Showing posts with label Hugh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hugh. Show all posts

Friday 18 June 2021

Hugh Hangout

Last night I got to hang out with Hugh for the first time in about 6 months and it was nice, as I always say, hanging out with him is easy. It makes a change to just have a giggle and be silly and not have to think about other things. It was also nice that nothing had changed despite us being in different places now. I was a little worried about that.

The reason he came over is that my hair needed cutting and I trust nobody. My mom normally trimmed it up for me, but since that can’t happen now, I needed a hand. Knowing Hugh’s personally I was pretty sure he’d do a good job, and he did. I am pleased. Also, glad I judged that right could have ended badly.

It was a little weird and I didn’t clock it when we planned it, but it was actually my mom’s birthday. Seemed kind of fitting. It was a nice evening anyway, super chilled and laid back. Felt nice to zone out for a while.

Please don’t get me wrong, Hugh and I are quite different, and we have different morals and views. We aren’t all bubble gum and unicorns, but we somehow manage to put it aside when we hang out and just have fun.

Anyways it’s 10am and I have to be up for work in 4 hours. Let me know, would you let an ex cut your hair? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Friday 28 May 2021

Hugh Ruined My Expectations Of Men


I fucking hate Hugh, why did that twat make things so damn easy? Why is he a recent reminder, that dating, and relationship doesn’t need to feel like work? Why, did the emotionally unavailable twat-bag have to be so comforting and basically be a master class in how things should be done? 

…. I mean right up to the breakup and then slowly cutting me out of his life.

Hugh is basically the opposite of Lawyer Dude. Lawyer Dude is selfish. He never asks how I am. He never sends a message first. He gets moody when he deems, I am not there for him, but I spent my birthday alone, in tears with zero concern from him. He’s hard work and seems to be only interested in one thing.

It’s so bad, when I found out about my Stepdad, it was Hugh I wanted to call not him. Actually, he still doesn’t know. He doesn’t ask about me and I’m not about to offer up anything. 

I know I shouldn’t compare, and Hugh has moved on, he recently changed our WhatsApp name, which solidified that.  That door is closed. But, damn universe, you’re bitch sometimes. 

Emotionally stable, respectable career, with goals and his life somewhat together, if that really too much to ask? Because fucking hell, it’s starting to feel like it is. I am all for compromise and all that but settling, not so much.

Anyways, I am off to slowly bang my head against a wall and pray for something to fall into place. As always let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo


Friday 26 March 2021

Not Meeting The Standard

I may have given in and messaged Hugh. I didn’t want to, but he’d been on my mind a lot recently and I just needed to for my own sanity.  It kind of pisses me off, he is still easy to talk to, there is no effort there and that sucks. It’s a reminder of what is possible.

This all comes as Lawyer Dude seems to be fizzling out. He is starting to take effort and I am not ok with that. I want things to flow and feel natural and right now, it doesn’t feel that way at all. And yes, there are a million reasons why, but when I compare it to Hugh, why am I dealing with the million reasons why?

This dude is ruining my dating life. He set a standard without trying and now I am struggling to find anyone who measures up to his standard. Who knew meeting a good guy would cause me all these problems?

Anyways, I am off to tidy up and work on finding a new human to keep me company. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Friday 12 February 2021

Another Valentine's Day

 


Happy early Valentine’s Day you lovely people. I am spending another year alone and I am ok with it. I was hoping to hangout with Hugh, but I am at a loss for what is happening there and, to be honest, I am sick of trying to figure it out. I am here when and if he wants to talk, but I am not chasing anymore.

The funny thing is I ordered him Valentine’s day plant at the beginning of January, so he will still get that. And given where we are now, the card may read rather sarcastic. I was sweet at the time but hasn’t aged well.

I have no hard feelings towards him, he was perfect for what I needed when he came into my life. I am sad if our friendship is over, but that’s not something I can control. The door is open, and he knows where to find me. I just hope he is ok.

As for me, I am good. I have a few new dating site stories to update you on, because wow, I am going to die alone, and if that’s all that’s left out there…. bring it on.

But I am going to leave this here for now as I am writing this on Super Bowl Sunday and I have football to watch. As always stay and play safe.

The Honest Bitch 

Friday 5 February 2021

Dating


I would seem curious minds would like to know what the dating situation is given Hugh being a thing. First of all, we’re currently in a national lockdown so dating isn’t easily done in the current climate. It’s not impossible, but definitely not advisable. Second, Hugh isn’t a factor. He made his feelings and or intent clear, he wants to be friends and I am good with that. I never say never, but that ball is way out of my court and not something for me to dwell on. What will be will be. 

That said Hugh has made my dating life more difficult in the most convoluted way ever. I already had high standards, as I kind of like being single. He has made things worse. Because things are so easy with him, and it doesn’t feel like work, everything I start talking to someone, I quickly eliminated them when things aren’t at that level of ease. My standards may now be completely unachievable.

Not that they’re set that high, really. I just don’t feel the urge to compromise. All I want is a guy with a respectable job, a guy who has his life somewhat together, no kids, and to be somewhat of a gentleman. The list isn’t that unreasonable. And then the obvious I get along with them and actually like being around them. Surely that isn’t too much to ask. I mean, I hate most people and guys are inherently… less than gentlemanly like so maybe I am just completely screwed.

Anyway, I am off to try not to think about any of this. Let me know your dating must-haves are in the comments below and as always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Friday 29 January 2021

Blah


I am in a weird place right now, and lockdown isn’t helping. I feel fine, but I am not. I am not looking after myself, I am not eating correctly or daily for that matter, I am not showering and doing skincare when I am off work. I am just sleeping or trying to. I am shutting down and while that is helpful a little bit, it’s not healthy long term.

I am really missing Hugh’s stupid face right now. He’s the level of human I can tolerate. When things were really bad, I was leaning on our “friend dates” to keep motivated. It was a reason to shower, eat, look after myself. It was a reward for making it through the week. I haven’t had that regularly for a while and that shift hasn’t been seamless.


Don’t get me wrong, I know I’ll get there. I will bounce back. I am a stubborn bitch, who cannot and will be kept down. It’s just… not pleasant. And things are ickier than I’d like. I miss the stress melting cuddles. That’s a scientific fact, not me being mushy for the record.

Anyways, my eyes are leaking, and that shit needs to stop. I am back to the only breaking down in my car and shower rule. Let me know, your coping mechanisms and thoughts in the comments below. And hopefully next week we can get back to more juicy and less feelingy posts. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo 

Friday 22 January 2021

Hugh's Turn


 It seems just as I am starting to feel better, it’s Hugh’s turn to not be ok. And while it’s perfectly fine to not be ok, I don’t know how to best help him. Unlike me, he doesn’t come with a manual. I don’t know if he needs me to show up with food or go away. I don’t know if he needs a phone call or to be left alone. I know when I am off, I need plans and for people to pull me in even if I pull away. I just don’t know with him.

What I have been doing, and all I feel like I can do is the small things I enjoy and hope they happen to bring a smile to his face as well. Sending morning texts, sending funny imagines, and trying to be positive and smiley and hoping it rubs off.

Not sure it’s working, but all I can do is try right? I hate when he’s down. He’s been so good at cheering me up, without even trying. I hope, somehow, I can return the favour.

Anyway, I have to go get ready to collect my mother’s ashes which I am not looking forward to. As always my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Friday 15 January 2021

Feeling Better


 Last Saturday Hugh and I had a last-minute “friend date”. We went on a walk and talked before I headed off to work. And personally, it was just what I needed to snap out of whatever funk I was in. I am not sure why, but he has an adept ability to make things feel less… much.

I feel a lot better talking with him as he seems to have a lot of the same idiosyncrasies I have. It’s nice not having to explain myself, as he just gets it. He made a comment earlier this week about feeling alone, but also not wanting to be around people. And that’s my feeling 90% of the time and it was weird to hear someone else say it. I thought that was just a me thing.

Anyways, I need to go and get ready for work. I just wanted to update you and let you all know I am ok. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo

Friday 8 January 2021

Pulling Away


 Let me start this post by saying I am ok. There was a little concern after my last post, which I completely understand, but there is no need to worry. I may not be in a good place, but I am not in a bad place either.

I am in a place, where my instinct is to pull away, insolate and take control. Which, if history is anything to go back, means fall in bed with someone I shouldn’t, maybe start a relationship with someone who isn’t relationship material. Basically, do something that will cause me emotional pain, because that’s within my control. Once again, being a blogger sucks, because I am fully aware of my tendencies and have a self-understanding, most people don’t have. Doesn’t stop me from being an idiot, just makes me painfully aware of how stupid I am being.  

Which brings me to Hugh, who, I don’t know. The last time I pulled away, he texted me and made plans which was sweet and what I needed, and I instantly felt better. It doesn’t take a lot. This time, I don’t know. I went into this with no walls, and I am starting to retroactively build them. Time will tell how things play out and which side of the wall he ends up on.

Anyways, my eyes are starting to get watery, so I am going to stop before they leak. As always, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xoxo

Saturday 19 December 2020

I Come With A Manual

 


I often say we expect men to read minds and to know what’s wrong with us without us verbalizing it and since men aren’t mind readers and they don’t have access to a crystal ball, we can’t expect them to know what we need or how to handle us. That said, in my case, there is basically a fucking manual online on how to deal with me.

Recently, Hugh got my back up and it could be crazy girl brain, or it could be something else, but for this blog it doesn’t really matter what the root cause is. What matters is, he handled it like an amateur.  

I am fairly simple, you piss me off, I will push you away. When that happens, I need the other person to push in. Fair enough, leave me alone that day or night if I am being a bitch. But send me a morning message, wishing me a good day or make plans with me. Do something to let me know, you’re not going anywhere. My inner crazy bitch is counteracted by being made to feel safe and secure.

That is the key to me. When I feel safe and secure I am the most calm chilled human around. And anyone whose been on this blog for any length of time knows that. It’s the world's worth kept secret.

Anyways, I need to get ready for work. I just needed to vent. As always, my dears stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest bitch  

Friday 18 December 2020

Friend Dates


 Part of the staying friend’s thing with Hugh has been setting up “friend dates”. We have game nights and moving nights and he tries to murder me on walks through impassable mud. It’s been fun getting to know each other without the pressure of dating. And it’s still feels, for the most part, easy.

I’ve also found these prearranged “dates” greatly beneficial to me, as I am able to use them almost as rewards. I know mentally if I get through my work week for example, If I can put on a smile and adult for those 4 days, when it’s all done, I get to be me, and have some effortless time with Hugh. It somehow makes things easier.

I am sure how he feels though. Sometimes it feels like he’s pushing me away (which I get, I’ve been there) but others, I catch him with this most genuine heart-warming smile on his face. Then he makes comments, like he feels an obligation to me which sit heavily on me. I don’t want anyone to hangout with me because they feel obliged. I want them to hangout with me because they want to, because they like being around me. Not because they have to. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.

My head kind of hurts, and I am probably overthinking things; lack of sleep will do that to you. Like I said, normally things feel easy and we have fun. But I appear that way at work and I’m definitely just playing a part there. I guess only time will tell, eh?

Anyways, I need to get ready for work. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. And as always. Stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Friday 4 December 2020

Bonding?


 Even at my ages I am still surprised how something a guy says in passing can continue to play on the female mind long after it’s been said. For example, Hugh made an “innocent” comment 3 weeks ago and it continues to occasionally pop into my mind.  I am sure nothing was meant by it, but my brain still questions what caused him to say it.

The statement, well question was “are you trying to bond with me?”. I did question it straight away, however he kind of brushed it off and wouldn’t engage. And it has been bothering me ever since.

Why question that? Is it because he feels like we are bonding? Is it because he feels like I am being fake? Is it because he doesn’t want me around? Why? Just why?

The sensible side of me knows it doesn’t matter. And if it does, it’ll play out in the end. But the girl part of my brain wants to use water torture on him to get him to explain what he meant.

Anyways, that’s enough of that, I need sleep and to clean as Hugh is coming over tomorrow evening for a friend date…. Yes, I am aware of how pathetic that sounds. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

xxx

Friday 20 November 2020

Well That Didn’t Last Long

 


Apparently, ladies and gentlemen, it was not me and dating you had to worry about, it was Hugh and dating that should have been the concern. After 5 dates we have decided to call things off. Hugh just isn’t ready yet, and I completely understand, I was there. And to be honest, I had my suspicions early on this may have been the case, but I chose to ignore the red flag. I, however, don’t really regret that decision.

I am hopeful that Hugh and I can remain friends, actually hanging out, doing things friends. I’ve said this all along things are easy between us, we can giggle and talk, and we share a lot of the same interests. My guard has been down with him from almost the very beginning, I have been just me and he’s handled it well. I kid that someone has given him a handbook or manual on how to deal with me. It’s just natural to him. When my mom passed away, he was perfect. I know how bad that could have been for me if he wasn’t there. He instinctively calms me down and he doesn’t know he’s doing it. He often places his hand on the part of my back, I press against the wall to calm my anxiety. I feel better when I am with him.

It makes me giggle because he was so concerned about me attaching when we were dating. And I did, but not in the loved up mushy way. I attached in a this person is awesome and I like having them around way. He is a good guy and I like him as a human. He’s the only person right now I can be totally honest with. I feel alone and he helps without knowing. I can just be myself, no walls, no acts, just me and it’s nice. With everyone else, I have to tough, I have to be strong, I have things I needed to worry about, perceptions, gossip. None of that is a thing with him, I get to just be.

I pray, nothing changes this. Truth be told, I didn’t need or want a boyfriend or the sex (no matter how good it may have been), I needed a friend and he’s a pretty damn good one.

Anyways, I am off before my eyes leak juices everywhere. As always, my dears, stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch 

Tuesday 3 November 2020

Nothing Goes to Plan

I am sure you’ve noticed I have back dated a few blogs in an attempt to catch you up on all the gossip. This post will be the details on all my dates with Hugh so far. I am writing this the morning after our 4th date just to give you a little perspective.

Date 1: Drinks

This date was lovely when it finally got started, we went for drinks, followed by a lovely walk. And he kissed me on a bridge overlooking the water. He, however, did showed up 40 minutes late to it. Partly my fault, he was trying to calm down my nerves.

After Date 1:

I got put into quarantine after my step dad and the mom tested positive for COVID-19. Hugh and I continued talking and planning a date for my “Freedom Day”.

Right before our second date he sent me a message raising some concerns and double checking I was ok with us not having a relationship and just dating… no commitment. I responded back by telling him I was. He was clear from the start on what his wishes were.

Date 2: Pumpkins?

The second date was on my Freedom Day. The plan was to go around his to carve pumpkins. I got there, he started pushing my comfort level quickly. We know I am not body confident and his hands were everywhere. Let me say, it wasn’t distressful in anyway, it was just the vibe. But it was a lot…. Good though. The pumpkins didn’t happen, but other things did.

This was a little overshadowed by mom, who was in hospital at this point. I ended up freaking out in the middle of the night and crying on. Just what you want on a date. 

Date 3: Pumpkins

To change things up, he decided to come over and we’d carve those pumpkins at last. I was stressed about this date. Things between us were very easy, we have a lot in common, we’re able to laugh and joke. I love how things flow and just feel natural. And with everything going on I didn’t want that to change or be affected.

This date both sucked and was awesome. Early in the evening we got the news my mother passed away. I felt bad for Hugh it’s a strange place to put but he handled it well. And luckily for me that comfort held because I am positive, I would have fallen apart without him there. He gave me a reason to hold it together if that makes sense.  We went on with our evening and carved the pumpkins and watched a film.

I made a mistake that night and asked about other girls and he was honest and told me there were 4 and he had a date with another that upcoming Sunday. I thought as much, but it stung a little. I knew the score and I was happy with it, but…. She had a date, and I was struggling to get another lined up. 

Date 4: Jealous

At some point I gave in an admitted to Hugh, I was jealous. I should have been playing by fuck friend rules, but those can lead to trust issues and I like how easy things are with us, I don’t want to question everything he says. I am comfortable with him. I am actually starting to feel good about his hands on me. His response was to come over. And I am glad he did. After a few minutes of awkwardness. I settled into a nice place. We have a spark, and it was fun to explore that. And while I know he’s not after anything serious, right now this is fun, and I could use some fun. I trust him enough to not worry and to have my walls down, but I don’t feel completely vulnerable. Despite being a bit of playboy he’s a good guy.

Unless he calls things off with me today and which case, he’s a…

Anyways, that’s you guys all up to date now. As always stay and play safe.

Love,

The Honest Bitch

xoxo