Showing posts with label Steve. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Steve. Show all posts

Friday 25 January 2019

Tyler


Apparently, some of you lovely people have decided you required more information before siding with either myself of the gay husband on the whole Tyler thing and since it’s 4am and I can’t sleep I thought I’d humour you.

 Most of you wanted to know a little more about Tyler so here we go. Tyler is a few years younger than me, our birthdays are actually a month a part, making him an Aries and me a Taurus. And if you believe in any of that, you’ll know the stars don’t like that pairing. We both obviously work in the same field and work nights. He happens to like people more than me, I’ve grown a little introverted over the years. As I said before, we both enjoy cheesy films and musicals. He has a fixation for cars. I enjoy classic cars, not classic British cars though, I like hot-rods and muscle cars and if we’re pushing it, I enjoy monster trucks.

Like I said previously my relationship with Tyler very different than the one with Steve. The other night at work we spent 7+ hours on the phone to each other just talking. Work was dead, so we were playing Snapchat games and Words with Friends, and we were singing at each other. It was a lot of fun. However, you know what we didn’t do during that 7 hours? Flirt.

Tyler doesn’t flirt, not a at all, not one teeny tiny bit. I, on the other hand, flirt all the time. I don’t even know I’m doing most of the time. It’s like a second language. That said, it’s not just me. Everyone flirts, hell, I’ve heard the guys flirt with each other before now. Its transport; drinking, swearing, bitchy and flirty those are the languages of the industry. And he just doesn’t partake.

I don’t actually know what to do with him in that regard. I’m almost trained to make the dirty punch line quickly, before the guys can, it makes it less awkward. However, since he doesn’t bite, he just giggles when I make the jokes and it’s still a little awkward. I can’t really win.

And as previously mentioned, I am not sure how straight he is. My Gaydar doesn’t seem to even register him as human. I get no reading from him at all. Maybe I need to introduce him to the gay husband to find out for sure.

Anyways, I hope that fills you in on any information you felt you were missing and let me know whose side you’re on, mine or the gay husbands, in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 18 January 2019

What happened to Steve?


A few have you have been asking what has happened to Steve and since I have no decent blog ideas at the minute, I thought I’d fill you guys in.

The answer is nothing, nothing has happened to Steve. He is still around and is still a great guy I enjoy talking to. However, he had a child and we all know guys with kids aren’t a thing I do. I thought it would be different given they none relationship thing, but no, it’s still a killer.

It’s weird because my main reason for not getting involved with guys with kids has always been, I don’t want to play second fiddle and once a child is in the mix that’s how it is. Which is fine if you’re in a relationship and a kid comes along. You’ve been fist fiddle and had that time, but to never get it… no I couldn’t do it. However, none of that was relevant with Steve, there was no fiddle, just sex.

I don’t know what to tell you, I kid that being turned off by men with kids is my body’s way of not getting pregnant, and I’m starting to believe it. There is just something about them that isn’t for me.

Anyways, I am off to hopefully come up with a blog idea, so I can get another one done and have next week off. But before I go, I have this question for you; would you date someone with kids? Let me know in the comment below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 21 December 2018

The Gay Husband's Bright Idea


My lovely, dear, gay husband has had another one of his “bright idea” and I thought I’d let you in on his latest brain wave because personally it made me laugh.

The gay husband is over the whole Steve thing, he believes he’s all talk and while he served a purpose, that purpose has now been served. Fair enough, I guess. However, he believes I should replace Steve with, wait for it, his brother Tyler.

Now, if you’re anything like me, your reaction to that was “wait, what?”. The words just did not compute. He has his logic and some of it is understandable, but it still sounds crazy to me.

His logic is that Tyler is clearly someone I am comfortable with; he’s seen me without makeup, he’s seen many unflattering pictures of me, he’s someone I communicate with easily. We share a lot of the same interests (country music, musicals, crappy films), and we have a similar sense of humour. I don’t dispute any of that. However, the same could be said for most of my friends.

There also many other issues the gay husband is overlooking. Starting with his brother; now imagine for a second, he was right, and me Tyler started dating…. How messed up would have Thanksgiving be? Dating Tyler, sat across from his brother whom I use to sext? That’s not a thing.

Then you have the other issues, like he’s younger than me, I don’t date younger guys. You have the distance, you have secrets, he’s doesn’t know I blog, and he can’t find out for obvious reasons. And then you have the fact I am not ever sure he’s straight!

I am pretty sure the gay husband is way off on this one but let me know what you think in the comments below. I’d love to know your thoughts and the gay husband would love to find out if anyone is on his side. Anyways, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 9 November 2018

Mr. Block


Some of you have been asking what happened with Mr. Block so I thought I’d give you a quick update.

The answer is not a lot happened. We arranged to meet up for the 6th time and for the 6th time he cancelled. At that point, I lost interest. I’m far too old for games and frankly the price isn’t good enough for the effort required.

To be fair, there was never going to be a future with Mr.Block. After all the BS at most it was going to be a purely sexual sort of thing. Ok, more of it’s been a while and I wanted to know if I could remember how sort of thing. I mean, why not?

Then Steve popped up with a point that played in my head. He asked why I was wasting my time with Mr.Block when he could fulfil the same function with a few a messages. As much as I hate to admit it, he was right. He also reminded me the reason why not is I have self-respect and Mr. Block is prick. Can’t argue with that one either.

Anyways, that’s the update or lack thereof. I am going to go and enjoy the rest of my holiday, but before I go I have this question for you; Are fuckfriends a good or bad thing? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoo

Friday 2 November 2018

Q&A


Welcome to November and more importantly to the Q&A I’ve been promising. I’m not going to waste a lot of time here, I’m just going to jump into the questions you lovely humans have been asking.

How are you?

I am ok. I am in a better place than I was that’s for certain. I am still not perfect, but all things considered I am doing well.

How is your mom?

My mom is a fighter and she’s hanging in there. Her kidney function is back up to 11%, which is a relief. Her spirits remain high and that’s all you can really ask for.

Are you dating anyone?

Nope. Not even flirting with anyone these days.

How are things with Mr. X?

Perfect. I haven’t spoken to him months.

Do you miss Mr. X?

Of course. As toxic as he could be, he was also a sweetheart who could always get through to me when no one else could. Now I have to rely on myself for that, and to be honest, recently that almost didn’t work. As much of a twat as Mr. X can be, he has he’s good and I miss that.

How are things with Steve?

Things are ok. We don’t speak a whole lot these days, but that’s to be expected. Peak has started at work and time is a premium. Plus, I don’t like messaging him at home, so January will be when things start to show.

Hove things changed with Steve?

Yep. But, like I said I won’t really know what’s changed and what’s just peak stress until January.

Is Steve going to do a guest post or a Q&A like Mr. X did?

Nope. I asked the question for you and he’s not interested.

Given your firm no kids rule would you still sleep with Steve?

In case you don’t know the rule this person is talking about it is birth control, condoms and a reasonable chance the guy I am sleeping with is shooting blanks. When it comes to Steve I’d make an exception on this one.

Would you still sleep with Steve given how things have changed?

I would indeed. The whole Steve thing is about pleasure not logic.

Do you think Mr. X and Steve are cheaters?

Every relationship is different and has their own rules. By my standards in a relationship, yes, but that’s not to say that’s the case in their relationships. And since I chose not to know those facts, I can only assume they’re playing within the rules they’ve set.

Anyways, my dears, those are all the questions that you’ve submitted for this Q&A, if you have any more leave them below and I’ll either answer them there or save them for my next Q&A post. But that’s all she wrote for this one so, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo 

Friday 26 October 2018

Different Friends For Different Seasons


Aristotle said there are 3 types of friendships; Friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure and friendships of the good. Personally, I’m not sure those are the titles I would have gone with, but there are definitely different type friendships, and each serves a purpose, and each has a time and place.

I’ve never classed or even thought about my friends in this way. However, I have noticed recently I’ve been pulling away from certain people. I’ve been slowly discovering with everything going on in my life, certain friends just aren’t a good fit for me right now. It’s not that we’ve fallen out or I dislike them or anything like that. It’s just they aren’t what I need in my life right now.

My work bestie up in Manchester is the best example of this. If we were going to classify the friendship it would fall under that “utility” category. We both serve a purpose to each other. However, right now, I don’t have it in me to serve that purpose. She phones me, and I know what I’m supposed to say, but I just don’t want to. I don’t want to play that part right now. It takes so much energy and I don’t get anything positive from it.

On the flip side of that, when I speak to Steve’s brother Tyler, who also works for the company, I get something positive from that. For the record, we have a very different relationship. Tyler reminds me of my drama geek friends. He is someone I can just be stupid with. We spend our evenings at work singing at each other down the phone or sending each other ridiculous Snapchat pictures. There is no worry about how I look or anything like that; it’s just fun and that’s what I need right now.

When it comes to Steve, that’s where things get complicated. When he’s himself, it’s all golden. I could happily spend hours just talking to him. However, recently he’s been prone to some bad moods. I’m not sure whether works is getting to him or what, but I can’t. They say bad moods are contagious and I’ve been very susceptible to them recently. If there is a hint of a mood around me, I seem to catch it. So, when he’s in a mood, for my own sanity I steer clear.

Then you have the gay husband, who at the moment I am avoiding. Once again, we haven’t fallen out or anything like that. The issue I am having with him is different than the others. The problem with him is the way he looks at me, he has what I call “sad eyes”. He’s treating me differently and questioning my choices. He’s just not being real with me; it’s as if he thinks I’m about to break at any moment. I understand he has my best interests at heart, but I don’t like the way he’s going about it. It’s not what I need and it's definitely not what I want. I don’t want to live in Candy-coated Sugar Land, I want people to be real with me, and if it gets too much, like Steve and his moods, I’ll back off. That’s on me. Fake has never been a thing I do or deal with and it’s sure as hell is not about to start now.

Anyways, my dears, I am going to go and enjoy what is left of my day off, but before I go I have this question for you; What do you do to look after yourself? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 12 October 2018

How Things Have Changed


A lot of you had concerns that once Steve returned from paternity leave things would change, are after him being back a week I can confirm your fears were well founded. Like you, I wasn’t surprised; I knew it was coming. What I didn’t see coming was how off he was. I am not sure how much of that was the stress of coming back and how much of that is change, I guess only time will tell on that one.

To be honest, I didn’t speak to him at all his first week back. I lost a lot of respect for him when he didn’t reach out when he knew/should have known I was struggling. I was a lot worse off than I will ever admit, and I hurt that someone I thought of as a friend, the only person I felt remotely safe enough to sort of reach out to, didn’t care. He didn’t even bother to pick up a phone when he came back to work. Knight in shining armour to loser in aluminium foil.

I did choose to extend an olive branch at the end of the week and dropped him a message. I didn’t want any hard feeling to fester as I do have to continue working with him. It was a waste of time at first. However, with a little persistence, we’re ok.

Only time will tell what has changed, what is fixable, what is a loss. At this point, I’m content to take the lessons learned and call leave it at that.

Anyways, I have improv this evening and I need to get off, but before I go I have this question for you; Can you earn respect back? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 5 October 2018

Trigger


I’ve just finished writing the post you saw last week, and as I finished writing it, I became acutely aware there was going to be a question asked afterwards. So, I figure I should address it now rather than waiting for the questions to roll in. Of course, that question is regarding Steve, and whether he is one of my bad decisions or not.

Despite what some of you think, Steve is not a bad decision. Steve is actually the trigger for this latest freak out. Up until now, being single was my choice, something I controlled. Cue Steve, who has reminded me not all men are fuckwits and I might be missing out on things by staying single and now the control has shifted.

I am aware, thanks to many of you, Steve can be viewed as a negative and I do get that. I’ve also said, I don’t know the situation in that relationship and I don’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss. Every relationship must play within their own rules and those rules are nobody else business. So, I can only comment on me. And right now at least, Steve is definitely not a negative, even if he has triggered some problematic behaviour.

However, lucky for me the universe is still preventing my stupid decisions. I’m sure the reason for the universe plotting to prevent stupidity will be revealed at some point, but in the meantime, I guess I’m going to have to cope like every other adult, by drinking.

Anyways, I am going to go and have a nap because adulting sucks. But before I go I have this question for you; What do you do to escape? As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments below, I’d love to hear them. And as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 21 September 2018

Bad Decision


I concluded about a week ago that I need to make a few bad decisions in my life, a conclusion that may be strange to some, but I’ll explain that in a moment. My real issue is the universe seems hell bent on preventing me from carrying out my bad decisions and I’m getting annoyed. But I guess I should explain.

Steve is all well and good, but he’s fictional, I mean he’s real but it’s he’s not tangible. I don’t need my head clouded with fairies and unicorns, when what’s around is demons and trolls.  Steve is an ideal, and even that ideal with shattered when you really look at it, as one of you pointed out the other day.

I need to keep my head in the head game and the best way I know to do that is to sharpen my skills with practice. How does one practices dealing with demons and trolls, you ask? You agree to a date with Mr. Block.

The whole thing promises to be an exercise in disappointment. As discussed in my 2014 blogs, I am not physically attracted to him.  This is nothing new though, nor a deal breaker. I have dated many guys I wasn’t attracted to, hell I was engaged to 1 of them, technically 2, but we won’t talk about that. The real issue is at this point I find his personality repugnant. And I’d still happily go through with the date, if the universe would stop getting involved.

Last weekend the universe gave him the flu. I’d normally I’d think he was trying to blow me off, but I am actually friends with his housemate and he too was dying with man flu, capturing every second on SnapChat. This weekend I mentally broke down and spent 3 days in bed. Long overdue and I feel better for it, but ruined the whole date thing.

Today is a bank holiday, and I am trying once again to make this piss poor decision and now, he’s not checking his messages and I’ll be asleep later since I am back to work tomorrow so today looks like a write off too. At this point I could send him a message saying “hey wanna fuck?” and I’m sure a Pterodactyl would swoop down and eat him. I can’t catch a break.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep before I do something really stupid like message Mr. X. But, before I go I have this question for you; What is your deal breaker? Let me know your thoughts in the comment below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Wednesday 12 September 2018

I Am Not OK

 Just a tiny disclaimer; I am posting this out of order as well. Just trying to sort my head out before I have to face the world tomorrow and head back to work.

Let’s be honest, it is no secret that I’m struggling at the moment, between work and my mom, my ability to cope has been more then pushed. So, when my mom’s latest test results came back, and her function was down another 3%, I broke.

It’s funny because I’ve always kidded that I’m a sane crazy person, and that’s what this has been. I can see the warning signs and I know what I am doing is unhealthy, but, the will to do anything else just isn’t there.

Simple things like eating; I’ve eaten gummy bears and a packet of vegi chips in 4 days. I have food in, I could make soup in 2 minutes. Yet I walk to the kitchen, decided fuck it, and get back into bed. I don’t have the will or want to make anything.

Personal care is another thing that’s gone out the window. I haven’t washed my hair this whole 4 off. I haven’t done any skin care in weeks. I’ve been wearing next to no makeup, if any when I am out of the house. I know that doesn’t seem major, but given my collection this is very out of character.

I have also withdrawn socially. I haven’t wanted to do anything this 4 off other than lay in my bed. I have done, maybe 5000 steps in 4 days. I haven’t answered any messages, taken any calls, I haven’t even opened most the messages on my phone. I just haven’t wanted to deal with people.

The ridiculous part is I know cutting myself off is horrible. The night I found out about my mom’s results, in the wee hours I was laying in bed shaking, in floods of tears, really not in a great place; I picked my phone up and started typing, I was trying to distract myself.  Typing and deleting, picking stupidly long words that can’t be spelled. Not really thinking, I did this on Steve’s Snapchat, forgetting Snapchat tells you when someone is typing, he must have spotted this and called me out for it. Rather than answer he’s what’s up questions, I chose to go for a walk, in the rain, in my pjs at 5am. The sad part is, I didn’t even dry off when I got home, I took my shoes off and got straight back into bed soaking wet. All that rather than try and reach out. To be fair, I am sure he wouldn’t have given a fuck, nor would I have blamed him. He’s just a baby and my mental breakdowns is my issue not anyone else’s.

I know none of this is ok, but I have made some smart decisions as well; I’ve cut out drinking and caffeine. I am writing, not posting everything, but getting it off my chest. I am trying to be smart in where I funnel my limited energy into and if I need to stay and bed and cry it out so be it. It’s not ok right now, but it will be.

Anyways, I need to go and sleep because despite spending most of my days off in bed, sleep hasn’t really been happening. I won’t leave you with a question this post, so just stay and play safe my friends.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 7 September 2018

Don’t Settle For Less Than A Steve


Forgetting the fact, the whole Steve thing is morally reprehensible. It has proven to be a good learning opportunity and even seems to have facilitated some self-growth.

This was never more evident to me, then the other night at work. Both Steve and Mr. Block were messaging me at the same time and both conversations were eerily similar but handle in two very different manners.

I had sent both a picture of me at my desk, the image was cleavage heavy, however, I am cleavage heavy so unless I’m in a turtle neck that’s always an issue. Steve’s response was to ask me to remove the filter because “I don’t need it”. While, Mr. Block’s response was to ask me to get my tits fully out. It’s safe to say only one of them received any further images.

Now I am aware both of these gentlemen were after the same thing. Neither of them had pure intentions. Their motivation was more pictures to perv at. But, the old adage is true, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. And Steve is masterful at this.

Steve is basically a horny genius and he really should consider writing a book on his skills. He has mastered the technique of building you up to get the end result he wants. At this point, I can’t tell if this is something he does consciously or subconsciously and to be honest, I don’t want to know.

I’ve gone substantially further with him, digitally speaking, than with any other guys and the reason is simple. He builds me up, he makes me feel good, sexy, cute, he gives and as a result I want to give back. I want to make him feel that same way. Unlike a lot of other guys, who are all about them, who want to know what you’re going to do to them; he’s all about what he’s going to do for you. It’s a nice change.

Motivation aside; the technique is flawless, and the end result is a win, win. He gets off and my confidence is back, and I feel better in myself.

All that said, he is also a genuinely nice guy, which certainly does help the charm factor. He has quickly become one of my favourite humans to talk to at work. It has nothing to do with the flirting, although that is a nice touch, but he is a calm influence and a good voice of reason in a very stressful environment.

Just recently, I was having an issue at work and he the one I turned to not the work BFF. He was so sweet and went out of his way to make sure I was ok, and he offered some incredibly useful advice. I felt so looked after and in such safe hands, I haven’t felt the need to mention it to the work BFF at all.

The issue I have now is when I compare the likes of Mr. Block to Steve (not apples to apple, I know) it doesn’t balance out. Knowing how I feel with Steve, I’m left wondering why Mr. Block’s approach is acceptable. Why should I consider settling for less? I shouldn’t be left questioning things after a conversion with a guy. I shouldn’t be left questioning myself. I am something special, if not to him, to someone.  And if he doesn’t see that or doesn’t make me feel that way, fuck him. Nobody and I mean nobody, should settle for less than a Steve.

Anyways, I am going to go and enjoy the time rest of the time I have off. This post took way longer to write than it should have. But, for I go I have this question for you; What makes you feel special? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch  
xoxo



Friday 24 August 2018

Understanding A Blogger


It’s a rarity to find someone who understands a blogger, mainly because we don’t tend to understand ourselves half the time. I’ve often said, I don’t know what I am truly thinking until I read it back. And to find someone who is understanding of that process is damn near impossible.

If you’ve been here a while you’ll know, I’ve had my fair share of blog related drama over the years. A couple of lawsuits (all won, by the way), a couple breakups and more than a few fights. Blogging is not something everyone can handle nor understand, and I get it. The likes of Mr. X couldn’t even handle my blog sometimes, and he’s a blogger himself. Which are all reasons why I tend to keep my URL to myself.

Then enters Steve, who has challenged all my preconceived notions of someone being able to understand the process. And to be honest, I’m a little pissed off about it. Which I am positive isn’t a normal response, but I gave up on normal years ago.

If you read my last post you know Steve and I had minor issue a few days ago (a few weeks ago by the time you’re reading this). The following day he wanted to know what set me off and why I was so upset. At this point I explained, I needed to write first, then I’d explain everything. And to my horror he ok with this. He actually understood where I was coming from. What the hell?

He actually managed to explain my logic to me on the matter in a better way than I could. He totally understood what was going on and he fine with it. If he doesn’t get mad at what he reads here; he might actually be the perfect man. And clearly that pisses me off.

Allow me to explain that one; I am pissed off that for years I’ve made excuses for douchebag men who couldn’t handle the blog, when clearly the skill set to cope is out there. I’m pissed off that more than once I’ve settled for guys who couldn’t cope, when I shouldn’t have. And I’m pissed up that this gem that can cope is wasted on a non-blogger. 

Apparently, I am just pissed off, but what else is new eh? But as always, I’ll be ok. And at least now I know it’s possible to find someone who isn’t a man child about the whole blogging thing. So, who knows, maybe there is hope I’ll find someone someday. Personally, my money is still on 700 cats, but you never know.

Anyways, you beautiful bastards, I am going to go and try to shift my hangover. But before I leave you I have this question; what skill or quality have you given up trying to find in a partner? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Friday 17 August 2018

Lets Get Drunk


It’s been a long time since we’ve done a drunken blog and I figure it’s about time we do it again. Allow me to give the normal disclaimer: This post will be written and edited drunk. Once I have sobered up, this post will not be touched again. I will of course respond to comment and all that goodness, but there will be no editing to what has been written. Now that that’s been said; Let’s drink.

This drunken post is going to be about Steve. Steve is, of course, the gentleman with the pregnant wife, I’ve been swapping inappropriate messages with for the past month. Once again, I am fully aware I am going to hell. I am good with it.

Steve was meant to be safe; he is after all a married man. Workplace flirting, as a rule, is a great confidence booster. And I’ll admit it, after everything, I needed it.  Not that I was lacking confidence but, the best way I can describe it is, I have confidence, but it’s lacking self-assurance. It’s a fragile confidence if you will. I’m not 100% happy with the way I look at the minute and I’m not totally happy with me, as a whole either, so bare that in mind as this story goes onwards.

Last night, I was swapping inappropriate messages with Steve, trying to get, for lack of a better word, a rise out of him, when he got a rise out of me. I had just sent him a picture that I wasn’t comfortable with, but I knew he’d like. And, instead of a normal response. He fired back asking for a different picture, one my insecurity wouldn’t allow. And then he wouldn’t drop it, he was like a dog with a boner. I didn’t mind so much he asked, but the pressure was unneeded, and I didn’t like it.

Considering he was meant to be a safe option, it didn’t feel safe. It didn’t feel good, It felt like I was a teen dating a prick and I am far too old to be dealing with that shit. And then, of course, he got an attitude with me because I was upset. Like I’m the bad guy in this. I know a lot of it is my own issues. Which is why I didn't debate any of this with him at the time, but still dude don't be a selfish horn dog.

Anyways, my tequila is not holding its buzz so I am going to end this here. But before I do, I have this question for you; What do you do when you’re pushed outside your comfort zone? Shut down? Yell? Let me know in the comments below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
xoxo