I have never wanted to punch Mr. X so much in my whole
life. I’m not sure if that’s his way of show guilt or he’s just a flat out c*nt
but I’m not impressed one little bit right now.
So my let me start by saying the events themselves I’m
over, I forgive him completely, that’s why I’m able to talk to him and joke
with him, I have no ill will (minus today) for him. We were young and stupid
and I get that and I’m at peace with everything.
The problem is despite being at peace with everything, I’m
fucked up, I’m scarred and despite forgiving him, those scars are still
there, whether he or I likes it or not. I’m emotionally disfigured and I’m
working on it, but that’s just how it is.
My goal for 2015 is to work on it, and that was going to be
this blog before the lord of the c*nts upset me, but it’s going to take time to
break down the walls I’ve created. That’s the problem, or scar if you will,
that he’s left me with. I get the same complaint repeatitedly; the sex is
fantastic, but I don’t let anyone in, so it’s impossible to have a real
relationship with me. Like I said, I’m working on it, but those walls were
built by an expert and will take a lot of time and dedicated effort to destroy.
And in the meantime being told how to feel by some egotistical
dick isn’t helping matters. I will get there, I just need to do it on my own
terms and not to force it, because every time I’ve forced it in the past those
walls have just gotten higher and thicker. And that’s kind of the opposite of
what I’m going for here.

Love,
The Honest Bitch
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