Mr. X Baits Me

At this point I’m sure Mr. X baits me on purpose, he plots things to say that he knows will just niggle and eat at me and just lays back at waits for the show. And because I’m a dumbass I take the bait most of the time, and this time is no different.

I was talking to Mr. X a few weeks ago, and he came out with this line, “I always feel I get a more honest assessment of how you feel about me when my name is Mr. X” ….  I’m only human. I tried, But, how can I not bite at that one?

To Mr. X’s credit, he's right, despite him asking me flat out how I feel, I will never give him a straight answer. The most obvious reason for this is he’s married. I have a moral standard that I will not get involved in anyone else’s relationship. My feelings are none of his business.

The other reason is for own protection. As much as I have forgiven him and am thankful for how everything turned out. I haven’t forgotten. I was a mess for a long time and I can’t risk him putting me back in that space again. I’ve come a long way, but that man is dangerous. 

So why blog? I’m assuming that’s the question, or at least it would be mine.

The answer, unlike the Mr. X situation is simple, business. My Mr. X posts do very well. They are some of my highest viewed, most shared posts. I’m not sure whether it’s because people can relate or if they just enjoy knowing someone’s love life is more messed up then theirs, but they read nonetheless so I continue to write. And to be fair writing is cheaper than therapy, so I don’t mind.

I guess the question  remaining is how do I feel? And I don’t really have a good answer for that question. Do I think about him from time to time? Yeah. Do I wonder how things could have been? Of course. Do I wonder if there is a future? Once in a while, mainly when I’m stupidly drunk. Do I still have feelings for him?  I’m sure on some level I do, but at this point they’re so buried even I can’t be sure, nor am I sure I really want to know. A bit of shitty answer I know, but it's the truth... maybe I'll do a drunk post one day and we'll all find out the answer together. 

Anyways, that’s me done, I am going to go and get some much-needed sleep before I am back at work tomorrow. But before I go I have this question for you, do you ever wonder about an ex? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Too Many Good Decisions

As I sit here on a Sunday morning trying to write my post of the week before I head back to work tomorrow I’ve come to an interesting conclusion; I’m not making enough bad decisions.

To a normal person that probably sounds like a good thing, like I almost have my shit together. However, as I keep saying, I’m not normal, I’m a blogger. And as a blogger if I keep making smart decisions I am going to run out of things to write.

Things are so bad at the minute I’m debating getting drunk and meeting up with Mr. X, if history is anything to go by, that should give me blog material for a month or so. Then again, if I did that, people would need to start clicking more ads to pay the necessary therapy that would result in.

A drunk evening with Mr. X, does anyone remember when that sounded appealing? Now it sounds like a lot of work and a shit ton of unwanted drama. I think it’s safe to say I’m getting old. Hell, the crazy cat lady path is sounding more and more appealing.

Anyways, I am going to go and come up with a plan to make some poor life decisions that won’t scare me permanently. But before I go, I have this question for you; what do you do to get yourself out of a funk? Let me in the comments below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

The Mr. X Relationship

I always get a lot of questions about Mr. X and my relationship, and I get it, we have a weird fucking relationship. I’d be curious too. A lot of you were here and went through it all with me and to think I’d still have anything to do with him boggles your minds. I completely understand and if I were in your shoes…. I’d question my sanity too.

I can categorically say, if he ever actually had the title of boyfriend, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. He'd be dead to me, no second changes, or thirds. He’d be dead. He’s survived all this time on a technicality.

Because our whole relationship has existed in this grey area, I’ve been able to tell myself the feeling I felt were unjust. I had no right to feel that way. I’m a perfectly sane, crazy person so I know the above to be untrue and I have every right to feel whatever I felt. However, it allowed to get to a place where I could try and understand the other side and forgive and more importantly grow.

Over the years, I’ve become incredibly grateful to Mr. X for the growth. I know without a doubt; I wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t for the saga that was him. Don’t get me wrong, life isn’t perfect. But I’d be married to the wrong man, living a life I didn’t want, if it wasn’t for him. In a really fucked up way he saved me. I was headed down the wrong path, one I knew was wrong for me, but didn’t have the strength to end it. Surviving him gave me that strength.

Maybe it’s Stockholm syndrome, but I will always have a soft spot for Mr. X and for whatever reason he’ll probably always have an interest in me. I’m not sure what his reasons are, I stopped trying to figure out his motives years ago. But it’s almost like he has feeling, I suspect it’s a software glitch.

I hope this answered some of your questions, and hopefully didn’t raise too many more. My simple summation is, he’s a friend, that shouldn’t be a friend, that is a friend.

Anyways, I am going to go, I have a sexy man I have to message back, look forward to those details in my next post. But, before I go I have this question for you, do you have any friends, that shouldn’t be friends, that are friends? Let me know your stories in the comment box below. And as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

A 2016 Outlook On Mr.X

It’s two days before Valentine’s Day so it seems only fitting I do an Mr. X post; the first Mr. X post of 2016 I might add. He sent me a message, be it 3 plus weeks ago by the time you’re reading this, but I wanted to talk it out.

He started off his message by stating my blog seems to be a little tame these days. Which is completely true. I’m not dating these days, I’m focused on work and when I’m not at work I’m decompressing, so I don’t commit murder when I’m back at work.

He then went on to say he was an idiot with me and that he was sorry. I told him there was nothing to be sorry about, which there isn’t. We made peace many moons ago, that’s why we still talk and why we’re still friends.

He then said this “It wasn’t an apology. I was an outspoken regret.” and went on to say he wished he had a second chance and that we had met later in life. This got me thinking.  

I regret nothing in regards to Mr. X, don’t get me wrong, it was horrible at the time and in all honesty, for many years later. But it shaped me. I can honestly say if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

He is the reason I am so strong, he’s the reason I will not settle, he is the reason I am so steadfast in my belief and knowledge of what I want. I’m eternally grateful for him being such a cunt to me all those years ago. I would be a very different person if it wasn’t for him.

Don’t get me wrong, I do occasionally wonder what would have happened if things had gone differently between us, but I’m fairly certain it wouldn’t have worked out. We’re very different, yet our personality traits are very similar. He’s a conservative, reserved, Mormon. And I’m a liberal, non-reserved Agnostic. We would have either balanced each other perfectly or killed each other. And given our temperaments, particular back then, my money is on one of us being in jail right now.

The idea of “what if we met later in life” is interesting, but without his influence I wouldn’t where I am today and because of that, I doubt I’d have the skills needed to deal with a personality like his. Hell, if it wasn’t for him, I’d probably would have settled, and be married by now so meeting him wouldn’t even be a possibility.

He ended our conversation with a simple question “are you happy?”. Maybe not such a simple question.

I’m not unhappy, I have what I need. I have people around me I care for and that care for me. I’m very blessed and I know that. Am I as happy as I could be? No. I bottle a lot of stuff up, I don’t really have anyone to lean on and despite having people around me, I have pretty high walls so nobody knows everything.

But would a change a thing? No. I like the person I am. And in all honesty, I like the person Mr. X has become as well. I’m not sure how much of it he can see him self, but he’s come a long, long way. He’s practically a human these days. I’m incredibly proud of him.

Anyways, that’s enough of that, I’m off to grab a nice warm bath and finish off the book I’m reading. But before I go I’ll leave you with this question; are you happy? Let me know in the comments box below. And as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Potential Super Villain

Mr. X is a straight talking asshole, he’ll be the first person to tell you this. That’s something I’ve always respected that about him, he doesn’t try to hide it. He’s very honest and blunt. He cuts through the bullshit and get to the point. Which is why over the years I’ve turned to him when I’ve needed an honest opinion on a guy. When I’m looking to find out whether I’m being dramatic or the guy is a tool, Mr. X is my expert.

So when I needed some insight on an issue I had with Larry yesterday morning, I sent him a message. A message that’s probably offensive to anyone who isn’t us, but had I not worded that way, he would have called me out for trying to be PC and tip toeing around the issue.

So I messaged him with “Is there something about the Mormon Church that turns men into assholes? Or did I just get lucky twice?”

Mr. X quickly messaged back and asked what happened. I explained everything to him and his initial response was “you’re attracted to assholes”. I explained that wasn’t the case; it was actually the complete opposite that attracted me to Larry, it was that he was caring and went that extra mile. He was challenging, but unlike Mr. X he didn’t cross that line into asshole. Or at least he hadn’t until yesterday morning.

Yesterday morning, Larry was Mr. X and he made me break down and cry in a way I haven’t since Mr. X. And I’ll be honest when I realised that, it scared me. It’s taken a long time to fully recover from everything and truly be happy again and the thought there’s someone out there with the power to jeopardize that, is horrifying.

While talking things through with Mr. X he said something I don’t think he’s ever said to me, he told me I was right. There should have been a parade that followed that, I’m never in the right. But in this case, he said I wasn’t overreacting, this guy was being a jerk.  Admittedly, this didn’t make me feel any better; nobody wants to be told the guy they like is a dick, especially when you were so certain he wasn't.

Now, luckily I’m in the middle of Larry-cation right now, I won’t see him again for a while. It’s been nice up to now getting to judge him purely on the conversation rather outside factors, but now I may have to adjust and rethink how I interact with him. I may have to treat him similarly to how I treat Mr. X. Which is a bad thing per se, it’s just more calculated. And more, not guarded, but braced.

Mr. X lacks emotion, and as the past has shown he doesn’t read them very well either, which is very different to Larry, that guy picks up on everything, he can read me like a book, which in a lot of ways makes me fear him, that man has the ability to be pure evil if he chooses, I already have one super villain in my life I don’t need two.

On the bright side, Mr. X works for me these days, and every once in while he says something that reminds me he’s not pure evil. Yesterday I asked him if he thought I should invest in cats due to my impressively bad dating record. His reply was possibly the sweetest thing he’s ever said to me “no, investing that face, body, skin and kissing skill in cats is a waste.”

Don’t get any funny ideas people, he’s happily married and I’m happily not dealing with that drama anymore. I’ve moved on to new drama, which ironically started over something I thought was sweet. He wanted to know who told me to back off him. I thought it was adorable he cared enough to want to know who was trying to keep me away from him. Until it turned him into a wackadoodle that is.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep, it’s been a long day, this is version 47 of this post…. I wish I was kidding. But before I go I have this question for you; what was the last compliment you received that caught you off guard? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Saturday Q&A

Happy Saturday; my hair is up, my makeup is off and I’m sat here in my pajamas ready to answer some of your questions. It’s been a while since I’ve done a Q&A and with the daily posts this week I’ve received more questions than normal, so let’s get started.

What ever happen to that other guy from work?

The simple answer is I killed him off. I don’t need the drama he’d bring in my life. I’m 28, I’m not looking to play games; I’m too old for that shit. I want simple, and easy. Something that feels natural. I want someone to enhance my life, not make me hate it.

That guy has more issues than playboy. His baggage is beyond what any girl should have to take on. As good as it would be for blogging sake, I’m too happy how I am to risk it with a sure fire failure.

How is Mr. X?

He’s good, enjoying marriage. He’s still a smart ass and a great voice of reason.

Are you worried your blog will change Larry’s opinion of you?

No; my only worry is he’ll react to something he reads. I don’t mind talking about things, but I don’t want to be yelled at for something that I may have felt for a second.

His opinion of me, does not concern me. That is solely his problem. I am, what I am and I’m not about to change for anyone. As long as we can work together, he can think about he likes.

Disregarding your feelings, given the fact you work together would you date him?

Yes, which is an answer I didn’t think I’d be saying. For some reason I think we’d be fine. A breakup is why you don’t date where you work, but his personality doesn’t lend itself to bitter ex so I think we’d ok.

Have you spoken to The Giant since starting the new job?

I’ve spoken to him a few times since I left. We’ve also gotten on well from the start so there’s not really a surprise there. Plus, he’s my flirting partner, when I need a pick me up, he’s there to creep on me and make things better.

Would you sleep with The Giant?

If life was simple and he was single, damn straight I would. But, it’s not simple and I’d like to not add homewrecker to my CV so probably not. As much as I’d like to.

What are your “Larry beliefs”?

I believe he’s banging Pippi Whore Stockings so clearly isn’t interested.

What if your belief is wrong?

Then sooner I’ll find out, he’ll say something or make a move and I’ll take things from there.

I think that’s enough questions for one day. I have one more to answer, but I shall save that one for later and give it a post of its own at some point.

This has been a lot of fun as they always but I am going to go and get some much needed sleep. I won’t leave a question today. I’m all questioned out. So as always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

January Update

I thought I’d finish up this month’s blog posts (anyone else impressed I managed to get all 8 up) with a bit of catch up, since I’ve left a lot of post open-ended recently.

Let’s start with the reason I was drunk for most of the first week of January. I ended my 2014 work year with a shiny disciplinary. A disciplinary I didn’t deserve I might add. I’m no angel, and I probably deserved a disciplinary for a few things, however, the one I received was complete and utter bullshit.

Sticking with the utter work bullshit, I also got pulled into a meeting at head office not long after that disciplinary because I was accused of recruiting. To which my official reply was “given everything that has happened over the past few weeks, I don’t want to work for this company so why the hell would I tell anyone else to?” ….I was found to be innocent.

The next update comes in the form of Mr. Block, he’s gone to the light-side, making him as good as dead to me. However, many of you will be pleased to know replacing him on the dark-side is Hank. I know many of you were rooting for him.

Your obligatory Mr. X update is simple, he’s still a cock.

The internet dating is going horribly, I’m pretty sure I’m going to die alone with 700 cats, but given the other options, I’m good with that.

My New Year’s resolutions are still going strong, I managed to get all 8 blog posts up… just and my Facebook questions are still going strong, be it with a little cheating on my part. The less quick to anger resolution, however, is dead. What can I say, I just have a low tolerance for bullshit.

Anyways, I think that you guys all caught up now, and I’m off to cause a little bit of trouble….ok, maybe a lot of trouble. But before I go, I shall leave you with this question; how are you getting on with your New Year’s resolutions? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo 

Lord Of The C*nts

“It’s been 5 years feel free to get over it” – Mr. X

I have never wanted to punch Mr. X so much in my whole life. I’m not sure if that’s his way of show guilt or he’s just a flat out c*nt but I’m not impressed one little bit right now.

So my let me start by saying the events themselves I’m over, I forgive him completely, that’s why I’m able to talk to him and joke with him, I have no ill will (minus today) for him. We were young and stupid and I get that and I’m at peace with everything.

The problem is despite being at peace with everything, I’m fucked up, I’m scarred and despite forgiving him, those scars are still there, whether he or I likes it or not. I’m emotionally disfigured and I’m working on it, but that’s just how it is.

My goal for 2015 is to work on it, and that was going to be this blog before the lord of the c*nts upset me, but it’s going to take time to break down the walls I’ve created. That’s the problem, or scar if you will, that he’s left me with. I get the same complaint repeatitedly; the sex is fantastic, but I don’t let anyone in, so it’s impossible to have a real relationship with me. Like I said, I’m working on it, but those walls were built by an expert and will take a lot of time and dedicated effort to destroy.  

And in the meantime being told how to feel by some egotistical dick isn’t helping matters. I will get there, I just need to do it on my own terms and not to force it, because every time I’ve forced it in the past those walls have just gotten higher and thicker. And that’s kind of the opposite of what I’m going for here.

Anyways, I hope this post clarifies a few things, I know it’s made me feel better. I’ll fill you in on my plans to get over all this in my upcoming blogs, but in the meantime I shall leave you with this question; what scars have past relationships left you with and how have you overcome them? Let me know your thoughts and stories in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Christmas Eve History

If you’ve been here a while, you may remember Mr. X’s Christmas Eve spectacular; and if you’re new here I shall give you a brief synopsis. Christmas Eve 2009 Mr. X turned me into the bitch I am now. He told me he had feelings for me and there was something there. And then less than an hour later he decided he “just couldn’t” and vanished.

I’m not going to lie, that fucked me up….badly and years down the line I still carry those scars but at the same time I’m very grateful. That gave me a lot of strength and that was never more evident than last night when Mr. Block sent me a message that was flat out wrong and very low.

From what I can gather he was out drinking and he sent me this message “Come on it’s time to fuck me or leave me alone xx”. Before Mr. X that message would have had me tears, but now that message just enraged me. On what planet is that an acceptable thing to say to anyone, let alone to say to someone on Christmas Eve?

Now I could be over reacting given the day of the year and it’s not so pleasant history but I don’t think I am. I also think, if that’s the game he’s going to play, he can go die a slow painful death. I’m after an adult relationship and he keeps proving himself to be a child. And I’m just not interested in that.

Anyways, it’s Christmas so that's enough of that; I’m going to go and spend time with people who love me for me and not just for my vagina. But before I do, I shall leave you with a question; on what planet is that message acceptable? Let me know your thoughts in the comment below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Bipolar Relationship

So despite my better judgement things with Mr. Block continues; and I can’t decide at this point whether I’m truly interested or if I’m a woman on a mission to find out what he’s hiding. It changes by the minute; half the time I want to cuddle up to him and spend a romantic evening and the other half I want to punch the creep in the face. The whole relationship is kind of bipolar.

I tried to feel him out in the conversation, and I do feel like I know him a little better now but it’s a work in progress. I did learn he’s been single 6 months and he says (like all men do when asked) that he’s after a relationship or to quote him directly “I’m ready to find someone to hold and enjoy life with”.  Call me a sucker, but I melted a little when I read that.

However, I’m not stupid, my guard is still up. I mean the man did block me. And there are other red-ish flags, he invited me over, which sounds sweet, but he knew I’d be working so either the thought was there and it’s sweet or it was just a gesture because he knew I couldn’t. And then when we finished our incredibly sweet conversation he said he’d message me when he was up. He messaged me at midnight; I messaged him back and didn’t hear from him again for 24 hours. So take that as you will, he did message me, he kept his word, but then he vanished leaving me more confused than ever.

I just don’t know what to make of him, and as we all remember from the Mr. X saga I don’t do well when I don’t know. I’m also having to bear in mind I work with this guy so whatever I do I have to do it in an adult way…. I don’t want to be an adult.

Anyways, my dears, I’m off to make some more poor decisions and see where this twisted tale leads me. But before I do I want to leave you with a question; have you ever made a decision you thought was bad that turned out to be good? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay, and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

A Victory for Alcohol

So the other night while out celebrating the launch of thehonestbitch.com I kind of did something you’re not meant to do, I drunkenly tweeted Mr. Block. The message simply said “You’re such a dick” but it was enough to get the ball rolling.

However, something very confusing happened during that conversation, he gave me his number. Why would you give your number to someone you blocked? I still don’t understand that move… but sometimes there just is no understanding men.

We managed to talk things out, or at least it appears we did, I was well and truly smashed at the time. He even unblocked me. Which I think counts as a victory for alcohol.

However, that didn’t last long, the tool followed up the next morning by unfriending me. I’m starting to think Mr. X is right and he’s hiding something. What, I don’t know, but something is off.

I sent Mr. Block a friend request because I was curious and yes, I know, curiosity killed the cat and all that, but I’m a blogger and the story wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t (how do you like that excuse?)

The strange thing is he accepted straight away so I’m well and truly confused now. And despite the fact, every fiber of my being is telling me to run, the blogger in me wants to see how the story plays out….. With me in tears I’m sure, but you never know, right?

Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below and while you’re there, let me know the last time curiosity burned you. I’m off to get some much needed sleep, so as always my dears, stay, and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Challenged

People have a habit of getting stuck in a box and once in that box they tend to surround themselves with people who also live in that same box. It’s understandable; being surrounded by people with the same point of view, same hobbies, makes life simple.

However, over the years I’ve found it important to have people in my life that challenge me. It’s very easy to get stuck in a mind-set that you’re right and everyone else is crazy; and as much as I hate to say this, that’s not always the case. Sometimes; even the best of us are wrong. Other times we’re right; and it takes being challenged by someone with a different point of view to confirm that.

That’s why I love having Mr. X in my life, we rarely agree on anything; we tend to be polar opposites on most issues, but despite what you may think this doesn’t come between us, we’re actually better friends because of it.

He challenges me to look at things from a different point of view or with other information in mind and I challenge him to do the same and to not be such an asshole while doing so. And over the years I believe we’ve both become better people because it.

He’s much less abrasive then he used to be and I’m much less quick to judge. Thanks to him and people like him I take the time to try and see and understand the other side of augments. I don’t always agree with it, but at least I understand where they’re coming from.

This has helped me a lot over the years at work to try and keep a good attitude even when I want to murder everyone with a 100 mile radius. Or at least it used to before the current manager took over and my ability to play nice was forcefully removed from my being…but that’s a story for another day.

I just wanted to take a moment to challenge you to look at your thoughts and opinions from the opposite standpoint, you never know you might become a better person because of it.

Anyways, my lovelies, I’m off to enjoy my much needed holiday from work, but before I go I shall leave you with this question; when someone argues with you, what is your first reaction? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo

Fuck It Reboot

I feel like it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a place where I even remotely felt ready for a relationship. I know there has been guys in the past few years, but nothing “real” for lack of a better word. They were all doomed from the start due to the fact I wasn’t in a place where I could be in a relationship my focus needed to be elsewhere.

I hate to blame Mr. X because despite everything we’re still friends, I like him and I’ve very grateful for everything that “relationship” taught me, but holy hell, it’s taken a long time to feel strong enough to be able to take a risk again.

 I’ve been dating sure fire failures for years because there is no real heartache involved when you know it’s doomed from the start. Don’t get me wrong, it still sucks, but it’s a quick rebound when you know it’s coming.

Over the past few weeks I seem to have snapped back to my old self. I’m flirting without thought, I’m messaging with a guy, and I’m being playful and not nearly as standoffish as I have been. I’m having fun with being single and I can’t remember the last time I was like this.

It’s almost as if all the drama, stress and pure hell of work over the past few months teamed with that long term underlying fear of getting hurt and has caused my brain to do what I’m going to call a “fuck it reboot”. It’s decided, I can’t control any of this; work, men, life so I may as well just have some fun. I’ll just deal with each battle on a need battle basis and with a little luck, at the end I’ll find out I’ve won the war or wake up with a nasty hangover.

Anyways, I need to go and work on that nasty hangover, however before I do, I shall leave you with a question; have you ever had a fuck it reboot and what caused it? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Unavailable Men

So it’s been nearly 2 months since I last posted and the good night text message battle rages on. Lucky for him I’m pretty laid back because I’m pretty sure any other woman at this point would have kicked his ass. Hell, if this was any other guy I’m pretty sure I would have kicked his ass by now. But for whatever reason he seems to have a weird effect on me.

I may not be winning the good night battle, but we are talking a lot more throughout the day so it's making the good night battle seem less important, but he still isn’t messaging at all during the weekends and that's grating on me a little. It’s my birthday Saturday and I’m willing to bet I don’t hear from him at all. But if I want to see what’s there I guess that’s something I’m just going to have to deal with.

In other news Mr. X messaged me yesterday….yeah, I didn’t see that coming. It appears he’s been reading my blog and a few questions and a statement for me. His opener was “surely I don’t have a hold over you now?” Nothing like a simple opener eh? He followed that gem up with “I do regret that we never saw things through, you know? I wasn't fair on you with that and I apologise”. I hate to admit this but I shed a tear when I read that. Don’t get wrong, I’ve gotten over all this and have moved on but looking back at it all….it still hurts.

Mr. X and I have a strange relationship, there is a reason things went on as long as they did, we have spark and not just sexually.  We’re able to be very straight spoken and honest with each other even now so when he says “if I was ever alone with you again, I'd jump you” it’s not in itself shocking but its definitely unexpected coming from a now married man.  

Speaking of married men that evening I also got a message from one of my old drivers asking me out…..small problem he’s married. Larger problem for him I’m not interested.

I already have my own unavailable guy (admittedly at least these ones text, but still) and if I wanted one that wasn’t single well, I’d finish what I started with my supervisor…..who I may or may not have made cum on our boss’s desk, but that’s a blog for another day and also pre-Barney so no angry emails please.

I guess that brings me to the question of the blog; what makes married men hit on single ladies? And when was the last time one hit on you? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Talking Dirty and Hang Ups

I don't normally do this but lets start with the question of the blog; what are your thoughts on talking dirty? Turn off, turn on, can you do it sober or do you need a drink? I'm dying to hear your thoughts on this.

It's a well known fact I can't talk dirty sober, for whatever reason it makes me giggle uncomfortably. It's just not something I am able to do. And I'm probably not much better drunk in all honesty, but when everyone involved is drunk who's to say?

I bring this up because I had another date with Barney last night and it turns out he is very much a dirty talker and well it's not really having the desired effect on me. And to add things he's very keen for me to join in and well..... That's not happening.

Let me preface this by saying I really like this guy and outside of the land of sex everything feels natural and easy. It's just in the bedroom things feel.... forced.

Part of it is my own hang ups and I know it, thanks to the epic shit show that was Mr. X  I'm more cautious and guarded and painfully adware things may not be what they appear. And as you can imagine, that uncertainty doesn't really pair well with great sex.

However, as I was writing that, it hit me just how much I must like this guy. I mean I've had sex since Mr. X, I've had good sex since Mr. X and none of this has been a problem. It's fear of everything feeling right and then on the turn of a dime everything changing, to find out it was nothing more than a physical thing from the beginning. It's that dishonesty I'm scared of. 

That could very well be why when he's saying "I want you to ride my cock" I'm thinking is that all you want? What if I don't? Are you going to leave? Are you going to vanish for months? And instead of feeling turned on by his dirty talk all I'm feeling is pressured. Which is weird because I want to sleep with him, it's not like I'm being pressured into having sex with him, but yet I feel pressured....and yes I'm aware I sound like a crazy person right now. 

I think this crazy person needs to go to bed before she over thinks things and ruins what hopefully could be a meaningful relationship with a great guy.....even if the sex isn't quite there yet. I mean sex isn't everything, right? And thankfully it is improving it's just a process..... hopefully not a long one. Anyways as always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxxo

Won't Justify Tequila

“You need to find out when X is getting married so we can plan ahead and make sure we have an ample tequila supply.”  - Nat

I understand where my dear friend is coming from by sending me the above message but do I really come across as a precious flower that is going to fall to pieces because a guy I may have, sort of, had some sort of feelings for once upon a time, is getting married?

I know my friends are coming from a good place but they make it sound like I should be on a suicide watch or I’m going to bust in the chapel to stop the wedding or something. Do people even do that? I mean if everyone got that upset over someone they once had feelings for getting married wouldn’t the world cease to function?

Don’t get me wrong, I have no plans on turning down free tequila but I’m fine and don’t feel like I should have to justify that.

Plus, everyone knows marriage isn’t forever lol

Anyways my dears, what was the last thing you felt you shouldn’t have to justify? Let me know in the comment box below and always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Written Snapshot

I was having a conversation with the guy I declared dead a few blogs ago, that’s right he’s alive....or a zombie, either way I was having a conversation with Zombie Man and he said something intriguing. He said he enjoys reading my blogs because he likes learning what makes me tick. In that same conversation he also made a comment about me having some “strong points of view” and all that got me thinking about the random comments I get on blogs that I wrote years ago.

Now I’m not going to deny having a strong point of view, anyone who has read any of my blogs can tell you that, it’s a common blogger trait however like most bloggers those views change, sometimes over a long period of time with the input of new information or other time it just takes me pressing the publish button.   

A blog is like a written snapshot; what you read is that person's outlook at that exact second in their life. 10 seconds later everything may have changed. That doesn’t make what you’re reading any less valid, that’s just life. And I think it’s hard for a lot of readers to understand that.

And as a blogger it’s hard to find people that understand that. I will always take my imaginary hat off to Mr. X, I have called that man every name in the book and I think I even made up a few and he doesn’t react to it. He understands the blogging thing. That said, he should understand it because he’s also a blogger.

I find it tedious to deal with comments on blogs that are years old because I’m no longer in that mind space, and in some cases I just don’t care anymore, I obviously cared at some point however now I’m older, wiser (maybe) and those topics, worries and thoughts have been replaced with new ones that are more recent in memory.

As for Zombie Man I am sure there is a lot to be learned about me from my blog, however how much of it is still valid and makes sense outside my crazy head is up for debate.

Let me leave you with this question, is it possible to find that “snapshot” understanding with someone who isn’t a blogger? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Honest Reaction

I wasn’t going to post a blog today because in the wee hours of the morning my beloved Toronto Leafs clinched a playoff spot for the first time in 9 years. As far as I’m concerned today is a holiday......and possibly a sign of the apocalypse.

But then Mr. X announced over Facebook he’s engaged! In my opinion that calls for a blog.....and tequila not necessarily in that order. Hell I promise not in the order J

My initial reaction was lovely, I said to my friend “I wish them the best; I hope they’re blissfully married for 40 years” it didn’t stay lovely though, I followed that up with “then she runs off with the pool boy, breaking his fucking heart into millions of tiny pieces.” To quote myself exactly I followed that with “cheers”.

I never claimed to be nice, I’m making that clear but I’m honest. And my honest feeling is I hope she emotionally fucks him, the way he fucked me.

I know you’re not meant to say that out loud, I’m sorry but that’s how I feel. I don’t wish him any actual harm, mainly because that shit heals. I want something emotional that way every time he thinks he’s fine, some fucker can pull that scab off and bring it all back up to the surface again.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have some drinking to do, like I said my team made the playoffs and Mr. X is engaged, I’m pretty sure the apocalypse is coming.