, wondering if this is the last Mother’s Day we’ll have together.

Anyways, like I said it’s Mother’s Day so I need to go clean myself up. Put on a happy face and pretend I’m strong enough to deal with all of this.

I promise I’ll be back soon, now that all of this is out there hopefully it’ll be easier to write.

Love ya all
The Honest Bitch