Stop Telling Me What I Feel

I’m so sick of people telling me what I feel, between being told what I feel in matters of the heart and now what I feel physically; I’m about to snap and it’s not going to be pretty.

I’m a blogger and I ask for feedback and I love getting it but sometimes it lands in my inbox at precisely the wrong second and that’s what happened this time.

Jimmy over at Personal Facts, sent me a comment and it had some points and I can see where he’s coming from but because of something totally unrelated I beyond lost my cool. And found myself screaming...

“Will people stop telling how I fucking feel, they’re my feelings. I think if anyone should know how I’m feeling it’s me!”

 I flipped out like a small child and it had next to nothing to do with Jimmy and everything to go with physio #4.

I had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting physio #4 Tuesday morning and let’s just say I should really call her psycho not physio.

I was referred to her by physio #3 because his factuality only does evaluations. I saw him over 4 weeks and over that time he sorted out a treatment plan and he seemed to really understand what was happening with my back.

Then I meet with physio #4 and well she didn’t. Instead of doing the normal first time visit stuff she seemed to already have her mind made up on what she was going to do and it wasn’t the plan #3 had laid out. 

She basically said I was fine and it’s all my head, so instead of doing what #3 said, she wanted me to come in 3 days a week and work with the occupational therapy team to build my strength back up.

Needless to say I wasn’t impressed. I understand that pain can be partly metal but there is no way the amount of pain I’m in is in my head. There are days I’m in so much pain I physically throw up, that isn’t in my head. Plus I wouldn’t put myself through the pills and side effects. Hell I’m scared of hospitals I wouldn’t even go to the appointments if I didn’t think it would help.

The biggest proof that #4 is just an idiot is the fact #2 and #3 both said there is something not right with my back. They could feel something was off; they just couldn’t work out what it was. #3 actually used the words “it’s not in your head, something isn’t quite right.” The only reason #2 passed me on was because he wanted to rule out spinal problems because he noticed my spine was a little on the straight side. All things #4 would have worked out for herself is she had bothered to lay a hand on me.

Everything she said was so out of line with what pain management, spinal, #2, #3 and even what my GP has said. I was furious. Who the hell is she to tell me what I feel? It’s my fucking body; I know when something isn’t right. Don’t sit there and tell me I’m crazy, when you’re the one whose opinions don’t line up.

The whole thing had me stressed out because clearly I’m not going to be seeing her again, so I’m a person in pain without a plan or any idea what to do next. I have to give some love to NTB I was stressed for days and he sent me a short message and my tears stopped and I wasn’t nearly as stressed anymore. He’s such a star.

As you can imagine after dealing with #4 telling me I was crazy and that despite being in pain I wasn’t actually in any, Jimmy telling me how I felt about dipshit was; not so much the straw but more like the feather that broke the camel’s back. And I had a wee melt down and put a pretty hole in my door with my now very sore foot.

I’m not sure I was justified but it made me feel much better. We all have those moments we’re not proud of but damn they felt good at the time. The hole in my door was definitely on of those.

What temper tantrum moments have you had, that may have been silly in hindsight but at the time felt heavenly? Let me know in the comment box below (and I promise no melt downs when I read them this time).

I’m just trying to putting the whole thing out of my mind and am focusing on the countdown to Canada Day. I’m so excited just hope the weather and my back cooperates. Anyways as always my dears stay safe.

Love,

The Hones Bitch
xoxoxo

Health Update

A lot of you know about the ongoing issues that have been plaguing my back. I happen to know a few of you also suffer with back pain so I thought I’d give you guys an update to let you know where I am with treatments, doctors and working out with is actually the causing the pain.

I was receiving trigger point injections from a pain management centre in attempt to control my pain levels. They weren't a 100 percent successful but they did have positive effects. Sadly the NHS decided to close the centre that was handling my treatment. So I’m kind of in limbo right now. I should have had an injection almost 4 months ago and I’ve heard nothing. Everyone was meant to be referred to a new specialist or back to their GPs. My GP knows nothing and as of yet no new doctor.

This whole mess has me pretty pissed off, and not for the reasons you may think. I’m happy to have someone new come in with fresh eyes. I’m pissed that nobody seems to know who has my medical records or where they even are.

My main grievance, like anyone who is months overdue for treatment, is that I’m in pain!

I understand finding the cause will take time, I accept that. But I don’t accept that treating the pain should take this long. I’m not asking for them to pull a rabbit out of their ass. All I’m asking is for them to control my pain levels. It’s not rocket science.

The pain itself has an unwanted side effect, anger.

I’ll be the first to admit my attitude when my back is bad, sucks. I get snappy, crabby and just plain mean. And I have no control over it.

The brain can’t flitter what a person is saying when it’s too busy scream “THAT HURTS!” 

I have no patience to deal with anyone or thing when it’s at its worse. I know this so I’ll pull away from people. You won’t see me on any chat thing or around people. I just stay away from everyone. It makes things easier. A little lonely at times but it’s better that way. Trust me.

I hate going to see my doctor for my back. I know there is nothing he can really do for me. It’s the specialists that needs to sort it. So I feel guilty taking up an appointment slot.

I had the decision taken away from me last week. My moods were horrible because of the amount of pain I was in so I was forced to go the doctors. I had no say what so ever in that decision.

After talking things over with him and him seeing how bad I really was. He decided to refer me back to the spinal specialist (because that worked out so well the first time) and try me on some different medications. He added a muscle relaxant to my long list of pills and stronger painkillers.

Here’s a tip never Google what your doctor gives you. My pain killers.....also given to heroin addicts. That’s something everyone wants to read about their new medication.

Admittedly the new pills do seem to be helping a lot but still not big on having something in common with a heroin addict. I also don’t love the warning to athletes on the box saying “these pills may cause you to fail anti-doping tests”. Damn it, there go my Olympic dreams. (Sex and bitching are Olympic sports right?)

Before I go I want to share with you guys some of the tips my chiropractor gave me for dealing with the pain. He may have been expensive £30 for 15 minutes well 10 minutes once you get changed but he knows his stuff.

The first tip he gave me was to use damp heat. The easiest way to do that is to put a wheat bottle in the microwave with a glass of water. Sounds simple but it’s very effective.

The second tip isn’t really a tip. It’s a product. BioFreeze! I could kiss my chiropractor for that one, and he’s one ugly dude. When my back is bad, this stuff is my best friend. It’s magic in a tube. Easily the best working product on the market. The other thing I love about it is the smell fades really quickly so I don’t have to worry about smelling like an old lady all day. Oh how I love BioFreeze.

Before you ask no, I’m not being paid to say that.

Anyways my dears that’s all from me. Hope you are all well and have a great night. As always stay safe.


Love,

The Honest Bitch
xoxo