Punch Line

I have a song stuck in my head and it got me thinking; over time do we turn our exes into punch lines?

The song stuck in my head (don’t judge me) is Bridgit Mendler’s “Forgot to Laugh”.  It’s actually the chorus that’s stuck in my head and since I’m betting you haven’t heard of the song the chorus is:

“If you drive away

Hope you get a flat tire, get stranded

If it's goodbye today

Know you're leaving here empty handed

'Cause I got my own life

And you're just a punch line

If you go, you're a joke

I forgot to laugh”

It got me thinking about how over time, most breakups become funny stories; we weren’t laughing at the time but before long we tend to find a way to turn our exes into a punch line.

A while back I wrote a blog about an ex I turned gay, at the time; not funny. Now I can’t get through the story without laughing, it’s hilarious.

The Grinch was a horrible breakup but he became a punch line because for someone who taught boxing, the guy couldn’t take a punch.

Even an ex who I have no problem with (which is rare) is a punch line now because he married a girl that while we were dating he called “Barbie’s crack-head cousin.”

I can’t decide whether we turn them into punch lines to cope with the breakup or if these things were actually funny at the time but we were too distracted by temporary emotions that we simply “forgot to laugh”.

We all know breakups suck and getting dumped sucks even more but when it happens our world doesn’t end, we shake it off and get on with our lives. Yes, we may wish a little harm on our exes at first but before long we find ourselves smirking at the stupid things we hear they’re doing now. They become a walking, talking punch line.

So what do you think; were these things funny at the time or do we morph them into punch lines over time? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Emotionally Detached

I’ve never had a problem flirting with Mr. X or meeting him for one of our “encounters” that stuff just doesn’t faze me, however what does faze me is when Mr. X gives me a complement; it feels almost dirty.

I’m well aware I’m a little fucked up; this is news to nobody, but this I fear, takes it to a whole new level. And brings back flashbacks to a breakup I had a few years ago.

When we broke up the guy called me “emotionally detached”, and that’s why we were “doomed from the start.”

To this day I’ve always called bullshit on this, what he calls “emotionally detached” I call being a low maintenance girlfriend. I still strongly believe the problem was him and not me.

One of the big things he had a problem with was that I never put in any effort to get to know his friends. Let me start by saying it’s not like he had his friends over to his place. When he’d hang out with his friends it was at a club or they’d go out and play pool. Maybe it’s because I have so many guy friends but I know those aren’t the places that a girlfriend should be tagging alone to. That’s guy time.

He also bitched that I would never text him first throughout the day. Why should I? He was busy at work and I had things I needed to do during the day. Not to mention I worked late shifts so I was also kind of busy, you know, sleeping.

He also had a problem with the fact I wouldn’t hold his hand when we were out shopping. I’m sorry but I’m an adult, I don’t need to hold anybody’s hand when I’m out. I’m a big girl, I can walk by myself, I’ve been doing it a long time, I’m good at it. If you want to do something to show the world you’re my boyfriend, carry my bags! At least that’s useful.

The other thing that he didn’t like was I could happily go a day or two without anything more than a good night text. I’m an only child, and because of that I like my space, there is nothing wrong with that. Last time I checked not being needy and clingy was a good thing.

Ok so maybe I’m wrong, maybe I am emotionally detached, maybe Mr. X is right, when I asked him he said I’m “somewhat” emotionally detached. Maybe I’ve just dealt with so many jerk-off men I’m jaded. Or maybe I’m just an independent woman who has a nasty habit of dating whiny ass men.

I don’t know, what do you guys think? Let me know in the comment box below and as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Relationship Zombies

I use to call the men from my past that periodically pop up without notice “ghosts of relationships past”, but after some thinking and some drinking I decided the proper term for these men are “relationship zombies”. Let me explain.

First of all I really like the mental image of instead of batting these men away like human whack-a-moles I get to blow their zombie heads off with a .44. (Like I said I was drinking when I came up with this theory.)

Second, it would explain why these men pop up in the first place. I go out of my way to burn bridges and hurt feelings when I break up with someone, it’s kind of my insurance policy against them popping up in the future. But it never seems to work. Why you ask? Because they’re zombies and everyone knows zombies don’t have feelings.

Everyone always warns you to be careful who you date and I always thought that was because you might find yourself dating a rapist or a murderer but no, I was wrong. They tell you to be careful because those failed relationship turn into flesh eating (or at least flesh sucking) zombies that can pop up at any time without notice.

Where the hell was that PSA growing up? “Kids make good choices or zombies are going to stalk you for the rest of your life.” Would have been useful to know!

Or at least would have given me a chance to stalk up on zombie survival gear. TV fails me again.

Anyways how would you characterize your past relationships? And what do you think I was drinking when I came up with this one? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay away from zombies.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

Cheap Shot

In my last blog I spoke about how my friend got dumped and how I was trying to help her through it. I got a little bit of stick over us poking fun at his poker. Some people felt it was a “cheap shot” and something women always turn to.

First of all you make it sound like women are the only ones who take cheap shots. I’ve seen men call a size 2 girls fat so get off your high horse. We all do it and we all know what buttons to press.

Secondly it wasn’t really a cheap shot. It wasn't like she was in bed with him and asked “are you done yet, so I can finish myself off?” She was pissed off that he was jerk and broke up with her via email and need to vent. That’s perfectly fine by me, it's not like she called him out on it. The email breakup was the cheap shot in my books.

Also from my personal experience women whether they’re mad or not, will not make fun of a guys junk if he knows how to use it. I’m not going to sit here and say size doesn’t matter, because I’d be lying. There is such a thing as too small and even too big but on the whole knowing how to use it is most important.

So you’ve now heard my sleep deprived rant but what do you think, was it a cheap shot or was she justified? And while I’m asking questions does size matter? Let me know in the comment box below.

As always my dears stay and play safe, Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxoxo