Talk Like A Human

I normal don’t have a problem with people choosing to sound like an idiot. It’s a personal choice if you want to make people to think you failed kindergarten or not. However there are two things that make me want to bitch slap people.

The first one is when people add an X in ask or asked making it into axe or axed.

Why? There is no fucking need for it. It just makes it sound like you never stepped foot in a school. By all means be stupid but you don’t have to sound like you are. Where did the X even come from? It’s not like X is a commonly used letter in the English language. Some people just shouldn’t be allowed to open their mouths.

Speaking of people who shouldn’t be allowed to talk that brings me to the second thing that drives me crazy.  People who pronounce the silent H in words.

I remember be taught in first or second grade that you don’t pronounce the H in words like what and where. So who decided once you become fully grown you can start pronouncing that H? Did the H get jealous and decided it was time for him to start talking?

Some people blame Hollywood for whole H not being so silent thing but I blame stupid people emulating Hollywood. I mean it’s not a trend if only a few people do it. People should be smart enough to put a stop to things at are clearly stupid and make you sound stupid along with it.

All I ask is for people to use their brain and if you don’t have one keep your mouth shut so I don’t have to hear your nonsense.  

I’m heading off to find a way to cool off (stupid English weather). As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Sorry

I just wanted to say sorry to you guys. I’ve been a bad blogger over the past few weeks. Hopefully by this weekend I’ll be back to normal and back to keeping you guys entertained and laughing.

Because some of you have been asking the problem was the doctor changed my pain medication and I neglected to read the enclosed leaflet. I’ve come to find out anyone taking the pill also needs to take a multivitamin because it blocks certain vitamins. After a couple months of not getting those vitamins I’ve been feeling ill, tired and ran down.

I’m hoping by this weekend I’ll be feeling better and be able to return to my normal posting schedule. Which is one weekday post (Mon-Thurs), and one weekend post (Fri-Sun).

I also do a post every Monday for Logic Haze (http://logichaze.com/type/article/thehonbit) I’m looking at bring back “The Honest Bitch Helps” for that weekly post. It’s a lot of fun for me to write and you guys seem to enjoy it. So if you have any questions about relationships, sex, life, or whatever you’d like me to answer is my unique way send them to Ms.HonestB@gmail.com It’s all in fun and maybe it’ll help someone and ….upset a few guys :-)

Also keep your eyes open for my guest post on http://almostlastmanstanding.com/ and he’ll also being doing a guest post for here so that should be worth a read, he's a talented and funny writer. I’d tell you guys to be nice but that’s not your style I know. So I'll just tell you to be honest and have fun with him.

I’m looking look forward to getting back in to the swing of things and back to having some fun with you guys. How I’ve missed your evilness.

Love you guys,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

The Law Is The Law

There has been something making its rounds on Facebook…again and instead of ranting on one friend’s status I thought I’d just rant here instead to a wider less argumentative audience.

“TO NON-PET OWNERS who visit my home. Don't complain about my pets. (1) They live here, you don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'Fur'nitur e. (3) Chances are, I love my pets more than I like you. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are family who are hairy, walk on all fours & don't talk back. Re-post if you love your pets!”

Speaking as a non-pet owner, all the above it’s perfectly fine. There is no problem with furry furniture or you loving you animal more than me because odds are I’m not your biggest fan either. The problem comes when your stupid fucking pets jump on and lick me and you just stand there doing nothing looking like it’s the cutest thing in the world.

It’s not cute. It’s gross and really unhygienic.

It’s not that I hate pets. I grow up having dogs and cats. But mine were well trained and knew who the boss was.

If people want to pretend their pets are human, that’s perfectly fine by me. However if that’s the case I was to see those furry little bastards in a pair of teeny tiny paw-cuffs.

If a human were to act in the same manor, jumping on and licking me, without hesitation I’d have that person arrested. It’s a criminal act and I’d expect the perpetrator to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. If the offender happens to be four legged and have a cold nose so be it. I want to see the little bastard behind bars and in a bright orange jumpsuit. No means no and not speaking English is no excuse for breaking the law.

If you want to pretend your pet in human, that’s fine. I’ll play along but I want to see that them follow the same laws as any other human. After all fair is fair :-)

Stay safe guys, Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Forgive and Forget

Hey Guys,

Let me start by apologizing for my whininess in my last post. Writing a blog post with a 102 degree fever wasn’t my smartest move but I promised a post and I wasn’t about to let anyone down.

However I’m feeling much better now and I have an absurd concept I’d like to talk about.

“Forgive and forget”

The whole idea of forgiving and forgetting is completely bonkers to me. I’m not against forgiving people so don’t get me wrong. It’s the forgetting part I have a problem with. It’s like that old saying “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.”

You're never going to learn from anything if you constantly forgetting. It’s the recipe to becoming a doormat. “Oh he cheated on me” --> forgive and forget --> “he cheated on me” --> forgive and forget --> “he cheated on me” --> forgive and forget! On what planet does that make any sense? It’s the merry-go-round ride to hell.

My common sense would tell me after the first time I had to forgive someone that may this person is trouble and it’s time to find a new friend or boyfriend or whatever. I sure as hell wouldn’t get on the “forgive and forget” marry-go-round.

While writing this I can across something that said forgiving and forgetting can improve your health. But what about your quality of life? Actually a better question is why would you be around that many people who you constantly need to forgive?

I understand once in a blue moon something happens and you need to forgive or not forgive someone. But how many idiots do you have to have around you for it to impact your health. If you have that many fuck-wits around you, you deserve all the health problems you get. Use your brain. Stupid deserves stupid.

Maybe I’m wrong but in my opinion. Forgiving and forgetting is a sure fire way to become a doormat. You need to use your brain and not blindly follow some poorly thought out saying.

I’m heading back to bed. As always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

I'm Not That Girl

I’ve reached an age where a lot of my friends are starting to get married off. That’s all well and good for them but I have a problem with it. It’s not with them getting married per se it’s more about them telling me about it and expecting me to be all excited for them. News flash....I’m not that girl.

I’m just not someone who dreams about their wedding day, I never have been. Even as a kid I never pretended to get married or even gave it a thought. It’s not that I’m against marriage or anything like that. I just believe that love is between 2 people and why should hundreds of guests be forced to hear about it.

I actually remember being at Sunday school, my teacher at the time was the pastor’s wife and she decided one Sunday to show us their wedding video. I remember sitting there, while all the girls were crying thinking, “why is she torturing all those people.” (Kids think the darndest things, eh?)

I like to think in every circle of friends each friend as a speciality. Love or matter of love was never mine. In the friendship world my speciality is “break-ups”. If you’re crying at 3am because your boyfriend dumped you, I’m the girl to call. Maybe it’s because I’m a bit of a bitch but bad mouthing the guy that dumped my friend and pointing out all the guys’ flaws comes naturally to me. However if you want to get back with him....it's not advisable to call me.

Clearly I’m not the girl you call when you decide to get married; I’m the girl you call when you decide to called off your wedding. When my friends tell me they’re getting married it takes everything in me not say “Congratulations, call me when you get divorced.” That’s not me being mean that’s just me embracing who I am.

Everyone always says play to your strengths and I do that. Ok, my strengths are a little meaner than most but in the world of friendships I play a vital role.

I love you guys and as always please stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Post-It Communication

I recently had a following out with someone because of lack of communication or miss communicate I think is a better way to put it.

He felt I didn’t share my feelings with him; instead I turned to my blog. I don’t share that opinion. I feel I did tell him how I felt but he just didn’t hear it. This has left me thinking would the world be a better place if we communicated via post-it notes?

I’ll admit I didn’t tell him in the most straight forward way. Females rarely do. I like to throw things like that into the middle of email or just into a casual conversation. I don’t want to show weakness and if I can bury it in a message, I will. It makes me feel less of a failure. I still have said it. I’ve just didn’t said it with arrows pointing to it. Looking back it would have been easier to stick a post-it to forehead saying “I feel neglected”.

Just think about how many less fights there would be if you could just make your point via post-it notes. There would be no saying “you didn’t tell me” or “I didn’t know”. I mean if it’s stuck to their body nobody can play dumb. How easy would breakups be? “We’re over, you’re a cheat, Take your stuff”. No tears, no guilt, just stick it and leave.

I may take to leaving post-it style messages. I just like the idea of ditching the bullshit and being straight forward. Not sure if that will keep me out of trouble or land me in more. Who cares, I’m always in trouble for something. Can’t please everyone or in my case anyone.

Anyways I’m heading off guys. Stay safe.

Love

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxoxo

Turnabout Is Fair Play?

I was planning to write a blog about being fucked off with people not being there for me when I go out of my way to be there for them. I was going to write about me quitting being a friend, and invoke the playgroup law of turnabout is fair play.

Oddly enough I was reading some of my old blogs and I was reminded of something Neal inspired me to write about seeing the good in things. Despite the fact I’m not happy with him right now I’ll give credit where credit is due and he’s a smart guy, and that’s a great lookout to have.

This has left me thinking that maybe quitting being a friend isn’t the right way to handle things. As much as I want to tell people to fuck off, people being a crappy friend isn’t an excuse for me to be a bad friend as well. I should just take the high road. Karma will get them for me.

I would have been within my rights to declare “turnabout’s fair play” and be a complete bitch to everyone but why should I sink to their level? I’m going to take the high road and just play nice then when karma kicks their ass, I’ll take satisfaction in that. There is nothing like revenge without getting hands dirty.

I just want thank my readers for being better friends then most of my real ones, you guys are amazing. I have to head off so as always, stay safe.

Love

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxo

Social Networking Stalker

When did it get to the point where I can’t even update my Facebook status because then certain people will know I’m online? I feel like I’m living in the Facebook protection programme. I have to sneak around the site without leaving my finger prints or the social networking stalkers will get me.

I truly believe when you fall victim to a social media stalker, you should be able to handle it the same way you would a real world stalker. You should be able to log on to the Facebook courthouse and file for a restraining order. If said person violates the restraining order then you go to social media jail. Twitter already has their “jail” so is it really a far stretch to build a jail for all social networking sites?

I just want to be able to log into my Facebook and not have to deal with messages from guys who just want to get they’re leg over. Is that really too much to ask?

Anyways dolls, I’m heading off. I have bugger loads to do. Stay safe guys.

Love Always

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Setting The Record Straight

I’ve been asked the same question a lot lately, I have answered most of them individually but since I’ve been asked so many time I thought I’d just set the record straight in a little blog.

You guys always make me laugh and you have been very opinionated on this matter so let me just tell you guys straight, I am not nor do I wish to be fucking Neal.

Let’s start with the main issue and there are a few with your ideas. His penis isn’t 3,000 kilometers long. I’ve never seen it but I assume a penis that size would be in Guinness or something.

The other problem is I don’t date or sleep with guys that are younger then I am. It’s just one of my little quirks. I’m sure there are lots of great guys younger than me but I just find it off putting. They have to be older and they have to be taller that is the law.

I’ve loved reading your opinions and thoughts on this “relationship”. They have made me laugh. My favorite ones are the ones where you call him the devil and tell me Mr. X is my soul mate. I love you guys but you’re crazy.

Please don’t get me wrong, Neal is an amazing guy and I care for him but he isn’t the future Mr. Honest Bitch. For one minute forget about him being young and his penis not spanned the Atlantic but the honest truth is I don’t begin to meet his standards either. We’re both pretty set in stone about what we want. But feel free to keep sending me your ideas and opinions because they never fail to put a smile on my face.

I love you guys,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

PS Stay safe

Good Bye 2010

Hey Dolls,

For those of you that have been reading my blogs for a while you’ll knew at the end of the year I normally write a very long blog summing up the year and all the events. This year......I don’t want to. Those blogs are so depressing to write and I always end up crying, that just isn’t a good way to start a new year. So this year I’m going try something a little different.

I’m going to make peace with 2010, thank it for the lessons I’ve learned and file it under done. There is no reason for me to revisit any events, feelings or problems. What’s done is done and I can’t change it.

I’ve even decided to forgive certain people that I have every right to detest and hate. People grow with time and I shouldn’t hold mistakes over them. Please don’t get me wrong I’m not stupid, these people aren’t going to be in my close circle of friends but I’ll let bygones be bygones.

I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, they almost always fail. So why start the New Year with a failure. That’s just not smart. In the spirit of trying new things I’m going to make a self promise. My 2011 self promise is to remember god gave me a brain for a reason.

Basically that means I plan follow my brain rather than my heart. The heart is an idiot so why people choice to follow it is beyond me. You can think about it as a political race, who would you vote for? The smart, intelligent guy, who thinks things through and makes wise decisions or the guy who’s impulsive, never things anything through and has a habit of winding up broken? Da da da daaa...... All hail your new president.... The Brain!!!!

Not rocket science is it? I think that may be my motto for the year. 2011 it’s not rocket science. I like it; it fits in with my promise to use my brain.

Anyways dolls I’m heading off. I hope you have a fantastic New Year’s Eve. Stay safe and remember 2011 it’s not rocket science :-)

Love Always

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxoxoxo