Thursday, 29 September 2011

Talk Like A Human

I normal don’t have a problem with people choosing to sound like an idiot. It’s a personal choice if you want to make people to think you failed kindergarten or not. However there are two things that make me want to bitch slap people.

The first one is when people add an X in ask or asked making it into axe or axed.

Why? There is no fucking need for it. It just makes it sound like you never stepped foot in a school. By all means be stupid but you don’t have to sound like you are. Where did the X even come from? It’s not like X is a commonly used letter in the English language. Some people just shouldn’t be allowed to open their mouths.

Speaking of people who shouldn’t be allowed to talk that brings me to the second thing that drives me crazy.  People who pronounce the silent H in words.

I remember be taught in first or second grade that you don’t pronounce the H in words like what and where. So who decided once you become fully grown you can start pronouncing that H? Did the H get jealous and decided it was time for him to start talking?

Some people blame Hollywood for whole H not being so silent thing but I blame stupid people emulating Hollywood. I mean it’s not a trend if only a few people do it. People should be smart enough to put a stop to things at are clearly stupid and make you sound stupid along with it.

All I ask is for people to use their brain and if you don’t have one keep your mouth shut so I don’t have to hear your nonsense.  

I’m heading off to find a way to cool off (stupid English weather). As always stay safe.


The Honest Bitch

Sunday, 25 September 2011

Pet Names: Food Edition

I’m horrible with names so I rely heavily on pet names. And since I’m easily bored they aren’t always normal pet names. Hun and sweetheart just don’t cut it for me. Right name I’m big on banana and blueberry. Yes, I know, I’m strange.

Because of my odd pet names I’ve been given a mission to see if there are any food related pet names I can’t get away with. This was after I called someone Neapolitan ice cream and the person didn’t bat an eyelash.

So far there have only been two names that have given me a slight problem, they are “fluffy pink cotton candy” if I hadn't called a guy that it may have gone better and “marshmallow”. No one likes being called marshmallow. If you don’t believe me give it a try and see how well it goes over. I did get away with it after a little explaining.

On the list of names I got away and probably shouldn’t have is lobster, puffer fish, donut, chocolate cream pie and rump roast. Oh yes I’m that freaking adorable I can call someone rump roast without them saying a word.

I don’t know why but food pet names always come off sounding cute. It’s just one of life’s little mysteries. It’s a lot of fun too. I think everyone should give this a try and see how far you can push it without getting in trouble.

Before I go, can you guys think of any non-cute food pet names? It’s harder than you might think. Anyways I’m off as always stay safe.


The Honest Bitch

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Born Again Virgins

I recently did a blog about purity rings, in that blog I touch on “born again virgins” and you guys had a lot to say on the matter so I figured I may as well turn it into a blog of its own.

Once again I have nothing against people who decided not to have sex before marriage. My problem is with the title and the lengths some people go to.

The title is stupid, you’re not a “born again virgin”, you’re playing hard to get. Really hard to get, a ring and “I do” hard to get but it’s not like you’re nun or anything.

You may regret your first but you don’t get a do over. It doesn’t work like that. Once a penis cuts the ribbon you can’t superglue it back together.

No amount of praying will grow your hymen. Some women understand that and go to extreme lengths and have something called a hymenorrhaphy. Basically they have their hymen reconstructed. Women who go that far clearly have more money than brains. Why would anyone do that? Was the feeling of your hymen ripping the first time that enjoyable? That’s just plain old crazy.

I’ll never understand why they need a title anyways. No one cares what is or has entered and left your vagina. If you believe you made a mistake by having sex unmarried why on earth would you give it a title and draw attention to that mistake? It just doesn’t make any sense in my books.

The term was coined by fundamentalist Christians who put a lot of importance on stay pure. That’s all well and good but they also teach that God forgives and that forgiveness makes you pure again. It’s kind of like forgive and forget. He’ll forgive you and not hold it against you but he still knows you had sex.

He also knows you asked for forgiveness. He’s like Santa Clause; he knows when you’ve been good or bad so if he knows, why the hell does the rest of world have to know. What God’s forgives isn’t good enough for you; you need a special title too? You’re not a “born again virgin” you’re wannabe virgin and that’s pathetic.

I’d also like to point out, nobody in their right mind chooses to give up sex; sex chooses to give up you. And instead of admitting you’re in a dry spell, you play the “born again virgin” card. Everyone sees through that. We all know what it really means. So give it up.

I thought we were meant to embrace our mistake, that’s how we learn and grow as people. “Born again virgin” is a copout. No matter how many birthday candles you wish on you’re not a virgin.  You’re someone who feels they made a mistake by having sex before marriage. That is fine. But put on your big girl panties, drop the stupid the title and own it.

Anyways that’s my rant on the matter why do you guys think?

Stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Quarter-Century Crisis

Did you know quarter-century crisis is an actual thing?

I’ve been suffering with some well and truly abnormal (at least abnormal for me) dreams lately. And it’s slowly driving me crazy.

So in an attempt to work out why I’m being pledged with dreams that aren’t very me I did some research. It turns out around the age of 25 your brain goes crazy.

We all know about mid-life crisis where men buy sports cars and women have facelifts. But it turns about before then a lot of people have something called a quarter-century crisis.

It’s when your brain switches to being adult. You’re brain stopped thinking about fun, drinking, sex and starts thinking about family, house, and marriage. In a nutshell it’s the start of your biological clock ticking.

The reason I’m having messed up dreams is because I’m too logical to want these things. So to get its point across my biological clock is invading my dreams. My dreams, where naked men and a murderous clown use to live. Damn I miss that clown. 20 years he’s been trying to kill me and I’m still here.

Now my dreams are a place of horror where Mr. X, fully clothed I might add, lives. And he’s not alone in there. There is a gorgeous house on a lake and a small person, a person, some might call a baby. The 3 of us live in said house, together. And the most horrifying part is I’m handcuffed. I’m in a tiny pair of handcuffs, so small they’re only fit on my ring finger.

It’s truly horrifying I know.

With my 25th birthday still 8 months away, I'm worried, what if these dreams get worse? I really can’t take much of this. What happens if dream me has twins or worse...... buys a minivan? ...Let’s not joke about such horrific things.

If this is the start of my quarter-century crisis, something tells me we’re all in trouble. Sane me is hard enough for someone people to handle so forget about crazy, biological clock clicking, brain gone crazy me. Although on the brightside it would make for some entertaining blogs.

Anyways I’m off to do anything but sleep, (sleep in a scary, scary place right now) as always my dears stay safe.


The Honest Bitch

Saturday, 10 September 2011

Purity Rings

I recently got into a big debate about purity rings. I’m categorically against them; they’re just a stupid idea that leads to stupid and reckless decisions.

Let me start by saying I have nothing against people who wait to have sex until marriage, I wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it but each to their own. My problem is with that stupid silver ring.

The people who wear these rings make a pledge to God to remain abstinence until they get married. By placing that ring on their finger, they’re attaching a stigma to sex. Which is pretty much the worst thing you can do, these people are too ashamed and guilty to seek advice on sexual health issues.

Furthermore after causing teenagers to feel too ashamed and guiltily to seek advice, these abstinence groups don’t teach anything more than abstinence putting these kids in unnecessary risk for STD’s and pregnancy. Everyone should know about safe sex whether they plan to use that information or not.

Case studies have proven teenagers who wear purity rings are just as likely to have premarital sex as teenagers who don’t, but they’re substantially less likely to wear a condom or use any other type of birth control.

These rings just don’t work and all it does is shame and guilt teens into having unsafe sex.

Unless you accompany a purity ring with a chastity belt it’s not going to stop anyone who having sex. So stop pretending it will. Educate teens so they can make informed and smart decisions. And if they decided to have sex they’ll know how to protect themselves and we won’t have to watch show like “teen mom” and “16 and pregnant” anymore.

One of the other things this person ask is if women for aren’t virgins should wear white. Personally I don’t think the whole wedding party should be able to tell the brides sexual history based on her dress. But that’s just me. The person said it’s like wearing a cap and gown at graduation. You should only wear it if you put the work in. I call bullshit. You stay a virgin or “pure” because its god will not so you can wear white. Plus women will do and wear whatever they want, that’s just a fact of life. There is no point caring if it’s right or wrong because she’s going to do it anyways.

The other issue that came up in this conversation was the idea of born again virgins. This may be the most stupid idea ever, even more stupid then the ring. Dear world, once it’s gone, it’s with it. This is why you should be smart and educated before you start having sex so you don’t became some idiot who thinks they can think back their virginity. News Flash Einstein it’s does work like that. That’s like me saying if I wish real hard I’ll become the tooth fairy.

Anyways I'm off to wish I was the tooth fairy and that Elmo was president of the United States. As always stay and play safe guys.


The Honest Bitch

Thursday, 8 September 2011

NTB Update

Since NTB's guest post a couple weeks ago you’ve been asking for an update on him and his love interest. I spoke to him last week and he’s given me the ok to fill you guys in on what’s been happening. He’d also like me to thank you guys for your support and comments, they really helped him.

He spoke her not along after he wrote the blog and that went.....well it could have gone better. She tossed out some words, like clingy and too old. That caused me to roll my eyes, because there is only 3 years between them. He also mentioned to me he thinks she may be crushing on someone else.

After that conversation he rightfully decided to her some space and let things cool off before finding out where he truly stands with her.

He went to see her at work a couple days ago; he only managed to have a partial conversation with her because she wanted him to leave before her "friend" came back. From what he said there were some good signs though. She gave him a massive hug and seemed really happy to see him.

His plan was to say sorry for coming across clingy and acting like they were in a relationship she didn’t want. I’m not too sure how much of that conversation he actually manage to have with her though.

The night he went to talk to her I waited up to make sure he was ok. He’s a good friend and plus you guys would kill me if I didn’t. He said something about a ring pointing the wrong way so she’s off the market. Which even now, sitting here typing this sounds crazy.

He’s decided to take some of your advice and back off and give her space. If she has feeling for him, which she does, hopefully she’ll come to him. My fingers are crossed for him, and not just because it would shut you guys up about us getting together. He deserves to be in a happy relationship.

In the meantime his eye is on a customer from work. I don’t know much about her but from what he’s said she’s a pretty girl with a gorgeous smile. I love his back bounciness and the fact most of us would be a little bitter after the summer he had but instead he’s just happy if she’s happy. We could all learn something from him.

His movie like romance may not be my cup of tea but I’m sure this knight in shining armour will find his princess. He’s just too good to remain single for long.

Love you guys,

The Honest Bitch

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Opinion Not News

It’s the wee hours of the morning and thanks to some unwanted stress I can’t sleep. I just want to take this chance to thank you guys for being there when I really needed you. A special thanks to Leanne for the best timed ehug ever. Also a special thanks to Nathan for some really kind and sweet words. I also owe a big hug to Mr. X for actually going out of his way to make sure I was ok, that meant a lot and made me feel a world better.

Instead of writing a post and losing my temper about what happened tonight I’m just going to bite my tongue for now and place a friendly reminder, consider it a disclaimer if you will.

This is a personal blog. In this blog I state my personal opinions and views on things that happen in my life. The information is most likely bias because I’m writing it. I have the right to omit certain details because once again it’s my personal outlook and I don’t like to bore my readers with irrelevant details. My personal opinions are not a 100 percent fact that’s why they are called opinions and not news.

If you have any problems or enquiries about anything on my site (video, text, imagines) contract me at and your enquiry will be dealt with in a timely matter.

I am aware I post a similar blog not too long ago but evidently it needs to be posted again.

I’m logging off before I lose the ability to bite my tongue. Sleep well and stay out of trouble.


The Honest Bitch

Friday, 2 September 2011

Uncomfortable Question

One of my readers asked me a very interesting question. I love you guys for always asking the hard questions and giving me your honest comments but this one caught me off guard and left me speechless.

The question was “If Mr. X showed up at your door, despite your limited time together and limited activity together, got down on one knee and asked you to marry him, what would you say?”

I sent an email back with, I’ll admit it, a copout answer, saying “If he showed up at my door I’d have a heart attack because he doesn’t know where I live.”

When someone asks you a question normally you can open your mouth and a reply falls out. In this case I opened my mouth nothing not even a sounds came out. I’m not someone who is normally short on words so that

My belief is when your gut reaction and your brain disagree everything goes blank to stop you making a fool of yourself. I’m not sure what part on me had what reaction because when I try to think about this question all I hear is “la la la I’m not listening, go away, I can’t hear you.”

Bearing in mind Mr. X is more likely to murder me then marry me I will try and answer the question as do I do all messages and emails I get ( I’m pretty sure I’d answer with a really confused look on my face and the maybe touch the ground to see if hell had indeed frozen over. Maybe request he took a drug test.

All joking aside I don’t know what I’d say to him. I probably stand there for a really long time then start to laugh for no good reason then the change the topic. Joking is how I get out of all sorts of uncomfortable situations. How do you guys get out of uncomfortable situations?

Anyways my dears I’m heading off the night.  As always stay safe.


The Honest Bitch


PS for those of you who are asking I’ll post a update on NTB this week