Is This It?

Despite the fact I enjoy being single and the easiness that comes with it. Over recent days, I’ve been starting to wonder; Is this it?

I’m 30 years old now; I always pictured myself getting married and having kids but, in realistic terms, time is running out and it’s not like there is anything on the horizon either. I’m starting to wonder if marriage and kids just aren’t on the cards for me.

With all these thoughts in my head, my brain drifts to those things you hear in passing, like everyone only gets two great loves in their lifetime. I’ve been aware for years if that’s true, I’m fucked. My two have long come and gone. And with that knowledge once and a while, I wondered to myself did I blow my chance?

If you’ve been here a while, my two great loves won’t be a surprise to you. Of course, you have Mr. X who I won’t go into, I have plenty of posts on this site that’ll explain that whole mess. Then you have Chicken Man, who has been on my mind a lot lately.

Chicken Man is unquestionably my other “great love”, that man completely shook me to my core and did nothing but change me for the better. Where Mr. X tore me down. Chicken Man built me up. He entered my life at just the right time and was exactly what I needed. However, due to him traveling for work and things like that, the relationship just faded out over time. However; when I think back on it, I can’t help but wonder what if?

Anyways; enough of that, I need to go and pack for my holiday. When you’re reading this, I will be on my way to London to celebrate Canada’s 150^th Birthday and I can’t wait. But, before I go, I have this question for you; Do you believe we only get two great loves? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and as always. Stay, and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Lost Cause At 30

I was having lunch with my Mom the other day and we were talking about my upcoming 30^th birthday and in this conversation, she casually commented that she’s long given up on my getting married and having kids. First things first…thanks mom, love you too, and second of all; I’m 30, I am not past my sell by date just yet.

I knew what she meant, however, days before my 30^th part of me heard that comment as her calling me unlovable and telling me I was going to die alone. When in fact she was commenting on how happy I seem on my own and that I’m not longing after anything, love or kids. I am happy and am kicking butt at the minute.

Despite knowing what she meant, part of me is a little hurt. Why can’t I kick butt and have love and kids too? I’m 30, there’s still time, my eggs are rotten yet. I am, despite my mother’s comment, lovable. I mean, perfectly messed up unavailable men are into me, so surely there must be a decent one out there somewhere I don’t repulse.

Or maybe I’m wrong and I am an egg salad sandwich; bonus points if you know what that’s from. Anyways, I am going to go and drink, because that’s what unlovable people do. But, before I go I have this question for you; at what age are you a lost cause? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Positive Place

Strange thoughts enter your head when you sit down to write a blog post, and today is no different. As I sit here on May 11^th I’m realizing this is likely the last post I will write as 20-something. I feel like this post should be something special, and conclude the entertaining drama that was my 20’s, but I just can’t do that. I’m entering my 30’s in uncertainty. I don’t have all the pieces figured out just yet, however, I’m oddly ok with that.

A lot of doors are now closed and in an odd way, that’s a good place to start. I know where I’m not going and that’s almost as good as knowing where I am. I’m in a very positive place with everything. 30 is definitely a fresh start.

And on that same note, when Mr. X posed the question “What do you want from me to see in your 30's?” the other day, my instant thought was “for you not to ruin my 30s too.” Which is an unfair comment on my part. He was a time suck for sure, however, that time suck stopped me from doing some dumb things. And he didn’t ruin my 20s, he gave me the script for one hell one a good book/movie one day. I didn’t answer him in the end. He said something about I could have asked for flowers... Mr. X and flowers… I doubt even I’ve been that drunk to think that’s a thing. I think nothing is the much safer answer.

Someone did ask me if me the other day if Mr X will play a part in my 30s. And I suspect he will, we’ve been friends for many years, however, his part will be much smaller. Life moves on and relationships change. It’ll be interesting to see what happens.

Anyways, my bottle of wine is cold now, so I am going to go and drink it. Before I go though, I have this question for you; What do you regret not doing before you turned 30? Let me know in the comments below. And, as always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Not What I Thought

I’m a little over a month away from I kiss my 20’s good-bye and enter my 30’s and I can say one thing for sure, I’m not where I thought I’d be.

Physically; I still haven’t bounced back from the issues I had with my back. I’m getting back slowly, but I wanted to be me again by the time I hit 30 and that’s not going to happen at this rate by the time I’m 35, maybe.

Career; In an ideal world, I didn’t want to still be working my day job. I wanted blogging to be my main income. In a non-ideal world, where I was still working a day job, I wanted a management roll by the time I hit 30. Not happening. Not likely to happen either, ad blockers suck and I keep pissing off management with my logic.

Relationships; I wanted to be married before 30, because I wanted to start thinking about kids at 30. My logic being I’d be a strong place in my career by then and having kids wouldn’t impact me too hard. What a pipe dream that turned out to be. I’m very single, having even met a guy I can tolerate in years. And thanks to the overgrown children I work with, I’m not even sure I want kids anymore.

Life is definitely not what I thought it would be. I guess as my 30^th approaches I need to take a hard look at life and change the mental image I had and with a little luck shape it into something better.

Anyways, you sexy beasts I am going to go and have a drink because getting old is depressing. But before I go I have this question for you; What did you think your life would be like at 30? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo