Not Feeling it

It is 6 days until Christmas, and I hate to say it, but I’m not feeling it at all this year. I didn’t even get the tree up until mid-December. It just doesn’t feel like Christmas and I don’t know why. I’m hoping the holly jolliness will come once I break up from work, but that doesn’t happen until the morning of the 24^th.

Can I just pass on the whole thing this year? Try again next year. Is that a thing?

Sorry this is a super short post, but I feel like death, which isn’t helping the lack of Christmas sprite. I am off to grab a nap and hopefully things will be less spiney when I get up.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

The Christmas Party Is Coming…

Next week, or tomorrow when you’re reading this, it’s our staff Christmas party and I am absolutely dreading it. Spending unpaid time with my colleagues isn’t exactly my idea of a good time. But it is, however, a good opportunity and because of that I’m going.

It’s no secret I am not my boss’s favourite; I’m over opinionated, vocal and I don’t back down. However, I’m damn good at my job, and he knows it. So, events like this are a good opportunity for me to plant ideas and watch them come back as theirs a few months later.

This year’s event is a little different which might work in my favour as well. Instead of going out drinking and having to hang with the boys. Side note; they normally say stay soberer than your boss at events. True, but in transport I’ve found you must do that while going drink for drink…. Not fun. Anyways, this year we’re going to a white-collar boxing event to watch one of the CSU’s get punched in the face in memory of our colleague that took his life. Hopefully, meaning we won’t be hitting the bar as much as past years. I swear I’m still hungover for the last time we all went out.

That is transport though. Every company I’ve worked for has been the same. You need to be able to hang to get ahead. I know, I said my boss isn’t my biggest fan and he isn’t. However, his boss, likes me. The higher the position I’ve found, the more my honesty is found “refreshing”. And events like this given me a chance to put my best foot forward. It may not be the easiest way to make it, but at least my lips don’t taste like ass.

Anyways, I am going to go and enjoy the rest of my 4 off. But before I go, I have this question for you; do you enjoy work events? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Work Review

I’m a fairly nocturnal person, hence why night shifts have never bothered me. Yet for some reason on my first shift in my body refused to sleep and I’m awake before the damn birds. Maybe this lack of sleep is why my boss thinks I’m “aggressive”. Personally, I think my aggressiveness is triggered idiots, but I’m sure others won’t see it that way.

My Christmas review is coming up, hence why all this crap is running around my mind. Considering last year, I put my hand through a wall after my review, I’m hoping this one goes slightly better.  

Seeing as I haven’t actually seen my boss since my July review, where he called me “aggressive”, I can’t see this going well. Whatever he bases it on will be second hand rhetoric and that can’t be good for me, since being a “people person” isn’t a skill I excel in these days.

Anyways, wish me luck as I face another week of peak season in transport. But before I go, I have this question for you; what do you do to stay calm and non-aggressive at work? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Christmas Eve History

If you’ve been here a while, you may remember Mr. X’s Christmas Eve spectacular; and if you’re new here I shall give you a brief synopsis. Christmas Eve 2009 Mr. X turned me into the bitch I am now. He told me he had feelings for me and there was something there. And then less than an hour later he decided he “just couldn’t” and vanished.

I’m not going to lie, that fucked me up….badly and years down the line I still carry those scars but at the same time I’m very grateful. That gave me a lot of strength and that was never more evident than last night when Mr. Block sent me a message that was flat out wrong and very low.

From what I can gather he was out drinking and he sent me this message “Come on it’s time to fuck me or leave me alone xx”. Before Mr. X that message would have had me tears, but now that message just enraged me. On what planet is that an acceptable thing to say to anyone, let alone to say to someone on Christmas Eve?

Now I could be over reacting given the day of the year and it’s not so pleasant history but I don’t think I am. I also think, if that’s the game he’s going to play, he can go die a slow painful death. I’m after an adult relationship and he keeps proving himself to be a child. And I’m just not interested in that.

Anyways, it’s Christmas so that's enough of that; I’m going to go and spend time with people who love me for me and not just for my vagina. But before I do, I shall leave you with a question; on what planet is that message acceptable? Let me know your thoughts in the comment below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

All I Want For Christmas Is You

When you’re at work at 1 o’clock in the morning and answer the phone to two blokes singing “all I want for Christmas is you”, I’m pretty sure a normal person’s reaction isn’t to put them on speaker phone, wait for them to finish and then come out with “If you’re trying to woo me, the least you can do is sing in tune.” But I never claimed to be normal. Plus, working in the environment I do, any other response just wouldn’t have been acceptable.

But things like that are why I love working nights, it’s also why I haven’t completely written off Mr. Block yet, if a guy is willing to serenade you down the phone the least you can do is give him a chance. How many guys do you know that would be willing to do that?

I’ve always said the way to my heart is through laughter and he sure as hell made me laugh with that stunt. Actually, him and his minion are always making me laugh; without them I probably would have quit my job a long time ago. I had an interview the other day and part of me hopes I don’t get it because I’d miss them too much. Is that weird?

Anyways, I’m going to go and get some Christmas wrapping done and try and make the most of my time off because if I do get the new job I won’t have as much of it. But before I go I want to leave you with this question; what is the key to winning over your heart? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Christmas Eve

Seeing as it's Christmas Eve I’m going to keep this blog pretty short, mainly because I can’t wait to get on with my Christmas Eve tradition of snuggling up in my pjs and watching far too many Christmas films, starting with, of course, my favourite White Christmas.

Before I get on with that, I want to let you know about an upcoming blog that both excites and slightly horrifies me. Mr. X came up with the idea of doing a Q&A for you guys. I love the idea of you guys being able to get the whole picture and see things from his perspective as well as mine. Its part of the “Honest” in The Honest Bitch, I like to be as transparent as I can be with you but with that being said it still scares me, but I’ll get over it. So if you happen to have any questions you’d like Mr. X to answer please send them my way.

Before I go I just want to make sure I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and I hope Santa brings you everything you want and more. Have a fantastic day. I’m off to dream of a white Christmas.

Love Always,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Turning A Bad Christmas Gift Into A Good One

Have you ever done something so spectacularly wrong, you’re almost proud of it? That’s what this blog is about.   

Normally I write about the stupid things men I’ve dated have done, and there is a little of that in here but this blog is different, it’s mainly about something stupid and wrong I did while in a relationship. Something so bad it’s legendary among my circle of friends.

The story begins 9 years ago this very month; I had been dating a guy named Kev for 6 months. We met in a nightclub, he was in his 20’s and I was underage, a fact he didn’t find out until we broke up.

I had spent weeks shopping to find the perfect Christmas gift for him. Nothing big but something that showed I was listening and that I cared. After weeks I found the perfect gift for him; a sweater with his favourite soccer team’s logo on it and his name. It was something I knew he’d love.

I saw him a few days before Christmas to swopped gifts but we decided not to open them until Christmas day.

Christmas day rolls around and I took the present he got me from under the tree and opened it. Let’s put it this way it’s a good thing we didn’t open gift together or it would still be lodged in his colon to this very day.

It took me weeks to find him the perfect gift and it was very clear he spent seconds picking mine. He got me the cheapest, nastiest bath set known to man. It was clearly the freebie in Boots’ buy two gifts get one free Christmas offer. The thing cost £4 tops and had no thought at all put into it, I was fluming.

The next day, still fluming, I get a call from my friend Crystal asking if I want to go to town drinking. I jumped at the opportunity; I figured a drink was just what I needed.

We couldn’t have been in the club more than 10 minutes before I spotted a cute guy making eyes my way. I figured Kev clearly didn’t care so why the hell not, so I flirted back.

It wasn’t long before the guy joined me and Crystal on the dance floor, we were dancing and flirting, it was all pretty harmless at the time. Then Crystal started complaining her feet were sore so while she went to the bar to get more drinks me and flirting eyes went to find a table.

We were talking then I turned around to grab a drink from Crystal and when I turned back there were two of him. Admittedly I had been drinking but I was nowhere near the seeing double stage. Then the double leaned in and gave me hug, it turns out flirty eyes had an identical twin.

We talk for while and did a little more dancing then Crystal decides she’d had enough and wanted to leave. I was having good time and wasn’t going anywhere so one of the twins walked her to a cab; while the other one stuck his tongue in my mouth (so much for harmless eh?).

At this point the evening gets a little fuzzy, as most nights do when I drink tequila. I vaguely remember some dancing and some more kissing however I can’t be sure which twin I was doing what with because like I said they were identical and I was....drunk.

I can’t really blame the tequila, my default mode whether I’m drunk or not, is to do the thing that makes the best story. This has a habit of getting me into trouble, fun trouble but trouble nonetheless. So bearing that in mind, when one of the twins asked me to come back to their place at the end of the night, the answer was always going to be a yes.

When we got to their place, we had a few more drinks and watched a film then thing get really fuzzy, there was kissing and then some clothe removal, and some more kissing, then there was a bed with 3 naked bodies in it and from what I remember 3 happy naked bodies........then 3 hung-over semi-naked bodies.

Kev and I broke up a few days later over that evening but not for the reason you think, he was mad I went out with Crystal in that argument he called me immature so I told him how old I really was, and that was that. I never did tell him about the twins he was mad enough about the age thing.

I know what I did was wrong, on so many levels, and I probably shouldn’t have done it but it’s one of those stories looking back where you did the wrong thing but it was right thing (if that makes any sense at all).

Sex with identical twins in the revenge Holy Grail and either way I was going to end up single in a few days. The way I see it I turned his bad Christmas gift into a great one. (I’m going to hell I know).

Like I said at the start, it’s one of those things that’s so bad you can’t help but be a little proud of it. Have you ever done anything like that? And if not, what’s the first thing I should do when I get to hell? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always stay and play safe, love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

'Tis the Season to Laugh at Couples

Some people get very sad and lonely around the holidays; I’m not one of them. I love being single and anyone who has taken a look at my dating history can fully understand why. But besides dating a whole lot of guy I’d really like to run over with a bus the other reason I love being single especially at the holidays is couples are ridiculous this time of years.

First you have the present stress, you never want to spend less or put less thought into your partner’s gift then they put into yours. This makes people go crazy and I find it hilarious. There are a few couples in my circle of friends; they’re going crazy over this. I happen to have gone Christmas shopping with one of the guys and his girlfriend is dying to find out what he got her. Since I’m a bad person every time she asks me I tell her it could be a coal or it could be a diamond or maybe it’s a pony. I find it hilarious to screw with her....she on the other hand, does not.

Then you have the stupid holiday photos. You either wear ugly sweaters or stupid hats or both and stand in front of tree and smile like you’re not wearing stupid clothing. You couples can enjoy that, I’m going to sit here in my non stupid clothing and laugh at your ridiculous photos that will live forever on the Internet.

Then you have the joy of going to your partners work’s Christmas party. I don’t know about you but I never want to go to my own works Christmas party let alone my boyfriends. So if you ask me, that is reason enough to stay single at the holidays.

The other thing that makes couples ridiculous at the holidays is all the fighting. Christmas a booze heavy time of year and with all that booze comes all those booze fuelled fights. And because I’m a little bit twisted I find it highly amusing. “Your penis is small”, “You’re a whore” “You can go fuck, that fucking thing.”.....”I’m sorry, I love you.” Who needs to TV when you can watch drunken couples, I can’t help but laugh.

I have to ask, what is the upside to being in a relationship this holiday season because to be honest I think of any and if you’re single like me, what do you enjoy about being single during the holiday season? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Christmas Lunch Hell

Later this week I’m going to a Christmas lunch with my step dad’s mom and my mom which isn’t my idea of a good time but it’s not the end of the world. Then today it was sprung on me that my step dad (who isn’t going to the lunch) invited his brother and wife to join us. I’m not impressed.

I’m dreading the “isn’t it about time you get married and start having kids?” conversation. It wouldn’t be so bad if they were asking because I’m in a long term relationship but that’s not why they’re asking. They’re asking because they’re kids who are both younger than me are married and their eldest who is 23 has two children.

They always say it like what their kids have done is such an accomplishment. Since when is getting knocked up at 18 by mistake, then a year later being pursued into marring your baby daddy and then a couple years later having another unplanned baby while being financially unstable and working a low paying job, an accomplishment?

Personally I think the real accomplishment is being 25 and not popping out kids I can’t afford but that’s just me and well.......logic.

“But don’t you want to get married?” They make it sounds like I’m a freaking old maid. I’m 25 not a 125. Just because their kids got married at a young age to people they weren’t dating all that long doesn’t make it right.

I’ll get married when I’m good and ready...maybe.

“You’re so good with kids, you should have some.” Once again I’m 25!!! My biological clock isn’t ticking yet. I have a good 15 childbearing years left; I have plenty of time before I need to start worrying about this stuff.

Not to mention the fact I need a guy and his sperm before I can even start to think about that stuff. Marriage, mortgage, kids in that order is the plan. But before any of that can happen I have to find a guy I don’t want to murder. (And I will personally punch anyone in the face who even suggests Mr. X but that’s a rant for another day).

I’ll never understand why anyone would want to push me into get married off. I’m happy just being me and taking my time, the only thing making me unhappy is people trying to tell me what to do with MY life. Last time I check choosing not to be a statistic is a good thing. You’d never fucking know that in that family.

So what do you dread most about spending time with your extended family? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

The Attack of the Snowman

You’ve heard of gag gifts well around Christmas our whole living room basically becomes a running gag. It all started off innocently enough and then over the years it’s became an ever growing monster of hilarity.

The monster in question is snowmen.....lots and lots of snowmen.

I’m not quite sure how it happened but over the years my mom has ended up with a large number of snowmen Christmas decorations. She wasn’t looking for snowmen they were just adorable so she bought them and over time the adorableness has added up.

A few years ago after an evening at the pub my step dad came home and randomly started counting all the snowmen, each time he counted he came up with a different number and suggested we we’re adding more as he was counting. We weren’t but we liked the idea so much we stole it.

So next time my mom went shopping she picked up a couple more snowmen. And then the next time my step dad counted the number (which is never the same) went up. He pointed to the new snowmen and asked about them. We told him they were always there. And he gave us a look and said “no more snowmen.”

We took that as a challenge.

So over the years we continued to add more and more snowmen and then play dumb about where they came from. And every time my step dad counts the number grows and grows and my mom and I sit there trying not to laugh when he says “47 snowmen!! How are they 47 snowmen? Where are they coming from?”

This year I thought I’d change things up a bit, the decorations are all well and good but what I think would be really fun is snowmen themed Christmas gifts. My step dad is a pain in the ass to buy for anyways so I figured I may as well have a little fun with it.

So far I picked up an ugly snowmen sweater, a tie, a melting snowmen, a USB drum playing snowmen and the funniest thing of all a snowmen shaped USB drive. The USB drive is funny because normally January 1^st the snowmen army get’s put away for another year but this little drive with be there all year long to remind him of the every growing snowmen army in the attic that is ready to be unleashed at moments notice.

I can’t wait for Christmas morning to seeing his face when he opens these gifts marked “From: Frosty the Snowman”. It should be a pretty funny morning.

So are there any other snowmen themed gifts you can think of and what running jokes do you have in your family, let me know in the comment box below. And as always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

The Honest Grinch

Let me start by saying sorry and bear with me over the next week or so in regards to my blogging schedule. My computer is dying a slow and painful death making blogging a nightmare.

Plus it is Christmas which means I’m my mother’s slave labour. She’s a baker which means we’re always busy this time of year making far too many cookies, cakes and chocolates.

Don’t get me wrong I love Christmas but I like it on December 1^st before all the madness starts. I put on some Christmas music, dance around like a fool putting up the tree. I’m normally done all my Christmas shopping by then so I’ll wrap it all up. I love that part of Christmas....when it’s still fun.

Then around the second week of December I morph into The Honest Grinch. The Christmas music starts driving me crazy. Everyone seems to have me wrapping gifts. Which really pisses me off, since mine is already done.

Then around the 10^th of December my job as a cookie wench starts. For the next two weeks I shape, roll, cut and bake around 40 dozen cookies. The oven timer controls my every movement during this time. As if that isn’t enough I also help make and cover more chocolates then I care to count. I’m pretty sure everything I own is now covered in flour, icing sugar and or chocolate.

It’s now December 21^st and I’m so over Christmas it isn’t funny. I can’t wait for this all to be over. My back hurts, as much as I love Rockapella their new Christmas album is on my last nerve and if one more person puts a Christmas card through my door I may scream.

I’m also not what you call child friend. So all these screaming, hyper little kids looking forward to seeing Santa gives me the over whelming urge to shake them like a rag doll and tell them they’ve been horrible, loud mouthed little brats all year and Santa cuts up children like that to power his sleigh.

Yes, I’m aware that makes me a horrible person, but at least I’m honest about it.

Despite everything, I don’t hate Christmas. I love a lot of the things that go into it. I just can’t stand this much Christmas. I’m suffering from Christmas burnout. And who can blame anyone for that. Stores start putting their Christmas rubbish out before Halloween. Nobody can deal with that much Christmas.

There is a reason advent calendars only have a maximum of 30 days on it. That’s all of the Christmas spirit one person can take. The stores starting that 30 day clock early ensure more and more people hate Christmas. It’s not special or magical when the stupid thing last for 3 months. By the time it actually gets here even kids are bored of it.

Anyways I have to go get some sleep. I have 12 dozen cookies that need baking and 6 Christmas cakes to ice in the morning......Is it over yet?

Love,

The Honest Grinch..... I mean Bitch 
xoxoxo

Looks like TV got one right

I like to give credit where credit is due and it appears that the TV and movies got one thing right, ghosts do appear in threes.

We all know the story; Ebenezer Scrooge received a visit from three ghosts, the ghost of Christmas past, the ghost of Christmas present and the ghost of Christmas future. I on the other hand received a visit from the Ghost of hurt feelings, the ghost of conceitedness and the ghost of horniness. Personally I think Ebenezer got the better deal

It all started last week when an ex who I actually don’t hate (rare) messaged me, saying he loved me but he was hurt by what I had said about him. I can understand that and I explained what I needed to and then the ghost went back to ….wherever ghosts go when they aren’t hunting the living.

Then a few days ago, I got a text message out of the blue from a guy I use to see a few years ago. He sent me text asking if I still live where I use to. Not the sort of question you ask someone who you having seen in years. So I said “Yeah why do you ask?” to which he replied “I just wanted to know. I had no hidden motives honest”. Bullshit! This guy is a total jackass. He only gets in touch when he has something to gloat about. After I asked why, he stopped texting me. I think I may have spoiled his little game.

Now on to the 3rd and final ghost: the ghost of horniness. I was online late last night and I saw I have a message. It simply said “I miss you”. Now messages like the always set off warning signs in my head. So I played along for awhile to see what his angle was and it turns out he wanted a picture of me. I don’t think so buddy. You clearly didn’t miss me, you missed getting laid. Why do men think women are stupid? Just be honest with us.

I’m not sure what it is about this time for year that makes men go crazy but I’d appreciate it if they left me out of it. Go fuck around with another girl because I’m not playing.

Anyways I have things to do, speak to you all later.

Love

The Honest Bitch

Tis The Season

Happy December everyone,

The holiday season in upon us once again and I’m actually enjoying the build up to Christmas this year. I think it has something to do with England actually having snow this year. There is nothing I want more than a white Christmas. I’ve not had one in the 10 years I’ve been here and for those 10 years it just hasn’t felt like Christmas. So as far as I’m concerned, Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow!

Has anyone else noticed that couples look at us single people this time of year like we’re dying? I’ll never understand why people feel bad single people around the holidays. I don’t have to pretend to like a hideous present; I don’t have to visit someone’s weird family and I don’t have to attend someone else’s bad work’s Christmas due. I get spend my holiday any way I want. I’m pretty sure I should be the one feeling sorry for them.

The other thing making in happy right now is....This year is almost over. I’m looking forward to a fresh start in 2011. This year has been trying to say the least and I can’t wait to put it behind me. I spent last New Year’s away, but I still ended crying on a couch at midnight. I guess that should have been my clue 2010 wasn’t going to be my year. Luckily I’m not crushing on anyone this year so I think my odds of a tear free New Years Eve are good.

I was trying to explain to a friend why I’m no longer dating a new guy every week. It’s simple, I feel deep down I’ve met all the guys I’m supposed to. I don’t think my answer is in a new guy. That kind of scares me because right now I can’t think of anybody I already know I want to spend forever with...besides maybe myself.

The only guy who wants to date me right now is Daniel S and the list of reason not to date him again is longer the dictionary. Daniel and I dating again is about as likely Mr. X sending me flowers.

Some of you wanted a Mr. X update, he’s alive and well and slightly less evil then I remember, Besides that I can’t tell you much, we don’t talk very often. I’m busy talking with fellow hockey fans and he’s busy doing whatever Devil does on his days off. (Just for the record I’m kidding)

Anyways Darlings I need to go get some sleep. Stay safe

Love

The Honest Bitch

xxxx