At this point I’m sure Mr. X baits me on purpose, he plots things to say that he knows will just niggle and eat at me and just lays back at waits for the show. And because I’m a dumbass I take the bait most of the time, and this time is no different.
I was talking to Mr. X a few weeks ago, and he came out with this line, “I always feel I get a more honest assessment of how you feel about me when my name is Mr. X”
…. I’m only human. I tried, But, how can I not
bite at that one?
To Mr. X’s credit, he's right, despite him asking me flat out how I feel, I will never give him a straight answer. The most obvious reason for this is he’s married. I have a moral standard that I will not get involved in anyone else’s relationship. My feelings are none of his business.
The other reason is for own protection. As much as I have forgiven him and am thankful for how everything turned out. I haven’t forgotten. I was a mess for a long time and I can’t risk him putting me back in that space again. I’ve come a long way, but that man is dangerous.
So why blog? I’m assuming that’s the question, or at least it would be mine.
The answer, unlike the Mr. X situation is simple, business. My Mr. X posts do very well. They are some of my highest viewed, most shared posts. I’m not sure whether it’s because people can relate or if they just enjoy knowing someone’s love life is more messed
up then theirs, but they read
nonetheless so I continue to write. And to be fair writing is cheaper than
therapy, so I don’t mind.
I guess the question remaining is how do I feel? And I don’t really have a good answer for that question. Do I think about him from time to time? Yeah. Do I wonder how things could have been? Of course. Do I wonder if there is a future? Once in a while, mainly when I’m stupidly drunk. Do I still have feelings for him? I’m sure on some level I do, but at this point they’re so
buried even I can’t be sure, nor am I
sure I really want to know. A bit of shitty answer I know, but it's the truth... maybe I'll do a drunk post one day and we'll all find out the answer together.
Anyways, that’s me done, I am going to go and get some much-needed sleep before I am back at work tomorrow. But before I go I have this question for you, do you ever wonder about an ex? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.
The Honest Bitch