Have you ever done something so spectacularly wrong, you’re almost proud of it? That’s what this blog is about.
Normally I write about the stupid things men I’ve dated have done, and there is a little of that in here but this blog is different, it’s mainly about something stupid and wrong I did while in a relationship. Something so bad it’s legendary among my circle of friends.
The story begins 9 years ago this very month; I had been dating a guy named Kev for 6 months. We met in a nightclub, he was in his 20’s and I was underage, a fact he didn’t find out until we broke up.
I had spent weeks shopping to find the perfect Christmas gift for him. Nothing big but something that showed I was listening and that I cared. After weeks I found the perfect gift for him; a sweater with his favourite soccer team’s logo on it and his name. It was something I knew he’d love.
I saw him a few days before Christmas to swopped gifts but we decided not to open them until Christmas day.
Christmas day rolls around and I took the present he got me from under the tree and opened it. Let’s put it this way it’s a good thing we didn’t open gift together or it would still be lodged in his colon to this very day.
It took me weeks to find him the perfect gift and it was very clear he spent seconds picking mine. He got me the cheapest, nastiest bath set known to man. It was clearly the freebie in Boots’ buy two gifts get one free Christmas offer. The thing cost £4 tops and had no thought at all put into it, I was fluming.
The next day, still fluming, I get a call from my friend Crystal asking if I want to go to town drinking. I jumped at the opportunity; I figured a drink was just what I needed.
We couldn’t have been in the club more than 10 minutes before I spotted a cute guy making eyes my way. I figured Kev clearly didn’t care so why the hell not, so I flirted back.
It wasn’t long before the guy joined me and Crystal on the dance floor, we were dancing and flirting, it was all pretty harmless at the time. Then Crystal started complaining her feet were sore so while she went to the bar to get more drinks me and flirting eyes went to find a table.
We were talking then I turned around to grab a drink from Crystal and when I turned back there were two of him. Admittedly I had been drinking but I was nowhere near the seeing double stage. Then the double leaned in and gave me hug, it turns out flirty eyes had an identical twin.
We talk for while and did a little more dancing then Crystal decides she’d had enough and wanted to leave. I was having good time and wasn’t going anywhere so one of the twins walked her to a cab; while the other one stuck his tongue in my mouth (so much for harmless eh?).
At this point the evening gets a little fuzzy, as most nights do when I drink tequila. I vaguely remember some dancing and some more kissing however I can’t be sure which twin I was doing what with because like I said they were identical and I was....drunk.
I can’t really blame the tequila, my default mode whether I’m drunk or not, is to do the thing that makes the best story. This has a habit of getting me into trouble, fun trouble but trouble nonetheless. So bearing that in mind, when one of the twins asked me to come back to their place at the end of the night, the answer was always going to be a yes.
When we got to their place, we had a few more drinks and watched a film then thing get really fuzzy, there was kissing and then some clothe removal, and some more kissing, then there was a bed with 3 naked bodies in it and from what I remember 3 happy naked bodies........then 3 hung-over semi-naked bodies.
Kev and I broke up a few days later over that evening but not for the reason you think, he was mad I went out with Crystal in that argument he called me immature so I told him how old I really was, and that was that. I never did tell him about the twins he was mad enough about the age thing.
I know what I did was wrong, on so many levels, and I probably shouldn’t have done it but it’s one of those stories looking back where you did the wrong thing but it was right thing (if that makes any sense at all).
Sex with identical twins in the revenge Holy Grail and either way I was going to end up single in a few days. The way I see it I turned his bad Christmas gift into a great one. (I’m going to hell I know).
Like I said at the start, it’s one of those things that’s so bad you can’t help but be a little proud of it. Have you ever done anything like that? And if not, what’s the first thing I should do when I get to hell? Let me know in the comment box below.
As always stay and play safe, love,
The Honest Bitch