Dating Again?

I’m in the process of giving internet dating another go, although I’m not entirely sure why. Although I’m ready to date, I don’t really want to.

Larry is the perfect example of this, I spend a maximum of 48 hours a week with him, most of which I have 0 interaction with him. Yet 90% of the time I want to kill him. I’m not sure if it’s because there’s a thin line between love and hate and he tap danced across that line. I’m sure if it’s because he’s a pompous prick with an attitude problem. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m in the process of whitening my teeth and my mouth hurts not 90% of the time, but whatever the reason I can’t put up with him and I’m paid to, so what hope does the average guy have.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be alone forever, but I also don’t want anyone to needlessly complicate my life. I’m very content in my drama free bubble right now and the idea of dating alone sounds like a lot of work and a complete nightmare.

I’m sure at some point someone will come along and change my mind, but right now, no. But I’m open to the idea so I continue to look online and who knows what will happen.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep because my evil co-workers have decided to give me yet another bug to try and fight off. But, before I go I have this question for you, are relationships worth it? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Larry Silence

Apparently inquiring minds would like to know what happened with Larry. It’s been over a month since his name was even uttered here and evidently you’d like to know the why and what happened.

As you may be recalled, because of the way my shifts fell I got a Larrycation, I didn’t see or speak to him for about 2 weeks. During that time I sat down with a drink and pad of paper and wrote everything out and by the end, as bad as this may sound, I concluded I deserve better. And almost instantly with that realization his magically hold over me was broken.

This was aided by the fact when he came back to work he was kind of a cunt to me. It’s a well-known fact I don’t like that word, but I can’t think of a more accurate way to describe him. He was snappy, rude and generally unappealing. Which in all fairness, I’m grateful for, it validated what my decision.

Now, I will say this, he was going through some stuff, and we all get bitchy and evil at times when our head isn’t right. I’m the perfect example of that. But his timing on this one was impeccable.

It’s actually why I waited to write this post, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he came around. Which he did, we’re alright now. But had I wrote this post my last 4 off like I planned, it would have had a completely different feel.

Anyways, I am going to go and try to make the most of my 4 days off, but before I go I shall leave you with this question; are you quick to forgive? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Potential Super Villain

Mr. X is a straight talking asshole, he’ll be the first person to tell you this. That’s something I’ve always respected that about him, he doesn’t try to hide it. He’s very honest and blunt. He cuts through the bullshit and get to the point. Which is why over the years I’ve turned to him when I’ve needed an honest opinion on a guy. When I’m looking to find out whether I’m being dramatic or the guy is a tool, Mr. X is my expert.

So when I needed some insight on an issue I had with Larry yesterday morning, I sent him a message. A message that’s probably offensive to anyone who isn’t us, but had I not worded that way, he would have called me out for trying to be PC and tip toeing around the issue.

So I messaged him with “Is there something about the Mormon Church that turns men into assholes? Or did I just get lucky twice?”

Mr. X quickly messaged back and asked what happened. I explained everything to him and his initial response was “you’re attracted to assholes”. I explained that wasn’t the case; it was actually the complete opposite that attracted me to Larry, it was that he was caring and went that extra mile. He was challenging, but unlike Mr. X he didn’t cross that line into asshole. Or at least he hadn’t until yesterday morning.

Yesterday morning, Larry was Mr. X and he made me break down and cry in a way I haven’t since Mr. X. And I’ll be honest when I realised that, it scared me. It’s taken a long time to fully recover from everything and truly be happy again and the thought there’s someone out there with the power to jeopardize that, is horrifying.

While talking things through with Mr. X he said something I don’t think he’s ever said to me, he told me I was right. There should have been a parade that followed that, I’m never in the right. But in this case, he said I wasn’t overreacting, this guy was being a jerk.  Admittedly, this didn’t make me feel any better; nobody wants to be told the guy they like is a dick, especially when you were so certain he wasn't.

Now, luckily I’m in the middle of Larry-cation right now, I won’t see him again for a while. It’s been nice up to now getting to judge him purely on the conversation rather outside factors, but now I may have to adjust and rethink how I interact with him. I may have to treat him similarly to how I treat Mr. X. Which is a bad thing per se, it’s just more calculated. And more, not guarded, but braced.

Mr. X lacks emotion, and as the past has shown he doesn’t read them very well either, which is very different to Larry, that guy picks up on everything, he can read me like a book, which in a lot of ways makes me fear him, that man has the ability to be pure evil if he chooses, I already have one super villain in my life I don’t need two.

On the bright side, Mr. X works for me these days, and every once in while he says something that reminds me he’s not pure evil. Yesterday I asked him if he thought I should invest in cats due to my impressively bad dating record. His reply was possibly the sweetest thing he’s ever said to me “no, investing that face, body, skin and kissing skill in cats is a waste.”

Don’t get any funny ideas people, he’s happily married and I’m happily not dealing with that drama anymore. I’ve moved on to new drama, which ironically started over something I thought was sweet. He wanted to know who told me to back off him. I thought it was adorable he cared enough to want to know who was trying to keep me away from him. Until it turned him into a wackadoodle that is.

Anyways, I am going to go and get some sleep, it’s been a long day, this is version 47 of this post…. I wish I was kidding. But before I go I have this question for you; what was the last compliment you received that caught you off guard? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Follow Up Questions

I’m finding it really hard to write, partly because I’m switching back from daily posts to my twice weekly post and partly because I didn’t want to do another Q&A post so soon after my last one yet there have been a couple questions asked I feel deserve an answer.

The first of which was; is your unwillingness to find an answer a cop-out, and way to prevent yourself from getting hurt again?

Damn straight. I won’t even pretend otherwise. It’s a different way of building walls, and possibly a better one. I’m not keeping him out, I’m just keeping any “romantic” thoughts out. I just won’t let myself go there. In the unlikely event something happened, I’d react to that, but until then I’m good.

Not to mention, I’ve already been warned to back off, not that I was ever on him, but that’s a little drama I don’t need.

The final question I felt needed an answer is “can Larry write a post to give his side of things?”

NO! Hell No! I am aware we’ve done this stuff in the past, and I always try to let anyone I write about share their side. However, in this case, no. Like I said, I’m trying to stay in a little oblivious bubble and I can’t stay in that bubble if it’s in black and white.

Possibly at some point in the future, I might ask him to do a throwback piece or something, I don’t know, well see how things play out but I can’t see it being anytime soon. I’m sorry.

Anyways, I have to go and work on a few bits, but before I do I have this question for you; is there anything wrong with building walls? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below. And, as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

And Then My Brain Exploded

Over the years, I’ve gotten used to being told I’m closed off and impossible to read, I’ve never understood it, I’ve never felt I am but when you’re told something often enough, over time you begin to believe it. It was just 3 weeks ago, this was brought up again when the Penis Flasher said I was impossible to read.  

Now, I have a different problem, I have a guy on my hands that can read me like a goddamn book and it’s making long for the days when I could have a thought and have it just be mine. I’m sure this has it has benefits, but, I can’t seem to get away with fuck all. I am actually debating playing a character for 12 hours a night, but that’s very draining and even then I can’t guarantee he wouldn’t see straight through it.

I posted my last blog Saturday morning after work, Larry and I were messaging; after he read it he sent me this message.

“You know I can read you like a book, right .......Not random thoughts at all, either lol”

Now this intrigued me, I mean I know he can pick up when I’m mad and upset, but I’m pretty sure his superpowers shouldn’t stretch to me wanting to grab someone and kiss them in an attempt to shut them up. So I asked the question, “What did you pick up on this time?”

He quickly replied back with “Do you want the honest answer of what I read this time?”

I, of course, said yes, I want an honest answer, because between you and me, I can’t end this open book nonsense when I don’t know what he’s picking up on.

He then wrote an essay that took a minute off my life for every second he took him to write it.

The essay was as follows:

“Ok. From the looks of annoyance and frustration about the debate, to the looks and the urge to grab me (as you said). The "playful" trying to stop me from banging my feet and the "secret" glances at my crotch. What I saw last night was pretty much the same for most the night. I'm fairly certain that if I had of grabbed you, kissed you and bent you over the desk, then you wouldn't have stopped me .... In fact, I would have put money on you wanting, nay, aching for that to happen at one point.

But, hey, what do I know .... I'm only a guy ..... ;-)”

At which point my brain exploded and the only thing fell out of my mouth and down to my fingers was “I hate you”. And I told him that. Once the little men that live in my head started putting the pieces back together, I did realize I disagree with some of that. But I’ll get into that afterwards. After I told him I hated him and that I disagreed with at least one of his points, he came back with.

“I know.

 I can't be right all the time, but the bending you over the desk part was thrown in there to "test the waters" and let me see your reaction, which I now know for sure and will help me read you more ;-)

Yes, I know, you REALLY fucking hate me .....

Your phone hasn't done anything to you, so stop saying FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK at it ....”

Ok, ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk and break all this goodness down because I have a lot to say and I’m dreading editing this already.

1. The playful, trying to stop him tapping his foot - This was unrelated, at least in my head. I’ve been on a mission to get more comfortable with him so things feel more natural. Because right now normal things like touching his arm or his leg to get his attention feel wrong. And since I decided not go sit on the top desk anymore, I was having to find other ways to push myself. I can see how this could be taken for flirty but that wasn't my intent.

2. Looking at his crotch – I believe this to be utter nonsense, so, moving on.

3. The “testing the waters” comment – He literally could have read me on that one, it’s in print! I believe it was my Q&A post where I said if he tried to kiss me, I wouldn’t say no. As for the bending me over the desk comment well, I hadn’t really thought about it, but I might now.

4. Why is he testing the waters? And adding to that, I need not to be read any better…. It’s already pretty damn creepy.

5.  What does he know for sure? Because I know nothing for sure. Someone want to tell me what’s for sure? I’m lost.

And finally 6. I didn’t yell “fuck” at my phone and I’ll explain why. I was once told by an elder “knowledge has both the power to help us grow and destroy us; be careful what knowledge you seek.” And that has stuck with me. So before I ask a question I ask myself will the answer hurt me more then it helps me. If I believe it’ll help me more, I ask the question, at which point I have to accept the answer knowing it’ll help me in the long run.

Ok, I guess I didn’t have as much to say as I feared. But I think I’m still rebuilding my brain, but luckily I have almost a whole week off work now to recover and try to figure out what the heck just happened.

I may also have to take a few acting classes during the week to try and make myself a more difficult read because nobody should be able to tell that amount of detail about anyone, especially someone who has been dumped more than once for “being closed off”. I feel like I’ve gone from being War and Peace to Dr. Seuss.

Anyways, my dears, I am going to go and try and edit this mess, and probably rewrite it 12 times. But before I go I better leave you with a question; what was the last thing that caused your brain to explode? Let me know in the comment box below, and as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Random Thought

Last night confirmed just how random my brain truly is. I was at work last debating the “evils” of makeup when I was getting slightly fucked off, with the lack of give and take in the debate. In my frustration, my brain went to the strangest place ever.

The thought in my head, I kid you not was; “I wish I was dating him so I could fuck him and shut him up”. I’m sure that’s not normal! But I’m a night shift worker so normal isn’t really my specialty.

I was sitting there thinking, he must get laid all the time when he’s dating someone, because even I had that grab him by the face, kiss him and shut him the fuck up urge. And I’m mad at him.

Now, let it be said, I’m a fan of angry sex anyways. That is how my fights end up.  Call me strange, but I’d rather fuck my partner stupid then get arrested for punching him stupid. It’s just common sense to me.

I’ve also, over the years, had more than one fuckfriend I couldn’t stand being around so I might just be weird. Out the bedroom wanted them dead, in the bedroom some of the best sex I’ve ever had. And a fantastic stress reliever too, I might add.

I’m just failing to understand my brain right now, I’d understand with these thoughts were based on some form of sexual desire but they’re not. They are purely based in a “this man needs to stop talking now” desire.

I’m not really sure where the logic is there, surely there are better ways to shut him. I’d suggest shoving his head in my boobs, but he’s not a boob man so that would be lost on him. I could duct tape his mouth, but he’d talk right through that. OK, I can’t think of any better ways…. But I’m sure there are some.

I think that is going to be your question of the blog; what is a better way to shut Larry up? Let me know in the comment box below. I am going to go and debate whether sex is every truly a solution. So as always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo 

NOT ALL QUESTIONS ARE A TRAP!

I have a piece of advice for all the men out there, not that I have any male readers, but just in case any are lost and end up here I have this for you. NOT ALL QUESTIONS ARE A TRAP!

Larry has a distaste for makeup, and he was explaining this at work the other night. In this conversation I said I pretty much look the same with or without makeup. Which I do. I’m told this all the time, by friends and more than once by the person I’ve woken up next to. Larry snapped back with “I don’t think you do.” So I innocently asked which way he thinks I look better. The wuss, would not answer for love, money or blowjobs.

He then ranted about it being a trap. It wasn’t a trap at all. I mean, unless he thinks I’m hideous there was no way to offend me with that question.

“I think you look better without makeup” – Awwww, he thinks I’m naturally pretty. There's no offended there.

“I like you with makeup, it brings out your eyes” – Awww, he thinks I have pretty eyes. Not offended.

“You look equally wonderful with or without makeup” Awwwww, that’s sweet. Not offended.

You know what’s offensive, “no comment”, that answer is pretty much the only way that question becomes a trap.

I don’t tend to ask questions I don’t want an answer to anyways. Hence me not asking Larry how he feels…. Don’t want to know. And I don’t know any female friends that do this, but if you do, stop it, it’s clearly fucking it up for the rest of us.

Anyways, you sexy people, I am going to go and get some sleep. But before I go I have this question for you; do you ask questions you don’t want the answer to? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxox 

Awkward Touch

I am did promise daily posts again this week, and I hate letting you guys down so despite have absolutely nothing to say, here a post.

That in itself is actually a good thing, things are back to normal at work. My body language seems to have fixed itself, I’m not feeling awkward at all. It almost feels normal. The only tiny problem is I appear to be scared to touch Larry. That normal interaction feels super awkward and unlike at the old place where I could stand and lean on Justin or give a patronizing hug…. I can’t do that here.

Anyways, I need to go get ready for work. Sorry this post is so short. But we shall talk later. Before I go, I have this question for you; what makes you feel awkward? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Daily Continues

I am drunk, da drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk, and I am going to have a bruise the size of a small country on my leg from a wall failing to dance with me. But it’s been worth it. I’ve had a lot of fun today. It’s been a while since I’ve been happy drunk.

Drunk has been my coping mechanism lately. Hopefully I’m  back to writing now because drunk solves nothing other than making me too tired to kill anyone the follow day… so I guess that’s a victory.

I’ve decided, I shall be carrying on the daily blog for another week, mainly because I’ve really enjoyed them. I feel amazing, my mind is clear, I’m not stressed, and I’m not struggling to bite my tongue. I love the feeling of not having anything bottled up.

Although that said, I think killed Larry off, but these things happen. I’m not really surprised and I’m sure none of you are either. It’s just one of those things. He may be ok, he might come back as a zombie, only time will tell.

I am going to go and break that golden rule, write drunk, edit sober…. If I did my editing sober, I’d never post anything interesting. I’d probably get in way less trouble though. Anyways, you beautiful people, it’s time for the question. How do you deal with stress? Let me know in the comment box below? And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

What Is The Endgame

I guess, I’m going to make this a weekend full of questions answered. I haven’t planned on answering this one just yet but, I’ve had a moment of clarity or maybe just a good night’s sleep and thought, fuck it. I’ve never been one to hold back, so why start now.

The question is what is the end game with Larry? What is the hope?

I don’t have an endgame with Larry, I think that would be a very dangerous way to look at things in this case. At the end of the day, I still have to have a relationship with this guy no matter what, so I can’t look at this as a one way street with a destination at the end. I’d end up miserable if I did that.  And if ending up miserable was the name of the game; I’d be in bed with the Penis Flasher now. But my happiness comes first so I’m not, that and because batteries are a thing.

As for what I’d like, that’s the harder question. And as frustrating as it is, it’s not one I have an answer for. I want to see what’s there, but I want to do that over time, and with as little pressure as possible. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Sometimes you just have to have faith in that.

I know that sounds like a cop-out, and maybe it is, but I’ll tell you like this. He isn’t what I normally go for. If I came across him online I’d pass; He’s smokes, he has a kid, there are other activities I don’t agree with. On paper, he’s worse than the Penis Flasher. But here’s the thing; after spending 40+ hours a week locked in the office with him I can tell you, he’s a wonderful human. He’s a lot of fun to be around, he’s super caring, he’s funny; He’s just an all-around good guy. And someone I enjoy spending time with.

Would I be heartbroken if there was more there? No. If he tried to kiss me, would I push him away? No. If everything stays exactly how it now, would I be heartbroken? No. I am more than happy to let this one play itself out.

That said, I hope he doesn’t end up with Pippi. Because how things are now, will change. I’ve already been given my orders on that one.

Anyways, I am going to go and get ready, I’m meeting up with some friends to work on a script today, I can’t wait it’s been a long time since we’ve all met up. But before I do, I have this question for you; does the relationship status matter? Let me know your thoughts and opinions in the comment box below. And as always, stay, and play, safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Saturday Q&A

Happy Saturday; my hair is up, my makeup is off and I’m sat here in my pajamas ready to answer some of your questions. It’s been a while since I’ve done a Q&A and with the daily posts this week I’ve received more questions than normal, so let’s get started.

What ever happen to that other guy from work?

The simple answer is I killed him off. I don’t need the drama he’d bring in my life. I’m 28, I’m not looking to play games; I’m too old for that shit. I want simple, and easy. Something that feels natural. I want someone to enhance my life, not make me hate it.

That guy has more issues than playboy. His baggage is beyond what any girl should have to take on. As good as it would be for blogging sake, I’m too happy how I am to risk it with a sure fire failure.

How is Mr. X?

He’s good, enjoying marriage. He’s still a smart ass and a great voice of reason.

Are you worried your blog will change Larry’s opinion of you?

No; my only worry is he’ll react to something he reads. I don’t mind talking about things, but I don’t want to be yelled at for something that I may have felt for a second.

His opinion of me, does not concern me. That is solely his problem. I am, what I am and I’m not about to change for anyone. As long as we can work together, he can think about he likes.

Disregarding your feelings, given the fact you work together would you date him?

Yes, which is an answer I didn’t think I’d be saying. For some reason I think we’d be fine. A breakup is why you don’t date where you work, but his personality doesn’t lend itself to bitter ex so I think we’d ok.

Have you spoken to The Giant since starting the new job?

I’ve spoken to him a few times since I left. We’ve also gotten on well from the start so there’s not really a surprise there. Plus, he’s my flirting partner, when I need a pick me up, he’s there to creep on me and make things better.

Would you sleep with The Giant?

If life was simple and he was single, damn straight I would. But, it’s not simple and I’d like to not add homewrecker to my CV so probably not. As much as I’d like to.

What are your “Larry beliefs”?

I believe he’s banging Pippi Whore Stockings so clearly isn’t interested.

What if your belief is wrong?

Then sooner I’ll find out, he’ll say something or make a move and I’ll take things from there.

I think that’s enough questions for one day. I have one more to answer, but I shall save that one for later and give it a post of its own at some point.

This has been a lot of fun as they always but I am going to go and get some much needed sleep. I won’t leave a question today. I’m all questioned out. So as always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

And Then A Rant Happened

I’m feeling pretty much how I figured I would today; tired, drained, pissed off and a little hungry, which is actually a good thing because minus two pieces of candy at work last night I haven’t eaten in at least 48 hours…. I envy people who can comfort eat. If I even try to eat when I’m upset I get sick.

I guess I picked a good day to be ticked off, I’ve managed to hide it behind being tired most of the night and admittedly a lot of it probably is that I’m over tired and cranky as all hell. But not all of it.

I’m still miffed at Larry for implying I was fishing for information on how he feels. Now, admittedly those words never left his mouth and that’s because I cut him off before he said words he couldn’t take back.

If I wanted to know how he felt, I’m fucking ask. I might do it drunk…. But I’d do it. As it stands this very minute, I don’t care! I believe I know where I stand, whether that matches reality or not is another matter, but I’m ok with my belief.

I’m Irate that someone would think I’m too chicken shit to answer the hard questions, I’ve been doing this nearly 15 years and I’ve built my reputation on being honest and open and saying the things we all think but never say. And to have someone even hint that I’d do anything other than that makes my blood boil.

You can call me ugly, you can say I’m a bad person, you can think I’m crazy…. I don’t care, just don’t mess with my blog. This is my baby, this is my outlet and this is my life.

And apparently a great way to flip my bitch switch…. Sorry about that. However, I feel a million times better. That’s part of the joy of blogging, intense emotion until you hit post and then you’re instantly over it… normally just in time to upset someone reading it.

Anyways, I need sleep and food, but mainly sleep, so I need to go. But before I do, my question for you; what flips your bitch switch? Let me know in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo