Birthday Weirdos

I’m going through one of those phases where everything that is hitting me on me…..shouldn’t be. It’s gotten
to the point where I’m starting to wonder if it’s not them, it’s me. Am I giving off some form of loser homing signal I’m not aware of?

Forgetting the strange Mr X incident, in the past week I’ve been hit on by not one, but two married truck drivers, a guy I used to flirt with many moons ago, an ex and today joining the pack of weirdos CM has made a reappearance.

What the fuck?

It’s always flattering to get hit on but when the quality of guy is as low as it has been you start to wonder if it’s more of an insult than a compliment.

CM’s reappearance was unexpected if you remember that far back, CM was in a 3 year relationship with someone else when we had our fling. Then I decided he had too many deal breakers and had to break things off. He informed me today, he has finally broken up with his girlfriend. That’s all well and good for him, but it doesn’t change anything, yes, he has one less deal breaker now but he still has far too many to overlook.

Plus, I’m spoken for… sort of. There are no titles with Barney and I yet so theoretically I’m single but I’m not about to play that game. Although I wish he'd realize I’m a woman in high demand (even if it’s by weirdos) and make a make a little more time for me.

The guy is trying and I see that and I appreciate it but its slow going and I turn 27 today; I’m not getting any younger. I’m not about to cry that my biological clock is ticking but I do want to settle down one day and I don’t want to look back and regret wasting my time on someone who couldn’t even spare a minute of his weekend to send me one lousy text message.

That’s my life right now, getting old and being unloved, or at least being unloved by anyone worth being loved by….. I hate my birthdays. They always seem to be the most depressing day of the year. Maybe because I’m always single for my birthday and I’m so far away from home, I just can’t help but feel alone or maybe it’s because getting old just sucks I don’t know. Maybe that’s the question of the blog; do you like your birthday? Why or why not? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo

A Quick Catch Up

I know, I know I've been a horrible blogger, I just haven’t managed to find the right balance of writing, social life and work since I started my new job but I promise I’m working on it.

Anyway, I guess I should fill you in on the current man situation. The CM thing is over, I just couldn't get over him smoking pot. Believe it or not I do have a moral compass and that just never sat right with me. 

I'm still flirting with the supervisor, I haven't done anything with him as of yet but I'm working on it.

Then we have Kumquat one of my old drivers who I had a date with New Years Eve day and then went crazy on me not once but twice. Which is impressive seeing as I only slept with him once. Also, I feel the need to add the man is hung... Like ouch that hurts hung. He was probably my favorite driver, hence giving him a second chance, plus he's he can make me laugh like no one else but he murder any hope he had with the second freak out.

This brings me to the newest guy in the mix who for blogging sake, I'm going to call Barney. He used to work at the new place, but recently left for a new job. It also turns out he use to work at my old job before I did. Which is a little dangerous since we know a lot of the same people. We went out Saturday night and had a good time, so despite him having some deal breakers working against him I do plan on seeing him again.

I will go into more Barney details later, but right now I need to get some sleep before work. I just wanted to say hi and fill you guys in a little bit.

So, since there isn't really a question in this blog, tell me how you guys have been? As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo

Alleviating Guilt

Today was an interesting day; I finally found some resolve on my feelings for CM. Up till now I’ve been kind of wishy washy on the issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve liked the guy and there’s been something there but it hasn’t been enough to alleviate my guilt.

Every time I’ve been with him I’ve been kind of uncomfortable and super aware that he isn’t......mine for lack of a better word. And because of that I’ve made a conscious effort to keep my feelings fairly neutral. Which in hindsight is probably why my guilt wasn’t alleviated.

Today was different, I went to see CM on his lunch break, and after talking for a while he kissed me and for the first time there was no moral dilemma in my head, it just felt right, that spark was there and it out weighed everything else.

It’s been an awesome feeling all day being able to answer those “feelings” questions within myself. However they bring their own set of problems...that at least for today, I’m not willing to think about.

I kind of want to live in LaLa land today and just focus on the positives, him being a total sweetheart, really funny and the way he makes me feel. I’ll deal with the other stuff....later.

Anyways my dears, I have to go and swear at the Leafs until they put some damn pucks on net. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 
xoxoxo

Weekend Animosity

I’ve recently developed a strong dislike for the weekends and it’s all CM’s fault. He works Monday to Friday, so during that time we’re pretty much free to communicate as we like. Yes, he has work to do but we still text all day and normally even manage a Skype call or two.

Then the weekend rolls around and everything changes. I get next to no text messages during the day; I generally get a message from him about 4 or 5 asking how my day is going. I’ll send a reply back and won’t hear anything for an hour or two. The messages are typically slow going and tend to be short and abrupt. Which I find unappealing to say the least.

Please don’t get me wrong I understand why it’s that way, he has “real life” to deal with and by that I mean his “blah-blah-blah” (yeah, that’s the technical term for it now) but I don’t have to like it.

During a conversation the other day I commented to CM that he can look forward to finishing work all he wants but I happen to like it better when he’s there. He of course asked why and I explained that when he’s not there he’s a bit of an ass (that’s harsh wording on my part, he’s not an ass but that’s the word I used.)  And he sent me this message explaining why.

“You have to remember I usually have someone sitting directly next to me when I’m at home. I know the messages seem short and I really don’t want them to be but it seems like that’s the way they come across x x x x x”

Call me a bitch (because that’s my name) but that’s not the mental image I want of the person I’m having a pseudo affair with. I want to picture them on opposite sides of the room screaming, about to kill each other.....And yes I am aware that makes me a horrible person.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m under no disillusions, he’s not going to leave his.....blah-blah-blah and I wouldn’t expect him to. I don’t foresee this ending “happily ever after” but I would like to enjoy the ride while it lasts.

That brings me to the question of the blog; is it really that bad to just enjoy the ride while it lasts? Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below. And as always my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxoxo 

CM First Kiss

The same day I posted my last blog, CM made his move and kissed me and I’m sure you’re dying to know how it was but sadly I can’t tell you. Why you ask? Because the whole time he was kissing me why brain was too busy informing me there was another girl’s boyfriend on my lips.

I swear the little voice in my head was going “knock, knock......sorry to bother you miss but I wasn’t sure if you were aware that the man current attached to your lips should be attached to someone else’s”.......and yes I am aware that sentence makes me crazy but that’s nothing new.

I was super nervous about the kiss; CM and I spend an impressive amount of time talking during the week and I was worried that it might change things. It turns out he was nervous too but for a different reason, he was worried it wouldn’t go well and he’d get “friend zoned”.

I can honestly say his “friend zone” fear is unfounded, I would not have sent him to the friend zone over a kiss.....well I lie but it would have had to be god awful for that to happen. The funny part is he thinks my fear is unfounded too because and I quote “that just wouldn’t happen”.

As for the kiss from CM’s point of view he seems to have enjoyed it, he’s eager to get his lips on me again, which can only be a positive thing, and apparently I have very soft lips which is only a borderline creepy thing to say. With a bit of luck the next time we kiss my brain will be more on my side and I can have my own borderline creepy thing to say or at the very least I’ll be able to tell you if it was any good or not.

So I guess that brings me to the question of the blog, have you ever been in a romantic situation and your brain refused to co-operate? Let me know in the comment box below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxoxo