Dead Inside

I’m starting to worry that I am slightly dead inside. I’ve spent years building walls and toughening up to become the strong woman I am today. Working in such a male dominate environment has really focused me to be less emotional and almost detached in order to be taken seriously and gain success. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always succeed in keeping my emotions in check, but it takes a lot for me crack these days.

With all that said; I think I may have done too good of a job. I know what I should be feeling regarding the whole Mr. X thing, yet I feel nothing. It’s like my brain hasn’t taken the information in. I’m not sure if it’s because every time he’s spoken to me, I’ve been at work or if I’m genuinely broken.

 I’m fairly switched off at work; I have a job to do and I get it done and once I leave it never happened. It’s a stressful job and I find that the easiest way to stay sane. So, I’m wondering if that’s why Mr. X hasn’t sunk it. He spoke to me at work, we had the needed conversation and I came home as if nothing happened.

 Either that or years of dealing with fuck-wit men has left emotional scarred and broken. Either, or really.

Anyways, I’m going to go and have a nap. But before I go I have this question for you; do you compartmentalize work and real life, or do you have a different way of dealing with stress? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Emotionally Detached

I’ve never had a problem flirting with Mr. X or meeting him for one of our “encounters” that stuff just doesn’t faze me, however what does faze me is when Mr. X gives me a complement; it feels almost dirty.

I’m well aware I’m a little fucked up; this is news to nobody, but this I fear, takes it to a whole new level. And brings back flashbacks to a breakup I had a few years ago.

When we broke up the guy called me “emotionally detached”, and that’s why we were “doomed from the start.”

To this day I’ve always called bullshit on this, what he calls “emotionally detached” I call being a low maintenance girlfriend. I still strongly believe the problem was him and not me.

One of the big things he had a problem with was that I never put in any effort to get to know his friends. Let me start by saying it’s not like he had his friends over to his place. When he’d hang out with his friends it was at a club or they’d go out and play pool. Maybe it’s because I have so many guy friends but I know those aren’t the places that a girlfriend should be tagging alone to. That’s guy time.

He also bitched that I would never text him first throughout the day. Why should I? He was busy at work and I had things I needed to do during the day. Not to mention I worked late shifts so I was also kind of busy, you know, sleeping.

He also had a problem with the fact I wouldn’t hold his hand when we were out shopping. I’m sorry but I’m an adult, I don’t need to hold anybody’s hand when I’m out. I’m a big girl, I can walk by myself, I’ve been doing it a long time, I’m good at it. If you want to do something to show the world you’re my boyfriend, carry my bags! At least that’s useful.

The other thing that he didn’t like was I could happily go a day or two without anything more than a good night text. I’m an only child, and because of that I like my space, there is nothing wrong with that. Last time I checked not being needy and clingy was a good thing.

Ok so maybe I’m wrong, maybe I am emotionally detached, maybe Mr. X is right, when I asked him he said I’m “somewhat” emotionally detached. Maybe I’ve just dealt with so many jerk-off men I’m jaded. Or maybe I’m just an independent woman who has a nasty habit of dating whiny ass men.

I don’t know, what do you guys think? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo