Friday, 18 October 2019

Getting There


I keep saying it, but one day I will get crap together and I won’t be sat here on a Thursday writing a post that has to go up in a few hours. I am getting there, slowly. My new normal is becoming just that, normal. I am still not on top of everything like I would like to be, but I am nowhere near as overwhelmed as I was.

I won’t pretend for one second any of this has been easy, I have blog upon blog proving otherwise. I’m just lucky the small circle of people I can stomach are awesome. Even if they have no clue what do when I burst into tears for no apparent reason down the phone at them.

I will get there, and back to my normal, on top of everything self. I’m learning I need to just be patient with myself. Easier said than done.

Anyways, I am off to do my treadmill and try and get something done before I head back to work tomorrow. I shall leave you with this question before I go though, how do you stay on top of everything? Let me know in the comments below. As always stay and play safe.
Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 11 October 2019

"Special Bond?"


Recently, while working out of another depot a strange comment was made that caught me off guard. The girl I was working with made a comment about how Tyler and I should get together, because “we’re prefect for each other” and we balance each other out. And all I could think is I’ve heard this somewhere before, are my reader putting you up to this?

Clearly not, as she, like everyone else at work, has zero clue my blog is a thing. I just found it so strange how everyday comments from the blogosphere have followed me into real life. And even stranger still, one of the guys from another depot also made a similar comment recently and now I’m a wee bit freaked out.

I understand… short of, where they’re coming from. We do get on well, we can talk for hours on end and he is one of the few people on the planet that I’m yet to find “too peopley”. If you’re anything like me, you’ll understand that sentence, if not, there’s no explaining that one. That said, I’m not so sure about this alleged “special bond” we have, I think some people are grasping at straws.

Anyways, I’m going to leave this with you and let you chime in, “special bond” or just a person I don’t want to stab? Leave your thoughts in the comments below. And, as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 4 October 2019

Ducks AWOL

Sometimes I think I’m finally starting to get my ducks back in a row, and other times I’m writing a blog post on my phone at work last minute because I choose sleep over getting my crap together. This week it’s more of the latter.

I’m finally starting to feel more like me again, but it doesn’t make getting everything done any easier.

Hopefully this is a lesson learned, and next week I’ll be back to scheduling as normal. Because I go I will leave you with this question; what do you do to keep your ducks in a row. Let me know in the comments below. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo 

Friday, 27 September 2019

Play The Game


Once in a blue moon I like to play the game. Keep people on their toes. This week I choose to do that. This week I am working 7 days, why you ask? Aren’t you normally the girl that tells management to fuck off? Of course, I am, but occasionally the game suits me, so I play.

You see, we are working on October’s wages right now. Meaning the following month is November. In November comes our Christmas bonuses. Since that has to be managing director approved that stuff is all finalized in October. Putting a good foot forward goes along right now. Since my reviews always contain a comment that I don’t do overtime. I am hoping “my change of heart” will be rewarded.

Sometimes being a bitch 99% of the time pays off, because when you’re nice its most memorable. Anyways, I am off to get some sleep. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 20 September 2019

A Giant F*ck You


Today is September 14Th and if you’ve read my posts lately, you’ll know today is the day, my night-shift co-workers and I were meant to be going out drinking, however, I am currently snuggled up in my pyjamas so clearly that didn’t happen. And to be honest, I’m actually happy it didn’t.

It became painfully clear, fairly early on that nobody cared, and people were going to flake on this meet up. Sure enough, one by one they all folded as predicted. So much for one, big happy night-shift family, eh?  

They say people don’t quit companies; they quit managers. I’ve found over the years, night-shift workers tend to not leave companies due to the work families they form, regardless of how shit the manager or company is. They tend to stick around for each other.

This whole flaking thing started to make me question why? Why does, or, should, a pseudo-family has any impact on any decisions.

The answer I came to is, it shouldn’t. No other person should impact any decisions I make regarding my life, career or anything else for that matter. I need to be in this for me, everyone else can go fuck themselves.

So, I made a few decisions; mama bear is dead. I go to bat for a lot of my co-workers more than they’ll ever know. Being one of, if not the most senior on nights I feel protective of my little cubs, and I don’t let big bad management just say what they like. However, the cubs can get the fuck out of the cave now, Mama bear is over it.

The next decision I came to is I want to do my management CPC; not because I want a management role, but because I want to move on and finding somewhere that pays the same as I am on now is difficult. That bit of paper will make things easier in the long run.

The last decision I made is to be more me. Every year after review season, I find myself doubting my words and actions. I start questioning how I am being perceived. Why? Who the fuck cares? My favourite quote is “Be all the crazy bitch you want to be. They’re going to say you were anyways.” And it’s true. I could send a harmless email and it’ll be read with a bitchy undertone. So, I may as well be a bitch, say what I like and enjoy it. Life is too short to bite your tongue.

Anyways, that’s enough for now, I have plans this evening to make poor life decisions. Before I go I have this question for you; what is your favorite quote? Let me know in the comments below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  
xoxo

Friday, 13 September 2019

I'm Sick


In an attempt to not ruin my blogging streak, I am writing this throw away post. Sadly, I am sick as dog and I am horrible blogger who doesn’t have anything planned ahead. 

I am trying to tough out work this week... not sure why. Think it's a mental think. But it'll be interesting  to see if I make it as I feel horrible. 

Anyways I am off to rest before work. Hopefully next weeks post is better. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 6 September 2019

Drunken Blog Update


I think we’re overdue for a drunken blog, and not just because I have no clue what to write about, but because I want a valid excuse to get drunk. Normal drunken blog rules apply; I will both write and edit this post drunk and no alterations will be made once sober. So, let’s begin, shall we?
The burning question still seems to be what is going on with Tyler; So, I guess I’ll start there. Nothing, not a damn thing. Super easy question to answer. He is lovely and a complete sweetie, but that’s where that story ends. Sorry to disappoint.

The other question I’ve been getting a lot of is; what happened to Mr. Block? Once again, the answer is nothing. He could well be dead for all I know. We met and now I’m done, the fascination is over. He’s a prick, we knew that a long time ago and now he’s dead to me.

My dating life seems to be another hot topic at the moment, and I get it, this is after all a dating and relationship blog. There is nothing going on at the moment, that said, I am feeling a little more stable now, things have settled so this is something I’m more open to, then I was.

Work is the last topic I’ll touch on. I said in January, I think, I would review what I wanted to do in July. July has come and gone and I’m not there yet. I think it may well be time to move on, but for now my work family is keeping me there. I’ll review again in December, but I think I’m staying… I mean have CV’s out so maybe not but staying is the current plan. I am actually looking at doing my CPC so I may hold off leaving until I’ve done that. But I don’t really know.

Anyways, I am going to head to bed as that last fireball hit me way harder than it should have. Leave me your question down below I am looking at doing a Q&A soon. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 30 August 2019

Am I Really Angry?



Since my last work review where I was once again told I am emotional and angry, I’ve decided to work on that. I have read a few books, watched a few videos and I’m starting to believe I am not the problem…at least not the main one.

I will hold my hands up I am sarcastic and more of a realist, however, those traits don’t make me an angry person. What makes me an angry person is other people being stupid. I think me being a bitch is just my body’s way of dealing with stupid… it’s like an allergic reaction almost. I have tried a lot of techniques over the past month or so and they’ve all resulted in me feeling angry. Unlike before, where I would verbalise my displeasure and I never actually felt angry. Now I feel angry.

You could see this on my Fitbit as well; my mouth sounds pissed; however, my heart rate is normal. When I was trying CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) it was the opposite, my mouth sounded fine, but my heart rate was up, and I felt mad.

It’s all very strange and leading me to believe I don’t have an anger problem. It is possible for what I’ve been reading I may have “chronic irritation” but, I work with idiots whom leave me chronically irritated so seems fair.

I have become more aware of my triggers from this little self-help journey and they say knowledge is power, so maybe that will help. Personally, I think I need to go back to acting lessons as even when my mouth is shut, my face is loud, and I can’t seem to shut it up these days. You’ve heard of resting bitch face. I have murderous you are a fucktard face.

Anyways, I am off to drink because work last week was a test of my will power to not go to jail. Good job I don’t have angry issues or I’m positive I would have lost that battle. I’ll leave that as the question of the blog; how do you stay calm when surrounded by idiots? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 23 August 2019

Tyler Joins Team Tyler


The Gay Husband made a comment, that several of you have echoed regarding Tyler possible joining “Team Tyler”. First of all; I am not sure he’s allowed to join that team. It seems very egotistical to join your own fan club.  And second, why are we assuming this suddenly?

The gay husband seems to believe since I now have the “work wife” title, it means Tyler likes me. I argue I have had this title many times in the past and it means nothing of the sort. It means we get along and bicker like stereotypical married people.

I love the gay husband’s optimism, but as usual he’s wrong. Just plain wrong. Tyler isn’t Team Tyler, he’s just nice and sweet. And everyone else is batshit crazy.

Anyways, I am off to bed, but before I go, I will leave you with this question; Do you have a work spouse? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 16 August 2019

New Title?

It’s been a few weeks since our nightshift meet up, and I was a little worried how meeting people in person would affect our relationships on nights. My fears weren’t founded at all, if anything, it’s brought us all closer together, so much so we’re planning a night out in September to get more of us together.

The funny thing is since meeting, Tyler has given in and has started calling me his work wife. I’ve joked for month about us being married, if you ever listen to us sort issues out, you’d understand. We work fantastic together, but to anyone from the outside is sounds like an old married couple. He’s always fought that title; he’s now embracing it. Along with his new favorite saying, “happy work wife, happy life.” I’m not loving that one.

But, it’s nice to see we don’t hate each other now that we’ve met. Anyways, I just wanted to fill you guys in my new title and make the most of being stuck in bed… I hurt my neck and get a blog written. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 9 August 2019

Nights Meet Up


Last weekend I finally had the pleasure of meeting the lovely Tyler in person. Tyler, myself and another co-worker took advantage of Tyler being temporarily relocated and arranged a nightshift meet up.

It was nice to finally put faces to names. Tyler and I got there first and grabbed a drink and hung out for around an hour before our other co-worker showed up. I hate to break your little dreamer hearts, but there were no sparks there. But it was strange, I wasn’t nervous at all to meet him. I am not super social these days, so normally I get a little nervous… not at all with him. On the other hand, with my other co-worker I definitely was.

I guess since I spend at least 8 hours a night talking to Tyler on the phone, there was nothing to be worried about. If you can chat for that long and it not be awkward, a few hours at the pub is nothing.

It was a good afternoon. It’s nice to know the team is as lovely in person as they seem on the phone. I’m sure we will do it again and hopefully the rest of the A team will be able to join us.

Anyways, my dears, I am off to enjoy what remains of my day off. However, before I go I have this question for you; do you get on with your co-workers? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 2 August 2019

My Mouth Gets Me in Trouble…Again


I really am starting to long for the days when I had patience. I have always had a smart-ass mouth, that’s nothing new, but back in the day I use to have the patience and will to hold it back. Nowadays, it just runs wild, like an angry Canadian goose.

Recently my mouth has gotten me in trouble at work. I may or may not have sent an email that I shouldn’t have. I blame Tyler for this. He’s recently been away being groomed for management, so he hasn’t been on the end of the phone. Normally he would have talked some sense into me, however, this time I was left to my own devices… which never ends well.

 I did manage to talk my way out of more serious consequences, but prevention is better than cure and had Tyler been around I am sure I wouldn’t have found myself in that situation.

Tyler is fantastic at balancing me. None of that he’s the yin to my yang bull. It’s more he’s so laid back; he borrows some of my “grr” and leaves me more “purr”.

I spent years saying I like my men to have a little “grr” to them. After being single for… sometime, I’ve developed that grr myself. It might even be possible I’ve over developed it. But, hey, better over than under, I guess.

Anyways, I am off to have a pamper night, since I’m planning on meeting the lovely Tyler in person tomorrow. I’d like to look almost human. But before I go, I will leave you with this question when was the last night your mouth got you in trouble? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 26 July 2019

Everything Happens For A Reason


I’m not religious, I don’t believe God is up there micromanaging every detail of our lives; but I do believe everything happens for a reason. Life is a big chain event and things must happen to move the story along.

This was reinforced to myself this week. I was at the hospital being trained on my mother equipment, by that guy I blew off all those years ago and it hit me. Had I not blown him off and we dated long term, got married. He won’t be able to treat my mother now. It’s his department, he’s one of the best there and she wouldn’t be able to have his care. I am very lucky, I did what I did, I mean he's lovely, it could have gone the other way. But it was around the time of Mr. X and that Muppet ruined a lot of potential. But it's funny how it all worked out.

Just a little food for thought. I am off to try and recover from my training. Side note; blood isn’t my friend, I nearly passed out. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 19 July 2019

Kicking Butt


Once in a while, it’s nice to be reminded that you are vastly more competent and able than you give yourself credit for. Once in a while, management shitting on, gives you a chance to shine. And despite the fact they won’t see that, it’s a good reminder to yourself that you do indeed kick ass.

Thanks to my company deciding that holiday cover and sick cover isn’t a thing they should concern themselves with, I got a reminder that I’m awesome. I’ve been with my company over 4 years now, my depot has been open just over 4 years and was one of the 1st to open. So, by default I am one of the longest serving night operators in the company. And for most of my shift I am the longest serving on shift. Thanks to that… I know things… Not things I’ve been training on necessarily, but I have picked up.

Last week, I was running not 1, not 2 but 3 depots, and these depots weren’t in the same location, they actually couldn’t have been farther apart. Plus, I was running one of our biggest contacts while doing tech support on a new system we recently launched. And I smashed it.

I did everything that should have been done, missed nothing and even got my paperwork done. I received zero thanks for it, but I don’t care. It’s nice to know, what I’m capable of.  Other operators always say I am good at my job, but I don’t see it or feel it anymore. It’s just second nature. That was a test, and it felt good. I don’t want to do every day, but I almost enjoyed it.

I am off to drink because that may have gone well, but my last shift didn’t. What was your last personal or professional victory? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 12 July 2019

Weird Dream Freak Out


 I had a weird, weird dream last night and I think I might be done with the whole sleeping thing now. Science still doesn’t fully understand the function of dreaming; some say it’s your subconscious, some say it’s to help deal with emotions or decision making. I don’t care what the reason is I just think my dream system is drunk.

 The dream started off pleasant enough; a group of my work colleagues and I were out for a meal and drinks before a big meeting the following day. It was getting late and we had an early morning we all went back to our hotel rooms.

Tyler and I were sharing a room, we went to the room opened the door and there was a giant bed instead of the 2 bed there should have been. This wouldn't have phased me in reality and didn’t in the dream either. We are both adults and the bed was a super, massive, giant king that could have fit 15 people.

We got into our pjs and decided to order room service; I mean the company was paying so I think dream us did the right thing. It appeared we ordered popcorn, chocolate and sweets because clearly, we’re classy like that. We turn on a film and watched that, giggling and have a good time.

I can only assume we fell asleep at some point, because the dream continued with me waking up in the night to move a blanket slightly. At which point I noticed Tyler was cuddled up to me, all big spoon like. Nothing wrong with that, it was actually sweet. Also, please note, our pjs were still on and everything in this dream was 100% PG.

I snuggled back into him and fell asleep. I then wake up, in a different bed, Tyler was still the big spoon, I was still happily snuggled up… however, I was no longer the little spoon, I was the middle spoon and there was a baby asleep in my arms.

At which point I woke up in a complete panic, as if Freddy Krueger had just showed up. I was freaked out to a whole new level. I don't have these kinds of dreams. What the actual hell? There is no need for that dream. That dream has no purpose. What the hell brain? You have some explaining to do. And clearly some sobering up to do as well. Actually, don’t explain yourself, I don’t want to know… just don’t ever do it again.

Where the hell did the baby even come from? Did a stork bring it? Why was I co-sleeping? Since when do PG snuggles land you in an 18-year mini prison? So many questions.

Clearly, my dreams are out to get me, and sleep is a thing I need to quit with immediate effect. What is the strangest dream you’ve had? And do you think it meant anything? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And, as always stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 5 July 2019

Halfway There


Welcome to July ladies and gentlemen. The year is officially half over, and it seems like now is as good a time as any to reflex on the year so far and to see where we are with the goals we set in January. Hopefully we can point ourselves in the right direction to actually achieve some of those goals before we run out of time.

Let’s start with my “love life”. Yep, it’s so bad it gets quotation marks. Still single, still mainly ok with it. This year, I feel, isn’t the year for that. It sucks knowing time is against me, but I need to be a good me before I can be there for someone else.

My job is next up on the list. I still have a love hate relationship with it. The hate isn’t that strong at the moment, but I know it’s just around the corner. I feel my July review will be telling. I have other offers and depending on what is said and what money is offered, it may be time to move on.

Next is my blog. I am not sucking at this one. I haven’t missed a week yet. My numbers are looking good. My ad revenue blows; I think I was actually making more when I wasn’t posting regularly. But, that’s AdSense for you. I’m still not rocking the social media side of things, but baby steps. I’m happy where I am at the moment.

My health was the last goal I wrote about in January; it’s a thing. I have stuck to using my treadmill every day. I feel better for it. My weight still isn’t a focus, but I think I may be getting to a better place where it can be. I feel a lot less mentally exhausted. I think my head is finally wrapped around everything, at least for now.

And that’s where we are halfway through the year. Some progress has been made. Some more could be made. But, so far, so average. That brings me to the question of the blog; How are you doing with your goals for 2019? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 28 June 2019

Friends In Low Places


As much as I can find my job soul sucking and absolutely hate it at times, I also realise I am very lucky to work with the bunch of people I do. Night workers in general tend to have closer bonds. I think it has to do with having no management around and having to work together to make things work. But the group I currently have a special and just when you’re at your lowest they have a way of reminding of that.

Recently I was thrown to the sharks, made to cover 3 contracts with next to no training. Admittedly, I had done one of them before, however, that was 3 and half years ago, but my training on that was seriously outdated. My teammates around the country, knowing I was struggling, jumped in to save me. Nobody had to do anything, but without evening asking they happily helped.

I couldn’t be more thankful or grateful for the team of people I have around me. The job may suck, but the people are second to none. And, it just goes to show it’s good to have friends in low places.

Love ya,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 21 June 2019

Joining Team Tyler?


After my “date” with Mr. Block and some soul searching, I may be coming around to this whole Team Tyler way of thinking.

I’ve said it many times, Tyler is a lovely guy, I can’t fault him. I was thinking about this other night he actually reminds me a lot of my backup plan pact friends from school. You know the pact, if we’re not married by X age, we’ll marry each other. I had a couple of them and not surprisingly, they all got married. They were lovely guys. The ones your mother didn’t mind hanging out in your bedroom because they were nice boys.

I’m a little said they all got married off. I briefly dated one of them while we were in school, and I ended up breaking up with him because of peer pressure. He wasn’t cool enough. Not my brightest move, but he’s living his best life these days. Happily married with kids and is still a sweetheart. We still talk occasionally.

Tyler reminds a lot of that boy particularly. Something about being a voice of reason when my brain wants chaos. And his ability to actually make me listen. Which is rare; I can only think of a handful of people that can do that and even fewer that manage to do that without being a twatbag (Mr. X being the one that comes to mind with that description).

I don’t know, maybe you guys aren’t so crazy. Or maybe I’ve just had too much blue agave juice… nope, that sounded sound any better than tequila. It was worth a shot.

Anyways, I am off to enjoy my last few hours of freedom before work sucks all the life out of me. But before I go, I have this question for you; Are you Team Tyler? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 14 June 2019

It Actually Happened


Here’s a blog I never thought I’d be writing; After being cancelled on, what must have been 15 times, I finally met Mr. Block. And I can safely say it wasn’t worth the wait.

Here’s what happened; It was his birthday and I sent him a generic happy birthday message on Facebook. He responded back and we ended up chatting. Nothing flirty at all just normal friendly chat. He mentioned during the conversation he was spending his birthday alone. I didn’t take much notice, but it said it again later and apparently my heart isn’t completely stone because I felt bad for him.

I told him if he wanted, I would come around for a drink since nobody should spend their birthday alone… Unless you’re me and that’s your idea of a fantastic birthday. So, after a little back and forth it was decided I’d go around.

He lives in a lovely area, it was nice driver, highlight of the experience really.  Once I found the place, he came out to get me, said he hi and to follow him and that was about it. The apartment was cute, very single guy basic. Nothing wrong with that. He got me a beer; he was drinking Bud Light. That’s not normal. What dude drinks Bud light? Hell, I don’t know any girls that drink that shit. He sat down and chatted about work. He apparently got a promotion and pay raise, just that week. Men who brag about that stuff on a first date normally have a small… personality that’s all I’m saying. And we watched a little TV.

The beer was the first little warning, the second was the tv programming, murder, all murder shows. I love true crime, but not really something I’d watch with someone I just meet. I was a little worried I was going to end up on one of those shows.

He then tried to put the “moves” on me as if he was 12. He kept inching his hand towards mine, brushing my hand. I ended grabbing his hand to stop whatever he was doing.  I also think he tried to kiss me a couple times, but I dodged and played dumb.

I ended up leaving around 23:00 I only stayed a couple of hours. He didn’t try anything when I left, which I found weird. No hug, or attempt at kiss, he just waved and didn’t even walk me back to my car. The whole night was just weird.

Not sure I’ll be doing it again, but glad to have crossed it off the list. Anyways, I am going to go and enjoy the remaining few hours of my holiday. Before I go I have this question for you; Do you trust a guy who drinks light beer? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 7 June 2019

A Problem Only I Could Have


Recently I met our trainer for dialysis, the person who will be coming to our house each day for 3 weeks to train both my stepdad and I on how to run the lines and things like that. Slight issue… I know him.

The real issue…. I dated him… can’t remember if I slept with him, but, it's a possibility. But yeah, I  definitely dated him and I’m pretty sure I did a disappearing act on him. From what I remember he was really clingy, and I found it super off putting, as you would, so.... I stopped replying to him.... with no explanation.

I was kind of hoping he didn’t remember me, but the fact he wished me happy birthday on Facebook leads me to believe otherwise. I swear if the ghosts weren’t bad enough, now I have a zombie on my hands. I can’t catch a break. Although, even I’ll admit this kind of funny. In a if I didn’t laugh, I’d cry kind of way.

Wish me luck, I may need it. I’d leave you with a question of the blog, but the only one I can think of is; Does anyone know any good hiding spots? Stay safe my dears… and be careful whom you date.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Friday, 31 May 2019

Team Tyler


A lot of you have been asking for an update on Tyler, and I don’t really have one; Nothing has changed. I know a lot of you think he’s “the one” or “he’s perfect for me”. I think you’ve all watched one too many rom coms.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Tyler to bits, he plays a very important role in my life; keeping me sane and stopping me falling to pieces. I’m very grateful to have him around. Somehow, he has found a way to bring out the non-evil bitch in me even though I was positive that side of me was dead. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

That said, we share different wants in life. He doesn’t want kids, I… haven’t made that choice yet. He doesn’t see himself getting married. I do. He doesn’t want to relocate, I can’t. He is very extroverted, while I’d happily never leave my house again. People are very peopley and I just can’t these days. I understand the why your Team Tyler, he is a great guy, but I don’t see it happening and I'm positive he doesn’t see it happening either.

Love you guys, thanks for not writing off my love life just yet. I’ll leave you with this question; is “the one” an actual thing or are we all deluding ourselves? Let me know your thoughts in the comments down below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 24 May 2019

And Another Ghost

I kind of feel like something has happened to awaken the dead, and it needs to piss off and take all the ghosts it stirred up with it. I don’t have the patience, time, want nor will to deal with any of them and apparently the memo regarding that was either not dispatched or is just being ignored, and I am about to snap.

The latest ghost to rear its ugly head, is even more retro than Mr. X. This one dates back 19 years. He lived from the time I was 13 until I’m guessing around 19 – 20. He sent me a message on Facebook asking how I was and talking about old times, saying we should meet up… I wasn’t biting. As we know I’ve dealt with many ghosts before I’m basically I pro at this point.

He did say something while I was ignoring him that still has me laughing. “u lost ur v plates to me”. What the actual fuck? Is this meant to be a positive thing? It was 18 years ago… my virginity would be an adult by now. I thank you for setting the bar so low, but really, what relevance does that have at this point in life. Also, what adult types like that? Grow up. P.S this twat-bag is married so it gets even better.

Anyways, I am going to go and hide from these ghosts because this isn’t funny anymore. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,


The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 17 May 2019

Happy Birthday To Me

“Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to me.”

It’s my birthday today, and a good sign I am old is my birthday fell on a Friday and I’m spending it at home, in bed, just chilling all by myself. And I can’t think of a better way to spend the day. Although I’m not sure if that’s my age or just the fact I hate 99% of people.

 I’m sure I should be stressed about life, and about being a scary age and having to make some life decisions, but I’ve decided to take the day off stressing. Those worries will all be there tomorrow, today is just about relaxing and being.

I am off to enjoy a birthday drink and play the Sims. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 10 May 2019

Not Dealing With Stress


I’ve learned throughout the years that if I ignore stress it will manifest itself in physical symptoms. Most commonly for me is a sharp pain in my left shoulder. While it sucks; I can cope with that fairly well. I handle it better than real stress anyways. That said, it appears my body has gotten wise and has upped its game.

The pain in my shoulder, morphed into tension across basically every muscle in my body. I feel like I may snap in half at any moment, my body has no flexibility. When that didn’t cause me to deal with things it moved to screwing with my sleep. I’ve developed a death gripe in my sleep. If I am lucky, I grab onto blankets or pillows and not let go. If I am lucky, I grab onto myself, which results in bruise of whatever body part I grabbed, thigh, arm, wrist.

Now, that it appears we’ve moved on to vibrating. Which it’s new and I’m already bored of. Like, come on body can you just not let me be? This one is weird. It’s like I’m shaking, but faster. Apparently, a lot of people say it feels like an electric toothbrush. I can really put it into words other than to say it I’ve over it.

I don’t know what I am meant to do to deal with the stress, to relieve the issues. My mom is dying, it’s stressful. The end of that is her dead and that’s way more stressful. Seems like I can’t fucking win this one.

Anyways, I am going to go and do something to take my mind off things. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 3 May 2019

Are You Happy?


Despite my conversation with Mr. X being brief it may have opened a can of worms I didn’t intend for it to. I asked him if he was finally happy. And to my shock, he said yes. He then turned the tables and asked me if I was happy.

That’s a question, and not a straight forward one, although he got a straight forward answer. It’s a difficult question. I’m not unhappy. I have happy moments if that counts for anything. I’m kind of just being. I don’t think I’m even allowed to be happy right now. I don’t know.

It’s a strange question. And to be honest, I’m less than happy he claims to happy these days. His misery gave me hope. Shocking, Mr. X kicks me while I’m down one last time. And he doesn’t even realize. What a prick.

Anyways, I am going to go drink because alcohol is a solution. Before I go I shall leave you with this question; Are you happy? Let me know in the comment down below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  
xoxo

Friday, 26 April 2019

One Ghost Down, Another One Up

When one ghost vanishes another one pops up and this one my friends, is a good one.  After being absent for nearly 2 years Mr. X popped up and I’m not sure what to make of it. He popped up in the most small talking way possible, it throw me off. As we all know, he doesn’t do small talk and I don’t do it either. I trait to this day I blame him for.

The shoe failed to drop during the conversation. I’m not sure what the motivation was… and I’m sure there was a motivation. Don’t get me wrong, I have actually missed him, and thought about messaging him myself, but what does one say to a ghost?

The conversation was painless and kept fairly brief. It was just weird. However, it’s been a nice distraction so I’m not complaining. Just thrown off my game by the whole thing.

Anyways, I am off to job hunt, that’s a story for another day. But before I go, I will leave you with this question; Why do you think Mr. X popped up? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 19 April 2019

Mr. Block Vanishes


So… it appears I may have broken Mr. Block and I’m finding the whole thing hilarious. He tried to cancel on me yet again and I called him out on his bullshit and informed him I was so confident he’d cancel I had actually made other plans. At which point he decided he was joking, and I told him that was fine, my plans with him came first, he responded by vanishing off the planet.

What a gem he clearly is. Guys like that actually make dying alone appealing.

I haven’t heard from him in around 2 weeks, so I am assuming he’s dead. No real heart break there We all knew what he was and now he’s out of the way to make room for the next reject.

I am off to try and get things done, before I fall asleep again. Fighting off this bug going around is hard work. As always, my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 12 April 2019

Sticking At 31


My birthday is fast approaching, and I’m not really thrilled about the concept of getting any older. I handled turning 30 ok, 31 was fine… 32 on the other hand, nope, don’t want to do it.

In my head, rightly or wrongly, I need to have my shit together by the time I turn 33 if I have any plan to have kids. Now, I’m not sure I want kids, but realistically 35 is the cut off for that, the risks get scary after that point. I’m single so I’d like to get to know the guy who is going to ruin my body, so I need to have met him by 33. I have a year to make my mind up and meet someone. Can anyone else hear that loud fucking ticking sound?

I’m not sure where I am meant to find the time to figure this all out and to meet someone and wow, my head actually hurts.

I think the plan is to cancel my birthday and stick at 31 for another year, I can do that right? Anyways, how do you cope with that loud ticking sound? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo


Friday, 5 April 2019

Taking Control Update


On January 1St I wrote a post about taking control; understanding there are many things that are going to happen this year that are out of my hands and I can’t do anything to control that. However, there are many things I can control, and I need to take ownership on that. That post went live January 11Th, it is now coming up to April 11Th, so I thought I’d give you an update 4 months on.

The first thing I wanted to take control of was my blog. So far so good. I am yet to miss a Friday, which is a lot better than I managed in 2018, I think I made it to February before I missed a post. I’d love to step up my social media game, get that back to where it used to be. But I am happy with the small steps.

I also wanted to take control of my health and build some healthy habits. They say it takes 3 full months to build a habit; I think it may take longer, as none of it is second nature yet. That said, I haven’t missed a day on my treadmill. I’ve slowly built up the time. I do a minimum of 20 minutes every day. I’m feeling better for it. I’ve also cut back on takeout. I only allow myself to indulge once a week and I’m actually in credit with that. Weight loss needs to follow suit soon, however, I’m not ready for that just yet. I have, however, loss 5lbs just making the small changes I have.

The last thing I wanted to take control of was my job. I’ve not done much with this yet. I’m holding out until our July reviews to see what information I can get and how it goes. I don’t dislike my job. I am struggling at the moment with the people part of my job, but I am struggling with people in life, so I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. I need to look at this and sort a long-term plan, but I am not in the mindset to do that yet.

That’s where we are so far. It was actually nice to write this. I hadn’t realised how much progress I had made. I’m feeling slightly less hopeless now. Before I disappear, I have this question for you; what process have you made this year? Let me know in the comments below. And, as always, make sure you stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 29 March 2019

The Universe Hates Me


When you make/ date mistakes in your youth why does nobody warn you those mistakes will keep haunting you? I am nearly 32 years old, why on earth are guys I had one-night stands with when I was 20 still messaging me?  Why are guys I flirted with at a job I had nearly 8 years ago messaging me? Why the hell are guys, I hadn’t responded to in 3 years still messaging me? What the heck is wrong with me that those are my options?

I try to remain good humoured in all of this. I have to, after all I’ve made a career out of having a shitty love life. However, there reaches a point where it’s not funny anymore. The joke gets old. I’m not asking for a lot in a partner, I’m really not. Yet, the universe seems to take enjoyment in throwing fuckwits at me, and not even new fuckwits, the universe is too lazy for that, it recycles fuckwits!

I’m perfectly fine on my own. I’ve said this before, I’d make a lousy girlfriend right now. However, given all the energy the universe seems to spend replaying my poor choices on a seemingly never-ending loop. Surely it could throw me a fucking bone.

A nice guy, with manners, who enjoys cuddles and doesn’t mind a little makeup on his shirt, because god knows I can’t hold my shit together these days. Not a lot to ask really. Surely that would take less effort than tormenting me.

Anyways, now that I’ve gotten that rant off my chest I am going to go and enjoy my holiday from work. But before I go, I have this question for you; do you ever feel like the universe hates you? Let me know your thoughts in the comment below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 22 March 2019

I am struggling


I’ve always seen blogging as a form of therapy, and right now I am hoping it’ll work in a similar way.  I don’t really want to write or talk about what’s going on, but I need to do something because my sanity is feeling really fragile.

My mother’s latest test results were poor. Nothing was tracking where it should be. Her liver function is down. She has fluid around the lungs and the doctor aren’t happy with how her heart is functioning. I’m not sure if you know this, but the number 1 cause of death in people with kidney disease isn’t kidney failure; its other organs, normally the heart or lungs that stop functioning due to a build-up of fluids in the body.

My mom is handling things like she always does, she’s a rock. I, on the other hand, am holding things together just enough to get by. I am struggling, a lot, and I am not sure what I am meant to do to snap out of this. I want to enjoy what time I have left with her but seeing her like this is hard. It’s funny, she’s carrying on and I’m the one struggling to get out of bed.

Anyways, my eyes are doing that thing where water floods out of them at a rate that is embarrassing, so I am going to go and get ready for work. I’m not going to leave with you any questions. Just remember to stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 15 March 2019

Mr Block Returns


It may be a brand-new year; however, it seems I’m still plagued by old ghosts. It appears after a silent few months Mr. Block has decided it is time to resume his hunting and unlucky for him my patience for his bull is at an all-time low.

On February 27Th he reappeared with a “Hello Stranger, have you missed me?” Without missing a beat, I replied “can’t say that I have.” However, he wasn’t phased and preceded to tell me he was sorry and how he’s grown up. He went one to tell me he was making it his mission to prove to me he’s changed. All my brain was thinking during all this was “yep, this is why I am going to die alone.”

After a few messages back and forth, his motive became clear to me. He explained that at the end of March he was moving to a place about 15 miles from me. He hasn’t come out and said anything, yet, but to me it would appear he’s after a dial-a-hoe, and my location makes me perfect in his eyes for that.

Now, I could be wrong. He may have changed or grown up, but that seems unlikely and I am far too old to deal with that shit. Having someone like Tyler around has reminded me that not all guys are twats and I shouldn’t have to put up with this crap. That said, part of me wants to meet him for a drink so at least I’ve gotten a drink out of this shit show. So… I don’t know.

Anyways, I am going to go and enjoy what remains of my night off, but before I go, I have this question for you; should I meet him for a drink or write him completely off? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 8 March 2019

Drinky Drinky Time


I think we’re overdue for a drunken blog, you guys have asked some question I think drunken me would be better suited to answer. Normal drunken blog rules apply; this will be both written and edited drunk and once sober, it will not be touched again. So, let’s get started, shall we?

A lot of you have asked my opinion on Tyler, and the truth is I don’t have one. I’m not looking at him in that way. I’ve said this before, I’m not dateable at the moment. I am damaged goods and wouldn’t be a good partner. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone to have to put up with me, when I have next to nothing to give. In knowing that, I’m not looking anyone at the minute.

That said, I will give you some of my thoughts. He is a lovely human being.  He is someone I can be myself with. I don’t feel like I get to do that often anymore. He reminds me of the gay husband or one of my drama geek friends, he gives off this warm familiar vibe, that I love. He is also hilarious, both deliberately and non-deliberately. He’s managed to bring a smile to my face when that seems impossible. He is also my favourite person to flirt with. And, no I’m not flirting with purpose, I’m flirting for humour. That poor guy doesn’t know what to do with himself and I find it beyond amusing. Actually, he doesn’t take any compliments well, which I can relate to, but it’s fun to torment him.  

And on that note, since he doesn’t take my flirting well, I think it may be safe to say he’s not into me. Sorry to ruin all of your big plans. I know that revelation may have broken a few hearts. I know the gay husband basically has me married off at this point. I just don’t think that’s on the cards my sweets.

The other thing you guys have been asking about is whether he’ll be doing a guest post. No. He’s not up for that nor am I for that matter. You guys are rough and asked questions I’d rather not know the answers to.

Anyways, it’s getting close to bed time. So, I shall leave this post here. But before I go, I have this question for you; Do you take compliments well or do they throw you off? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 1 March 2019

Inappropriate Valentine’s Day Card


Men of the world, what the actual fuck is wrong with some of you? Do you have a screw loose, mommy didn’t love you enough or are you just morons? No woman on the planet is going to find your advances flattering when you’re in a relationship already.

I wasn’t going to write about this, but the more time that pasted the angrier I got about the whole thing. One of my drivers gave me a Valentine’s day card, confusing his feelings and saying he’d leave his partner for me. What the hell dude? 

Forgetting the fact, I just don’t feel the same way, even if I did like him, how repulsive is it that a man in a committed relationship would do that? That’s not what I want for myself. It’s not what any woman wants. I mean after all once a cheater, always a cheater.

This puts me in a bad position, in my industry I need allies. I’ve had guys turn aggressive and have needed back up from my drivers. This sort of thing makes that harder. Hell, it makes my job harder and I don’t appreciate it.

Anyways, now that I’ve vented, I am going to go back to enjoying my holiday. But let me know what you think, is a card from a married man flattering or creepy and disrespectful? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 22 February 2019

Valentine's Day


Normally around this time of year, I am writing this on February 11th, I’d be writing a piece mocking all the surviving Valentines Day posts. This year, however, is a little different, mainly because I feel like I’m having to survive Valentines Day.

It’s not that I’m longing for a boyfriend, or any of that typical whiny shit those types of posts normally cry on about. It’s that with everything going on, I am feeling very alone. I am having to play the part of someone who is incredibly strong, and I don’t feel it. And in playing that part I’m pushing people away because if I didn’t, I’d simply fall apart.

Now don’t get me wrong, I still stand by what I’ve said in all my past Valentines posts, if you need to survive Valentines Day you should stay single. You need to be able to find your own happiness without relying on anyone else. Now, I don’t fall under my own advice, happy is not my issue, I am fine on my own what I wish I had was someone to lean on. That said, I wouldn’t date me right, I am a mess and I wouldn’t place that on anyone.

But my lack of self-worth is a story for another day. I am going to go and get ready to return to work tomorrow, but before I go, I have this question for you; would you date you? Let me know in the comments below and as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo