Dating Is For The Stupid

I’ve often theorized that the older you get, the harder dating becomes and that's because dating requires a certain level of stupid. The older you get the harder it is to feign this level of required of stupid.

I am not sure if being “neuro-spicy”, makes this more difficult for me, or if it’s simply because I’ve blogged for 15 years, I am used to doing these black box reports that it just jumps out at me more than that the average person.

This time, credit the guy, the date itself was fine. We went for drinks and had a laugh, I was my usual closed-off self, but still, we were able to have a laugh and get to know each other. This guy had some red flags against him going into the date, however, newly single after 8 months, I needed to dip my toe back in. Mainly because I believed and still do, my ex moved on in less than 4 days. At the end of the night, we went our separate ways, I went home, and he went to his hotel, with the agreement we’d meet for breakfast.

It didn’t play out like that; the second he was back in his room; he became a sex pest. And that wasn’t happening. The guy had a kid, and we all know my rule regarding safe sex, say it with me, “birth control, condoms, and responsible chance the guy I’m sleeping with is shooting blanks.” I was willing to try and overlook this, but it was going to take time. Time, he wasn’t interested in giving me, it turns out.

This is where the lack of being stupid comes into it; I was drunk and thinking about it. But I hopped on the dating site where we met as I wanted to see just how long we had been talking. He was very keen to push things forward, so the date was quicker than I would have liked it to be. While I was checking things, I noticed his location had changed to where the hotel was. So, dude, while trying to get in my pants, he was still on actively on the site. I had done the girl, joking “you must have a lot of girls lined up for dates”. And he responded with, no, it’s only you I am interested in” …. dude couldn’t even make it 8 hours, or at least be smart enough to turn you’re tracking off. Hard pass.

Needless to say, breakfast didn’t happen, and I haven’t heard from him since. I suspect he found a source to dampen his dick as when I looked before writing this post, he is no longer a premium member; however, his account is still open, so take from that what you will.

Anyways, let that be a lesson to you; either turn off your location tracking or don’t be a prick, which lesson you take is up to you.

I am off to try and get some sleep before work, let me know your most recent dating nightmares in the comment section below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Happy Valentine’s Days

Happy Valentine’s Days you beautiful people. I hope you’re all have a fabulous day and none of you are letting the BS of the day get you down. Just remember today is about love, not relationships, so show yourself a little self-love. Do something you enjoy, spend some time just focusing on you. 

Relationships are all well and good, but the only one that truly matters is the relationship you have with yourself.

As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

“You Deserve To Be Single”

The other day I received a comment notification on a post I wrote close to 5 years ago. The post was about how I didn’t need a guy in my life to fill a gap, I didn’t need one to lean on or do things for me. A guy was a bonus not a necessity. A point I still stand by all these year later. This “bright spark” felt the need to reply to a blog half a decade old with “if that’s how you feel, you deserve to be single.”  

“You deserve to be single.” I’m not sure why the sentence is an insult. But, it’s  definitely meant as one. Unlucky for him, I don’t personally see it that way.  However, many do, and that troubles me.

Many people, some of them friends of mine, have made it their career to help others not be single. As if being single is the worst thing that could happen to you. And this mindset, is A. Making a lot of people money and B. non-conducive to a happy life. If you think being single is the end of the world, you’ll make it the end of the world. And that tends to lead to settling and that leads divorce where you're back in the “end of the world” scenario again.

I don’t understand any of this. If you haven’t found that special someone that adds to your life, you deserve to be single. You deserve not to waste your time on some loser, you deserve to be happy within yourself.  I don’t understand why being single is seen as death sentence… It’s kind of the opposite.

Anyways, that’s my thought on the matter. What do you think is “you deserve to be single” is an insult or not? Let me know in the comments below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The  Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Is This It?

Despite the fact I enjoy being single and the easiness that comes with it. Over recent days, I’ve been starting to wonder; Is this it?

I’m 30 years old now; I always pictured myself getting married and having kids but, in realistic terms, time is running out and it’s not like there is anything on the horizon either. I’m starting to wonder if marriage and kids just aren’t on the cards for me.

With all these thoughts in my head, my brain drifts to those things you hear in passing, like everyone only gets two great loves in their lifetime. I’ve been aware for years if that’s true, I’m fucked. My two have long come and gone. And with that knowledge once and a while, I wondered to myself did I blow my chance?

If you’ve been here a while, my two great loves won’t be a surprise to you. Of course, you have Mr. X who I won’t go into, I have plenty of posts on this site that’ll explain that whole mess. Then you have Chicken Man, who has been on my mind a lot lately.

Chicken Man is unquestionably my other “great love”, that man completely shook me to my core and did nothing but change me for the better. Where Mr. X tore me down. Chicken Man built me up. He entered my life at just the right time and was exactly what I needed. However, due to him traveling for work and things like that, the relationship just faded out over time. However; when I think back on it, I can’t help but wonder what if?

Anyways; enough of that, I need to go and pack for my holiday. When you’re reading this, I will be on my way to London to celebrate Canada’s 150^th Birthday and I can’t wait. But, before I go, I have this question for you; Do you believe we only get two great loves? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay, and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Lost Cause At 30

I was having lunch with my Mom the other day and we were talking about my upcoming 30^th birthday and in this conversation, she casually commented that she’s long given up on my getting married and having kids. First things first…thanks mom, love you too, and second of all; I’m 30, I am not past my sell by date just yet.

I knew what she meant, however, days before my 30^th part of me heard that comment as her calling me unlovable and telling me I was going to die alone. When in fact she was commenting on how happy I seem on my own and that I’m not longing after anything, love or kids. I am happy and am kicking butt at the minute.

Despite knowing what she meant, part of me is a little hurt. Why can’t I kick butt and have love and kids too? I’m 30, there’s still time, my eggs are rotten yet. I am, despite my mother’s comment, lovable. I mean, perfectly messed up unavailable men are into me, so surely there must be a decent one out there somewhere I don’t repulse.

Or maybe I’m wrong and I am an egg salad sandwich; bonus points if you know what that’s from. Anyways, I am going to go and drink, because that’s what unlovable people do. But, before I go I have this question for you; at what age are you a lost cause? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

“Surviving the Holidays Single”

Over the holidays, I’ve seen hundreds of these “how to” post on surviving the holiday season single.  And I’m not going to knock them; most of the posts I saw were incredibly well written and clearly hit their niche market. For the most part they did their job; they were entertaining, got views and who knows, maybe even helped a person or two.

However, I, being the bitch I am, am here to say the one thing I didn’t see in any of those posts...

If you are having to read one these “how to survive being single” posts, STAY SINGLE!

I don’t mean this to be mean, even though I’m not sure I can say that without sounding that way. I am saying it from a lovely, caring place. If you are having to survive being single, you need to work on you. If you can’t be happy alone, you won’t be happy in a relationship. That advice is as old as the hills for a reason, it’s tried and tested.

If you’ve been here a while, you’ll know even I’ve fallen into that trap and felt my self-worth was tied to whom I was dating. I had to take that advice myself and take a massive step back and pick up the pieces and learn to love me again.

I’ve been single this whole holiday season and for a lot of time before that, and I can honestly say the fact I was single didn’t enter my mind once this holiday season, not even on New Years Eve when I had nobody to kiss at midnight. I was just happy being off work spending the time with my loved ones and also enjoying some much needed me time.

As always these are just my thoughts on the matters, feel free to leave me yours; do you think there is a need for singles survivor guides? Let me know in the comments box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Single

“If Mr. X can find someone you shouldn’t have any problems.” That might be my favourite line I’ve heard all year.

I want to straighten something out with the universe; I am not single because I cannot find anyone. I am single because I rather be alone, I happen to enjoy my own company and other people are kind of assholes. It seems like a no brainer to me.

I’m aware that sounds horrible but, I spend a minimum of 48 hours a week dealing with whiny cry baby men at work, and rightly or wrongly just the thought of having to deal with one at home makes me want to take up serial killing.

“You’ll change your tone when you meet the right man”, I hear you and maybe your right, but I have no will to try and locate this magic man, or even hearing him out if he happens upon me. I think at this point he’d have to tase me and tie me to a chair for me to take notice.

Maybe this is a sign I need a new job, or maybe that Mr. X did change me or maybe I’m just grumpy and getting old, who knows. But right now I’m choosing to embrace my grumpy singledom.

Anyways, you gorgeous people, I am going to go and enjoy the rest of the day before I go back to work tomorrow, but before I do I have this question for you; why is being single looked down on? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below. And as always, stay and play safe. 

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

I’ve been doing some reading on the notion of “surviving Valentine’s Day” when single. Let me start by saying I’m not certain there is anything to survive; it’s just a day like any other, but it does make for some hilarious reading.

A lot of these so called survival guides suggest avoiding the color red and cheesy films, and heart shaped anything. Some suggest sending yourself flowers and chocolates. Some others go as far as to suggest you shouldn’t even go out of the house or go out with girlfriends because “it’s sad and pathetic”.

I personally think the idea that your relationship status should impede your happiness is sad and pathetic, but each to their own. That said, there are some things I like to do on Valentine’s Day when I’m not romantically attached, to make the day more enjoyable and fun. 

The first and most important is to turn off my phone. There is nothing like a supposed romantic holiday to drag up ghosts from relationships past. The best thing to do to preserve your happiness is turn off your phone and avoid that drama altogether.

The next thing I like to do is have a pamper afternoon; take a long bath, do some masks. Just look after me. I mean…. There’s nobody I love more than me so why not show myself how much I care.

The last thing I like to do is have friends over, have a drink, play some games just have a giggle. Not because I don’t want to be alone, but because it’s fun and why not have fun when everyone else is out fighting because their partner forgot to get them a card.

I’ll be honest, I tend to have much better Valentine’s Day single then I ever have in relationships. Maybe that’s because romance makes me horribly uncomfortable or maybe it’s because Valentine’s is just like any other day and when you treat it special… you’re bound to be disappointed. Whatever the reason, don’t let a calendar determine your happiness.  

Anyways, I have to go and get some much needed sleep. But, before I do I have this question for you, how will you be spending your Valentine’s Day? And will you be spending it single? Let me know your plans in the comment box below. And as always, stay and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

What Are You Looking For?

There is one question that has become the bane of my life now that I have decided to torture myself with online dating. That question being “what are you looking for?” Now I’m sure that this question shouldn’t be as hard as it, but I can’t seem to find even a half decent answer.

The honest answer being I’m not looking for anything. If I happen to find someone awesome, if I don’t, I’m good. I am not looking for anybody to make me whole or any of that bullshit. I’m there because I write a blog about dating and relationships and sometimes you need to do a little research to better your writing.

That may be the honest answer, however, it gets you nowhere. Men apparently don’t want to know the truth. They want to think you need them and the fact I don’t, scares them… Funny enough, I didn’t need a dating site to tell me this, I’ve been having the same issue for years.

You’d think I’d be able to pick up the “right” answer by talking to the first few guys, however, all their answers seem kind of pathetic to me so that’s clearly not going to work. Perhaps the right thing to do is keep answering honestly and the guy I don’t scare off is the man for me but I just don’t know.

So I leave the question with you; what is the non-pathetic answer to “what are you looking for?” let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Feeling Single

I’ve been single for just over a month now and until recently I hadn’t really noticed. I know that sounds crazy, but given mine and Barney’s relationship it’s understandable. I didn’t see the man very often and towards the end of our relationship, our conversations weren’t very boyfriend/girlfriend like. Breaking up wasn’t any great loss…hell it wasn’t even a moderate loss.

That said, the other day for the first time in a very long time I truly felt single. What was the catalyst for this feeling you ask? 

This

<---------

       Well, in actual fact, this.  

                      ----------------->

Leave it to Ikea to make a girl feel all alone. I’m not an overly girly girl and going into the whole flat pack thing I felt confident. Then I opened the box and quickly realised why women get married.

Now don’t get me wrong this girl is no quitter and I did get it built, it may have taken 12 hours but I got it done. But even afterwards that all alone feeling lingered. There was nobody there to share in my flat pack triumph.

It was weird, I’m not someone to worry about my relationship status. I couldn’t care less whether I’m single or in a relationship. As long as I’m happy within myself anything else is a bonus.  

The way I see it is I spend all day around men and if I’m going to put up with one without being paid he better be something special. I get my fill of jerks and fuck-wits at work. Admittedly, I do get some sweethearts and real gems at work too, but for the most part…..I spend 90% of my night wondering how on earth most of these men are married and whether their women are being held captive King Kong style.

I really should be thankful that some of them are so repulsive, it was the thing that managed to pull me out of my “being single” funk. It’s hard to long after something when you’re wondering if soap and water are just a little too complicated for their species.

I have to admit there are a few men there that make being in a relationship seem tempting. I work with some absolutely lovely guys that would do anything for me and that often prove that not all men are bad. However, all that loveliness is quickly balanced out by a grown men having a temper-tantrums……the joys of the transport industry, eh?

Anyways, my dears, I am off to that lovely place I call bed to dream about doing very unladylike things to my Supervisor….what? Just because I’m content being single doesn’t mean this girl doesn’t have needs. Anyways, before I go I shall leave you with this question; what snaps you out of your “being single sucks” moods? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Backup Plan

“If we’re both single by the time we’re 40 we’ll get married.” 

We’ve all made these pacts, the age varies but fundamentally they’re the same. If you are both single at your predetermined pathetic age, screw the idea of true love, you have a backup plan.

We’ve all made these pacts, and they’re normally done with two types of people.

Type 1: Someone you have a spark with but for whatever reason a relationship just didn’t/couldn’t happen.

Or

Type 2: A friend who you love dearly, but could never imagine doing anything sexual with in a million years.

My pact was with a “type 2” guy I’m going to call Alex. We had a deal that if we got to 40 and were both single we’d marry each other. Alex was the perfect backup plan guy. Not overly good looking (but not ugly), not great with the ladies but a total sweetheart. As bad as it sounds I kind of thought he’d be single forever. Boy was I wrong. Alex got married almost 5 years ago. So much for my backup plan eh?

Thursday night I received a message from one of my ghosts, I’m going to call this one Logan. Logan and I go way back, B.S back (Before Sex). We never actually dated but we did sleep together.... a lot. I guess you could call him my first fuck friend.

Anyways back to the message; one of the first things Logan said to me was “I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately, do you remember our deal?” I don’t remember what I had for dinner last night, so how does anyone expect me to remember a deal I made years ago. To give me a hint he then said “when we turn 30?” At which point a drunken flash back hit me. Oh that deal. Apparently my backup had a backup.

First of all, since when do men actually listen? I don’t even remember that conversation, so how the hell does he. I mean I always thought cleavage power overrides the male memory.

And second of all, Logan now has the record for being the scariest ghost ever. Most ghosts pop up for sex, this........well this is new.

As for why I don’t remember the deal, well Logan is a “type 1” and I think he may have banged the memory out of my head. That happens, right?

Now don’t worry I’m not about to marry anyone let own Logan. I would like to think I’ve come a long way since my banging Logan days. And I’m not about to regress that far.

However the thought hunts me. I mean, what if he by some screwed up act of a vengeful god was the one? I would have wasted the past 10 years of my life. 10 years! That’s like my worst nightmare ever.

Does anyone actually marry their back up plan? Do people do that? I have to ask, do you have a back-up plan? And if so if it came down to it would you marry them? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

'Tis the Season to Laugh at Couples

Some people get very sad and lonely around the holidays; I’m not one of them. I love being single and anyone who has taken a look at my dating history can fully understand why. But besides dating a whole lot of guy I’d really like to run over with a bus the other reason I love being single especially at the holidays is couples are ridiculous this time of years.

First you have the present stress, you never want to spend less or put less thought into your partner’s gift then they put into yours. This makes people go crazy and I find it hilarious. There are a few couples in my circle of friends; they’re going crazy over this. I happen to have gone Christmas shopping with one of the guys and his girlfriend is dying to find out what he got her. Since I’m a bad person every time she asks me I tell her it could be a coal or it could be a diamond or maybe it’s a pony. I find it hilarious to screw with her....she on the other hand, does not.

Then you have the stupid holiday photos. You either wear ugly sweaters or stupid hats or both and stand in front of tree and smile like you’re not wearing stupid clothing. You couples can enjoy that, I’m going to sit here in my non stupid clothing and laugh at your ridiculous photos that will live forever on the Internet.

Then you have the joy of going to your partners work’s Christmas party. I don’t know about you but I never want to go to my own works Christmas party let alone my boyfriends. So if you ask me, that is reason enough to stay single at the holidays.

The other thing that makes couples ridiculous at the holidays is all the fighting. Christmas a booze heavy time of year and with all that booze comes all those booze fuelled fights. And because I’m a little bit twisted I find it highly amusing. “Your penis is small”, “You’re a whore” “You can go fuck, that fucking thing.”.....”I’m sorry, I love you.” Who needs to TV when you can watch drunken couples, I can’t help but laugh.

I have to ask, what is the upside to being in a relationship this holiday season because to be honest I think of any and if you’re single like me, what do you enjoy about being single during the holiday season? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo