Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts

Friday, 27 February 2015

Evil Underwire

Can someone please explain to me why it’s always the super expensive bra that makes your boobs look fantastic, that tries to kill you?

I currently have a bruise that size of a small country on my side from where the underwire of my bra tried to stab throw my chest and needless to say I’m not a happy bunny.

I posted this evil underwire rant to Facebook last night and within a matter of minutes I had 4 offers from men to kiss it better… my Facebook friends are perverts… that’s what I learned from this. No sympathy, just perversion.

Anyways, I’m going to go because I have another post to write because this genius forgot February only has 28 days, but before I go, I shall leave you with this question, what was the last innocent thing you posted that got a perverted response?  Let me know in the comment box below, and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxo

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

A Victory for Alcohol

So the other night while out celebrating the launch of thehonestbitch.com I kind of did something you’re not meant to do, I drunkenly tweeted Mr. Block. The message simply said “You’re such a dick” but it was enough to get the ball rolling.

However, something very confusing happened during that conversation, he gave me his number. Why would you give your number to someone you blocked? I still don’t understand that move… but sometimes there just is no understanding men.

We managed to talk things out, or at least it appears we did, I was well and truly smashed at the time. He even unblocked me. Which I think counts as a victory for alcohol.

However, that didn’t last long, the tool followed up the next morning by unfriending me. I’m starting to think Mr. X is right and he’s hiding something. What, I don’t know, but something is off.

I sent Mr. Block a friend request because I was curious and yes, I know, curiosity killed the cat and all that, but I’m a blogger and the story wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t (how do you like that excuse?)

The strange thing is he accepted straight away so I’m well and truly confused now. And despite the fact, every fiber of my being is telling me to run, the blogger in me wants to see how the story plays out….. With me in tears I’m sure, but you never know, right?

Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below and while you’re there, let me know the last time curiosity burned you. I’m off to get some much needed sleep, so as always my dears, stay, and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Monday, 7 January 2013

Unfriending Hockey

After my last few blog posts I thought I’d better message Mr. X to see just how much trouble I was in. And then this conversation happened.......

Me: I don’t like surprises so care to tell me if I’m in any trouble for anything I’ve written lately?

Mr. X: no
           But you are bitter
           Did you not consider why I am in an open relationship?

Me: I’m not bitter and no I didn’t

Mr. X: fair enough

Me: Because you wanted to watch me snap? Lol

Mr. X: no
          because I want a closed relationship with her
          and this is my in

Me: Good luck with that one

Mr. X: I don’t need luck any more

Me: y?

Mr. X: We’ve agreed to be exclusive last night

Me:  Cool
        Well done

Mr. X: Thanks

Me: Don’t screw it up

Mr. X:  I won’t
           so sorry
           no more flirting

Me: Not a problem
       Good luck Mr. X [I used his actual surname of course]

After I sent him that message I did something I’ve never done before; I unfriended someone. I’ve blocked plenty of people over the years but I’ve never unfriended anyone; but in this case he needed to be removed.

If you’ve been reading my blogs for a while you may remember Mr. X’s stunt a few Christmas’s ago when he told me he had feeling for me and then less than 24 hours later block me on everything, Facebook, Twitter, phone, email...he was gone. Let me just say I didn’t do that.

I didn’t block him on anything, I still follow him on Twitter and Skype, he’s free to contract me, I have no problem with him. We go back a long way; if he needs to talk he knows I’ll be there for him but with that being said I still feel that Facebook had to go. I just need my.....cyber space.

After that little conversation I’m not going to lie I wanted to curl up in bed with a bottle of Tequila. But I didn’t; I went for a run instead (which was a stupid idea given my back issues.) Then I just zoned out for the rest of the day I was feeling a little blah (for lack of a better word).

I didn’t sleep too well last night, I just felt off but after waking up to the news that after 113 days the NHL lockout is over, I feel awesome. If someone had told me 114 days ago all I had to do to prevent the lockout was unfriend him, he would have been long gone, it’s not even a close contest. A team I’ve loved forever or a guy that has been fucking me around forever ...it’s no brainer.

It made me think of some dating advice Steve Dangle (a fairly well known hockey blogger) once jokingly gave me “nobody good hates hockey.” When I thought about it, joking or not he’s right. All my exes have hated hockey and all my exes are....”not good”. So the fact less than 24 hours after removing Mr. X (who hates hockey) the sunlight that is the NHL broke through the cloud and now hockey is back makes me smile. Life has a funny way of wrapping things up in a cute little bow.

So what strange but true dating advice have you been given? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Friday, 4 January 2013

Snap Goes The Bitch

I’m normally a fairly composed person, it takes a lot for me to lose it and when I do there are normally some fairly obvious warning signs I’m about to snap. However the other day there was no warning, I just snapped as if someone had flipped a switch and bam, I was gone.

Ever watch a show where someone is placed under hypnosis and they’re given a trigger word and with a simple little word a perfectly normal person is gone? It happened just like that, however I wouldn’t call myself normal and when I snap I talk at about 500 words a minute. Everyone who has seen me lose it tells me they want to applaud afterwards. I squeeze an hour’s worth of conversation into 5 minutes and the impressive part is it’s all coherent and minus all the 4 lettered words, appears to be fairly well thought out.

Here’s what happened I was on the phone talking to my GBFF (Dave) and I was telling him about this recurring dream I had 3 nights in a row. The short version of the dream is at midnight on New Years Eve; Mr. X gets down on one knee and asks his girlfriend to marry him.

We, ok I thought; maybe my brain knew something I didn’t. So Dave said to me “you and Mr. X have a good friendship why don’t you just ask him?” (It’s always so simple when someone else tells you what to do) So, I sent him a message on Facebook. When he replied.....that’s when I lost my shit.

Before I tell you what he said I need to give you a little back story. About a month ago Mr. X was flirting with me over Facebook and I can’t remember what he said and I’m too lazy to look but my reply was “you have a girlfriend for that”. At which point he told me they’re in an open relationship. It made no difference to me, that’s why I didn’t blog about it, I’m not interested but for my rant to make any sense you need that tidbit.

The reply he sent me was “no, got a gf, nowhere near getting engaged though” at which point I think my head spun around like something from the Exorcist. I lost it.

Here is a little of what came flying out of my mouth at a million miles an hour.

“Girlfriend!? What girlfriend!?! You’re in an open fucking relationship, that's just fuck-friends for people who have no guts. You’re too ashamed to say “this is the girl I’m causally fucking” so you put a pretty little title on it so people are ok with your casual sex. Call it what it is, fuss free fucking!”

At which point Dave said “bitter?”

“I’m not bitter with him; he’s free to do whatever he wants. I really don’t want any of that. Her on the hand....That bitch took my in. I’ve been mind fucking that man for years, laying the groundwork for fuck-friends knowing perfectly well it would lead to more and that bitch took my in. I did the hard work and put the time in and dealt with ALLLLL that crazy and that bitch stole my fucking work. She plagiarized my relationship!”

At which point I burst out laughing and Dave lost it. We both knew it was pointless and didn’t mean anything because I don’t want him anymore but that doesn’t make having your work stolen any less frustrating. It wasn’t about him, it was about my work. We must have laughed for 10 minutes straight. Once we regained our composure, Dave said “you done?” To which I said “Damn bitch, plagiarized my relationship.” And we started laughing all over again.

I’m sure his girlfriend (“girlfriend”) is lovely and blah da blah blah blah but sometimes a rant is in order and I felt amazing afterwards. But I have to ask; would you sleep with someone who was in an open relationship? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Saturday, 1 December 2012

Friend of a Friend

I’m not sure there are many things more creepy then a friend of a friend randomly adding you on Facebook.

Here’s the story that gets repeated time and time again, you comment on a “friend’s” (normally someone you have seen in 10 years) status and a few minutes later a friend request pops up.

When you look at the request it says you have one person in common, the “friend” you haven’t seen in 10 years. You decide to accept the request because you figure if the guy hasn’t murdered your “friend” yet he must be harmless.

Fast forward 10 minutes and that so called harmless guy is sending you picture of his penis at which point you realize the reason you no longer hang out with the person you haven’t seen in 10 years is because they’re a rubbish judge of character. 

The male brain hurts my head, they randomly add a women and the first thing they send is “I hope you don’t mind me adding you.” What would make you think we’d mind a strange man we’ve never heard of sending us unsolicited message? Could it be all the “stranger danger” talks we had as kids!?

Here’s a note for all the men of the world (or just the 2 that actually read my blog), all women mind when you randomly add them...Unless you happen to be Ryan Gosling, he can add whoever he likes. What you should do is ask the person you have in common to ask the women if she minds you Facebook stalking her. That’s just the polite/ less creepy thing to do. But of course that’s not what you do because that would involve your brain and not you penis.

So what do you guys think, is it creepy when a friend of a friend randomly adds you or like normal am I crazy? Let me know what you think in the comment box below.  And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Freak Show Waiting Room

As anyone who follows me on twitter (@TheHonestBitch)  knows yesterday I had a doctor’s appointment and while I was waiting to see the doctor the waiting room was a complete freak show. And since my doctor was running a half hour late, I had plenty of time to wonder about the state of the human race.

The first freak in this freak show was “Nail Man” this guy was sat in the waiting room filing his nails. How he has any nails at all is beyond me. From the time I noticed what he was doing and the time he went in to see the doctor was 20 minutes. Forgetting the fact we were at a doctor’s office who files their nails for 20 minutes straight?

Next in the freak show was “Technophobe Old Ladies”. Who were sat there talking about “something called Facebook” and how it’s “daft”. They were talking about how stupid and unsafe it is. Way to talk about something you know.  Facebook is only as unsafe as you make it, something they’d know if they had any knowledge at all about what they were talking about. The fact they were talking about stuff they know nothing about kind of pisses me off. A good rule for life (no matter how old you are) is if you don’t know what you’re talking about, don’t talk about it!

The final freak in this show was a little old Jamaican lady who I could hardly understand who I’m going to call “Medical History Lady”. She was shouting about something while she was checking in at reception. She then continued to shout loudly as she sat herself down next to me (Oh joy, oh bliss).

Her loudness continues as she talked at me about her leg and hip hurting, she went on to tell me the doctors are clueless and how they have been screwing her around. At which point the person on the other side of her moved. She then felt the need to tell me she wasn’t feeling well and her “spit was like condensed milk”. At which point I was praying for a hazmat suit. She then when on to tell me how she is old and not long for this world and the doctors don’t know how her dad died and how she’s going to go the same way. I was busy wishing for a gun, a chainsaw.....anything.

Just when I was wondering how sharp Nail Man’s file was, my doctor finally called me in. I’ve never been so happy to see someone. There is only so much crazy a person can take before they lose it and let’s face facts I’m closer to the edge then most to begin with.

So it’s your turn to tell me what waiting room freak shows you’ve been in? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Cursive Writing

I’m the first to admit I’ve an opinionated person and once my mind is made up it’s not worth you wasting your breath trying to change my mind. At the same time I am always willing to listen to people and hear their side and if I still don’t agree to defend my position.

What I can’t stand is people who are so closed minded they won’t even hear the other side out. Nobody is saying they have to agree with what is being said but at least hear the words.

Tonight on Facebook someone posted a rant bitching about how schools are no longer teaching cursive writing. This person went on to say this move is making kids dumb and how will kids sign their names or read important historical documents and that The U.S Constitution and The Bill of Rights will be un-readable to the next generation.  

I left a comment saying that it’s sad but in a way I get it. They’re replacing cursive writing in the syllabus with things like computer programming and web design which in the long run are more useful to know.

The women deleted my comment so now I get to be a bitch and point out she’s stupid.

Let’s start with “how will they sign their names?” Are you fucking me!? Next to nobody signs their name using real cursive writing. I worked retail per chip and PIN days; people tend to sign with what I can only call at best a squiggle.

“How will they read historic documents?” How do you think they read them now? It’s called the internet or hell, a text book. These things aren’t printed in cursive writing. Most of us can’t read Latin or Hieroglyphic either but that doesn’t make us any more stupid.

The next generation will be learning computer programming as early as grade 1, they’ll be writing programmes in grade 2 and 3. How does that make them a dumber generation? While you were learning how to making curly letters they’re be writing programmes that can do that for them. So which generation is really the dumb one?

Some people hurt my head. I’m not saying I’m right but what I am saying has some real valid points. And nobody gets any smarter by being not hearing other people out. So what do you guys think? Let me know in the comment box below.

And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

P.S To my readers in the USA Please remember to let your voices be heard and vote. 

Thursday, 27 September 2012

That Cures That

I don’t think of myself as a shallow person, I mean anyone whose taken one look at my exes could tell you that but once in a while something happens that makes me question that statement.

I had one of those moments yesterday when someone I use to have a HUGE crush on posted a recent picture of himself on Facebook. The second his picture hit my screen my immediate reaction was “well that cures that crush”.

Almost as soon as the words left my mouth I started to feel guilty for having such a shallow reaction. He is a lovely guy who any girl would be lucky to have, with that being said.... I’ll pass.

On the bright side even though my reaction makes me a horrible person at least it proves I had no real feelings for him. My love/sex life tends to follow the saying “love is blind but lust has 20/20 vision.”

In other words the guys I date tend to be descendants of Frankenstein and my meaningless fun has all been extremely drool worthy. Maybe I should work on swopping those two around.

But either way it appears I have discovered the cure for a long term crush. Who knew it would be as simple as an extremely unflattering Facebook picture (now if I can just get Mr. X to upload one I’d be set.)

So what crush cures do you guys have and what saying sums up your love/sex life? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay, and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Dating Horror Story – Ex Talk

I asked this question on Facebook “what is your biggest turn off?” And someone replied “hearing about his ex all day”. That got me thinking about possibly my worst date ever. Since I know how much you guys enjoying hearing about my dating nightmares I thought I’d share.

It must have been about 5 years ago I met this guy. He was a few years older than me, lived locally and had his own photography business. The kind of guy that sounds good on paper. And since he was a Facebook guy paper was all I had to go on.

We swapped numbers and starting texting and chatting; we seemed to have a lot in common and talked pretty much every day for a month. The strange thing was apart from the first night we started chatting, none of our chats had any flirty notes at all.

So I was a little surprised when he asked me out on date, I was certain he wasn’t interested in me. He spent a lot of that past month talking about his ex girlfriend. I was positive he was still hung up on her no matter what he said so for obvious reasons I turned him down.

 After turning him down he pretty much badgered me into changing my mind. Insisting he had no feelings for his ex at all. Against my better judgement I agree to go see a film with him.

However the second I saw his car I knew I made the wrong decision. On the side of his car was a picture of his ex with his company name underneath. I should have ran there and then but I didn’t.

We didn’t talk at all on the way to the theatre; luckily it was a short ride. Once there he bought tickets to see some guy film, he didn’t even ask me what I wanted to see. And the worst part was we had a 45 minute wait.

During those 45 minutes he didn’t ask me anything he spent the whole time talking about his ex. I spent that time secretly texting on my phone trying to get a friend to come rescue me.

After the longest 45 minutes of my life we went into the theatre. He didn’t buy drinks, popcorn, nothing (men of the world, don’t do that, ever). We didn’t even sit next to each other. There was an empty seat between us. I don’t think we even said two worlds to each other. Luckily the film wasn’t bad, definitely the highlight of the night.

Once the film was over we went back to his car and I was thankful it was finally over, well it wasn’t quite. On the way back he went through a KFC drive-thru and got himself food, didn’t even offer me anything.

When he finally dropped my off, I basically ran to my front door, I couldn’t get away from him quick enough.

I guess if there is a positive to be taken away from this date; it’s that I learned to always to drive myself to dates. And also to listen to my gut that was a date I should have never been on.

So what date talking about their ex stories do you guys have? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Sunday, 20 May 2012

Facebook and Gossip Sites Makes Everything Better

Let me start by thanking everyone for all the lovely birthday wishes. Despite hitting my scary grown up age, I actually had a really nice relaxing stress free day. I think that’s down to me being well organized and having had my quarter-century crisis months ago. I’m never one to leave things to last minutes.

Plus two of the Teen Mom’s were in the news this week and no matter where I am in life it’s comforting to know I’m not that fucked that up. I read gossip sites for the same reason I follow old school friends on Facebook. It’s uplifting to know in the grand scheme of things I’m not nearly as messed up as some other people. I’ve made it to 25 without any baby daddies, no failed marriages and no criminal record, how many people can say that?

I’m by no means perfect just look at any of my past relationships. But at least my screw ups make people laugh and not feel sorry for me. Plus there are women twice my age who still don’t have their relationship act together.

Half my problem is given the choice between two things I tend to pick the one that will make the best story. Not very smart but a lot of fun.

 It’s kind of strange to think of grandparents today with their war stories by the time my generation is that age there will be next to no war stories but there will be a hell of a lot of sex stories. Poor grandchildren of the future, they’re all going to need therapists.

Anyways my dears I have stuff I need to get done. But before I go I have to ask what topics are you going to have a lot of stories about by the time you’re old and gray?

As always stay safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Sunday, 1 April 2012

3am Declaration Of Love

To all the men out there, I have a word of advice for you, declaring your love at 3am is NEVER a good idea.

Let’s start with the obvious reason why it’s a horrible idea. Nobody likes being woken up in the middle of the night. And women in particular HATE IT. You’re making us get out of bed in the middle of the night; half asleep, looking like shit, in our pyjamas with no makeup on so we’re instantly crabby. 

The other obvious problem is we don’t believe a single word you have to say at that hour. Nothing intelligent and well thought out comes out of anyone’s mouth at 3am. Not to mention the fact I don’t think anyone has ever declared their love at 3am sober. Women don’t care what the beer has to say ever, and saying it at 3am just annoys us farther.

I only bring this problem up because Friday night someone tried this bullshit on me and it’s now Sunday and I’m still irritated by it.

At 3am I was woken up by a knocking at my window. I tried to go back to sleep but it continued so I was given no choice but to get up. There was a drunken guy I haven’t spend any real time with in at least 7 years.

I decided to hear him out because it was clear I wasn’t getting any more sleep otherwise. He was rambling on about wanting a relationship and some other crap I wasn’t awake enough to take in.

He went on to tell me the he’d been drinking (duh) and that Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber had magically come across my blog and told him from what they saw I have feelings for him too.

Since I had no fucking clue what he or they were talking about I logged on to my blog to figure it out. I’d like to go on record that I still don’t know what they’re talking about. I personally think it’s another case of someone thinking their Mr. X when clearly they’re not. I don’t even have feelings for Mr. X anymore so even that’s logic is flawed.

After he said everything he had to say I kicked him out and tried to get back to sleep. That didn’t happen till 8am which irritated me even more. But I figured that was that and I wouldn’t hear anymore from him.

I was wrong, at 1am last night I got a Facebook message from him asking if he could come over and fuck me. At which point I decided my twitter follower Maxwell was right and I should buy a gun, a pink scary gun.

I’m way too old for this bullshit; it’s not appealing and a massive turn off. But hopefully you guys out there can learn from this guy’s mistake and not pull this crap because if you do the only thing you’ll be spending the night with is your hand.

As always my dears stay safe. Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Saturday, 24 March 2012

Most Annoying Words In The English Language


Are there any more annoying words in the English language then “send me a pic”?

It’s like the modern day equitant of sharing a bed with a women and repeatedly poking her in the back while she’s trying to sleep.

Give it a fucking rest!

First of all, are men aware how whiny and needy they sound when they’re repeatedly asking? It’s like a small child throwing a temper tantrum in a grocery store because he can’t have any candy. Nobody wants to fuck a man-child.

If all you really wanted was a picture you wouldn’t have to ask, it’s called Facebook. Pretty much everyone on the planet has more than their fair share of pictures on there. But you don’t really want a picture do you? You want something to cum over but instead of being honest you take the slimy road. And then wonder why the girl is getting irritated with you.

Of course your cure to the irritation you caused is to butter us up with comments about how good we look or your “feeling” for us. You couldn’t be any more transparent. It’s pathetic.

What I don’t understand is, if your goal is to get laid how does pissing off women get you closer to that goal? It makes no sense to me.

The whole thing is just a blatant insult to our intelligence. Then men wonder why women think romance is dead. We think it’s dead because pretty much every nice thing that comes out of a man’s mouth seems to be followed by “send me pic.”

How would you like it if we related everything nice we said to a picture? Image this, you’re making out with a hot girl, it’s all going great then she says “oh you’re so hard”.....”But it looked a lot bigger in the pic.” Mood killer right? Cheapens the whole thing, and that’s what you do to us every, single time you ask.

There is a time and place for pictures and if you have to ask it’s not the right time and you don’t deserve one.

Play Safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo

Sunday, 18 March 2012

When One Cock Closes...

When One Cock Closes Another One Pops Up....

....The title of a blog I probably shouldn't be writing while drunk but I’ve never been one to take the dull way out and since I haven’t been able to write this sober, drunk is clearly the way forward.

Here’s how the story goes.

I was feeling very guilty about not putting up more of a fight when I warned NTB about this girl he was into. I’m calling her Ms. Train-Wreck. I knew she was trouble but I just wanted him to be happy. Little did I know she’d turn out to be Mr. X in drag. So now NTB is where I was 2 years ago and I feel horrible about it.

Well I was busy feeling bad about that, Mr. X sideswiped me with the news he has a girlfriend. I’m not stupid, I’m aware we both date but we don’t normally tell each other about it. So the news shocked me. It was really odd though, I didn’t cry or turn to my BBF in these situations (a very large bottle of tequila), I just went for a long walk and that was it.

There was one unforeseen problem though; I haven’t been able to string two words together since. Hence the drunken blogging, well that and it’s international drink something green day. Mojito is my green weapon of choice.

I’ve spent the afternoon/evening watching rugby and drinking with a bunch of my guy friends and now I’m home drinking more Mojitos (only 5 or 6) in bed and watching my sex and the city box-set. And I’ll tell you what, it feels damn good to let lose.

Anyways back to the story, after my long walk I came home to find a message on my twitter account from the evil monkey. It was such a sweet message and very well timed I could help but smile.

Then just as I was crawling into bed I noticed I had a Facebook inbox message. Thinking it was my cousin I got up to check it out, it turned out to be a message from a guy I haven’t seen or really spoken to in 2 years. We never dated we just kind of lived in the gray area.

I’m a smart girl, I know what an inbox message means but I needed a picked me up after the sideswiping so I decided to hear his BS out. It was the normal “we should go out sometime”, “I always think about you”, “you’re gorgeous”. I know that’s all code for “I’m horny”. But I needed the boost and it’s not like I was going to sleep with the guy. It was just a pick me up. And pick me up it did.

It was also a much needed reminder that when one cock closes another one pops up :-)

Play safe guys, Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo