Showing posts with label Mr. X. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mr. X. Show all posts

Friday, 14 August 2020

The Gray Zone

 

If you’ve been here a while the statement I am about to make won’t come as a surprise, but in case you’re new here; I don’t do the grey area well. I put this down to two things, OCD, I can’t stand to leave things unfinished. So being in the grey zone in a relationship plays on that. It never really got started therefor it can’t end. And second Mr. X.

Most people’s relationship trauma comes from bad break ups or bad relationships. I am lucky that I have no lasting scars from my past relationships. Yes, some were less than ideal, but I have made peace with all that. My scarring is in the grey zone. I have no trust in that zone, I am not confident in the zone… I feel vulnerable in that zone. It’s not a place I like to be and my ability to be in it is proving to be minimal. I am aware enough to know it’s not good for my mental health.

However, that OCD of not leaving things unfinished is a powerful bitch. I am at the point where I need to look at the Barrie situation, we’ve been going with the flow for 3 months and like I said I know it’s not good for me. I feel very unlike myself, and I need to get me back. But my head keeps telling me it’s not started so it can’t be done.

I swear I’ve done all the healing and self-reflexion I can from the whole Mr X thing, yet…. Clearly, I am still fucked up. That twat is actually going to land me in therapy at this rate. I

Anyways, I am going to go because I want to cry and that’s not going to happen today. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

 The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Friday, 25 October 2019

Dating Rant


Another Thursday, another afternoon spent writing a post I should have written earlier in the week. Like I said, one of these days I will get all my shit together, but right now I’ll have to settle for having bits and pieces of my shit together.

I’ve been getting a lot of questions about dating recently. And by a lot, I mean, it’s starting to verge on obvious. So, I thought I’s take this chance to answer your burning questions, and by questions burning questions, I mean, pushy opinions because, there’s no questions, just a lot of people telling whom I should date and or whose penis I should ride.

Tyler isn’t happening. He’s not into me. We are good friends, and I love having him around, but nope. As perfect as I believe having a boyfriend who is 300 miles away is, still nope. That might be a post for another day. For now, the answer is just no.

 Team Mr. X…. Do you hate me? Why are you still a thing? I did my time, it cost me my youth, I may well die alone because of that whole mess. Give it up. Like really, no. That damage was done, repaired, taught me a lot, and gave me strength I never knew I had, but no.

Will I date again? I assume so. I’m not against it. I just need to find a human I don’t hate and that is hard. People as a whole suck.

Anyways, I am going to go and chill out. I would leave a question of the blog, but I have had enough opinions for right now. So just stay safe.
Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 26 July 2019

Everything Happens For A Reason


I’m not religious, I don’t believe God is up there micromanaging every detail of our lives; but I do believe everything happens for a reason. Life is a big chain event and things must happen to move the story along.

This was reinforced to myself this week. I was at the hospital being trained on my mother equipment, by that guy I blew off all those years ago and it hit me. Had I not blown him off and we dated long term, got married. He won’t be able to treat my mother now. It’s his department, he’s one of the best there and she wouldn’t be able to have his care. I am very lucky, I did what I did, I mean he's lovely, it could have gone the other way. But it was around the time of Mr. X and that Muppet ruined a lot of potential. But it's funny how it all worked out.

Just a little food for thought. I am off to try and recover from my training. Side note; blood isn’t my friend, I nearly passed out. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 3 May 2019

Are You Happy?


Despite my conversation with Mr. X being brief it may have opened a can of worms I didn’t intend for it to. I asked him if he was finally happy. And to my shock, he said yes. He then turned the tables and asked me if I was happy.

That’s a question, and not a straight forward one, although he got a straight forward answer. It’s a difficult question. I’m not unhappy. I have happy moments if that counts for anything. I’m kind of just being. I don’t think I’m even allowed to be happy right now. I don’t know.

It’s a strange question. And to be honest, I’m less than happy he claims to happy these days. His misery gave me hope. Shocking, Mr. X kicks me while I’m down one last time. And he doesn’t even realize. What a prick.

Anyways, I am going to go drink because alcohol is a solution. Before I go I shall leave you with this question; Are you happy? Let me know in the comment down below. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  
xoxo

Friday, 26 April 2019

One Ghost Down, Another One Up

When one ghost vanishes another one pops up and this one my friends, is a good one.  After being absent for nearly 2 years Mr. X popped up and I’m not sure what to make of it. He popped up in the most small talking way possible, it throw me off. As we all know, he doesn’t do small talk and I don’t do it either. I trait to this day I blame him for.

The shoe failed to drop during the conversation. I’m not sure what the motivation was… and I’m sure there was a motivation. Don’t get me wrong, I have actually missed him, and thought about messaging him myself, but what does one say to a ghost?

The conversation was painless and kept fairly brief. It was just weird. However, it’s been a nice distraction so I’m not complaining. Just thrown off my game by the whole thing.

Anyways, I am off to job hunt, that’s a story for another day. But before I go, I will leave you with this question; Why do you think Mr. X popped up? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 2 November 2018

Q&A


Welcome to November and more importantly to the Q&A I’ve been promising. I’m not going to waste a lot of time here, I’m just going to jump into the questions you lovely humans have been asking.

How are you?

I am ok. I am in a better place than I was that’s for certain. I am still not perfect, but all things considered I am doing well.

How is your mom?

My mom is a fighter and she’s hanging in there. Her kidney function is back up to 11%, which is a relief. Her spirits remain high and that’s all you can really ask for.

Are you dating anyone?

Nope. Not even flirting with anyone these days.

How are things with Mr. X?

Perfect. I haven’t spoken to him months.

Do you miss Mr. X?

Of course. As toxic as he could be, he was also a sweetheart who could always get through to me when no one else could. Now I have to rely on myself for that, and to be honest, recently that almost didn’t work. As much of a twat as Mr. X can be, he has he’s good and I miss that.

How are things with Steve?

Things are ok. We don’t speak a whole lot these days, but that’s to be expected. Peak has started at work and time is a premium. Plus, I don’t like messaging him at home, so January will be when things start to show.

Hove things changed with Steve?

Yep. But, like I said I won’t really know what’s changed and what’s just peak stress until January.

Is Steve going to do a guest post or a Q&A like Mr. X did?

Nope. I asked the question for you and he’s not interested.

Given your firm no kids rule would you still sleep with Steve?

In case you don’t know the rule this person is talking about it is birth control, condoms and a reasonable chance the guy I am sleeping with is shooting blanks. When it comes to Steve I’d make an exception on this one.

Would you still sleep with Steve given how things have changed?

I would indeed. The whole Steve thing is about pleasure not logic.

Do you think Mr. X and Steve are cheaters?

Every relationship is different and has their own rules. By my standards in a relationship, yes, but that’s not to say that’s the case in their relationships. And since I chose not to know those facts, I can only assume they’re playing within the rules they’ve set.

Anyways, my dears, those are all the questions that you’ve submitted for this Q&A, if you have any more leave them below and I’ll either answer them there or save them for my next Q&A post. But that’s all she wrote for this one so, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo 

Friday, 21 September 2018

Bad Decision


I concluded about a week ago that I need to make a few bad decisions in my life, a conclusion that may be strange to some, but I’ll explain that in a moment. My real issue is the universe seems hell bent on preventing me from carrying out my bad decisions and I’m getting annoyed. But I guess I should explain.

Steve is all well and good, but he’s fictional, I mean he’s real but it’s he’s not tangible. I don’t need my head clouded with fairies and unicorns, when what’s around is demons and trolls.  Steve is an ideal, and even that ideal with shattered when you really look at it, as one of you pointed out the other day.

I need to keep my head in the head game and the best way I know to do that is to sharpen my skills with practice. How does one practices dealing with demons and trolls, you ask? You agree to a date with Mr. Block.

The whole thing promises to be an exercise in disappointment. As discussed in my 2014 blogs, I am not physically attracted to him.  This is nothing new though, nor a deal breaker. I have dated many guys I wasn’t attracted to, hell I was engaged to 1 of them, technically 2, but we won’t talk about that. The real issue is at this point I find his personality repugnant. And I’d still happily go through with the date, if the universe would stop getting involved.

Last weekend the universe gave him the flu. I’d normally I’d think he was trying to blow me off, but I am actually friends with his housemate and he too was dying with man flu, capturing every second on SnapChat. This weekend I mentally broke down and spent 3 days in bed. Long overdue and I feel better for it, but ruined the whole date thing.

Today is a bank holiday, and I am trying once again to make this piss poor decision and now, he’s not checking his messages and I’ll be asleep later since I am back to work tomorrow so today looks like a write off too. At this point I could send him a message saying “hey wanna fuck?” and I’m sure a Pterodactyl would swoop down and eat him. I can’t catch a break.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep before I do something really stupid like message Mr. X. But, before I go I have this question for you; What is your deal breaker? Let me know your thoughts in the comment below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday, 14 July 2017

Could It Be Done?

So, after last week’s post, I got chatting with the gay husband about the trip and I mention to him I had a bad feeling about the whole thing when I got up to Manchester. He commented I should have ditched her there and gone without her.   I said to him the only other people I know in that direction is my boss and Mr. X. This led to an interesting conservation on whether I could go away with Mr. X and keep things platonic or not.

I may be crazy for saying this, but I think it is doable. Our relationship was built more on friendship and talking than the physical so I can’t see it being that hard.

Yes, the hotel was 5 star, and something about it did scream romance, however the room had 2 single beds and was the whole weekend was planned in a way that there wasn’t a lot of down time therefore not a lot of temptation.  I honestly believe, it wouldn’t have been a problem.

The gay husband on the other hand, disagrees, however, thinks I should have done it anyways, but that’s because he has a theory that I won’t go into on this post because that craziness needs more words than I can give it here.

Anyways, what do you think? Could we have made it a whole weekend without crossing any lines? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 30 June 2017

Is This It?

Despite the fact I enjoy being single and the easiness that comes with it. Over recent days, I’ve been starting to wonder; Is this it?

I’m 30 years old now; I always pictured myself getting married and having kids but, in realistic terms, time is running out and it’s not like there is anything on the horizon either. I’m starting to wonder if marriage and kids just aren’t on the cards for me.

With all these thoughts in my head, my brain drifts to those things you hear in passing, like everyone only gets two great loves in their lifetime. I’ve been aware for years if that’s true, I’m fucked. My two have long come and gone. And with that knowledge once and a while, I wondered to myself did I blow my chance?

If you’ve been here a while, my two great loves won’t be a surprise to you. Of course, you have Mr. X who I won’t go into, I have plenty of posts on this site that’ll explain that whole mess. Then you have Chicken Man, who has been on my mind a lot lately.

Chicken Man is unquestionably my other “great love”, that man completely shook me to my core and did nothing but change me for the better. Where Mr. X tore me down. Chicken Man built me up. He entered my life at just the right time and was exactly what I needed. However, due to him traveling for work and things like that, the relationship just faded out over time. However; when I think back on it, I can’t help but wonder what if?

Anyways; enough of that, I need to go and pack for my holiday. When you’re reading this, I will be on my way to London to celebrate Canada’s 150th Birthday and I can’t wait. But, before I go, I have this question for you; Do you believe we only get two great loves? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay, and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 16 June 2017

He Made It

While my work life may be going hell, at least it appears Mr. X managed to keep his shit together for the month of May. I almost feel like I should send him flowers or something. And a card that reads “Congrats on making it a whole month without being a horrible human being… let’s try for two.”

That is the scary part now, knowing the peace won’t last, because, well, history strongly indicates it won’t.  It feels kind of like a ticking bomb but, only less fun.

So let’s make this fun…

Place your bets now, ladies and gentlemen, when do you think Mr. X will next horrify?

My money is on the beginning of July while I’m on holiday, because that’s just the sort faith I have in him.

Let me know your predictions in the comments below. And while you’re doing that, I’m going to go celebrate having a post scheduled for the right day for a change. Who knew that could happen? Anyways, as always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch  
xoxo

Friday, 12 May 2017

Positive Place

Strange thoughts enter your head when you sit down to write a blog post, and today is no different. As I sit here on May 11th I’m realizing this is likely the last post I will write as 20-something. I feel like this post should be something special, and conclude the entertaining drama that was my 20’s, but I just can’t do that. I’m entering my 30’s in uncertainty. I don’t have all the pieces figured out just yet, however, I’m oddly ok with that.

A lot of doors are now closed and in an odd way, that’s a good place to start. I know where I’m not going and that’s almost as good as knowing where I am. I’m in a very positive place with everything. 30 is definitely a fresh start.

And on that same note, when Mr. X posed the question “What do you want from me to see in your 30's?” the other day, my instant thought was “for you not to ruin my 30s too.” Which is an unfair comment on my part. He was a time suck for sure, however, that time suck stopped me from doing some dumb things. And he didn’t ruin my 20s, he gave me the script for one hell one a good book/movie one day. I didn’t answer him in the end. He said something about I could have asked for flowers... Mr. X and flowers… I doubt even I’ve been that drunk to think that’s a thing. I think nothing is the much safer answer.

Someone did ask me if me the other day if Mr X will play a part in my 30s. And I suspect he will, we’ve been friends for many years, however, his part will be much smaller. Life moves on and relationships change. It’ll be interesting to see what happens.

Anyways, my bottle of wine is cold now, so I am going to go and drink it. Before I go though, I have this question for you; What do you regret not doing before you turned 30? Let me know in the comments below. And, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 28 April 2017

The Pattern of Mr. X

I was chatting with a friend regarding the whole Mr. X having working sperm thing and she said something kind of interesting. She said she wasn’t surprised by the action, she was surprised by the timing. 

And until she said that, it hadn’t crossed my mind what time of year it was. Mr. X has a pattern that is known not only to me, but my good friends and even some long time readers have picked up on it. Mr. X, kind of like a rash, tends to flare up twice a year. And thankfully, the flare ups are pretty predictable. He tends to flare up in December (most famously the Christmas eve incident) and then again in May (take your pick of the re-appearing Mr. X incidents I found 3 without really looking).  He’ll pop up elsewhere throughout the year, however, they tend to be his big shows.

This has me a little worried; if this is what he’s doing in April, what does he have planned in May?

Hopefully nothing, and he shot his horrors early this year. Maybe if Punxsutawney Phil doesn’t see his shadow Mr. X comes early as well. Who knows.

Anyways, I just thought that was an interesting Mr. X fact for you. I am going to go and enjoy the bottle of wine that is currently in my fridge. But before I go I have this question for you, what May traditions do you have? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 21 April 2017

Flipped My Bitch Switch

There was one last thing I wanted to touch on in this whole mess; and that’s the message that flipped my bitch switch, and took me from sad, and hurt to murderous.

I’d like you to bear in mind the conversation before the below message was about him not being happy in his marriage, him wanting to leave, then he dropped the baby news on me, and said he felt he needed to stay. Then he sent me this.

“You and I would have been either awesome or awful
But I don't deserve you
I would never ask you to be the "other woman"
Forget the morality - I don't deserve one night with you
Simple as that”

I lost my shit; I won’t lie and it wasn’t pretty. I know on some level that message should have been a compliment, however, all I could think is how self-centered it was. It’s all about him. What he does or doesn’t he deserve. WHAT ABOUT ME?

Do I not deserve a chance with the man I stood by all these years? Do I not deserve a chance to see what is there? After everything he put me through do I not deserve a happy ending?

He is right, he doesn’t deserve me. I’m far too good for him. But that was my choice to make, not his! But the little chicken shit is too scared, he’s too scared to be happy, because he doesn’t think he deserves it. And up to now I disagreed with him. Hell, all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. Now... Now, even I’ve lost faith.

I almost feel his want to be unhappy is stronger than anything. He feels like he has what he deserves and he’s content with that. And just the thought of that makes me cry. And then gets me angry, because the last thing I should be doing is crying over him.  It’s self-inflicted. The same way he laughs when I’m hungover, I should be mocking him now. But, I am not. Why? Because I’m a casualty in his self-inflected ciaos. And as we’ve seen he has no concern for that fact.

Anyways, I’m hoping some of that made sense. It definitely made me feel better to say it, so that’s win. I am going to go and enjoy what remains of my day off. But before I go, I have this question for you, what flips your bitch switch? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo 

Friday, 14 April 2017

The Aftermath

Just so you know where we are in the timeline, I’m writing this Monday morning, 2 days after “the news” and about 30 seconds after I decided it was necessary to release my last post nearly a week early and on a non-scheduled day.  I did that for a lot of reasons, but most importantly to keep you guys as close to the events as possible (timeline wise) and in turn stopping me having to revisit things making it easier to heal. 

I didn’t sleep well Saturday night; I wrote my post, logged everything off, even turned my phone off, with the plan of just sleeping it off. My body didn’t agree with that plan. I kept waking up in a panic with my heart racing. I’d calm myself back down and then an hour or so later, it would happen again and that was the story most of the night.

Sunday, I’ll openly admit, I didn’t get out of bed. I spent the day in bed, cuddling a teddy bear, staring at the wall. My TV was on, but, I think I even look it. I was just, broken is probably the best way to describe it.

After I failed to show up to lunch plans I had previously arranged, the gay husband showed up to check on. My phone was still off, which might be a first. He walked in the door and asked, “are you ok?” and I said without even looking at him, “No”, he asked if I wanted to talk about it and again I said “no”. He asked if I planned on getting out of bed. And I said “no”. He then asked if I wanted him to join me, and I simply replied “k”. He crawled into bed next to me and just laid with me, didn’t say a word. At some point I most have finally nodded off and he went home.  I woke up less fuzzy headed, but still not ready to leave my bed. I just spent the rest of the evening curled up hugging the same teddy bear, staring at the wall.

This morning is better. I’ve processed what I needed to process and I’m ok. I suspect I will break down and cry at some point, because I’ll need that to move on. I’m just not there yet. I am actively thinking again, and feeling more able. That said, I know just under the surface it’s still tender and refresh. But it’ll be ok.

I’m going to leave this post here, and hopefully enjoy the rest of my day off before I go back to work tomorrow. Once again, I’m not going to leave a question, but feel free to leave your comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo


Monday, 10 April 2017

A Blogger’s Reaction

Mr. X’s Wife is having a baby.

I received this news a few hours ago as I’m writing this, Saturday in your world. And I’m most surprised how ingrained blogging is in me. My focus has turned very quickly from the effect it was having on me, to my blog.

Let me start by saying, I’m not even going to try and pretend I took the news well. I lost it. I started crying, uncontrollability. I throw up, then slid down the door and just trembled. And once I could see my phone again through the tears, I lost my temper with Mr. X. (I’ll explain that more in a different blog) Despite it all, I feel I restrained myself well. It could have been worse, I definitely had things I could have said and didn’t.

Mainly because my brain switched to my blog. I had posts planned this week; one of you asked the interested question; would the person I am now, date the person Mr. X was. I thought it would make a great post, I can’t write that now. Some of you asked if Mr. X would do another guest post, another great idea. Although I’m not sure I could handle that now. I had all these things planned and it's fucked, he fucked it.

I’ve been blogging over half my life, so I guess it shouldn’t be surprising my brain heads there. I’ve often said I blog to stay sane. And I’m fighting to stay sane at the moment. My brain is frazzled, I’m can’t think straight. I’m just holding on to what pieces I can, hoping I don’t fall completely apart.

I am going to go and get some sleep. And hopefully when I wake up I’ll have a better outlook on things. And with a little like this shaking will have stopped because it’s driving me crazy. I should really leave you with a question, but I have too many to ask and none of which I truly want answers too.

Anyways, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 31 March 2017

Good Idea, Gone Bad

I really must learn to leave well enough alone. I just had to test whether I was dead inside or if it just the work effect. I just had to knowI’m a dumbass.

“Sure, I miss that face, that skin, that kissing ability, that sarcasm... but someone who gets me, someone who understands me, more than most - It makes me miss you.”  - Mr. X

If I was at work, I know for a fact, that wouldn’t have had any effect on me. But, because I was at home, all the feelings. It made me remember that connection we had and why I loved him. It made me remember he wasn’t always evil.

I’m a fucking genuine. I get mad at him for frustrating comments, that are useless in the grand scheme and there I am doing the same sort of thing.

Anyways, I’m going to go and drink and pretend I didn’t open that whole can of worms.  But before I go I have this question for you; what was the last thing you regret doing? Let me know in the comment box below. And, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 24 March 2017

Let’s Get Drunk and Talk

Let me start with normal disclaimer: This post will be written drunk and edited drunk. Once I have sobered up I will not touch the post again.  I will of course answer comments and all that, but there will be no sober editing done. Now that that’s all been said, let’s bring on the tequila.

Mr. X that is the big question and something both you and I and probably him would like answers on.

1.      “I miss you” is the most useless, misleading, bullshit comment ever spoken by a human being.

That statement makes me more angry than anything. It’s designed to be an emotion fuck. It’s a “I’m in a happy marriage, but I miss you.” How useless and utterly disruptive is that comment? It achieves nothing. Other than evidently pissing me off.

2.      Balance

Balance is the answer to all popular question “why are you still friends with him.” Mr. X has always brought balance to me and me to him whether he likes to admit it or not. Maybe not as much these days, because I’ve learned and have been able to take his heartless logical… ness and implement it myself. But, he still is a source of reason for me.

3.      I will not be “the other woman”.

While Mr. X is married, he will not be touched in any way by me! Other then maybe me slapping him, because…. I’m sure he has it coming. I will not play second fiddle to anyone and that’s that.

4.      Is there a future?

I have never ruled out anything with Mr. X. Our history is undeniable. The spark is undeniable. That said, we never dated, we never had time to learn each other, so I’m not going to say I’d marry the man, but I’d be willing to see what is there.

5.      I don’t know what I feel!

Mr. X has and always will have a special place in my heart. We’ve been through a lot. Forgetting the romantic side, which was a shit show. He’s always been a good friend to me and someone to lean on. He’s been one of those people who make you better… his method may be questionable, but the results there.

All that said, my point about never dating remains. I wish we gave it shot back then. I wish we could have seen what was there. I wish things had gone differently, but they didn’t. And life goes on and things, at least for me, worked out well. 

6.      I wish nobody failure in their marriage.

Do I wonder how things could have gone? Of course. But life wrote a different story. And maybe it’ll bring us together one day so whose knows. Maybe he needed marriage number 1 to change him to be better for marriage 2.  I don’t pretend to know what the future has in store. I just hope he’s happy by the end of it.  That’s all I really want, is him to be genially happy.

And since that sentence made me cry, today’s drunk blog is over. I hope it was entertaining, made sense, answered some questions, and more than anything I hope the hangover won’t make me pray death. Before I go I’ll leave you with this question: what are your hangover cures? Let me know your answer to that, any other thoughts you may have in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo


Friday, 17 March 2017

Dead Inside

I’m starting to worry that I am slightly dead inside. I’ve spent years building walls and toughening up to become the strong woman I am today. Working in such a male dominate environment has really focused me to be less emotional and almost detached in order to be taken seriously and gain success. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always succeed in keeping my emotions in check, but it takes a lot for me crack these days.

With all that said; I think I may have done too good of a job. I know what I should be feeling regarding the whole Mr. X thing, yet I feel nothing. It’s like my brain hasn’t taken the information in. I’m not sure if it’s because every time he’s spoken to me, I’ve been at work or if I’m genuinely broken.

 I’m fairly switched off at work; I have a job to do and I get it done and once I leave it never happened. It’s a stressful job and I find that the easiest way to stay sane. So, I’m wondering if that’s why Mr. X hasn’t sunk it. He spoke to me at work, we had the needed conversation and I came home as if nothing happened.

 Either that or years of dealing with fuck-wit men has left emotional scarred and broken. Either, or really.

Anyways, I’m going to go and have a nap. But before I go I have this question for you; do you compartmentalize work and real life, or do you have a different way of dealing with stress? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Friday, 10 March 2017

"I Miss You"

I’ve been a little baffled by my lack of reaction to this whole “I miss you” thing. And after a little thought; more than I’ve given the actual statement in all fairness, I think I understand why. I miss you is a very vague statement. In the grand scheme of things, it means almost nothing, and that’s probably why I’ve felt almost nothing regarding it.

I miss my old Corsa. I’m not going to do anything about it, the car is nearly 20 years old at this point and is long gone, but I miss it. It was a good car to me. That about sums up Mr. X’s statement. I’m broken down car with fond memories attached.

"I miss you" is so vague, what does it even mean? Does it mean anything? I suppose if I want these questions answered I should just ask Mr. X.

But, do I want them answered?

I feel I may be too sober for this conversation. Actually, I feel like I’ve been tricked into having a different conversation, one I didn’t want to have. Because you should never ask questions you don’t want the answer to. And I don't think the answer benefits me in any way. 

Anyways, I am going to go and… drink. I think drinking is the answer here. But before I do, I have this question for you; What does “I miss you” mean and do I want the answer? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo 

Friday, 3 March 2017

Mr. X's Come Back

They say when women spend a lot of time together their cycles sync; after working in a male dominated industry for almost a decade I’m positive male cycles do the same thing. And before you a say anything, yes men have hormone cycles too. They just don’t bleed, they turn into whiny-ass bitches instead. And on my last shift this week, I swear 80 percent of my drivers were PMSing. It was a night from hell, and it wasn’t the work causing the stress, it was they guys and their attitudes.

While dealing with the headaches above, I look down at my phone and noticed Mr. X’s head popped up on Facebook. I figured what the hell, after the night I was having, what’s one more headache? I mean, I may as well deal with whatever he has to say while my night is already crap so I can enjoy my 4 days off in peace.

I look down and his comment was regarding my last post, which I figured it would be. He said he liked the post and that he swore he doesn’t try to torment me. I had two instant thoughts

 1)      If you liked it, I hope you clicked an ad.
 2)      Hmm, yeah you do.

I just replied back with “thanks” and waited for the ball to drop and it soon did. He came out with “Do you want me to be flat out honest with you?” Me being me and not really being fully in the conversation replied with “if you’d like.” He then said “I would” and then he did something he calls me out for all the time. He’d typed and deleted and typed and deleted. He eventually added “The only variable is: What do you want to know?”. 

Bearing in mind the night I was having, dealing with man-children; all I was thinking was “dude, you clearly want to tell me something. Just fucking tell me.” Admittedly, I thought it was going to go a different way than it did.  If you’ve been here a while you’ll remember the last time Mr. X had something to tell me, he told me he loved me and vanished for 6 months. I eventually replied with “Whatever you'd like to tell me.” A fairly nice response given my mind-set.
“I miss you”, was what he said next. Then he said he said to go and went.

The reaction in my head was a little detached to say the least, it was “bullshit you don’t say things just to torment me.” And then I went back to answering my phones at work.

I’ll be honest, it’s been 24 hours and I don’t think I’ve processed any of it. I came home from work yesterday had… a lot to drink, and went to bed. I woke up at 2am and wrote this. I think that might be my next post. I’ll sit down and write and let my brain figure everything out.

Anyways, that’s you up to date. And I need to go and get dressed and take my car in, hopefully it doesn’t cost me too much. But, before I go I have this question for you; do you think Mr. X says things just to torment me? Let me know the answer to that and any thoughts you may have in the comment box below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo