Friday, 21 April 2017

Flipped My Bitch Switch

There was one last thing I wanted to touch on in this whole mess; and that’s the message that flipped my bitch switch, and took me from sad, and hurt to murderous.

I’d like you to bear in mind the conversation before the below message was about him not being happy in his marriage, him wanting to leave, then he dropped the baby news on me, and said he felt he needed to stay. Then he sent me this.

“You and I would have been either awesome or awful
But I don't deserve you
I would never ask you to be the "other woman"
Forget the morality - I don't deserve one night with you
Simple as that”

I lost my shit; I won’t lie and it wasn’t pretty. I know on some level that message should have been a compliment, however, all I could think is how self-centered it was. It’s all about him. What he does or doesn’t he deserve. WHAT ABOUT ME?

Do I not deserve a chance with the man I stood by all these years? Do I not deserve a chance to see what is there? After everything he put me through do I not deserve a happy ending?

He is right, he doesn’t deserve me. I’m far too good for him. But that was my choice to make, not his! But the little chicken shit is too scared, he’s too scared to be happy, because he doesn’t think he deserves it. And up to now I disagreed with him. Hell, all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. Now... Now, even I’ve lost faith.

I almost feel his want to be unhappy is stronger than anything. He feels like he has what he deserves and he’s content with that. And just the thought of that makes me cry. And then gets me angry, because the last thing I should be doing is crying over him.  It’s self-inflicted. The same way he laughs when I’m hungover, I should be mocking him now. But, I am not. Why? Because I’m a casualty in his self-inflected ciaos. And as we’ve seen he has no concern for that fact.

Anyways, I’m hoping some of that made sense. It definitely made me feel better to say it, so that’s win. I am going to go and enjoy what remains of my day off. But before I go, I have this question for you, what flips your bitch switch? Let me know in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo 

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