Lost Cause At 30

I was having lunch with my Mom the other day and we were talking about my upcoming 30^th birthday and in this conversation, she casually commented that she’s long given up on my getting married and having kids. First things first…thanks mom, love you too, and second of all; I’m 30, I am not past my sell by date just yet.

I knew what she meant, however, days before my 30^th part of me heard that comment as her calling me unlovable and telling me I was going to die alone. When in fact she was commenting on how happy I seem on my own and that I’m not longing after anything, love or kids. I am happy and am kicking butt at the minute.

Despite knowing what she meant, part of me is a little hurt. Why can’t I kick butt and have love and kids too? I’m 30, there’s still time, my eggs are rotten yet. I am, despite my mother’s comment, lovable. I mean, perfectly messed up unavailable men are into me, so surely there must be a decent one out there somewhere I don’t repulse.

Or maybe I’m wrong and I am an egg salad sandwich; bonus points if you know what that’s from. Anyways, I am going to go and drink, because that’s what unlovable people do. But, before I go I have this question for you; at what age are you a lost cause? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Christmas Lunch Hell

Later this week I’m going to a Christmas lunch with my step dad’s mom and my mom which isn’t my idea of a good time but it’s not the end of the world. Then today it was sprung on me that my step dad (who isn’t going to the lunch) invited his brother and wife to join us. I’m not impressed.

I’m dreading the “isn’t it about time you get married and start having kids?” conversation. It wouldn’t be so bad if they were asking because I’m in a long term relationship but that’s not why they’re asking. They’re asking because they’re kids who are both younger than me are married and their eldest who is 23 has two children.

They always say it like what their kids have done is such an accomplishment. Since when is getting knocked up at 18 by mistake, then a year later being pursued into marring your baby daddy and then a couple years later having another unplanned baby while being financially unstable and working a low paying job, an accomplishment?

Personally I think the real accomplishment is being 25 and not popping out kids I can’t afford but that’s just me and well.......logic.

“But don’t you want to get married?” They make it sounds like I’m a freaking old maid. I’m 25 not a 125. Just because their kids got married at a young age to people they weren’t dating all that long doesn’t make it right.

I’ll get married when I’m good and ready...maybe.

“You’re so good with kids, you should have some.” Once again I’m 25!!! My biological clock isn’t ticking yet. I have a good 15 childbearing years left; I have plenty of time before I need to start worrying about this stuff.

Not to mention the fact I need a guy and his sperm before I can even start to think about that stuff. Marriage, mortgage, kids in that order is the plan. But before any of that can happen I have to find a guy I don’t want to murder. (And I will personally punch anyone in the face who even suggests Mr. X but that’s a rant for another day).

I’ll never understand why anyone would want to push me into get married off. I’m happy just being me and taking my time, the only thing making me unhappy is people trying to tell me what to do with MY life. Last time I check choosing not to be a statistic is a good thing. You’d never fucking know that in that family.

So what do you dread most about spending time with your extended family? Let me know in the comment box below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

The Honest Grinch

Let me start by saying sorry and bear with me over the next week or so in regards to my blogging schedule. My computer is dying a slow and painful death making blogging a nightmare.

Plus it is Christmas which means I’m my mother’s slave labour. She’s a baker which means we’re always busy this time of year making far too many cookies, cakes and chocolates.

Don’t get me wrong I love Christmas but I like it on December 1^st before all the madness starts. I put on some Christmas music, dance around like a fool putting up the tree. I’m normally done all my Christmas shopping by then so I’ll wrap it all up. I love that part of Christmas....when it’s still fun.

Then around the second week of December I morph into The Honest Grinch. The Christmas music starts driving me crazy. Everyone seems to have me wrapping gifts. Which really pisses me off, since mine is already done.

Then around the 10^th of December my job as a cookie wench starts. For the next two weeks I shape, roll, cut and bake around 40 dozen cookies. The oven timer controls my every movement during this time. As if that isn’t enough I also help make and cover more chocolates then I care to count. I’m pretty sure everything I own is now covered in flour, icing sugar and or chocolate.

It’s now December 21^st and I’m so over Christmas it isn’t funny. I can’t wait for this all to be over. My back hurts, as much as I love Rockapella their new Christmas album is on my last nerve and if one more person puts a Christmas card through my door I may scream.

I’m also not what you call child friend. So all these screaming, hyper little kids looking forward to seeing Santa gives me the over whelming urge to shake them like a rag doll and tell them they’ve been horrible, loud mouthed little brats all year and Santa cuts up children like that to power his sleigh.

Yes, I’m aware that makes me a horrible person, but at least I’m honest about it.

Despite everything, I don’t hate Christmas. I love a lot of the things that go into it. I just can’t stand this much Christmas. I’m suffering from Christmas burnout. And who can blame anyone for that. Stores start putting their Christmas rubbish out before Halloween. Nobody can deal with that much Christmas.

There is a reason advent calendars only have a maximum of 30 days on it. That’s all of the Christmas spirit one person can take. The stores starting that 30 day clock early ensure more and more people hate Christmas. It’s not special or magical when the stupid thing last for 3 months. By the time it actually gets here even kids are bored of it.

Anyways I have to go get some sleep. I have 12 dozen cookies that need baking and 6 Christmas cakes to ice in the morning......Is it over yet?

Love,

The Honest Grinch..... I mean Bitch 
xoxoxo

20 and Counting

“20 kids and counting, Michelle Duggar is pregnant......Again”

Really!?! Will someone please tell that women it’s a vagina not a clown car.

Unlike a lot of people I don’t actually hate the Duggan’s. I don’t agree with them on most things but I don’t hate them. There isn’t much to hate really, they don’t keep the money made from their show, they don’t take government handouts and they do a lot to help others. But I still can’t help but think they’re crazy.

Baby 19 nearly died and Michelle could have easy died too. Now surely almost dying should be seen as a message from god that your baby making days are numbered. I understand that they see babies as a blessing but surely life is also a blessing that should be cherished and not unnecessarily be put at risk. I mean you have 19 happy, healthy kids; it’s time to quit while you’re ahead.

The only real problem I have with the Duggar's is the way the older girls pretty much raise all the children. Sure it keeps them out of trouble and teaches them responsibility but you’re only young once. They’re just setting these kids up for midlife crises later in life.

You never see the older kids out having fun with friends. They’ve pretty much assumed the role of live in maids. Maybe that’s just the perk to having kids aged 23 years to 23 months but it just doesn’t seem right to rob these older kids of their childhood and teenage years.

Who knows maybe all this 16 and parenting will change these girls minds on birth control. I mean who in their right mind could live with 20 kids and then decided they want to pop out 20 of their own.

Anyways my dears that’s my rant on the matter, what do you guys think? As always stay and play safe or you may start off your own collection of kids.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo